Shattered (Shattered #1) (12 page)

Nick approached me from behind and placed his hand on my lower back
bringing me out of my memories, “Everything ok?”

I nodded and offered a weak smile, “Yeah. Just thinking.”

He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer as we walked up
the front steps. When we reached the front door, it swung open before I could
knock.

“Leah,” my dad offered a tight smile. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to come see Mom,” I wrapped my arms around him in a tight hug,
and kissed him on the cheek.

“She’ll be happy you stopped by. She’s upstairs. Go ahead,” he pointed
up the stairs and moved to close the door behind us.

ooooooooo

When I reached the top of the stairs, I knocked lightly before pushing
open the door to my mom’s room. When I stepped in, her bright smile greeted me.
Something was off, but I couldn’t place it yet.

“Leah, what a pleasant surprise,” she smiled a smile that didn’t quite
reach her eyes.

“Mom, you’re looking better,” I moved to sit on the edge of the bed as
Mom placed the book she was reading beside her.

“How are you feeling?”

“Oh, I’ve been better. The meds the doctors have me on make me feel
awful. Today’s been good though. I’ve been able to eat more.”

“Has Dad been doing better with the cooking,” I joked.

“It’s been a lot of soup lately,” Mom grimaced.

“So what have the doctors been saying? Does it look like this is going
to go into remission any time soon?”

Mom twisted her hands together in front of her and bit down on her lip.
I could tell she was hiding something. She was a bad liar just like me.

“Mom?” I felt my voice tremble as I watched her blue eyes fill with
sadness.

“It doesn’t look good honey. They say that it’s spreading,” she glanced
up at me and shook her head.

“Mom?” I could feel the tears coming.

I shook my head, and stood from the bed. This was not happening. How
could this be happening? Today was supposed to be a good day. Nick and I were
back together, my mom was on new medication…

“Oh honey,” my mom reached for me as I staggered backward. “Wait! Talk
to me,” she begged.

I continued to move toward the door in daze. This had to be a dream. God
was not going to take my Mama. He’d taken enough from me over the last five
years. He couldn’t have her.

Before the tears turned into sobs, I turned and bolted down the stairs,
and right out the front door. I could hear my dad’s calls and Nick’s steps
thundering after me.

“Leah wait!” Dad yelled, but I kept moving until I broke into a full
sprint down the side walk in the direction of the park.

ooooooooo

Nick

After Leah disappeared upstairs, Mr. Carmichael ushered me into the
living room. He offered me a seat, and began to pace in front of me. I could
tell that something was wrong, but I was not prepared for what he was about to
tell me.

He looked up at me with anguish marring his features as he blurted out,
“She’s dying!”

My mouth dropped open as disbelief flooded me. How was this happening
right now? I come over here all the time to visit. The last time I was here I
was told that the treatments were working.

“How?” I choked out.

“We’ve known for a while,” he mumbled. “Just didn’t want to face it I
guess. She has her good days and bad ones.”

I placed my elbows on my knees, and dropped my head into my hands.
Reality was slowly sinking in.

“This is going to kill her,” I mumbled as I thought about what this was
going to do to Leah. “I can’t protect her from this.”

“I know Son,” Mr. Carmichael came over and sat beside me. “She’s gonna
need you more than ever right now.”

Before I could gather my thoughts on exactly what I was going to be
faced with, Leah came barreling down the stairs and flew out the door.

“Leah wait,” her dad called just as I leapt to my feet to run after her.

I chased her the three blocks it took to get to the local park. Nothing
could prepare me for what I found. Leah was collapsed in a pile under a maple
tree. Our maple tree, the one where we always met after she would finish
practice. Her arms were crossed over her knees with her face buried. Her
shoulders were heaving as the sobs poured out of her, and her anguished cry
ripped through the quiet spring air.

When she came back, she was broken. Now…this was going to shatter her.
How was I going to put her back together? How was I going to fix this?

Chapter
12

Nick

3 Months Later…

As we sat together and
watched Mrs. Carmichael slowly fade away, I couldn’t help but notice that Leah
was fading too. It was like the life was being sucked out of her, and there was
nothing I could do but watch. Things had changed completely for her. The life
that she thought she was coming home to, was vastly different than the one she
was actually living in.

I was slowly realizing that
Leah was not going to be the same after this. She’d given up so much in her
life to try and reach her dreams, and yet every time she thought she was close,
the universe seemed to have other ideas. After some convincing, Mr. Brody, our
school’s principal agreed to let Leah take a leave of absence. She hadn’t
wanted to at first, but her heart and mind just weren’t into coaching at the
moment. Once her schedule had cleared, she spent pretty much every waking
moment at her parent’s house. Avery and I had been taking turns staying with
her, but I’m not really sure if it even registered that we were there. Leah was
numb. She went through the motions, but she reacted as a robot would.

“You need to eat something,”
I begged as I brought her a sandwich.

 
She’d been sleeping in her old room. Being
back here was surreal. The happy as well as the sad memories that this room
held seemed to permeate the air. I remember countless nights of climbing the
tree outside her window so I could sneak into her room. When I glanced around
at all the ribbons hanging on the wall along with pictures of us, I couldn’t
help but smile.

“I need to take it down,”
she mumbled as she rolled over to put her back in my direction.

“Why?” I touched her
shoulder.

This detached version of her
was the only one I’d been able to get to talk to me recently.

“It’s not real. None of it
matters anymore,” she replied in a monotone voice. “Leave me alone.”

“I think I’ve done enough of
that lately Leah. Don’t do this…don’t push me away.”

