shaede assassin 05 - shadows at midnight (22 page)

“’Sup your royal haughtiness?”

Xander sat on one of the sofas in the sitting area, a book cradled in his hands. I’d never seen him not one hundred percent put together and though he didn’t exactly look like a vagrant, this was a laid back side to the Shaede King that I didn’t recognize. Jeans. T-shirt. Bare freaking feet! A few days’ worth of stubble dusted his jaw and his hair hung past his collar in shaggy waves. Had hell frozen over and no one told me?

“Darian.” He didn’t look up from his book. He licked his finger and turned the page.

Well, at least he wasn’t the dirty, raving lunatic I’d expected to find in this room. I took a seat in the chair opposite him and propped my boots up on the coffee table with a loud
thunk
. He didn’t even give the affront to his expensive furniture a first glance let alone a second one.

“Sooooo….” Jesus, for the first time in my existence, I was speechless. Xander had thrown me for a loop. I was expecting disheveled. Angry. Beat down. Apathetic Xander was an aspect of his personality I didn’t know how to interact with. Maybe I was too close to be of any help this time. “What’s shakin’?”

“I’m reading,” he said without looking up from his book.

“Oh yeah? Anything good?”

He brought his gaze to mine and raised a haughty brow. “The Art of War.”

“Nice and light, huh?”

I leaned back in the chair and folded my arms across my chest. I started to wonder if I’d been set up. Xander seemed as cool and put together as ever. He turned his attention back to the book. Licked his finger, turned the page. Silence. Lick and turn. More silence.

“Okay, seriously. What the fuck is going on?”

Xander let out a slow sigh and set down the book. He pinched the bridge of his nose before he fixed me with his molten caramel stare. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

If there was one thing Xander and I were pros at, it was pushing each other’s buttons. And right about now, I was lit up like a damned switchboard. Jesus Christ. “Xander.” I decided to go easy on him. After all, he’d been through hell and back. “Do you remember what’s happened over the past few weeks?”

His gaze hardened to amber. “Are you suggesting I’m not in my right mind?”

“I’m not suggesting anything. I just want to make sure we’re on the same page.”

He leaned forward on the couch and rested his elbows on his knees. “Are you by chance referring to the weeks in which I was kept in a hole at the bottom of the earth? The weeks spent dirty, begging, beaten, and flayed? The weeks when I lay naked and wanting while you taunted me, ridiculed me. Made me beg for your favors and then fucked me until I was so exhausted I couldn’t move anymore?”

I averted my gaze. Heat rose to my cheeks and I banished the image of Xander and Padma in that cell together from my mind. “That wasn’t me,” I said, barely a whisper. “You know that.”

“I do know that.” Emotion boiled under the surface of Xander’s words. “That doesn’t make it any less real.”

“I never would have let you trade yourself for me.”

“Padma would have never let you leave unless she could have me.” Xander’s expression grew darker. “I always knew I’d pay a price for how I dealt with Azriel’s disloyalty. Besides, your Jinn didn’t seem to mind. I doubt he objected to the trade.”

Well, the conversation was bound to swing around to Ty eventually. I’m sure Xander was peeved that he hadn’t been able to get his pound of flesh. “We wouldn’t have been able to get you back without him.”

“He’s dangerous, Darian.” Xander’s eyes widened a fraction and in the golden depths I saw a real and raw fear that rattled me.

I swallowed down the lump that rose to my throat. Ty had secrets and this business with the Synod wasn’t small potatoes. I knew that he could be dangerous. Especially to anyone who crossed him. But I didn’t have anything to fear from him. Ty had never made me feel anything but safe.

“What happened between the two of you in the labyrinth?”

Xander looked away. Why in the hell didn’t either of them want to talk about it? “Your involvement with him will be your undoing, Darian. I don’t offer this warning lightly.”

Anger burned in my chest. “So far, Xander, it’s my involvement with
you
that’s gotten me into the most trouble.” His expression fell and I wished that I could take back the words. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”

I couldn’t blame anyone for my own choices, least of all Xander. Killing Azriel for him might have put us on the path that led to Padma’s dungeon, but I could have refused. We both could have spared ourselves a shit-load of trouble had we simply made better decisions. Thought with our heads and not our damned hearts.

