Shadowrun - Earthdawn - Mother Speaks (27 page)

Finally, safe within the darkness of the jungle, we saw the Therans' terrible justice.

Fireballs rained down from the sky, crashing into homes and barns and the village tavern.

The balls crashed through the roofs of the buildings, then we saw the glare of hot red explosions through the windows. They dropped the fireballs into our rice paddies, ruining the crops and sending huge clouds of steam rising into the air. Among our fruit trees, the flames leaped from branch to branch, as if the flames grew on them naturally. As if we subsisted on fire and violence.

Around me people began to weep. Some tried to rush forward to protect their homes, but others held them back, tackling them and pinning them to the jungle floor.

I noticed that the fireballs were coming closer and closer. Soon they were smashing into the jungle canopy hundreds of yards ahead of us. "MOVE!" I screamed. "MOVE

BACK!"

The terror of the moment gripped everyone, and with hearts beating incredibly fast and breaths of air sucked down our throats with tiny squeaks of fear, we fanned out. The crackle of the jungle flames rushed up behind us. The heat, trapped under the jungle canopy, rushed through the jungle and pressed against my back. I ran with the two of you, clutching your small hands, but you fell down repeatedly. "Please," I begged, as if that could move your small legs any faster. But protecting you was all I could think about. I had to move on. On. On.

Soon we became separated from the others. I could no longer hear their cries of panic as anything more than faint echoes through the dark jungle. Our loud, clumsy rout through the forest had frightened the jungle animals away, and we collapsed to the ground, exhausted. I wept and I could not stop myself. Samael, you curled up in my lap, and joined my crying. Torran, you stood in front of me, four feet tall, hands on your hips, ready to defend me from any danger that might present itself.

Ahead I saw the fire's glow, though it did not seem to be getting closer. We waited for a long time, then finally made our way back. Darkness had fallen. The bones of our homes, charred wood, glinted silver and black in the moonlight. The cries of people I could not see drifted on the warm wind.

You both remained silent, holding my hands, as I turned around and around and around, looking blindly at the ruined village. "What could possess people to do such things?" was all I could think again and again, for truly the attack against a peaceful village so confounded my mind I could not comprehend it. It seemed as if the Horrors had returned from their strange plane of torture and pain. But the Therans were not Horrors, supernatural monsters. They were people of my own world.

19

When your father found us three weeks later I thought that somehow the Universe had decided to wind in upon itself, with me as its center, squeezing me from my past. I wanted not freedom from all responsibility, as I had thought while with the trolls. I simply wanted freedom from those things that weighed on me in an evil way. J'role, the Therans, even Krattack, involved me in plots and plans that seemed contrary to my nature. It was not that I could not do them, they just seemed alien.

I had always viewed the world as a place where one sought bonds based on trust and intimacy. Where the goal of life is not conquest, but safety. Although I had adventured for some years before settling down to raise you two, those adventures, to my mind, had been about bringing greater order to the world. With fewer monsters running about, people would be helped. And I had wanted to help. I'd also wanted to keep up with J'role.

I believed that if he wanted to adventure and throw himself into one mortal danger after another, then I should do it, too, if only to make our marriage stronger. Over the last several months I'd come to suspect that my desires for adventuring were different than J'role's, though I wasn't exactly sure what made me think this was so. But confirmation came with his arrival in our village. The smile he wore told me everything.

The
Stone Rainbow
landed in the village square, garnering such attention that your father stood on the bow much longer than he probably meant to, looking much like a statue, hands on hips.

The crew consisted of trolls and several other former slaves. They had long ago lost their original homes, and the ship had become their safe haven in a harsh world. I saw them moving about on the ship — striking the sail, cleaning the fire cannon — and had to smile. It was obvious that in just a few brief months they'd all become accomplished sailors. They were a solid crew now, and I was proud for them.

