Shark Bait (The Grab Your Pole Series) (34 page)

I looked at Kate as she parked in the back lot of school and sighed. “Shit, Kate. What the fuck do I do know?” I know, apparently I’ve completely kissed my aversion to swearing goodbye…I’m a wreck.

“I don’t know, Camie. That was pretty intense though, wasn’t it? They were both
highly
irritated with each other…I mean I’ve
never
heard them argue with each other like that before. And I had no idea Jeff’s been thinking of you as Tristan’s girlfriend either, that was a huge shock. And trust me, from everything he said that is
definitely
what he believes you are whether Tristan admits it or not.”

“But I’m not. And as much as I really wanted to be, I don’t know if I even
can
be now. Jeff was right, Kate. God, this is such a mess…why can’t he just tell me the damned truth? I mean that would make it so much easier,” I said, rubbing my temples in an effort to assuage the pain from the massive headache that’s brewing. I swear, I haven’t felt like physical crap for so many days in a row since I had Scarlet Fever when I was nine.

“Would it really? I mean before now you thought he was being typical Tristan…hell, I even told you he does this shit all the time, but after hearing all that…? For all intents and purposes, Camie, he cheated on you and that changes things. You get that, right? Even if you guys don’t have a spoken understanding, both Jeff
and
Tristan are looking at what happened as
exactly
that.

“Do you see what I’m getting at? In some kind of warped, undeclared way, Tristan sees himself as your boyfriend, and he cheated on you. This isn’t about trying to
land
him anymore, Camie, it’s about whether or not you’re gonna forgive him and take him
back
. And Camie, from how he sounded to me, he’s utterly and completely guilt ridden over the whole thing,” Kate told me bluntly while searching my face for signs that she was getting through to me.

“Okay, even if you wanna call it cheating and everything that implies, if he came to me and told me the truth about what happened I’d at least know he respects me in some manner of speaking, and I’d have the
opportunity
to forgive him. But you heard him, he’s not going to and as long as he continues to rob me of that, I
can’t
forgive him. I’m not saying I know I could completely get over it for sure, but I’d like to think I could find it in me to extend
some
grace, you know? I mean speaking from experience here, people make mistakes all the time, but what he’s doing
now
is premeditated…it’s like the difference between manslaughter and first degree murder.”

Really, I’d still be crushed about him kissing someone even if it was an accident, but come on, now he’s gonna lie by omission about it? What the hell does he take me for? A complete fool?

“I see your point… Oh shit! Come on, we’re gonna be late again,” Kate said, noticing the time.

The rest of Tuesday sucked almost as much as Monday, but at least I didn’t have to sit next to Tristan in English. Kate took one for the team by letting me sit on the end and taking the cushion next to me, so of course Jeff, whose hands and arms are covered in scratches, grabbed the opportunity to sit next to her during class. All day he’s been throwing Kate these looks that appear to be concern, apprehension, love, and joy all rolled into one. Of course I could be wrong, especially because it seems like such an odd mix, but that’s what it looks like to me.

Oh and one other thing happened on Tuesday… When Melissa, Kate, and I were walking back to the locker room after dance, Zack waylaid me. I caught site of Tristan walking to the boys’ locker room and when his eyes hit us, his body’s forward motion almost propelled him to the pavement when his feet stopped moving.

I should also mention that when I tried to ask Jill about what she heard Saturday night, she was very cagey with her answers but I have no idea why. She flat out refused to tell me how she heard any of what she did. The whole thing was very frustrating but knowing I wouldn’t get anywhere with her if she didn’t want to tell me, I just gave up. What she
did
tell me, though, was that she overheard Tristan tell Jeff exactly what happened when he was getting dry clothes from the bus, but she didn’t how he’d gotten wet in the first place. I’m guessing it was probably the latter part of the punishment for passing out at a party and he was thrown in the pool.

I think it could be said that lunch on Wednesday was a turning point… I’d been pretty much ignoring Tristan all day and I’d been hearing “Are You Happy Now?” by Michele Branch in my head since yesterday, but the tension really became charged when Zack tried his best to dominate my attention the entire thirty minutes of lunch; and he did it right in front of Tristan who was standing
directly
behind me. I could tell from the waves of anger rolling off him that Tristan was becoming livid, but he didn’t say a single word.

