Shattered Emotions (8 page)

Present Day

Maddox pressed his hand to his cheek, letting his fingers trace the scar that had been a part of his life for so long that he almost didn’t remember what it was like to not have it.

Almost.

He blinked away the memories of his screams and the girl who had died for him. Countless times he’d almost asked Ellie who she’d been, if Ellie had known the girl who had saved him, but he’d stopped himself in time. He hadn’t wanted to face the memories or the curious looks.

He was pretty sure Ellie didn’t know he’d been in the Central’s den as their prisoner, and he didn’t want to change that. No one except his enemies knew how he’d received his scar, and he wouldn’t change that. He couldn’t burden his family.

Corbin had learned that he’d gotten the wrong twin. Tales of the scarred Omega had reached out far beyond the borders of the Redwood Pack and the legend of how he’d received such a horrific injury grew in falsehoods with each passing year. By the time Corbin had learned it was, in fact, Maddox, not North, who had almost died, too much time had passed to do anything about it. Corbin had been lying in wait for North, and Maddox wouldn’t let anything happen to his twin.

He’d do anything for his twin…even if North had the one thing Maddox so desperately wanted yet could never have.

Maddox had done his best to stop his family from hovering over him. They’d all wanted to know what happened, but he hadn’t told them. As Alpha, his father had even ordered him to tell, and Maddox had disobeyed. The pain to his wolf and fighting the bond between him and his father had been almost as agonizing as the cut, but he had to keep it a secret.

He hadn’t wanted his family to be in danger.

His mother had scolded his father for using the magic against him, and his family hadn’t asked since, as if they’d finally known he wouldn’t say anything—couldn’t say anything.

He’d been right though.

He wasn’t the same man he’d been before his scar.

The bond between him and his Pack seemed to have been turned on full blast since then, and his powers had increased to the point of pain. Instead of a steady increase over time, where he’d have been able to gradually learn to handle it, instead, he’d had to deal with it all at once.

And people wondered why he’d rather be alone most days.

“Maddox?” Ellie asked from his side, pulling him out of his thoughts.

They’d moved to a new location after North had come back letting them know he hadn’t found any other wolves or Caym around. By then, Ellie had walked away to keep guard. She hadn’t even let him stand by her side as she said she’d rather him heal.

His wolf had liked that she’d wanted to take care of him while he’d have rather run and dealt with other things.

Anything other than the feelings that were spreading through him.

She was North’s.

Not his.

He needed to get that through his thick skull.

“Maddox?” Ellie asked again and ran a hand down his arm.

He pulled back as if she’d burned him, not liking the way he craved her touch, her scent and everything about her.

It had been hell to stay away from his mate when they’d been within the den. Now, it was pure torture.

“What?” he snapped then closed his eyes. He needed to stop yelling at her for every single thing, but he couldn’t help it. She had him on edge and wouldn’t leave his side. She should be by North, not sitting by him so he could scent that sweet wolf that his wolf wanted so much.

“You’re lost in thought, and we’re not in the best place to do that,” she said, her voice low but filled with annoyance.

Good. She should be annoyed with him. At least she was learning to fight back; although, he didn’t see her do it with anyone else. Figured he’d be the one she could feel safe yelling at.

“You’re right,” he said after tearing his gaze from hers. “I can smell the rain coming, and we still have a long hike to that cabin.”

Maddox moved to get up, and Ellie put her hand on his side, helping him. He froze at the movement, almost toppling them over. He righted himself and winced as the cut on his shoulder pulled.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked, concern in her gaze as she ran a hand up his side to the bandage.

He pulled back, afraid of her touch. She needed to stop doing that. They’d gone so long not talking and touching, and yet when he’d pulled her behind him to protect her from his own Pack, it had opened a floodgate. He needed to close it immediately.

It would only hurt the both of them—and North—the longer he let it continue.

Maddox pulled away from her touch, ignoring the hurt in her eyes. It was for the best.

“It’s fine. I’m healing.” He moved past, careful not to brush against her. “Thanks for helping,” he added, unable to be the complete ass he needed to be.