When J'role had enough of his preening, he jumped down from the bow onto the ground, landing with a roll and coming up with arms spread wide. The maneuver elicited applause, and he bowed.

I stood at a distance, glad you boys had gone off to work in the fields of one of our friends. While J'role was basking in the adulation of the crowd, I formulated my defenses.

Just because he'd found me again did not mean I had to let him back into my life. Enough was enough.

When he'd finished shaking hands, he walked directly toward me. I hadn't even realized he'd spotted me at the edge of the square. But then, he had an uncanny sense for knowing my whereabouts.

He smiled — oh, how he smiled. There was nothing disturbing in it, exactly, and when he said, "I'm so glad to see you," I could almost believe his smile was one of happiness to see me.

But that it was not. The true joy was behind his eyes, buried deep in some part of him. I hesitate to name it, for it seems presumptuous of me. But it seemed to be the man part of him. There are the elements that bind us all together as name givers, and then there are the elements that separate us. Sex is one of those.

He smiled and said, "War is raging across Barsaive. You're in great danger. They're looking for you. You and the boys." And I can help you.

It was in his eyes, burning into my flesh as harshly as his smile. And I can help you.

I realized something, and the realization made me dizzy. I actually took a step back. It seemed suddenly to me that men liked wars. But not because of the usual theories often bandied about concerning their lust for war — that it lets them test their courage, or that it is an insanity that seizes them and they have to work it out of their blood through violence.

It seemed suddenly clear to me that men loved war because it made the world dangerous, and thus gave them a role as protector. In general they are bigger and stronger than women, certainly stronger than children. When the world is dangerous, they have a place.

A place that makes them very important J'role smiled because I would need him now.

I said, "They've been dropping fireballs. Just dropping them."

"That's only a small part of it. All the while we were with the Stoneclaw clan the Therans were trying to negotiate with the Kingdom of Throal for a trade treaty. Just like the one they had before the Scourge. King Varulus said he wouldn't even sit down at the table until the Therans stopped the practice of slavery."

"That didn't sit well with them," I said as if in a trance, the obligatory tale of war's foreplay slipping from my lips.

"Not at all. They kept up the negotiations for weeks, then finally began attacking dwarven caravans and the farmlands around Throal."

"The dwarfs retaliated."

"Yes," J'role said excitedly, and he carried on from there, his tale full of mind numbing details and facts about the nature of politics and war, all of it overstuffed with generalized theories about how Politics work, how War works, how People work. But rarely did any individual show up in his calculations, except as the representative of a force of history

— A Soldier, A Politician, A Tyrant.

As he rambled on, I wondered if any of these people were parents. Did they have parents they cared about? Hated? Did they fight for someone they loved? What did they do with their time when they weren't plotting the ruin of all the rest of us who didn't care about their bloody ambitions?

"This isn't how you talk when you tell your stories." He stumbled. "What?"

"Your stories. Especially the stories you told on Twilight Peaks. People acted from passions in your stories. They acted from love. All the actions sparked from personal matters."

"I'm ... I'm not talking about stories ... These are real..."

"Real? J'role, what is so real? Your speaking theories about how the world works? Your turning name givers — name givers! — into mechanical objects devoid of hearts, or ties to their home, their neighbors?"

A few villagers stopped to watch, quickly perceiving an argument was taking place, the men gathered around tightly, most of the women formed a looser, second ring.

J'role stared at me, suddenly taken aback. "What are you talking about? The citizens of Throal are tied to their kingdom."

"No they're not. They're tied to their homes. Their children."

"They fight for the ideals of the government."

"Only so they can live in peace with those they love. Few people fight for the love of an abstract, and it will only be those who have no one to love."

"That's not true ..."

"So you say. You've said a lot, J'role. I've always assumed it was true. Now I know it's true in your own way."

Everyone realized now that the fight was a personal matter, or at least that I was trying to drag it that way. The men looked down at the ground, into the air, anywhere but at what was in front of them, and then broke off as if they hadn't been interested in the first place.

