Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (7 page)

“FUCK!  I got
taken out by a fucking girl?!”  He picks himself off the floor and walks away
with his head in his hands.
 Sucker
.

A rush of
adrenaline hits me.  I feel powerful.  With heartache pushed to the backburner,
I scramble to get my head in the game.  Right here, right now, nothing else
matters except the knowledge that my teammates need me.  There is a lot in my
life that I have no control over, but in this moment, in this game, I can
control the outcome.  I can rise above the fear and come out victorious.  I may
not be able to win at life, but I can win at this.

~~~~~

I’m sweaty and
bruised by the time the matches are over, but it was the best hour I’ve had in
weeks.  The first time since my visit to New York that I’ve felt alive. 
Running around, laughing and scared, brought me back to life.  Made me realize
I haven’t stopped breathing.

Regardless of
the emptiness and fear I feel on a daily basis, this rough, mindless game gave
me something back; a reminder that my life isn’t over.  I’ve loved, loved with
all of my heart and in the end, love wasn’t enough, but at least I’ve had that
once in a lifetime love.  Most people don’t get to say the same.  And even
after all the turmoil, my heart still beats.  From afar, I have the chance to
love Alex.  I have control over guaranteeing his and Nana’s safety and today,
this was a reminder that I made that choice, not for me, but for them.  A
choice that I have to live with, but, it’s
my
choice.

Bumping my
shoulder, Bryan’s wide grin initiates my smile.  He knew what I needed; somehow
he knew that this ridiculous game would bring me out of my funk.  I have to
thank him.  But first, I have to find out, “Bryan, what did you mean that you
know about me and Alex?”

Watching him
with curious eyes, I have to catch myself from bouncing in my seat waiting to
find out what he knows.  I know he’s searching my eyes, to make sure of what,
I’m not sure.  Maybe it’s to make sure my heart can handle any sort of
knowledge about Alex without losing myself.  I don’t know.  But, whatever he
saw, he must know I’m ok.  Or, at least that I’m not going to go all crazy on
his ass in public.  Because after what felt like hours, but in reality was only
a few seconds, he decides to answer me. 

“He called me
last night and I met up with him for a drink.  I know that if he’s taking it
this hard, you must…well, I figured you might need something to get your mind
off of things.”

Bryan saw Alex. 
Bryan was with Alex.  My Alex.  I’m tempted to ask him about their
conversation, but what could he tell me that I don’t already know.  And
unfortunately, I know more than both of them.  So, there’s really only one
thing I
have
to ask.  “Is he okay?”

“I’d be lying if
I said that I haven’t seen him better.  He loves you…you know that right?”  I
nod and look away.  “Is it this new guy you’ve been seeing?”

Whipping my head
to face Bryan, I glare at him for even mentioning such a ridiculous notion. 
“Bryan…I love him.  It’s not because of another guy; it’s just not our time. 
Did Alex say that I’m seeing someone else?”

Bryan avoids my
question, but thankfully understands me enough that he knows I won’t elaborate
any further.  But, instead of completely dropping it like I assumed he would,
he adds his own two cents.  “Elyssa, this isn’t the end for you guys.  I think
you’ll find your way back to one another.  Maybe not now, but eventually you
will.”

Nudging him, I
lean my head on his shoulder and sigh.  “Since when did you get all
sentimental?”

“Since your
sister came into my life.”  I smile up at him as we watch the guys remove their
gear and mock the other team. 

With a knowing
smirk, Trevor approaches.  “You guys want to grab something to eat?” 

“Absolutely,” I
answer before Bryan even has a chance to think of a response.  It’s been long
enough that I’ve wallowed in my pain.  I’m done with the pouting and I’m ready
to see the other side of my life story. 

Monday, November 19, 2012

*Love is in the
air.  I can feel it.  He’s baaack.*

Irritatingly
optimistic, while a great quality in a friend, a horrible facet when trying to
get over said love.  But, instead of reading Janice’s text and scampering for
the hills, I’m like a meerkat popping my head above my cubicle wall for a
glimpse of Alex.  A complete glutton for punishment, I know. 

Up until now, my
sad attempts have been futile, only seeing him from afar.  But, just as I was
