Shadows of the Past (12 page)

‘My goodness, my daughter has not forgotten her good manners after all!’

‘It’s kind of her, Luca and if you give me her address I will write and tell her so.’

Now she was ready to leave; she said nothing about how frail she felt, afraid that her release from the hospital would be delayed if anyone knew how she truly felt. Gladly she held on to Luca’s arm, and held him tightly. It was cold outside; she shivered, tugging the cashmere cardigan closer to her. Once inside the car, Luca tucked a warm blanket around her. Dark clouds roared across the sky and as they drove to the heliport light spots of rain dusted the windshield.

‘I have a new launch but I thought the helicopter would be quicker. I want you home — you will be safe there.’

‘Safe from what?’ She clasped his hand. ‘Don’t you think it’s over?’

‘Do you?’

She shook her head. She thought of the freedom that she loved, riding down to the beach, strolling into town, taking the launch to the mainland, was all this at an end because someone thought she knew something?

In the past she had been miserable and unhappy, Luca said she had been very depressed when she was pregnant. She thought she must have been hell to live with. Whatever had made her that way, she was determined it would not happen again. It could have been the pregnancy and her feeling ill with it, but it could have been this terrible thing that she knew about weighing on her mind. ‘I’m not going to give into fear, Luca, I want to enjoy my life, I want to enjoy — ’ She stopped, she had been going to say ‘you’, but perhaps that would be a step too far. She recalled only too well what he had said at the hospital. He had said ‘
that we may be together
,’ there had been no surety in that statement. He had had to clarify it.

‘Yes?’

‘Just living.’

‘You will be safe on my island,’ he assured her. ‘There will be no more mystery notes from me. I bought you a new mobile telephone. If you don’t hear from me that we will meet somewhere you will not go. I have a new man working for me now. You will meet him but he won’t be obtrusive around you. I need you to liaise with him if you are going anywhere — please do this for me?’

‘Of course. I don’t relish another experience like that last one,’ she smiled up at him.

‘I promise not to be stubborn and stupid about it.’

‘Good. I know that you liked Maryanne and Curtis Trevor and so I’ve invited them for a long weekend … ’

‘Lovely,’ she said, relishing the idea of the company of the American couple.

‘But I cannot let them film — I explained to them and they understand. It would bring too many strangers to the island and I cannot risk it.’

‘That’s a shame. I’m sorry I caused that but I do understand your reasoning. I only hope
they
do.’

‘Of course they do. Especially since I have suggested somewhere else where there will be no problem.’

CHAPTER SIX

Her minder was called Carlo. He was a large, solidly built man, especially for an Italian, and he had fair hair and light blue eyes. He came from the north, Luca explained. There was probably some Teutonic ancestry if one looked far back.

He certainly looked like a man who could handle any situation. He spoke good English too, but with a slight American accent. He explained that he had lived in the States for a short time. She thought she could trust him. Her feelings about Carlo were very different from her feelings for Antonio; she could still not get over her feeling of loathing when she looked at the man. Yet he did nothing really to alarm her. In fact he had been very solicitous of her well-being when he flew them back to the island from the hospital.

‘You won’t be with me all the time,’ she murmured.

‘If I am you won’t be aware of it, Contessa,’ Carlo assured.

‘Well,’ she smiled up at him, lowering her lashes in the hope of hiding her worries.

‘It should work OK … I’ll try to be co-operative.’

And later when she and Luca were alone she said, ‘I quite like him.’

‘That’s good, he comes highly recommended.’

Looking across at Luca she saw he still seemed worried.

Now and again he gave her a long penetrating stare when he thought she was not aware of it. Deep inside him he still thinks that I tried to commit suicide and worse … that I wanted to kill the child he put inside me. Sadly, she turned to walk away, only hesitating as she reached the door that let out into the hall. Turning back she caught him watching her once more, weighing her, his hands curled into fists as if he had to control himself, to stop himself from doing something or saying something … but what?

‘What time do the Trevors arrive tomorrow?’ she asked. She knew but felt she needed an excuse for her abrupt turn around.

‘After lunch. Curtis has a meeting.’

‘I’d like to plan dinner, is that all right?’

‘Of course, Alva, this is your home.’

Is it? The words bounced into her mind. You made love to me, we came together with such joy but now we are back where we started. There is a distance between us. Perhaps it will always be there. The sex was good, she remembered his hurtful words, and doubtless it would always be, but in-between times there was a void, and in spite of what had happened to her it would never be filled. The terrible birth and death of their child was in his head and he could never let go of the thought that it was all her doing.

*

‘But who would want to hurt you?’ Maryanne asked, curling her arm around Alva’s. ‘I thought it a kidnapping. I had no idea this man had tried to kill you!’