“Go away Nick! I don’t want
to talk to you,” she gritted out.

“Fine,” I snapped.

I’d been dealing with this
for weeks now. Avery had put up with her abuse, and so had I. The only person
she seemed to be able to talk to was her mother. She’d been in and out of
consciousness lately though, so their talks had been getting few and far
between.

Leah’s mom had stopped
taking her medication. She had claimed that it made her feel worse, and if she
was going to die anyway, what was the point. I understood where she was coming
from, but Leah didn’t. They’d argued just the other night that she needed to
fight this. Leah had stomped into her room like a petulant child, and that’s
where things ended. She’d yet to come out other than to shower, and, of course,
her mom had been stuck on bed rest for a while.

I sighed when I reached her
door, and turned to face her back that was still turned toward me, “I don’t know
how to get through to you. I love you, you know that? I would do anything for
you. I’d give my life for you, but I can’t change this. I can’t make it go
away. I can’t fix it,” I shook my head and added softer, “You’re going to lose
the time you have left if you sit in here and sulk. You’re dad needs you to be
strong. Think of him and what he’s going through. He’s losing his wife, Leah.
Don’t let him lose a daughter at the same time.”

ooooooooo

Leah

As the door clicked closed,
I let the tears flow once again. It seemed that all I’d done for the last few
weeks was cry. My world was slowly falling apart, and the glue that usually
fixed it couldn’t fix this.

My mom had always been the
one to tell me that things would be ok. She was the one to hold me after Nick
broke my heart. She was the one who came to Atlanta after my accident, and sat
with me in the hospital. She’s the one who encouraged me to keep getting the
surgeries and going to rehab. Every time I wanted to give up, she was the one
who wouldn’t let me. Now I was going to lose her, and there wasn’t a damn thing
anyone could do to change that.

The last straw broke three
weeks ago when my mom decided that it was in her best interest to stop taking
the pills. She claimed that she wanted to feel like a real person during the
last few months of her life, but to me it sounded like she was giving up. I had
tried talking to her. It had started out ok, but she was adamant to stop the
medication. Our discussion had escalated into a screaming matching that ended
with me stomping out of the room. Since then I’ve only gone in to see her when
she’s been sleeping.

 
Since that night, I haven’t left the house.
Avery and Nick have been taking turns staying here with me. I’m surprised I
haven’t driven them crazy. Although after what Nick just said to me, I doubt
he’ll stick around much more. I know I’m pushing him away, but I just don’t
know how to let him in right now.

I talked to my boss back
when all of this came to light, and he agreed to give me an indefinite leave of
absence. I know I’m letting the girls down, but I just don’t think that I could
coach them in a way that they deserve. They ended the season well, maybe I’ll
see some of them next year if I can get myself together by then.

It was summer now, and Nick has
had football camp to deal with. When he’s been away, Avery has come over and
tried to talk some sense into me, so she says. I just don’t know how to get
past this.

My dad seems to be coping
rather well. He’s been going to work. The pizza shop hasn’t been closed once
since all this happened. I don’t know how he’s doing it. He looks normal on the
outside, but he has to be breaking on the inside. The more I think about it,
the more frustrated I get.

“Why?” I screamed at the top
of my lungs as I look at the ceiling. “Why are you doing this to me?”

Thundering steps are heard
outside my door before it flies open, and I see my dad standing there.

“What’s wrong?” his voice
was laced with fear.

“I’m sorry,” I started to
sob. I can feel the tears coming, and I can’t seem to hold them back. “I
didn’t…mean…to…scare you,” it was all coming out broken. “Daddy?” I reached for
him as he sat down on the bed beside me and wrapped me in giant hug. We hadn’t
sat like this since I was little, and it felt good knowing I still fit there.
“Why is this happening to us,” I mumbled. “What did I do to deserve a life like
this?”

My dad push back slightly so
he could look me in the eyes, “You’ve had a great life, Leah. Not many people
can say that they trained for the Olympics. You have two loving parents, a best
friend who would do anything for you, you’re healthy, and you have a man in
your life who would die for you. I’d say that’s pretty good.”

I nodded as I swiped at my
eyes, “But Momma…it’s not fair. What did she do to deserve this?”

“Nothing sweetie. Sometimes
things like this happen, and there’s nothing we can do about it. Your mom has
accepted that things are what they are, and I’m trying to honor her decision.”
He paused, “and you should too.”

“I’m trying,” I cried. “I
don’t think I can.”

“Oh honey,” he wrapped me in
a hug and swayed us back-and-forth. “You need to, for your mom’s sake.”

ooooooooo

The next morning I awoke
with a new purpose. As much as I was hurting at the moment, my dad was right. I
needed to be strong for my mom. It still amazed me that my dad could talk to me
like I was twelve instead of twenty-two.

When I climbed out of bed,
dressed, and pulled my hair into a loose knot, I began digging through my
closet. I knew there were albums and scrapbooks in there somewhere, I just had
to find them.

After about twenty minutes,
I found what I was looking for, and made my way down to my mother’s room.
Knocking softly on the door, I pushed it open to find my mom sitting up
reading. She looked so tired. Her cheeks were sunken in, and her skin was a
ghostly white. I knew she hadn’t been eating, and her hair had thinned
considerably.

“Morning,” I whispered as I
crept closer.

A smile began to form on her
face when she saw me, “Morning sweetie. I’m glad you decided to come see me.
Come sit,” she patted the bed beside her.

As I moved closer, I felt
like a child, not the adult I was. The room was so depressing, and my mom
looked so weak. She’d always been the strong one in the family, and now we were
having to switch roles.