Kate and Melissa verified my appraisal of his reaction after school when we were alone in Kate’s car. They both think that Zack is now not only interested in me again, but that he’s also deliberately screwing with Tristan because he knows we had something going on. They’re also assuming he must’ve witnessed me witnessing Tristan’s transgression and that he thinks it’s either over or that he just doesn’t care if it’s not. And at this point, I don’t care what Zack’s reasons are. In addition to all of that, Tristan himself seems to have caught on that everything might not be as right and just in the world as he thought. That or his guilt is eating away at him because I got these texts Wednesday after school:

Tristan:
u mad @ me or something? :-*

Me:
should i be? :-*

Tristan:
no. :-*

Me:
then im not. :-*
(This is the first time I’ve actually lied to him. I’ll be honest; it was hard and it hurt.)

Tristan:
would u tell me if u were? :-*

Me:
of course. :-*
(And that was painful lie number two; it was unfortunately followed by my eyes leaking.)

Thursday saw our little area of English feeling like Antarctica…being that we were all rather frigid with each other. Here’s the order of how we sat; it went Kate, Me, Jeff, Tristan, and there was practically zero communication between any of us, as if the silent treatment reigned supreme. I also strongly suspect there might be more going on with Jeff and Kate than she’s saying right now, but I’m not going to push her for details. I know that when she’s ready, she’ll talk to me.

Like yesterday, Zack cornered me at lunch and again after dance, and you know what? He’s really not all that bad like I’d originally thought. I mean aside from him playing basketball, as it’s really one of my very least favorite sports. I still think he’s mostly using me to piss Tristan off though, and believe me it’s working, but neither Tristan nor I are willing to swallow our pride and fess up to anything that’s going on. I’m still holding out because I’m hoping he’ll just come to me and tell the truth. I really want him to anyway.

Can you tell that I’m not the most emotionally stable person? I keep waffling between being mad, hurt, wanting revenge, and wanting him to just kiss me and make it all better…talk about the proverbial emotional roller coaster.

On Friday however, I thought Tristan was gonna totally lose it…

I sat with Zack and some other people during the pep rally instead of the usual gang that consists of friends like Mike and Pete, both of whom have caught on that something is afoot. They haven’t asked or said anything, but they’re paying attention. And then I received a “pumpkin-gram” from Zack. They’re mini pumpkins that the ASB is selling to raise funds for something or another and students buy them and then have them sent to other students throughout the school day. However, Zack just “happened” to choose the one class I have with Tristan to have mine delivered in.

When the student courier handed it to me, both Jeff and Tristan stared at me. I interpreted Jeff’s pleading expression to say something like “Aw, Camie… you’re gonna kill him if you let this continue,” but Tristan’s look was beyond pissed off and condemning, like everything was
my
fault.

Seeing Tristan’s expression, I met his eyes defiantly and said, “What? I didn’t ask for it you know.”

He made a disgusted sound and rolled his eyes, then meeting mine again he said, “Whatever.” Then he spent the rest of the class and school day fiercely ignoring me.

That night during the football game, I again sat with Zack and some of his friends who I’m finding are more than a little obnoxious. So feeling like I wanted some space, I went to the snack bar on my own, and you could say I was lucky not to have peed myself in surprise when Jeff came out of nowhere, covered my mouth with his hand, and physically dragged me out of line to privately grill me about what was going on.

“Oh my God, Jeff! You scared the shi—”

“Shhh! Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, but I only have a few minutes because he doesn’t know I’m talking to you and he’ll kick my ass if he finds out, so what the hell is going on with you and Zack?” He questioned in a low voice so that no one would overhear him and notice us standing under the bleachers.

“Nothing,” I answered very simply…and more or less honestly.

I’m not really attracted to Zack in the least, but he’s been really nice and I don’t see why we can’t be friends, especially since Tristan appears to be done with me. And just so you know, the knowledge of that very real probability is making my heart cry and bleed because I still want to be with him more than I can stand.

