Shallow Pond (20 page)

Twenty-Six

We found Gracie in the waiting area. When she saw me, she threw her arms around me and pulled me into an unexpected hug.

“Babie,” she said. “I didn't know where you were. I didn't know what to do.” She released me and seemed to notice Cameron for the first time.

“Cameron gave me a ride,” I said. I wondered if she knew about what Cameron had told me, but then realized that of course she didn't. “How's Annie? Is she okay?”

“It's—they think she can come home in the morning.” Gracie shook her head and sat down. “I can't do this.”

I thought she meant dealing with Annie being sick; I thought there was some sort of accusation in her words, that she was mad at me for not being there. But then I saw the way she glanced over at Cameron. He looked awkward, like he didn't know what he was doing there. She didn't want to say anything in front of him.

“Have you eaten?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “I'm not hungry.”

“You should eat.” I turned to Cameron. “Can you go down to the cafeteria and grab her something?”

He looked relieved to have something to do and practically ran out of the room.

“Dr. Feld knows,” Gracie said. “He wants to do tests. Not just on Annie, but on you and me too. Babie, I can't do this. I can't be this … this
thing
. I can't handle it.”

“We won't let them do any tests we don't consent to,” I said. “But you know that she died, and whatever it was that killed her, we must have it too.”

“I'm not sick. I'm a perfectly normal person. Look at me! Do I look like a freak?”

I was glad we were alone in the small waiting area, but her voice had grown so loud that I was sure they'd heard it at the nurse's station down the hall. Gracie stood up and began to pace the small room.

“What about Annie?” I asked. “What are they going to do with her?”

“Prod her with needles, scrape off her skin and look at it under a microscope, get her a gig at the local circus sideshow. I don't know—they said something about possible treatments. I can't do this.”

Gracie's pacing made it hard not to get freaked out. Annie was always the calm and cool one. Annie was always in charge, but Annie was sick. It shouldn't make a difference, though. If Annie could take charge, then why couldn't I? Other than a few years, there was no difference between Annie and me.

“We'll find a specialist to treat Annie, we'll locate the best doctor in the country,” I said. “Everything's going to be fine.” I forced the shakiness out of my voice as I spoke, trying hard to be strong so that Gracie didn't break down any more, but inside I was a wreck.

“No,” Gracie said, “it can't be fine. It can't be fine ever again.”

Cameron picked that moment to return from the cafeteria. He was holding a plastic-wrapped sandwich in his hand and a few bottles of water.

“Tuna okay?” he asked.

“I hate tuna,” Gracie said.

“Really?” I said. “I like it.” Cameron handed it to me. I looked over at Gracie. She'd stopped pacing, but she still had the look of a cornered animal. How was it possible that we could be clones when we were nothing like each other?

Gracie and I spent the night camped out in the waiting room. When we took Annie home in the morning, she almost didn't look sick. She was still too thin and her hair was a mess, but she looked bright and alert, and even seemed to have energy. She got into a spirited debate with Gracie over the best route to take to get back to the highway. It gave me hope, but at the back of my mind was the nagging feeling that we would be back at the hospital before long.

Annie confirmed my fears that night at dinner.

“There's no cure,” she said, “but the treatments have come a long way since Susie was sick. The drugs are expensive, but they work.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“What it means is, I feel great,” Annie said.

That wasn't any kind of answer, and she knew it. I looked over at Gracie, but she only sighed and looked away. She'd never really relaxed—she was still on edge, capable of snapping at a moment's notice. It was scary.

“But you're not going to get better,” I said.

“I'm fine,” Annie said.

“Except not really,” I said.

“Shut up! Both of you!” Gracie slammed down her fork. “Am I the only one who isn't cool with becoming some sort of medical pin cushion in the name of science? Did you see the way everyone there was looking at us? We're oddities to them, rare
specimens
.”

“Only Dr. Feld knows,” Annie said.

“Right, and he doesn't talk to anyone else, I'm sure. Trust me, they know, and if they know, it won't be long before everyone knows. What happens when everyone in Shallow Pond knows?”

“It's possible they could descend on us in an angry mob,” Annie said. If you didn't know her better, you might not have seen the smirk on her face. But I didn't think this was the right time for Frankenstein references.

“Maybe it's all a joke to you,” Gracie said, “but I've got friends here, a boyfriend. I've got a life. When this rumor gets out, I can kiss all that goodbye.”

“If we've made it this far without anyone finding out, then I think your precious little life is safe,” Annie said.

“By the way, you're welcome,” Gracie snapped. “You would think you'd be a little more grateful that I dragged your sorry ass to some distant hospital, that I gave up my whole night sitting around the hospital being treated like a complete freak.”

“I am grateful,” Annie said.