The woman left as well, but with a much slower pace.

"My way."

"What you consider love. What you consider violence."

"Violence?"

"What do you want? Why have you come here?"

He looked up, his brown eyes glinting with the sun's trapped light just for a moment. He remembered. "The Overgovernor. He wants you. He wants the boys. His soldiers are scouring the land looking for you."

"Thank you for the warning."

"Releana ... You need help ..."

"J'role, I don't want you dominating me anymore."

He pulled back, touched his fingertips to his chest. "I don't want to dominate you. I want to protect you."

I stared at him, giving him a moment to put it together himself. He said nothing. I shook my head, shrugged, turned, walked away.

"Releana!"

He ran up to me.

"What are you doing? They will find you."

"I'm sure they will. They're planning to dominate all of Barsaive. I'm sure they'll have no trouble finding me."

"You can't wait here. What happens when they do? Who will take care of you?"

I slapped him. No — I punched him. I meant to slap him, thought I would slap him, but my hand balled up. It slammed into his mouth and split his lip. A small trickle of blood ran down his chin. He touched it, his eyes opening wide at the sight of it, as if surprised to see he was mortal after all.

"Has it ever occurred to you I could take care of myself?"

"But you ... DAMN! Everyone needs help! I'm not being unreasonable. We all need help!"

"I have Wia. I have the village. We all help each other."

His voice became quite deep. "They won't help against the Therans."

I wanted to disagree with him, but I could not. It occurred to me that I might be putting the entire village in danger if I remained.

"Do you know what's happening out there?" he asked. He swept his arm northward, taking in the whole of the land. "The Therans have besieged the Throal Mountains.

Nothing can get in or out. They're starving the kingdom."

My jaw tightened. I hadn't known that. It was too far away for anyone in my small village to know about that.

"This isn't some game I'm talking about. Throal is the one place that can stand up to the Therans, but the Therans caught Varulus off guard. He wasn't able to forge the alliances he needed to fend them off. But if Throal is destroyed now, it all ends. The Therans will face only small, factional resistance."

"I didn't know."

"No. You didn't." He folded his arms over his chest, hurt. Making sure I knew he was hurt. "I didn't come here just to protect you — though I do want to keep you safe — I also came to ask you to help. We need you. We need everyone."

"What are you going to do?"

"Break the siege. We have no choice.

20

The crew of the Stone Rainbow had begun helping to debark slaves rescued from a Theran ship. Some of them could barely move their limbs. Some had scars along their backs layered over older scars, so their flesh seemed nothing more than one massive scab.

The Therans had mutilated some — blinded them, cut out tongues. The punishments had become even harsher than since my time as a Theran slave.

I really had no choice.

"I'll need to get some things together," I told J'role.

"And the boys."

I closed my eyes. How could I bring you two into this? Then I said, "And the boys."

When I got to our home, I told Wia about what was happening.

"You can't take them," she told me. We sat at the table, facing each other, knees almost touching. Sunlight, warm and gentle, lit her face and hair with a glow.

"Yes. I know what you mean. But it's the only way. Povelis is looking for them. They're his prize."

"Is isn't easy making choices like this ..."

"I can't leave them behind, Wia. I've got to protect them."

"It's hard ..."

"Yes, deciding how to keep them alive is as difficult as actually doing it."

"Let's keep in mind ... war. I mean soon we'll be at war."

"We? What ... I didn't ...”

A pause, neither of us knowing which one should speak next.

Wia said, "I'm going too. I'm not staying here."

"Of course. You want to go — just like me. But ... I thought you meant you'd look after Samael and Torran. I didn't realize you'd go."

"No. I have to go. What they did to my family

"I know."

"I know why you want to go. You have to stop them. You want to protect your family.

But I have no family to protect. I just have ... I just want to hurt them. You know? We're the same, but different, because you want to hold on to something. To build it. I just want to tear down."