about to give up my bobbing and weaving, because frankly I was getting a little
sick, my luck changed.  When I got up to grab a fax, I caught the very
exquisite, very toned, backside of Alex as he walked toward the conference
room.  Unfortunately, as fast as my temperature rose to the nth degree, the immediate
pang of disappointment zapped me back to reality when I realized he had every
opportunity to turn towards me, and didn’t. 

Not that I can
blame him, not after our last exchange.  In fact, I should be the one ignoring
him after how he reacted at my presence. 
Yah right, like I could ignore
him.

Before Alex came
back, I had become a robot; the same mindless routine day in and day out.  It’s
mindboggling how much your body becomes accustomed to the dull ache pining away
in your chest.  My senses were numb to everything.  But now, now I don’t know
how I lived without him.  With only the slight possibility of being able to see
him, to be in the same room, the same situations as him, it stirs excitement
and anxiety in one big ball of emotion.  It’s as if my body and mind are at war
with one another, such conflict raging inside of me is exhausting. 

I’ve felt the
suffocation of missing him every moment of every day since his departure.  And
even though it’s only been a few days, I’m already basking in the deep breaths
of assurance knowing he’s near.  His gravitational pull is so immensely strong;
Alex has become as essential to me as breathing. 

And near he is. 
Finally.  Dressed in a simple black suit with matching skinny tie, my breath
hitches when I see him out of the corner of my eye.  His thick, tousled silky
brown hair is longer, ultimately causing my fingers to ache.  With a devilishly
sexy smirk, Alex stalks in my direction.  I turn in my chair, trying
desperately to focus on my keyboard, hands shaking as I stare at the black
keys.  With one look, one spark, he controls the constant aching in my core,
something which has been dormant since he left.  Further detailing that he owns
my body.  My heart.  My soul. 

I know he’s
close, so close I can feel my body tremble for him.  I’ve been patiently waiting
in anticipation all morning, and now that he’s near I want nothing more than to
swivel my chair and face him, to stand up to him, to make him believe he has no
affect on me.  But instead, I crumble when he whispers, “Elyssa.”  My eyes
flutter, and when I finally take the chance to turn to face him, I’m floored. 
His pouty lips perk up in a dimpled grin, body language completely at ease. 
The opposite of how I left him on Thursday night. 

“Hi,” I whisper
in doubt.  If I can hear the quivering in my voice through the simple greeting,
I know he can as well.

A hint of nerves
stretch across his body, showing off his tense muscles hidden underneath his
tailored suit as he crosses his arms.  His jaw line taut, “I need a favor.” 
His begging tone in combination with his puppy dog eyes makes ‘yes’ an
inevitable answer.

“Sure…anything.” 
I
would
do anything for him.  Well, anything within my power.

Watching me
closely, waiting in anticipation, his scorching eyes burn into me, testing my
weakness for him.  “I need you to stay late and help me catch up.” 

And there it
is.  If I didn’t know he was my weakness before, I do now.  I should say no. 
No one in my position should say yes.  It will lead to expectations and drama
we both need to stay clear of.  But, the woman in me, the one that wants to
take care of him for eternity, knows what his past week has cost him.  His work
load must be absolutely crazy after the week away taking care of Nana.

I also know this
is a disaster waiting to happen; a never wavering slow moving truck, headed
right in my direction.  I shake my head clear of all this nonsense.  Of course
I can do this.  I can help him and retain some sort of self control over my
raging hormones.  I can be selfless through this difficult time without
crossing the lines that I, no we, have a tendency to blur.

But, I at least
need to give him one more chance to back out knowing what a colossal fuck up
this might turn into.  “Alex, are you sure you want me…”

“Yes, I want
you…” his voice trails off as I close my eyes. 
I want you too, Alex. 
“I
need you…”  Shaking his head he looks down at the ground with a grin.  It seems
no matter what words he uses, the underlining meaning is always there.

Make the pain go
away; make the hurt stop.  Please…
  “Ok…I’ll help,” I whisper, fidgeting
with my fingers.

“Thanks.  Meet
me in my office at five.” 
His office?!  Shit! 