“You sure as hell don't act like it,” Gracie said. She pushed her chair back from the table and stormed out of the room.

Behind my closed bedroom door, I called Zach. My fingers shook as I pressed the buttons on the phone. Only a day had passed since I'd seen him, but it felt like longer. The world had changed since then.

“My sister was sick,” I told him. “She had to be taken to the hospital.”

“Oh, God,” he said. “Is she all right? Which one?”

“Annie,” I said. “And what she has is incurable.”

I waited for this to sink in. I waited for him to get it. Zach was a smart guy. I knew it wouldn't take him long.

“Incurable and fatal?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said.

“And is this something hereditary? Like, in your genes?”

“Yes,” I said again.

“And it's how the original, the one you thought was your mother, died?”

“Yes.”

“I don't really know what to say.”

“The doctor—he was a friend of my father's, he knows all about us—he wants to do all sorts of tests on us. Gracie is freaking out.”

“And you? Are you freaking out?”

“I don't see the point in it.”

“Well, that's amazingly rational.”

For some reason this struck me as funny. I started to giggle, but the giggle turned into full-blown laughter that I was powerless to hold back.

“Uh-oh, now you
are
freaking out.”

“No, I'm not,” I managed to choke out between laughs.

“I love your laugh,” Zach said. “I love everything about you. I need to see you. I'm coming over.”

“No, it's late, and I'm tired. I spent last night trying to sleep in a hospital waiting room. I'll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow's not soon enough. I need to see you now. How am I going to live without you?”

He meant, how was he going to live without me tonight, but for some reason that wasn't what I heard. “After I die, you could always clone me,” I said.

My laughter vanished. I knew the remark was overly bleak and negative. Zach was so quiet on the other end I wasn't sure if he was really there.

“Okay,” he said. “You win. I'll figure out a way to make it through the night without you. I'll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah, tomorrow,” I said.

I sat there for a while on my bed with the phone still in my hand. I tried to understand how in love, how far off the deep end with grief you have to be before thinking that cloning your dead lover is a reasonable solution to your problem. I thought about Cameron Schaeffer and his own battle with romantic obsession. I thought about Annie breaking things off with the boy she loved. She'd said there was someone else.

It wasn't something I wanted to think about, and I tried to think of things to distract myself: school, Zach, whether my blue shirt was in my closet or in the pile of clothes to be washed. But my mind refused to be distracted. A thought wormed its way up from my subconscious; I tried to shake it off as another one of my mistaken theories. It seemed Annie would have told me, but I saw now that she'd tried—she'd dropped clues, and like an idiot I'd missed them.

A good sister would have gone to her, talked to her, off-ered her belated comfort. But I only lay down on my bed and tried to forget about everything.

Twenty-Seven

There was a hint of spring in the air as I walked to school Monday morning. It wasn't warm out, but it wasn't bitter cold either, and the breeze that blew carried with it the smell of spring. It was like Mother Nature's way of trying to tell me to be more optimistic. But my dark and troubling suspicion haunted my thoughts. I knew it would take more than the sight of a robin and the promise that in a month or so I could go outside without a jacket to lift my spirits.

I heard a car roll up beside me and turned around to see Jenelle. She rolled down the passenger window.

“Want a ride?” she asked.

“I thought you weren't speaking to me,” I said.

“Bunting, just get in the car.”

I did as she commanded. It was just her in the car. “Where's Shawna?” I asked.

“Home sick. She says it's strep, but I think it's far more serious.”

I thought she was taking her candy-striper duties a bit too seriously. Now she was going around diagnosing people? “What do you think it is?” I asked.

“Broken heart,” Jenelle said.

“Broken heart?”

“Bunting, if you ever paid attention to anyone else, then you'd know that Frank dumped her on Friday.”

“What? Why?”

“Apparently he realized he still has feelings for Meg.”

I remembered how Meg said something about getting back together with her ex, and now I remembered that Frank used to date her before he started going out with Shawna.

“What a scumbag,” I said.

“On the plus side, I guess that means Zach is free.”

“Oh, he's not free,” I said.

Jenelle gave me a look. “That guy sure gets around. Who is he with now?”

I smiled. Thinking about Zach accomplished all those things that the warmer weather and the hint of spring in the air weren't able to. I abandoned my negativity long enough to picture him. That look in his eyes, the way he smiled. In my head, I heard the way he said my name and it was all I could do not to explode with happiness.

Jenelle brought the car to a screeching halt and I snapped out of my reverie.

“Barbara Bunting, are you and Zach a couple? How come I am just finding out about this?”

“I'm in love with him,” I said. “And you weren't speaking to me, remember.”

“Unbelievable,” she said. “The other night, when Gracie couldn't find you?”

