Shattered (Shattered #1) (13 page)

I moved up, and sat next to
her as I spread my treasures in front of her. She’d kept books upon books of my
accomplishments growing up. They started with honor roll certificates and
report cards, but soon morphed into ribbons and newspaper articles about the latest
record I’d broken.

“I remember these,” she
smiled softly as she ran her fingers along the edge of the leather binding.
“Where’d you find them?”

“Closet,” I fought to keep
my voice steady. “I thought you might want to look at them.”

“Sounds nice,” she sighed as
she placed her book beside herself.

We spent the next several
hours looking through the albums. Pictures upon pictures of milestones in my
life graced the pages. First steps, first haircut, first birthday…then they
moved on to first race, first meet, first ribbon, first time I broke a record.
Prom, graduation, announcements of my invitation to join the Olympic team.
Every bright moment I’d had in my life was confined to these leather bound
albums. My mom, my number one fan, had made sure that everyone who she knew,
knew what a success I was. The love and care that was put in to creating them
was slowly breaking my heart.

As I closed the last one, I
noticed the fatigue my mom was fighting. She had been yawning for a while but
had kept talking to me. We hadn’t had an afternoon like this in forever, and I
knew that she was trying to prolong it as much as possible.

“Why don’t you get some
rest? I’ll go put these away,” I tried to smile as I turned toward her.

“Ok honey,” she nodded as
she slid down in the bed. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom. I’ll
see you in the morning,” I leaned forward and placed a kiss on her forehead as
she closed her eyes and drifted into a peaceful sleep.

If I had known what the next
day would bring, I never would have left the room.

Chapter 13

Nick

2 weeks later…

It had been nine days since we buried Leah’s mom. Nine days since I sat
in the church trying to make sense of what was really happening. Mr. Carmichael
was doing better than anyone had expected. A sadness had settled over him, but
he was fighting his way through the grief. He’d told me one day that he’d had
thirty years with his wife, and he was thankful he’d found her.

Neighbors had been bringing food by for days. I don’t really understand
the purpose in that. I mean, most people have no desire to eat when they’re
grieving, but that seems to be when everyone wants to feed you.

Leah had spent every day locked in her room. I was closely coming to a
breaking point. I had no idea how to get her to snap back to reality. It was
like she thought that it wouldn’t be real if she stayed hidden away and didn’t
talk about it. Her dad and I were worried along with most of our friends. I’d
been neglecting my team as well as my brother to stay with Leah. I wasn’t even
sure on some days if she knew I was there. Today for instance, I went up to her
room with breakfast, and she wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence.

ooooooooo

“I think it’s time she talk to somebody about this,” I sighed as I put
the uneaten food back in the fridge.

“Yeah, I agree,” Mr. Carmichael sighed. “This isn’t like her.”

“I’m gonna need some help getting her there. You know she’s going to
hate me for this,” I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut.
Leah was going to go nuts at the idea of seeing a shrink. Her coach made her
see one after her accident, and she wouldn’t stop complaining about it for
months afterward.

“I’ll help you,” he grimaced. “I owe it to her mother to get her past
this. How do you plan to get her out of the room?”

“By force if I need to,” I shook my head. I didn’t like the idea of
forcing Leah to do anything, but she was in such a dark place right now that
she wasn’t thinking rationally.

ooooooooo

Leah

I don’t how to explain the darkness that seemed to settle over me. Nick,
my dad, Avery, they were all trying to pull me from it, but I just didn’t care
anymore. My mom was gone…that wasn’t going to change. The idea of moving on,
acting as if I wasn’t breaking apart on the inside, I just couldn’t do it. I
had no desire to do it. Maybe that was the real issue. I just didn’t care
anymore.