“Where exactly is this cabin?” she asked as her steps fell in synch with his.

“Not too far, but we need to get there before the storm. I’m not in the mood to deal with that on top of the tension in the air.”

“Tension? You mean the Centrals, or what’s going on with the three of us?”

He looked over at her sharply and tripped over a root.

“Fuck,” he said as he found his footing again. “Just go away, Ellie.” Please, for both our sakes. “I already told you we aren’t going to be mates, so just leave. I’ll get you to the cabin and make sure the Centrals won’t hurt you. Only because you’re Pack,” he lied, hating himself. His wolf clawed at him, growling, but he ignored it.

She blanched, but she shook her head. “Not good enough, Maddox. Not good enough by far.”

She walked away from him, her back straight and her shoulders stiff.

God, he was an ass.

No, he was worse. He’d hurt the one person he could love, yet he’d had to. He needed her to stay away so she could be happy. She didn’t deserve what he’d bring to her through their bond.

It was too much.

“I always knew you could be hard if you had to be, but I never knew you’d be so cruel.”

Maddox didn’t look toward North, knowing the disappointment on his twin’s face would be too much to handle.

“She’ll be fine,” Maddox said, willing it to happen.

“You’re an idiot, a fucking idiot.”

“You don’t understand, North. Plus, I thought you’d be happy with this whole development.”

If North didn’t form a bond with Ellie…well, Maddox didn’t know what he’d do. The thought of them actually mating, though, made him sick to his stomach.

The fates surely hated him. Omegas weren’t supposed to mate. They were supposed to die alone and in pain and not able to burden others with their so-called gifts.

That’s the way it had always been, and he wasn’t about to change that.

Lightning arched across the sky, and Maddox held back a shiver. The gods seemed to have opened a faucet, and the clouds burst, rain pelting them in heavy sheets, causing their coats to drench and everything else to stick to their skin.

“We need to get to shelter!” Maddox yelled over the wind and rain as he ran to Ellie’s side. She didn’t know the way, only the general direction, so he needed to be the one who led.

“Maddox, wait up,” North shouted as he jogged toward them. “What the hell did you mean back there?”

Maddox looked at his brother as if he’d lost his mind. Really? Like this was the best time to talk about this shit?

“We need to get to the cabin or at least somewhere where we don’t get drenched more than we are,” Maddox said over the wind as he picked up his pace, Ellie by his side.

“No, we’re going to get this out in the open now,” North argued even as he kept up his stride.

“You’re kidding, right?” Maddox shook his head, trying to get the rain out of his eyes. “We need to get out of here.”

“What did you mean that I should be happy that you’re treating Ellie like shit?” North asked, his eyes glowing gold as his voice shook with what could only be anger.

“North, let it go,” Ellie said, and Maddox whipped his head around to look at her.

“Finally, some sense. Let’s get going.” He sped up, practically running through the forest as the rain pelted him.

He didn’t want to have this conversation ever—even if his father had decreed it. They’d have their words, and then North would leave with Ellie, finally able to be her protector and mate. Maddox would stay behind and watch it happen. He’d watched the rest of his brothers mate one by one, having to deal with every single ounce of happiness, angst, and pain that went with falling in love, and he was so fucking happy he wouldn’t have to feel it with North and Ellie.

He’d never have to feel their happiness, their joy, their elation…none of it.

Oh, he’d have to sit back and watch it and pretend everything was okay even when he wanted to jump off a cliff, but he’d deal with it.

He always had in the past, and he wouldn’t stop now.

He ignored North’s and Ellie’s shouts from behind him, though he knew they were running, trying to keep up.

“Maddox, stop running away from us,” North bellowed. “Dad told us to deal with this, and yeah, the rain sucks, but we can’t keep going on like we are.”

Maddox stopped, his chest heaving, not from the exertion, but from his own desire not to do this. He couldn’t tell Ellie what he felt, and he damn well couldn’t tell North.

It wasn’t as if he’d done such a remarkable job hiding it recently anyway.

He didn’t turn because he couldn’t stomach looking at them. They’d be perfect for each other. Ellie deserved the unblemished twin, the one who could help her heal with his grace and ability to aid those in need.