“I was at his place.”

Someone behind us beeped. Jenelle sighed and rolled her eyes, as if they were the ones being annoying when she was the one stopped in the middle of the road, but she did resume driving.

“Oh my God. Who are you and what did you do with Barbara?”

“What?”

“Seriously, Bunting, I don't really recognize you anymore.”

She wasn't alone there. I hardly recognized myself either.

“Hey, about the other night, what happened?” Jenelle asked.

“Annie's sick,” I said. “She had to go to the hospital. She's home now.”

“Again? Sick as in sick-sick?”

“A bit more serious than a broken heart.”

“Crap. Hey, I'm sorry. So do you know what's wrong?”

I thought of what a relief it had been to tell Zach everything, but I couldn't tell Jenelle. I wondered if that meant she wasn't really a good friend, but maybe I just knew that she wouldn't understand. She had parents, a normal family. Even without the whole cloning thing, we weren't exactly normal. Zach, the orphan raised by nuns, kind of got the whole abnormal thing.

“They still have some tests they want to do,” I told her.

As we pulled into the parking lot, we saw Zach walking up the sidewalk to school.

“Well, there he is, Mr. God's-gift-to-women himself,” Jenelle said. She turned and gave me a smile. “Go on.”

“No, I'll wait for you,” I said. “You've still got to find a parking place.”

“Bunting, stop pretending like you don't want to fling yourself at that boy and jump his bones.”

“But—”

“Get out of the car,” she said. She waved me toward the door, grinning.

“See you later?” I asked.

“Yes, and I want all the details.”

I ran after Zach and shouted his name. He spun around, and seeing him made it difficult to breathe. How had I managed to resist him for so long? I didn't think about the fact that we were standing in front of the school while everyone filed in. I didn't think about anything. I ran to him and kissed him. We got some hoots and cheers from our classmates. I pulled myself away from him and blushed in embarrassment.

“Hey,” he said. “There's not any chance you'd be up for skipping school again today, is there?”

His eyes had the power to mesmerize me, so I looked away when I said, “We probably shouldn't. I have enough problems in my life. I don't really think getting kicked out of school would improve my situation.”

“See, there you go being practical again.” He shook his head and laughed, then put his arm around me as we walked into the school.

It was the longest school day I'd ever experienced, and when it finally ended I ran to my locker to dump my books.

“Is there a fire or something?” Jenelle asked when she saw me scrambling to grab what I needed from my locker.

“I'm going out with Zach,” I explained.

“Ah, a fire in your pants then.”

I'd just shut my locker when I saw Meg running toward me down the hallway.

“Barbara, I'm so glad I caught you,” she said.

“What, did you run out of boyfriends to steal?” Jenelle asked. Meg ignored her.

“Danielle had an emergency, and she needed to know if anyone could fill in at the call center. I have a softball scrimmage today but I thought you might be free.”

“Why the hell should she save your butt?” Jenelle asked. In that moment I pretty much shared Jenelle's low opinion of Meg. If I'd just moved quicker, I might have gotten out of there before Meg found me.

“Isn't there anyone else who can do it?” I asked.

“There's some conference going on and a lot of the regular volunteers are there.”

Did I need to see Zach this afternoon? My brain screamed,
Yes I do!
Would I live without seeing him? My brain screamed,
Absolutely not!
It scared me how much I needed him.

“I can do it,” I said.

“You don't have to do that!” Jenelle shouted at me.

“Thank you so much!” Meg said. “I owe you.”

“Big time!” Jenelle added.

Zach would be there any minute, and I was afraid that if I saw him I would completely lose my will power. “Do me a favor?” I said to Jenelle. “Explain it to Zach for me?”

“You can tell him yourself,” Jenelle said.

“No, I don't think I can.”

Danielle was still at the call center when I got there, but she had her coat on and was ready to head out the door.

“Thank you so much for doing this,” she said. “The night shift should be here in a couple of hours. I wrote down my cell number in case anything happens, but it's been quiet here all day. Knock on … ” She looked around for some wooden surface to knock on and settled for a metal desk with a woodgrain-patterned surface.

It was quiet for about an hour and fifty minutes, then my first call came. The voice of the woman on the other end was scratchy and hoarse. I decided she was either a heavy smoker or someone who'd done a whole lot of crying; maybe a little of both.

“I don't know what to do,” she said.

“What's wrong?” I asked.

“He's gone. He left. He stuck a note on my windshield while I was at work. The coward couldn't even tell me to my face. It was something about how he couldn't stay in this town, that this wasn't the right place for him. Babie, I don't know what to do.”

