Shallow Pond (19 page)

“Weekday afternoons usually aren't too busy,” Danielle told us. “Sometimes people just call to chat. We'll get more calls later on tonight.”

Danielle stayed on the line while Meg chatted with an older woman whose husband was terminally ill. It wasn't a domestic violence situation or any sort of crisis, just someone who needed to talk to another human being. Each call was anonymous. I imagined calling the hotline myself. Had they ever had someone call to say they were the product of some genetic experiment and needed reassurance that they were not a complete and total freak of nature? My guess was probably not.

Later in the afternoon, I had my own opportunity to take a call with Danielle listening in.

“I don't know what to do,” said the woman on the other end. Her voice was weak and shaky. “It's not that I don't care for him, but I'm not in love with him. Does that make sense?”

“Sure,” I said.

“But he says that doesn't make any sense, that I must be confused because if I care for him then I must be in love with him. I told him I need time and space to think about it, but he thinks the only reason I need space is because I have another boyfriend.”

“This is your boyfriend?” I asked.

“Ex-boyfriend.” She sighed. “He just doesn't seem to understand.”

“Has he hurt you?”

“No, nothing like that. But he follows me around wherever I go. If I don't let him in the house, he breaks in.”

“Are you at your house right now?”

“Yeah,” she said. “But he's not here right now. Not yet, anyway.”

“Do you have anywhere you could go?” I asked. “A friend's house or a relative's? We have a shelter if you need a place to stay.”

“I guess I could go to my friend's house.”

Danielle scribbled something on a notepad and held it up to me.

“It would probably be a good idea to file for a protection from abuse order,” I said.

“He isn't abusive,” the woman said quickly.

“It doesn't just mean physical abuse. He's harassing you and breaking into your home—that's a form of abuse.”

The line went quiet. Was she still there?

“Are you there?” I asked. I didn't hear anything. I looked at Danielle in alarm.

“He says he only does those things because he loves me, because he can't live without me. He thinks I'm being unfair.”

Danielle scratched out another note for me.

“Why don't you go and stay at your friend's house to-night? Can you call us back when you get there?”

“Okay,” the woman said.

“Then we can talk with you about what is involved in filing a protection order.”

“Okay. I'll do that. Thanks.”

She hung up. I hung up my own phone and took a deep breath.

“You did a good job,” Danielle said to me.

I didn't feel like I'd done a good job, though. I felt shaky. I didn't know anything about this woman's boyfriend, but for some reason the picture that had leaped immediately to my mind was the picture of my father that hung on our living room wall.

This woman's boyfriend had passed the point of love, to something darker and uglier. It was no longer love; it was obsession. I thought of Annie's late-night story. She said we were born of love, but that wasn't really true. We were born of obsession. Just like that woman's boyfriend, my father had been unable to say goodbye, unable to let go. In response, he created us.

Meg caught up with me as we were getting ready to leave. I had been doing what I could to avoid her, as much as I could avoid her while being in the same small room as her.

“He loves you, you know,” she said.

“Who?” I honestly didn't know who she was talking about.

“Zach. Is there someone else I should know about?”

“No.” I paused. “You two really aren't … ?”

“A couple? Nah, I meant what I said. I'd kind of prefer to not be with a guy who was into someone else. Call me crazy. Anyway, I kind of got back together with my ex.”

“I'm not really who he wants,” I said. It hurt to say the words out loud, but as I said them I felt sure I was right. I thought of what he'd said in the park. He wanted me to tell him the truth, but if I did, he would only run away screaming.

“Trust me, you are,” Meg said. “I could give you a ride over to his place.”

I thought of the way it had felt to kiss Zach. I wanted to feel that again—it might just be enough to escape this ugly world for a little while. It was selfish, but I wanted that.

“You know where he lives?”

“It's not like that,” she said. “My aunt is his landlady. So, what do you say?”

“Okay,” I said.

Twenty-Five

Zach's apartment was over a detached garage on a piece of property at the outskirts of town. Meg's aunt owned the house, which was about a hundred yards away from
the garage. Farmland surrounded the rest of the property. Meg offered to wait for me, but I saw that Zach's light was on, and I saw his silhouette pass across the window.

“I'm okay,” I said.