“It’s true,” Xander said. “I’ve done this to us—to
you
. And I have to live with that. But tell me, Darian, does Tyler give a second thought to the danger he’s put you in? Does he realize what the consequences of his actions might be? I admit to using you for my own selfish agenda. If I could take it all back, I would. Would he? Would he change any of the things he’s done if given the chance?”

Xander’s ominous words caused a riot of razor-winged butterflies to take flight in my stomach. “Just what do you think he’s done?”

“That’s the problem,” Xander said. “I don’t know exactly. But I intend to find out.”

Great. We were already on the Synod’s radar and I had a big, black cloud of demon-y doom stalking me. The last thing I needed was for a still unstable Xander to get involved.

“You have enough on your plate,” I said. “Or did you forget that Saben is in the process of trying to overthrow you?”

Xander shrugged. He settled back into the couch and picked up his book. “Let him.”

Let him?
Had Xander lost his fucking mind? Of course he had. He was still recovering from his time in captivity. If he’d been one hundred percent, Xander would have never said it. “You don’t mean that.”

He fixed me with a stern stare. “Don’t I?”

“You’ve been through a lot and no one expects you to jump right back on the horse. It’s barely been a couple of weeks. I’m sure that Raif doesn’t mind—”

“Raif knows how I feel,” Xander said. “I’ve decided to abdicate my throne. Let Raif and Saben fight for it. I want no part of it.”

I was absolutely floored. Xander might have looked as though he had his shit marginally together, but he was a million miles from being square. Talk about dropping a bomb. I was surprised my jaw wasn’t resting on the damned floor right now.

“Bullshit.” I wasn’t about to let him cop out. “You don’t mean that. I sure as hell know you don’t want it.”

“I do.” Xander turned the book in his hand, studied the cover as though it interested him. “My priorities have changed. I no longer wish to exist for the good of others. It’s been two years since I’ve considered myself a fit ruler. I’m tired, Darian. Tired of the endless responsibility, the worry. Tired of looking over my shoulder and having to concern myself with usurpers like Saben or the loyalties of those closest to me. I don’t want to return home and put my house in order. I’m right where I want to be.” His eyes met mine, briefly. “With whom I want to be.”

How many times did we have to re-hash this? “Xander—”

“Tell your Jinn our bargain is no longer valid,” he said. “As long as he sees fit to put you in danger, I will honor no agreements struck between us.”

“What in the hell are you talking about?” What bargain? Jesus, what happened between them?

Xander didn’t respond, he simply opened his book and began to read. “I hope you have a good day, Darian.”

Xander dismissed me without another word. I sat in silence for a few minutes. Stared him down. Hoped that I could rile him into paying attention to me. He flipped the page, seemingly lost in Sun Tzu’s words. God
damn it
.

At least Xander hadn’t compromised his stubbornness in his decision to abdicate his throne. I pushed myself up from the couch with a disgruntled snort and headed for the door. I didn’t bother leaving him with a parting comment. It’s not like it would’ve done any good at this point. I slammed the door behind me and other than a start of surprise, neither Myles nor Louella said anything about my angry exit. I left my corporeal form behind—too agitated to bother with the stairs—and sank right through the floor to the basement level of the house. I stepped from the light outside of the large council room where Raif currently conducted business and laid my fist to the heavy wooden planks. A few moments later, the door swung wide and Asher stepped out into the hallway.

Apparently in Xander’s absence, Ash had become the acting king’s number two guy. Did that make him the new Raif? God, I hated change. My anxiety levels skyrocketed with the unfamiliar. My sense of control slipped through my fingers like sand. Raif and Asher thought I could help? Short of packing up my shit and moving, I wasn’t sure what I could do to break Xander out of his funk.

“Moving up in the ranks, huh?” I cocked a brow at Ash and he gave me his signature shit-eating grin.

“Raif needs someone around who knows what’s going on,” he replied. “I’m in the know.”

True. “I need to see him. Now.”

“He’s wrapping up,” Asher said. “Hang on a sec.”

He left me waiting out in the hallway. Though I’d become a permanent fixture in Xander’s household, I was far from a signified member of the “inner circle.” That didn’t bother me. What got under my skin was that because of what had happened, my relationship with Raif had changed. Maybe indefinitely. A deep, resounding sense of loss hollowed out my chest. What would I do without Raif in my life?