‘I don’t know … was it a kidnapping gone wrong? He had his hands at my throat, he had a syringe and it was I who jumped from the boat. Maybe he just wanted me docile.’ She shook her head. ‘It was all so fast; I am sure, and yet when you ask that, it makes me doubt myself.’

‘No, don’t doubt what happened to you. You know better than anyone else. It just seems preposterous that someone would want you dead. Ransom I can understand, but to want to murder you. Why? But of course you don’t know why because you can’t remember — God, Alva, how are you standing it?’

‘I think there’s a good bit of iron in me. I’m fearful yet I won’t give into it. I am not going to lock myself away.’

‘You don’t think someone wants you out of the way because of Luca?’

‘No. I don’t see anyone wanting to kill me that badly. I mean, who wants me out of the way? — just Renata and even she wouldn’t plan to kill me. She hates me, but it is a
girl
thing with her. It isn’t me personally, she would be the same to anyone who married her father.’

They reached the cabanas and went inside to change into swimsuits. The air was not too warm but the pool was heated and Maryanne had said a swim was just what she needed. A weak sun caused the green-blue water to sparkle a little, and once she slid her body into it, the warmth engulfed Alva.

They swam side by side, doing a slow breaststroke, talking and laughing. It reminded Alva of other times but she could not see who the other person was. She remembered doing just that, at an indoor pool swimming alongside someone whose company she enjoyed.

A dusky cloud slid across the patch of blue, bringing with it a spurt of soft rain. The women laughed but carried on swimming and talking. One of the maids came out bearing a tray of coffee things. The soft breeze wafted the aroma of freshly brewed coffee across to them.

‘That smells good to me, one more lap and I’m out of here.’

‘Me too!’ Alva agreed.

But in the end she did two more. Maryanne was already wrapped in a thick toweling robe before she pulled herself out of the pool.

‘We have to be mad!’ Alva said.

‘I know, but isn’t it fun? I remember once when Curtis and I were in New Zealand. We went to this place where there were three hot pools to swim in, warm, very warm and warmer still, and it was pouring with rain but people were in there. Curtis wouldn’t, California chicken I guess, but I was in there. You can’t beat a Boston girl when it comes to stamina!’

‘I’d have been in there with you. At school we had to swim all year round, and the pool was not heated. Why is it these places have to punish kids?’ She asked light-heartedly.

‘That’s a memory,’ Maryanne said gently.

‘Yes, they do pop into my head now and then. Little bits of my past life.’

‘It will all come back one day, I’m sure of it. But aren’t you glad of those cold swims? It’s certainly made you tough.’

‘Yes, you’re right. I guess that education I had has made me what I am. I won’t let anyone get me down. Well — ’ She felt her eyes glaze over with unshed tears and, turning away, she chewed her lip for a moment. Something had once pushed her down into darkness, so far down that she had ended up in a psychiatric unit. Luca might dress it up as a private clinic, but that was what it was. But not any more. She unselfconsciously pushed back her shoulders and jerked up her chin. Whatever happened she would do battle with it, even if it broke her heart.

Sipping her coffee she felt oddly refreshed. Not just from the swim but from the company of this other woman. Maryanne was a new friend but a person that she felt she had known all her life. Incredible but it was there inside her, a feeling that this was a friendship that would be for keeps. Maryanne was someone with whom she could reveal all her uncertainties and with whom she could share the passing of Alessandro.

Later she took a long leisurely bath before dinner. She pinned up her hair and allowed herself the luxury of just lying in warm scented water. When she had finished there were warm fluffy towels to dry herself on, and with a huge bath towel wrapped around her she went to her wardrobe to look for something to wear.

A dark-green velvet pantsuit caught her eye and she selected that. The fitted jacket, with a mandarin collar, skimmed her body perfectly as did the pants. It was obviously an outfit she had when she had previously lived here.

Once dressed, she flicked a brush through her hair and was only slightly startled when she heard the door open. Through the mirror she saw the reflection of her husband.

He had been riding around the island with Curtis who was a keen horseman. Obviously it had done him the power of good, for he looked brighter than she had seen him looking for some time. In a white silk shirt and dark jacket and trousers he looked relaxed.

‘I love that,’ he nodded to the suit. ‘It is a perfect match for your eyes.’

‘Is it? I hadn’t thought.’

‘Of course you hadn’t.’

Alva looked for sarcasm but there was none there. He meant it kindly.

‘You have no vanity, Alva, which is what I liked about you.’

‘Thank you,’ she murmured.

‘What did you do today?’ he asked, going to sit on the ottoman.

She went through her day; he visibly shivered when she told him about their swim. ‘It was fun — and I remembered about school, how they never heated the pool!’

‘Good. You never told me that, or if you did I don’t remember. I am sure being Italian I would remember your telling me about swimming in icy waters.’