I climbed the stairs to Zach's door and stood there, my hand poised to knock, my heart beating about a million miles per second in my chest. I now wished I'd told Meg to wait. I didn't even know what I was doing there.
Meg thought Zach was in love with me, but she hadn't been there at the pond. She hadn't seen the way he'd pushed me away and shut me out. I couldn't do this, but I was stranded. It was too far to walk home. I could call for a ride … in fact, Annie was probably nervous that I wasn't home yet. I should call her anyway. I pulled out my phone. I hadn't turned it back on after shutting if off for working the call center, and now I powered it up.

The door suddenly opened. Zach stood there looking at me, a puzzled expression on his face.

“How long have you been standing here?” he asked.

“Not long,” I said.

“Sorry. I didn't hear you knock.”

I didn't bother to tell him that I hadn't yet worked up the courage to actually knock.

“How did you get here, anyway?”

“Meg gave me a ride.”

He nodded, as if he'd expected this. “Well, don't just stand there. Come inside.”

I stepped into his apartment. I hadn't realized how cold I was until I started to defrost. I glanced around. The place wasn't very big, but it was his own place, and it was bigger than my bedroom.

“I'm sorry things are kind of a mess. I wasn't really expecting company.”

I knew what I had to do, but first there was one thing I
wanted
to do. I knew I might never get another chance. I reached up, pulled his face to mine, and kissed him as if we were long-lost lovers reunited after being separated for years. I kissed him as if it was the last time I'd ever kiss a boy—because probably it was. He slid his hand to my waist and pulled me to him. It worked for I don't know how long … I broke free from earth's gravitational pull. I left the whole ugly mess behind. I felt only Zach's lips on mine, the slightly rough texture of the stubble on his cheek. His body pressed against mine was warm and solid. There was no world between the two of us.

Zach pulled away from me long enough to say, “I'm sorry I yelled at you. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I don't care. You don't know how badly I need you.”

Then he kissed me, and this time, if it was possible, it was more intense than before. He held me to him and I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me to his couch and we tumbled onto it.

“I want to tell you,” I said. “I need to.”

Zach lay on top me. He leaned in to kiss me, but I held him back.

“You were right,” I said. “I need to be honest with you. I need to tell you everything.”

“It doesn't matter,” he said. His hand slid beneath my shirt. His body pressed against mine. What was I doing? Why didn't I just shut up? He said he didn't care.

“My sisters and I aren't really sisters,” I said. I hated myself for saying it, but I couldn't help it. Once the words started flowing there was no way to turn them off. “We're clones,” I continued. “The man I always thought was my father cloned us from the woman I always thought was my mother, because he couldn't handle her death.”

Zach mulled this over. “Well, if this is a pissing contest over who has the weirder life story, you win.” Then he pushed my restraining hand away and devoured me with kisses.

I pushed him back after a few seconds. “Wait,” I said. “Don't you care? Aren't you completely creeped out? I'm a freak.”

“So you don't have the usual sperm-meets-egg story, big deal. It's not really that much different than someone who was conceived with fertility treatments.”

“It's completely different,” I said. “I don't have parents. I was grown in some sort of a laboratory. I'm a copy-and-pasted person, a genetic mutant.”

“You certainly look like a human being to me. A very, very attractive human being.”

“I'm not joking around.”

“And I'm not either,” he said. “I need you, Barbara Bunting. You have no idea how badly I need you.”

This time, when he kissed me, I didn't even need to escape. There was nothing to escape from. Zach didn't care that I was a clone—and that seemed like undeniable proof that Zach and I belonged together. I couldn't imagine anyone else ever accepting such a confession with the laid-back reaction that Zach had. We belonged together, and Zach was wrong about me not knowing how badly he needed me. I knew, because I needed him as badly as he needed me.

I heard the ringing sound, but I didn't immediately identify it. It sounded like something far away, something I didn't need to worry about.

“It's your phone,” Zach said, and I realized he was right. It would be Annie calling to find out where I was. As I pulled the phone out of my pocket, I tried to think of what to tell her, but then I saw it was Jenelle calling. As I clicked to answer, I realized I should have just let it go to voicemail.

“Hey,” I said.

“Look, technically I'm not really speaking to you, but Gracie called me like five times trying to find you, and I guess your phone was turned off or whatever, but they need you back at home.” I started to say something but she'd already clicked off.

“What was that?” Zach asked.

“Jenelle,” I said. “Something's wrong. I need to go back home.”

Zach was propped up on one elbow, looking at me.

“Okay,” he said. “I'll drive you. Let me just grab my coat.”