~~~~~

Frozen where I
stand, I take in the sight of him.  Door left open, he isn’t aware I’ve reached
his office.  And I thank the lucky stars he hasn’t.  His suit jacket is slung
over the back of his black leather office chair, no longer sporting his slim
black tie.  Instead, he looks comfortable with the two top buttons of his dress
shirt undone, sleeves rolled up to his elbows. 

When his eyes
drift open to meet mine, my body melts while I attempt to tame the cowering
beast inside.  Although anxious, I shake it off with a small nervous wave as I
approach his desk. 
You can do this, Ely.

The ache between
my legs grows as I inch closer and fight the desperate urge to reach out and
wrap my arms around him.  These dangerous thoughts force me to delve into the
last time we were together.  New York.  New York was incredible, impulsive, and
nothing short of amazing.  I can still feel his lips brushing aggressively
against my skin, his hands urgently running across the length of my body.  I
can feel it as if it were yesterday…

“God,
I’ve missed you,” his voice quivers as his mouth runs along the curve of my
neck.  “I’ve thought of you every second since I left.”

“Shhh…Alex…don’t
speak.  Just kiss me.”  I grip the back of his head, forcing his lips to mine. 
I relish this moment of perfection knowing it’s only for tonight. 

Seeing
Alex in the lobby of the hotel was a blessing and a curse.  No words exchanged,
just a look.  One look was all it took and the moment our eyes met the weeks of
isolation and avoidance vanished.  Time spent with Oliver were a distant memory
and all I wanted was him.  The electricity between us unquestionable, my legs
moved before my mind could catch up.  And by that time I was already in Alex’s
arms.  I don’t even remember how we got to his room, but the moment we were
behind closed doors our reunion turned pornographic.

Lifting
me, Alex pins me against the wall, hands traveling up my thighs pushing up my
skirt, fingers digging painfully into the skin of my ass.  A moan escapes my
lips before taking his mouth, sucking on his bottom lip, teasing his tongue
with mine.  With a deep growl, Alex brushes his fingers against my aching core
before ripping my panties, discarding them to the floor.

His
fingers find my wet core and my body immediately begins to tremble when they
glide along my folds.  After weeks without him, my body reacts to his absence
by grinding against his strong hand. 

“Alex…”
I moan, running my tongue along the stubble of his chin.

“I
fucking love you…” he growls as his nails dig deeper into my skin.

My
heart swells with emotion at his simple words.  I bite my bottom lip while Alex
focuses on my breasts.  Pulling down the neck of my blouse he pushes down the
top of my bra, exposing my nipple.  He takes it into his mouth, sucking
aggressively, moaning against my flushed skin. 

“Say
it.  Even if you have to lie to me…say it.”

Closing
my eyes, I tip my head back breathing in his musky scent and feel the rising
pleasure with each lap of Alex’s hot tongue against my sensitive skin.  “What
Alex…I’ll say anything just please, please don’t stop…”

Lifting
his head from my rising chest, I sigh in disappointment from the lost warmth of
his mouth.  As I look into his eyes I see the torture of the past couple of
weeks reflected back at me.    I’ve hurt him, I’m hurting him now, but I can’t
stop.  This feels right.  Leaning in, Alex softly kisses my lips before resting
his forehead against mine.  So tender my heart splinters.  “Tell me you still
love me.  I don’t know what’s going on in your head, but I need to hear it.”

“Hey…” 
I reach up grasping the sides of his face forcing him to look at me.  “It’s not
a lie.  I don’t have to lie.  I do love you.  I know it seems like…” my voice
trails off as Alex interrupts me, his mouth crashing down on mine.