The day we buried her was the hardest day of my life. I look back at it,
as if it were a dream. A horrible nightmare that I wish I could wake up from.
We had her laid to rest in our church’s cemetery. Pink roses, Mom’s favorite,
had been draped everywhere. Amazing Grace floated through the air from the
church organ, as afternoon sun shone through the windows. The church had been
full of friends and family, but none of that mattered to me. The fact that I
was going to have to go through life without my mom was all I could think
about. All the things she was going miss…me getting married, having a baby…she
was going to miss it all.

 
Every time you think you might be
ready for something, think again. When I was told that I would probably never run
competitively again, I thought that was the worst moment in my life. I thought
nothing could possibly be worse. No amount of pain or despair could top that
moment when I was lying in a hospital bed surrounded by my teammates. I was so
wrong on so many levels. The pain that ripped through my chest when they
carried my mom out of our house and placed her in a silent ambulance…that was
way worse. To know that there was no hurry to get to the hospital because there
was nothing they could do. I felt like my chest had been split open, and
someone was squeezing my heart in a tight fist. I still don’t know how my dad
did it. How he kept it together. I haven’t seen him cry yet.

ooooooooo

As I rolled onto my side placing my back to the bedroom door, I heard it
creak open. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head. I didn’t want to deal
with Nick or anyone else at the moment.

“Leah, whether you want me here or not, I’m coming in,” Nick’s voice was
stern.

“Go away. I don’t want to talk to you,” I groaned from under the covers.

“No, you’ve been left alone enough. Your dad and I are worried about
you. You need to talk to someone,” he hedged.

I could hear him moving closer to the bed and felt it dip with his
weight. He pulled the covers back, and stared at my face. “I’m not leaving
until you talk to me.”

“About what,” I snapped.

“Leah…” he begged. “I know you’re hurting. I’m trying to help you.”

“I don’t need any help. I need my mom, and you can’t give her back to me
so I don’t see a need to talk to you about anything.” I knew what I said was
cruel, but I really didn’t care. I wanted Nick to go away, and being a bitch to
him seemed to be the only way for it to happen. I had hoped that he would give
up, but so far my efforts had failed.

“You don’t mean that,” he whispered as he reached up to cup my cheek.

“Oh yeah,” I barked back. “What do I mean then Nick? You know me so
well. I mean, I would never do something unexpected, right? Like leave town?”

Nick recoiled as a coldness settled in his eyes. I had hit the mark.
Finally…a real reaction, one that I could work with…anger. He shook his head
and narrowed a glare at me. “I’ve taken enough abuse from you Leah. I love you,
and I don’t know how to prove that to you.” He stood and walked over to the
door before turning back in my direction, “Your dad and I made an appointment
for you to talk to someone. You’re going to go even if I have to carry you
there. Get up, take a shower, and be downstairs in twenty minutes, or I’m going
to take you looking like that.”

He stepped into the hallway, and slammed to door shut behind him. The
last time I’d seen him walk away like that was the night we broke up. That
night seemed like a lifetime ago.

I looked down at myself. I was wearing a pair of sweat pants, and a
stained t-shirt. I don’t think I’d changed clothes in four days. I did kinda
smell. My hair was a ratty mess, and I had streaks down my face where I had
cried off my makeup. I had absolutely no desire to shower or change.

ooooooooo

I made my way into the bathroom, and tossed some clean clothes onto the
counter. Nothing fancy, just some jeans and a t-shirt. I turned the shower on
as hot as I could stand it, and waited for it to warm up. When steam began to
fill the tiny room, I stripped out of my clothes, and stepped in. As the hot
water hit my body, I began to slowly relax. I didn’t realize how weak, and worn
I felt. I’d been in bed for so long, and turned food away so many times that I
looked malnourished, and I ached from laying in the same position for such a
long amount of time. As I relaxed, and let the water run over me my grief
surged to the surface. Soon tears streamed down my face mixed with the shower
water.

My sobs had started quiet, but as I felt two strong arms wrap around me
from behind, I knew that they had gotten louder.

“Shhh,” Nick whispered into my ear as he tucked a wet strand of hair
back away from my face. “I’ve got you.”