‘You don’t think I am imagining it do you?’ she asked anxiously.

‘Of course not. It was not so important that you would share that with me. So, you enjoyed your day with Maryanne?’

For a moment she hesitated before answering, smoothing a finger over her eyebrow. Not wanting to sound foolish about how important this friendship seemed to be. Yet it was difficult to keep things from Luca. He had that way with him that drew things out of her. He had always had it, that warmth and charm that made confession easy.

‘I like her very much. It’s just as if I have found a true friend.’

‘Good. Friendship is important. You had a lot of friends, Alva. But,’ he hesitated wondering whether to go on. ‘Your Christmas card list is huge … most of your girlfriends had married and had children by the time we met. They lived in different places, different countries even. There was a girl that you were close to. Chloe … ’

‘Really?’

‘You used to say that Chloe was your soulmate.’

‘Really?’ she asked again with more emphasis.

‘She died. Cancer. We were going out together at the time and you were heartbroken.’

‘Oh my God.’ She sank on to the ottoman beside him. ‘And I can’t even remember Chloe.’

‘You were at school together. She was a tiny girl, a will of a wisp you called her. She had lovely dark curls and laughing blue eyes. She lost her hair with the treatment … I remember your crying about that. Crying not for yourself but because it had upset her.’

‘I wish I could remember. How could I forget someone that I loved?’

Luca took up her hand, turning it over he very gently kissed the palm. ‘You forgot me too, so do not distress yourself about it. One day it will all come back to you.’

‘Perhaps I don’t want it all back, Luca; there have to be things that are best not remembered.’

‘You have nothing in your past to be ashamed about. I am certain of that, Alva.’

‘Except — ’ she caught the words, pulling them back. She had wanted to say what you believe I did to our child, but she would not go there with him. One day she might remember and have evidence to prove that she had not done anything wrong. Just one day it might all be revealed and then … then it would be over. His pain and his suffering would be burned away. He still felt guilty, believing that he had not done enough to support her through her terrible time. Yet instinctively she knew it was not his fault, and nor was it hers, there was something there and one day it would all come out.

‘Luca, since I’ve been back from the hospital you haven’t … I mean,’ she felt her cheeks scorch; her hand, as she glanced at it, looked so small trapped in his. ‘I need you, Luca; I need you to come to me … ’

He bent his head, capturing her ear in his mouth, very gently. It felt no more than the heartbeat of a butterfly but was nonetheless devastating.

‘Then I will come, Alva. I did not know if you were well enough … I thought you needed lots of rest.’

‘I do.’ Gathering her courage to her, chasing away the dark shadows deep inside her, she smiled up at him. ‘But, Luca, there is rest and there is rest.’

*

Alva awakened from a disturbed sleep. The silk sheets were wrapped around her body in a mummy-like hold. Gasping she fought herself free, and then found herself breathless.

What had happened? Where was she? It was still fairly dark but a chink of light crept in through the partly opened shutter.

She was alone. Of course! Luca was away. He had had to go to the mainland on business and chose to travel there with Maryanne and Curtis Trevor. He would be gone for three days, he had said … while there he intended to take the opportunity to visit Renata in Rome.

It was too soon for her to see her stepdaughter. He had not asked her to accompany him and she had not tried to persuade him to let her do so. She was not afraid of being alone here, anyway, not with the strong and silent Carlo to look after her. However, there was
something
that had frightened her. Was it a dream? She struggled to a sitting position, pummelling the pillow and then leaning back, closing her eyes, searching her mind.

Something ominous and dark had wrapped itself around her heart. It was more than a lump of fear, it was even worse than depression. There was something lodged in her mind, but it was buried, yet during her restless night, it had come to her … in her sleep. No, it was not a dream … it was a memory.

Determinedly, she ticked off things in her mind. Was it to do with Tony her old boss … or was it a memory that she had shared with Chloe? She had been trying too hard to remember her friend, the girl with whom Luca said she had shared so much. However, Chloe was not there, not even a visual image of her friend came into her mind. It was not Chloe; anyway, it was hardly likely that if she remembered anything about Chloe it would frighten her. Sadness maybe but not fear, for Chloe had never brought harm to her, Alva was certain of that.

An image came to her now, beating against her closed lids. It was dark; there were long shadows of a summer night. Stillness, not a breath of wind, sultry heat. Luca was there. He was crossing the garden stealthily. It was obvious he did not want to be seen by anyone and he was coming from the shabby buildings close to the indoor pool. She was there, hiding, watching, her heart throbbing against the wall of her chest, waves of heat streaming against her skin. She felt terribly weak, almost as if she would faint. Something was going on in the building, something wrong. Fear and terror choked the breath from her. Luca was involved …
but in what
?