Hearing my name startled me. I tried to place the scratchy voice on the other end. I played back over what the distraught woman had said, the guy who'd left because this wasn't the right place for him. This wasn't the right place for a lot of people, but Cameron had said he was leaving, that he didn't belong here, and whoever it was knew me well enough to recognize my voice.

“Gracie?” I said.

“He left some stupid note.” Now I could hear the familiar voice that was hidden by the scratchiness, the tears.

“He's an idiot,” I said. “He doesn't deserve you.”

“No,” Gracie said. She began sniffling. “I need him. You don't understand. I
need
him.”

I heard someone come into the room. I thought it must be one of the night-shift volunteers.

“There's something you need to know about Cameron,” I said. “Remember how I said he was on that Megan's Law site?”

“I don't care about that,” Gracie sobbed. “That doesn't matter.”

“Maybe it's better for both of you if you just let Cameron go.”

“But I can't just let him go. I can't handle this anymore. Maybe it's good that he left, before he found out about us, but I don't know how to go on without him.”

“What are you saying?”

“How do you go on living when your reason for living is gone?”

“Seriously? Cameron Schaeffer is your reason for living? Do you know how messed up that is?”

“I love him. I love him so much. I just can't handle it anymore.”

I heard someone moving around, the rustling of a jacket. It would be okay. I wouldn't have to stay on duty much longer.

“I'm on my way home,” I said. “Just sit tight. I'll be there in like ten or fifteen minutes. Just hang on, okay?”

“Why would he leave without me?”

“I'm on my way there,” I said as I hung up.

“Do you need a lift?”

I looked up to see not a night shift volunteer, but Officer Hantz.

“Danielle told me you were on your own this afternoon,” he continued. “I'm on my way home, so I thought I'd check and see if you needed a ride.

“I have to wait for someone else to take over,” I said, “but I think they'll be here any minute.”

“Was that your sister on the phone? It sounded pretty serious.”

I nodded. “Cameron left town.”

“Damn it,” Hantz said. “Sorry. He's supposed to check in with us before relocating.” He looked at me, and his voice grew soft and serious. “Did something happen? Is there a reason he left?”

“Nothing happened,” I said. “He told me about what happened at the school where he worked. He said he wanted to get out of Shallow Pond, get his life straightened out.”

Officer Hantz nodded as he considered this. Maybe he also had come to the conclusion that Cameron wasn't really a bad guy.

A few minutes later my relief arrived. Officer Hantz drove me home. As I stepped out of the car, Annie poked her head out the front door.

“Is that your sister?” Officer Hantz asked.

“The older one,” I said. “Annie.”

“She's pretty.”

She was. Being her clone, how could I not have been pleased by such a remark? I nearly thanked him. Hopefully he didn't see me blush. I noticed the worried look on Annie's face, though, and got scared. Something was wrong.

“Thanks for the ride,” I said. I wondered if I should ask him to stick around. I didn't. He did stay long enough to give Annie a smile and wave.

She was watching him drive away when I reached the door.

“Gracie called the hotline,” I said. “She sounded pretty upset. Cameron left town. He left her some note.”

“Apparently it's an epidemic.”

“What?”

She handed me a slip of paper. Scribbled in Gracie's handwriting was a note to let us know that she could no longer stay with us. She was going off to find Cameron. She needed to be with him.

“But I was talking to her a few minutes ago. It couldn't have been even twenty minutes ago!” I said. But twenty minutes gave someone enough time to throw clothes and clean underwear into a duffel bag, write a hasty note, and hit the highway. “Did she take the minivan?”

Annie nodded.

Great, she'd taken our only means of transportation. It wasn't like we could chase her down without wheels.

“I can call someone, get them to give us a ride,” I said. I looked up the road, but Officer Hantz had already turned the corner. I could call Jenelle, but how much could she do to help us catch Gracie? On the other hand, Zach had a Mustang. That thing had enough horsepower to give our minivan a pretty good chase. “I know someone with a sports car.”

“No. Let her go,” Annie said.

“What?”

But Annie only shook her head and went back into the house. I followed her inside.

“I'm happy for them,” she said. “She loves him. They deserve to be together.”

“Aren't you jealous?” I asked.

“No, that was all a long time ago. Gracie's young. She deserves the chance to be free and happy.”

“You're not exactly old.”

“She's not happy here,” Annie said. “This is better for her.”

I went over and looked at the picture on the mantle. Susie, the woman who'd started this whole mess. I tried to imagine Gracie out there in the world somewhere, happy and smiling like the woman in the photograph, but another, darker part of me wondered if there was something about how we were raised that made us more prone to obsession. I thought of the crazy-sounding woman I'd spoken to on the phone. The one who turned out to be Gracie. Would finding Cameron make her happy? Or would she simply cling desperately to him, afraid to ever let go?