Maddox couldn’t help her…he wasn’t worthy enough.

Why else would the fates block her emotions from him?

“Maddox,” Ellie said, her voice low but loud enough to be heard over the storm.

God, he wanted to hear her say his name in the heat of passion when he’d lay her down and fill her so she’d be his. He wanted to make sure she forgot everything that had ever happened to her at the hands of her brother and the demon that was a blight on this plane.

He wanted to be the one who held her when she broke and helped her heal the fractures that never seemed to heal with words alone.

He wanted to be the one who filled her belly with their child and watched her grow round.

He wanted to be the one who made her smile, made her laugh, made her everything she wanted to be.

Maddox swallowed hard. No, that couldn’t be him.

He’d been foolish to think that it could be.

Maybe if North hadn’t also been her mate, he would have been able to find a way, but when she had a perfectly good choice that wouldn’t break her, he didn’t stand a chance. There was no other reason that North and Ellie had taken to each other so well. They had to be mates.

He couldn’t take that chance.

“Maddox,” Ellie repeated. “Just talk to us, talk to me. We’ll get out of the storm soon, but can’t you see that you’re hurting us and yourself?”

Maddox closed his eyes and let her words wash over him. “We need to go,” he said, his words vacant.

“Talk to us, Mad,” North said as he placed his hand on Maddox’s uninjured shoulder.

“You two are going to be fine. I’ll deal with everything on the outside to make sure nothing happens to you, but leave me be.”

Let me be alone.

“What are you talking about?” Ellie asked.

Maddox gave a hollow chuckle. “You two can go and mate and live happily ever after. Stop waiting around to see what I will do. I know you’re not bonded yet because you’re afraid you’ll hurt me, but you’re only hurting each other. Cement that bond and be together. I’m fine with it.”

Ellie gasped, and he turned to her, not able to hold back. Though the rain was hitting them in sheets, he could tell the tracks of rain running down her cheeks were mixed with tears.

“How…how could you think that?” she asked, her voice shaking.

“I see the way you two are together,” he said, ready to get it all out in the open so they could leave and he could find whatever semblance of peace possible.

“No, you don’t,” Elle argued, her voice heating. “You don’t see anything. I can’t believe you’d think I’d do that. How could your wolf even think that? I knew you were pulling away for some reason, but I never thought it was because you thought I’d want anyone else but you. God, can’t you see we’re supposed to bond? I don’t get how you could do this.” She ran past him in the direction of the cabin, and he stood frozen.

“Ellie!” North yelled. “Stay where you are. We don’t want to split up, even if my brother is a fucking idiot.”

Ellie stopped about twenty feet head of them, her shoulders shaking.

North turned toward Maddox and punched him in the face. Pain ricocheted in his cheek, and Maddox cursed, spitting out blood.

“What the fuck?”

“Why the hell didn’t you say anything?” North asked.

“I thought it was obvious.”

Hadn’t it been?

“Ellie isn't my mate.”

“What? No, you’re wrong. I’ve seen the way you two are. You’re always together. I stood back because you two need each other.”

No, North had to be wrong.

North shook his head. “We’ll get back to your actions in a minute. She's yours, Mad. My wolf feels for her.”

Maddox growled. Hell, he’d been saying the same thing for months, but he didn’t need to hear it from North. His brother had just said Ellie wasn’t his mate, and now, he claimed his wolf had feelings for her?

What the hell?

North held up his hands. “No, not that way. My wolf wants to make sure she's protected, warm, while your wolf heals. He knows that you’re her mate and that you need her. But he doesn't want her to be alone.”

“I don't understand,” he whispered over the wind, though his brother was close enough that he’d have heard him.

Ellie wasn’t North’s?

What did that mean?

North have a hollow laugh. “We're connected, Mad. We're bothers, twins, two halves of a whole. I can't be happy unless you are. Your happiness lies within Ellie, and I can't sit back and watch the two of you hurt each other. That's why I was there. That's why I took her under my wing. Not because I loved her like you should or do, but because she makes you a better wolf.”