Every light in the house was on. From the street, the glowing windows seemed to scream like some sort of warning sign. I felt sick. Why couldn't Jenelle have told me more?

“I have to go,” I said.

“I'll come with you,” Zach said.

“No.” The word shot out of my mouth so fast and so loud, I was practically shouting at him. “I mean, it's a family thing. You should go home.” I got out of the car and looked back in at him. I'd been so focused on Zach I hadn't even thought of my family, hadn't even bothered to call home, and now who knew what was going on. “I'll call you.”

“Barbara, wait!”

I didn't turn back. I shut the door and ran up the front steps. He waited until I was in the house before driving away. I stood inside the door listening to the sound of his car getting farther away from me, trying to catch my breath and ignore the weird aching feeling in my chest.

“Hello?” I called. “Hello?” I didn't hear anything. Where were they?

I searched downstairs, but they weren't there even though all the lights were on. I ran upstairs, but all the bedrooms were empty. Except for my room, all the lights were on up there as well. What the hell? I heard something downstairs. Was that them at the back door? What were they doing outside? I flew down the stairs and into the kitchen. I yanked the door open before I realized who it was.

“Cameron?”

“Babie, hey, long time no see,” he said. He gave me that stupid charming smile of his as he stepped into the kitchen.

“Do you know where Gracie and Annie are?” I asked.

“Uh, no. I was actually here to pick up Gracie. We were supposed to go out.”

Cameron stood there looking confused. I ignored him. I peered around him, to see if I could see our minivan in the driveway, but the outside floodlights were the only lights that weren't on. I squinted into the darkness, only vaguely aware of how close I was to Cameron until his hand brushed against my face, pushing my hair back behind my ear. I felt the warmth of his breath on my neck.

I pulled away from him, stepping backward until I bum-
ped into the table.

“Babie,” he said. “Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to … ”

I didn't have time for this. “Was our car in the driveway?”

“What?”

“The minivan, Cameron? Did you see it in the driveway?”

“Uh, no. I don't think so. Why?”

“Something's wrong. I don't know where they are.”

“What does the note say?” he asked.

“The note?”

He pointed past me, and I turned around to see what I'd missed before. A piece of paper in the center of table. Gracie's scribbled message.

“I need you to take me to University Hospital.” I said.

“The hospital?”

“It's Annie,” I said. “She collapsed again. Gracie took her to the hospital.”

I stared out the window as we rode along in silence. How long ago had they gone to the hospital, I wondered. I should have been there. I should have been there to help Gracie.

“Annie's sick, isn't she?” Cameron said.

“Something's wrong,” I said. “I don't know what.” But as I spoke the words, I knew exactly what the problem was. I thought of the altered headstone. How old had Susie been when she died? Twenty-six? How had she died? I had a pretty good idea it wasn't a car crash or some random accident. She'd been sick. She'd had something wrong with her. My father had cloned a woman with a terminal illness that had killed her at a young age. We were all walking time bombs.

“That bastard.” I whispered the words, but it was quiet in the car and Cameron had no trouble hearing me.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” I said. I closed my eyes and tried to will the dark thoughts away. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe what was wrong with Annie was something simple. Maybe she just needed to have her appendix removed or her tonsils or some simple, everyday procedure. But the silence in the car made it difficult to not stray into dark thoughts. I wished Cameron would turn on the radio, anything to distract me from my fears. I turned to ask him, but he spoke before I did.

“I had an affair with one of my students,” he said. He spoke softly and I knew not to interrupt him. “She looked a bit like a Bunting; same hair, anyway. I'm not making excuses. There is no excuse. What I did, it was stupid and wrong.”

It all made sense. This was how he'd lost his job and wound up back in Shallow Pond. This was why he was on the Megan's Law site.

“I never stopped loving Annie,” he said. “I never really got over her dumping me.”

“I think she was afraid of becoming obsessed with you.”

“Yeah. Obsession, I know all about that. It's an ugly thing.”

“My father,” I said. “He never really got over losing my mother. It made him into a bit of a monster.”

“Yeah. I understand that.” Cameron grew silent and I thought he was done, but then he said, “Listen, I want you to know I'm going away. I don't belong back in this town. It's not good for me to be here. I need to get away, sort some things out.”

I nodded. Was it wrong to be jealous of Cameron? He was going to get out of Shallow Pond and I was stuck here. And even if I did make it out, I would only get a few years before the time bomb claimed me. It didn't seem fair.