I sagged against him, and let him hold me up. I couldn’t believe after
what I said to him that he was still here. I was so mean trying to drive him
away, and here he was helping me.

“I’m sorry,” I sobbed as I turned to bury my face in his chest.

“It’s ok,” he whispered. “Can you stand up? I’ll wash your hair.”

I nodded and braced my hands on the wall as Nick lathered up my hair.
When I felt his fingers massaging my scalp, I let my eyes drift close. It felt
so good. I’d showered with boyfriends before, but never Nick. We were so young
when we were together the first time that we had never experienced this sort of
intimacy. The thought that my dad was downstairs didn’t even occur to me until
Nick mentioned it.

“Your dad had to run to the store. I told him I’d watch you,” he placed
a kiss to my cheek as he turned me under the water to rinse my hair out.

“Mmmm,” I sighed as the water caused the bubbles to cascade down my
body.

Once he had conditioned my hair, Nick grabbed my scrubby and began
soaping it up. He slowly drug it over my entire body taking his time to make
sure every inch was washed. If it were under different circumstances, I’m sure this
shower would have led to something else, but right now…this comfort he was
offering…it was all my fragile state of mind could take.

ooooooooo

As we rode into Washburn, the next town over, I worked to convince
myself that this was a good idea. I knew deep down somewhere that I needed the
help, I think I was just so lost that I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“It’s gonna get better. You’ll see,” Nick murmured as he reached across
the seat, and squeezed my knee.

“Mmmm hmmmm,” I nodded absently as I continued to stare out the window
at the countryside. “Can’t get worse,” I sighed.

“Leah…” Nick huffed. “I’m just trying to help.”

“Yeah well…I’m going aren’t I? I mean you didn’t give me much of a
choice,” I turned to glare at him as the anger began to flare again. I’m not
really sure where this hostility toward Nick was coming from, but anything was
better than the sadness that I seemed to be drowning in lately.

“Just give it a chance…ok?” he begged. “That’s all I’m asking for…a
chance.”

“Yeah, whatever,” I rolled my eyes and slumped against the truck window
once again putting as much emotional distance as I could between us.

ooooooooo

“So how are you feeling today, Miss Carmichael?” Dr. Bertram asked.

“How do you think?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

“That’s why I’m asking you. I want to know,” he tried again.

“Well let’s see...” I tapped my finger on my chin and smirked at him. I
did not want to be here, and being a bitch seemed to be the only way for me to
cope these last few days. “My mom is dead, my dreams are non-existent, and I
have no future. That just about sums it up. I feel great!” I waved my arms in
the air with the fakest smile I could muster before slumping back in the chair,
and crossing them over my chest.

“Sounds like you’ve had a rough couple of months,” he nodded. “And you
can call me Joe.”

“Months? Try years…I’ve been dealing with having a crap life for years,”
I scowled.

“Really? Can you hear yourself right now? I don’t think things were as
bad as you think they were. I understand that the loss of you mother has
upended your world, but I think you need to put things in perspective.”

“Like what?” I sighed as a tear began to trickle down my cheek. I swiped
at it angrily, and shifted in my chair.

“You had two loving parents who would do anything for you. They’ve
always supported your dreams. From what I know, the whole town supported you.
You have a man sitting out there who obviously cares about you, otherwise he
wouldn’t be here. Am I right?”

I nodded and wiped at my eyes again. I knew that I was being ridiculous
in some ways, I just didn’t know any other way to cope. “Yeah,” I glanced
around the small office I was sitting in, and noticed a picture on the wall of
a little boy. He looked to be about eight. “Is that your son?” I pointed, and
Joe nodded. “He’s cute. Now imagine that you sacrificed all your free time, and
money to help him follow his dreams. Then, just when he was about to reach
them, they all crashed down. He comes home to see you after he’s been away for
years. Not days or months, but years. Only to find out that he’s missed all the
time he had left with you because you’re dying. You tell me, what you would
tell him, then maybe I can start to understand what it is everyone wants from
me.”