Sharing Our Stories of Survival: Native Women Surviving Violence (11 page)

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Authors: Jerry Gardner

BOOK: Sharing Our Stories of Survival: Native Women Surviving Violence

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In 1980, I was sexually assaulted by two Indian rapists. After I got home, I went right for my little brother’s room, where I knew he kept his 22-250 rifle. I asked him for the full clip, and he told me where it was—no questions asked. I locked the clip, walked next door, and demanded a neighbor woman take me to town. Again, no questions asked. She drove me all over town and out in the country looking for those perps. If I had found them, I intended to maim them and make them both eunuchs. I didn’t care how long a prison sentence I received because rapists always got away with their crime, especially on the reservation. Moreover, the woman was always made out to look like she asked for it. I made up my mind that these rapists were not going to continue raping women and that no one was ever going to hurt me again!

When I couldn’t find the rapists, I began drinking at the bar. I couldn’t get drunk no matter how much I drank. Finally, at closing time I did something that I never did before. I called one of my older brothers. As soon as I heard his voice, I began to cry and told him that I had been raped. He asked me where I was, directed me to stay there and wait for him; he was on his way. He took me to his home where his wife was waiting for us. Both were comforting, nurturing, and very concerned about me. The next morning my sister-in-law talked me into going to a female physician assistant for an exam. I was shaking uncontrollably and feeling intense shame, but I went through with it. I had contracted a sexually transmitted disease (STD) from one or both of the rapists and was put on medications immediately.

Being on medication for an STD brought back memories from childhood when I had read an article in elementary school about syphilis and related it to the sexual violations perpetrated against me. As I got older, my rage began slowly consuming me. I thought that it must be the last stage of syphilis that was affecting my brain and causing me to have murderous thoughts, experience blackout rages, and be filled with so much hatred. At an early age, I was convinced that I was going insane and that I was dying.

Conclusion

One day, also in 1980, my
ate
(pronounced ah-te), my earthly father, broke a time-honored custom between father and daughter to talk directly to me about my anger. He said to me in Lakota, “My daughter, your anger is hurting a lot of people but, most of all, you are hurting yourself. It’s going to be the hardest thing you ever do in your life, but when someone gets you mad I’m asking you to walk away.” That was all he said, but those words gave me the courage to begin a change in my violent lifestyle. It was extremely hard to de-escalate my anger, but each time I walked away, the stronger I became. The stronger I became, the happier I was. For decades, even though I had felt intense hatred and had a hair-trigger temper, I never did like hurting anyone. When I was able to look inward and quit raging, I was able to see my life more clearly.

I began attending feminist women’s conferences where women of all colors were talking openly about rape. I read and educated myself about issues of rape, but there was little talk or literature about incest. I saw that there were some tribal laws in place to protect women, but nothing specific that addressed abuses like domestic violence or marital rape. There were federal sex-offense laws but they were ineffective and rarely enforced. It was discouraging, to say the least. My thinking at that time was, if white women aren’t even protected by their own nation’s laws, how the heck do Native women expect to be protected under those same laws? Further, if white feminists know little or nothing about Native women on reservations, jurisdictional issues, tribal law, or tribal government, then we can’t expect much help from them. We are just going to have to do our own work! If our own Native leaders are uncomfortable or hostile when it comes to talking openly about rape laws, what then about laws against incest? After more than twenty years of personal healing, I see that we still aren’t much further along today in terms of strong tribal laws addressing the issues of incest and sexual violence.

I have seen many beautiful brochures, videos, curricula, and other educational material, but it is time to do more than just reading, lecturing, or listening to lectures about sexual violence. We need a mass movement of Native women to expand upon the skimpy tribal codes on sexual offenses. Yes, sex offenses are federal jurisdictional cases, but we all know that the cases that prosecutors are sure to win are the ones that are chosen to go to trial. What about those cases that are kicked back to tribal court? We have nothing meaningful in place that puts pedophiles and rapists on notice that they will be held accountable for their crimes against the humanity and sacredness of women and children. Maybe we need to banish them from our homelands for awhile (or forever) in order to make our reservations safe again. Maybe we need to talk openly about incest and the swift consequences against Native men who, in prereservation days, violated natural law. Maybe we need to dig deeper and start by talking about lifting the unwritten taboo that does not allow us to talk about incest.