I paced up and down the carpeted hallway, counting out my steps with each pass. My anxiety crested with every step until my chest ached from the effort it took to draw a decent breath. The implication of Xander’s words played a loop in my head and I worried. Worried that if I cut ties with Raif and Xander, with Ash…hell, even Anya, that I’d be all alone if shit went south with the Synod. What if Tyler was in over his head? What if I couldn’t help him? What if he couldn’t help me? Xander had managed to plant a kernel of doubt in my head and in a matter of moments it had managed to sprout and grow into a virtual garden of insecurity.

I didn’t know if I could handle isolation again after everything I’d been through.

On my tenth pass down the long hallway, the door swung open. It seemed I’d been playing this game for months, waiting outside of a door for Raif or Xander to see me like a child outside of the principal’s office.

After the procession of advisor’s filed out of the room, Raif stepped out into the hallway. He met me with a grim smile, one that didn’t reach his brilliant sapphire eyes. For a long moment we stood there, staring at each other. “Jesus Christ, Raif,” I finally said.

“Come in,” he said as he headed back toward the council room. “Let’s talk.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

Raif took a seat at the head of the glossy mahogany table. This was wrong. All of this was fucking wrong. And it was my god damned fault. Asher stood at the doorway and I looked to Raif, sad that I even had to ask permission. “Think we could talk privately?”

He gave a crisp nod to Asher and he left the room without a word.

I hate this.
Hated it
. I felt as though I was living in some sort of bizzaro universe where nothing made sense. The people I expected to obsess over the things I refused to suddenly no longer gave a shit, and likewise, those I felt most comfortable around had become uptight strangers. I swallowed down the lump that rose in my throat and took a seat next to Raif. He waited patiently for me to speak but finding the right words to express everything I needed to say was like pulling teeth.

“He’s abdicating his throne?!” The words burst from my mouth in an incredulous shout. “He can’t do that, Raif.
You
can’t let him do that!”

“Apparently you’ve fallen under the misconception that I can make Alexander do anything,” Raif replied. “He’s made his decision. There is no convincing him otherwise.”

I stared at him, jaw slack. “And you’re okay with this?”

“Do I appear okay with it?”

“Not especially.”

Raif slumped back in his chair and let out a heavy sigh. “Gods, Darian. At least when he wasn’t lucid, I had hope that he’d come around. Now…” He shook his head. “He’s almost too lucid. Too focused. He’s always been stubborn, but this is so out of character. I have no idea how to deal with him.”

That made two of us.

“What happened between Alexander and Tyler, Darian? He seems convinced that the Jinn isn’t simply a nuisance anymore but a threat to your safety.”

I trusted Raif with my life but suddenly, I wasn’t sure if I trusted him with my secrets. “I honestly don’t know,” I said. “Neither one of them will tell me.”

Raif fixed me with his shrewd stare. Nothing got by him. “But you know something.”

“Yeah.” I blew out a breath. “I do.”

“Many things have changed, Darian.” Raif’s voice softened. “I have not.”

Damn him. Tears sprang to my eyes and I willed them to dry. “A few months ago, I went to Reaver,” I began. “To ask him if he knew what my ring was.” I held up my left hand and Raif regarded it briefly. “I’ve never taken it off, and now I know that I couldn’t even if I wanted to. After Demitri was killed, Adira called it
Nys’Asdar
. She was afraid of it. Afraid for Tyler for giving it to me. I figured Reaver was old enough, he could tell me whatever I needed to know about the Jinn and what my ring might be.”

“I see.”

Raif waited patiently for me to continue. I took a deep breath and rested my palms on the cool, glossy surface of the table. “Reaver didn’t know much. Well, more to the point, he wouldn’t tell me much. He suggested that the Jinn are…gods. That their power is infinite. He didn’t know what my ring was but he said that the power it contained thrived. Like it might even be alive.”

“Did Tyler confirm this?”

“No,” I admitted. “Everyone who knows anything about it says it’s a myth, which I know is total bullshit. But whatever this ring is, I don’t think he was supposed to give it to me. The Synod is in Seattle. They laid down a mandate and told Tyler to break off his relationship with me beyond our bond.”