The look he bent on me was one of being wholly unconvinced and pretty damned disappointed at the same time. “That sounds like a load of bullshit…I expected more from you, Camie.” His words echoed his expression and I can’t help thinking that Jeff will make an excellent father at some point…he’s got the guilt trip voice
down pat
.

“Jeff, honestly, there’s really nothing going on with me and Zack. He might like me but I’m not interested in him…besides, I don’t see what the big deal is anyway.” I was again, one hundred percent truthful.

“You and I both understand what’s happening here and don’t pretend you don’t know how much is really at stake either. You can still fix this if you want to you know,” he told me except it sounded a lot more like he was asking me to.

“What’s there to fix?”

I know perfectly well what Jeff’s talking about and I’d be willing to lay some heavy odds that Jeff has figured out that I know about what happened on Saturday, but it sounds like maybe Tristan hasn’t and it doesn’t look like Jeff is going to enlighten him either.

“Oh my God…you’re just as stubborn as he is. I swear to God you guys are gonna fuckin’ implode and it’s gonna be really goddamned ugly because he’s reached boiling point with Zack in the mix. I’m beggin’ you, Camie, please do something… Fuck, go off on him or make him beg if you have to…it’ll be better than how you’re punishing him right now,” Jeff said, confirming my guess about him knowing that I know.

I tried but couldn’t stop it from happening. So while tears filled my eyes and relentlessly spilled down my cheeks, I let Jeff in on my pain and why it’s as bad as it is. “Why should he be let off the hook, Jeff? Huh? Tell me, I really wanna know why because
you
know what he did…Christ, what he’s
still
doing! But you wanna know something else? I’m still crying at night and being lied to about what I
fucking SAW
at that goddamned party Saturday night!
So tell me why
I
should be the one to fix anything when
I’m
the one who’s
still
being hurt?!”

“Son of a bitch…
I knew it
. I told him this was gonna happen and now he won’t listen to a fuckin’ thing I say. Hell, we’re barely even talking... God, Camie, I know how much this must be killing you, too, but he’s in denial and totally blind right now, it
has
to be you. He’s crazy scared but he l—Oh shit, here he comes…I gotta run. Camie please,
please
don’t give up on him yet, please!” Jeff pleaded with me over his shoulder as he took off under the bleachers, leaving me alone with the utmost sincerity and compassion he’d ever spoken to me with still ringing in my ears.

Great. I was finally coming to accept, painfully as it was, that everything with Tristan was over and now Jeff has to go ahead and plead to my conscience, which of course is steered by my heart and that organ hasn’t been functioning properly for almost a week now. I don’t know folks; the jury’s still out on this one...

Oh and one other thing, when I got back in line at the snack bar, I had to cope with the intrinsically uncomfortable sensation of Tristan staring at me. I swear if eyes could actually drill into stuff, I’d be riddled through and through with holes. He didn’t approach me or say anything, but he was certainly communicating some things; he’s angry, hurt, jealous, and on the whole, miserable…definitely
not
happy now. And I say, join the fuckin’ club, pal.

After the game Zack tried to convince me to go to a party with him and when I declined by saying that Kate and I were going to the movies, he tried to insert himself into our plans by suggesting that he and one of his friends come with us. Patiently, I explained that it’s strictly a girl’s night while thinking that not only do I not want to lead him on, but if Tristan were to see me actually leave with Zack, there would be hell to pay and I just don’t think I have the emotional funds to cover that particular check right now.

Our drama aside, I must say that going to the movies with Kate was quite a snack extravaganza. She bought so much freaking junk food, I’m afraid our costumes for tomorrow night won’t fit. I stayed completely away from the licorice and contented myself with Milk Duds, but of course I still dipped into her vast array of crap and by the end of the movie, I felt pretty sick. Kate however appeared to feel fine.

During the course of our evening, I put my jacked-up love life on the back-burner so I could avail myself to being a friend and a listening ear. Even so, Kate wasn’t up to talking a whole lot about her relationship woes. Although she did say that she and Jeff had talked a couple of times. The first time being after she’d heard that voicemail which told me I was right about her puffy eyes being from crying. She also told me that although he wasn’t out of the dog house yet, Jeff promised her that he’s perfectly willing and ready to jump through whatever hoops she holds out for him. I was glad to hear it because that seemed to really make her happy.