We desperately need women who are in the thriving stage of their recovery from incest and sexual abuse. We need healthy Native women who can go straight into the minds, emotions, and souls of our women and children to teach them how to revive their own spirit. A spiritually wounded woman will recognize and respond to someone who has been there and back. Our spirits are unbelievably strong and our minds so sharp that we can spot an imposter (a nonthriver) in a millisecond. We will
trust
one of our own in a millisecond as well.

It is extremely difficult to report rape within the kinship system, so the family secret is kept for generations and the sexual violations continue; anger turns to rage; alcohol/drug use escalate the rage into violence; and families align against each other. More often than not the victim is drawn back into the same sick, vicious cycle. It wasn’t an easy path for me to rise above the pain and hurt because toxic shame is like quicksand! Without help, my struggles only drew me deeper into the darkness. My feelings of shame, humiliation, and dirtiness kept me from reaching out for help. I felt like I was the only one that this was happening to. Emotions, like denial, are shock absorbers for the soul and can make it very difficult to think, let alone say, those three powerful words: “I NEED HELP!”

The single most powerful influence that helped me regain my sanity and sense of spirit was the
Inipi,
our purification ceremony that cleanses and renews our spirit. Everything about this simple ancient ceremony touched the deepest, darkest part of my self and melted away decades of hurt, pain, and suffering. I remember the singing of prayer-songs, the beat of the drum (heartbeat of the earth), individual prayers, spirits, gourd, steam, heat, and being cleansed from the inside outward. I listened with my spirit when I was instructed to leave all my heavy burdens inside the
Inipi
(place of purification) and to not look back. I trusted my spiritual brothers and sisters when they taught me that each time we crawl out of the
Inipi
we start life anew. I put my faith in the Great Spirit that night, and I crawled out on my hands and knees in humility, not in humiliation as I had crawled throughout my life.

Today I stand in the light of my spirit because it is a gift from the Creator. I may have crawled on my hands and knees from the onslaught of sexual predators throughout my life, but through the prayers of
ate na Ina
(father and mother) and their never-ending love, support, and firm belief in Lakota culture and spirituality, I am alive today.

Native people were all born into a simple, powerful way of life that was given to us by the Great Spirit. We have songs and ceremonies that remind us how to live as good human beings. We each have roles and responsibilities to fulfill within the family, extended family, community, tribe, nation, world, and the universe. A basic, ever-present reminder is that our actions must match our words, that we practice in our own lives what we preach, that we walk our talk.

If it is taught in Native culture that men are
protectors and providers
for the elderly, the women, and children, then Native men must begin their own healing and do just that—resume their roles as protectors and providers of their families. If it is taught that women and children are sacred, then these horrific sexual violations must STOP! If there are still real chief and warrior societies within our tribes, let them step forward and lead the fight against the incest and sexual violence that is being perpetrated upon the women and children of all red nations. If there are true medicine men in our societies, then let them know true humility and compassion for all people, especially women and children.

Within every cell of our bodies, we women carry the ancient spirit teachings of our mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers, all the way back through the beginning of time. We still have our own natural tribal woman teachings intact; woman healing tears; woman ceremonies; woman touch; woman intellect; woman language; woman song; woman spirit. We can heal wounds inflicted from the sharp edges of a nontribal, linear world. We need not depend on a foreign nation’s feminist movement to retake our place in tribal society.

We are the descendants of a humble and powerful way of life. We are the continuation of
wolakota
, the sacred ways of our tribes, and as such I echo my mother’s words of encouragement to our Native brothers to be good to your sisters!
Mitakuye Oyasiŋ
(all my relations).

Questions

Why does LaPointe choose to teach about sexual violence by telling her own story? How is this style of teaching different from what you are used to reading? Why is it so effective?
What are some of the impacts of sexual violence identified by LaPointe? What are the individual impacts versus social or tribal impacts? Is there a difference?
Why is it so important to understand how sexual violence affects Native women?
How did Pratt’s philosophy of “Kill the Indian, Save the Man” pervade the lives of Indian women and girls? Are the impacts of this still felt today?
What are the differences that Native women experience or face when dealing with sexual assault that non-Native women do not?
Why are feminist models for dealing with sexual violence inadequate for Native women?

In Your Community

What lessons have you been taught about how to treat women and their place within the community?
Does your tribe have codes addressing sexual assault? Do you feel that they are adequate? What improvements need to be made?
Do you agree with LaPointe’s view to start discussing incest within her community even though it is viewed as taboo?
How do women in your community deal with sexual violence and its affects? Where can women and children go if they need help? Are the agencies run by Native women?

Terms Used in Chapter 2