She flies with her own wings (22 page)

And how does Matt fit into this? What do I feel for him? Is it possible to love more than one person romantically? Am I even allowed to love more than one person? What if I love all three of them, one of them leaves after a year, and I’m left with two? Am I allowed to be sad? Should I be glad that I still have two?

I know, I know, my thoughts tumble around in my head. I’m having difficulty focusing on the here and now and want to be prepared for any eventuality. I know that’s impossible, but I wish could just plan this. But what am I supposed to plan? Husband, white picket fence, 1.8 kids, station wagon, and a Golden Retriever? Shit, I can’t think of anything more boring, but then I wasn’t planning on falling in love with two, maybe three, heavenly boys, was I?

No, that’s not the sort of thing you can plan for. But now, now I’m in this situation. How am I supposed to behave? What am I supposed to do?

“Baby, why aren’t you sleeping?” murmurs Will sleepily.

“My thoughts are keeping me awake.”

“Give me a second.” He gets up and shuffles into my bathroom. I hear the water running and then he’s back beside me. He pulls me to him, my head resting against his chest.

“So?”

“I can’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’ll complicate things.”

He laughs quietly. “And things with you are normally so straightforward.”

“Well, yeah, actually, they have been. We have sex.”

“And you never really listen when I talk to you, Thea.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I raise my head, prop myself up on my elbows, and look him in the eyes.

“What did I say to you before?”

I frown. “Before when?”

“I told you, you’re mine forever.”

“Yeah but you said that as you were coming. That doesn’t count.”

He takes my face in his hands and looks me straight in the eye. “You are mine forever, Thea.  You are mine, and I am yours.”

I feel a shiver run down my spine and everything in me goes liquid. “Are you being serious?”

“Yes, you nutjob.”

“I might believe you if it didn’t sound like you were telling me off.”

“That may be the case, but you’re getting on my nerves,” he grins. “So?”

Hmmm, fine. “I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything or move. He lies completely still.

“Oh God, look, sorry, I’m just being stupid. It’s not even been a fortnight, just over a week since we’ve started sleeping together. I’m going to ruin everything. I’m so sorry, Will. Forgive me. Let’s just forget it ever happened. I…” I trail off awkwardly.

“Say it again.”

“Sorry, I…”

“Not that bit, the other bit.”

What? “I love you.”

He turns me onto my back and lies on top of me, my body pressed into the mattress.

“Again.”

“I love you.”

He smiles slowly.

“Again.”

“I love you.”

His lips search for mine. He’s never kissed me this way. He fucks my mouth and makes love to it at the same time, it’s hard and gentle, demanding and giving, passionate and romantic. He doesn’t let go and groans into my mouth. His hands are buried in my hair as he holds me tightly in place. His erection digs into me. “Again.” He says as he pulls away from me.

“I love you.”

And I don’t know why I keep answering him, why I keep obeying his order. I don’t know what he expects to achieve, getting me to repeat it over and over, but it doesn’t matter. I love him and I want him to know it.

His mouth locks onto mine again and his kisses become harder. Every time he stops, I tell him I love him.

“Baby, I’m going to fuck you now. I know your pussy is sore, but I’m going to fuck you now.”

He thrusts hard into me, and I groan. My body arches against him encouraging him to take more. And he does. He rams into me with a speed that leaves me breathless.

“Again,” he purrs.

“I love you, Will. Oh God, I love you so much.” My voice is husky.

He holds my gaze captive, staring at me. My world collapses and he builds it back up.  Every fiber of my being calls out his name. It’s engraved deep to my core.

He turns me over, pulls up my pelvis, and continues to ram me. I groan because I don’t have any breath left to scream. His hands grip my shoulders, and he pulls me to him with every thrust. Moves deeper in me. He grabs my hair, winding it into his hand and yanks me with every push.

My arms begin to shake, I pant. He pushes me down into the mattress and plunges even deeper. Oh God, I’m going to split any minute. He fucks me wildly and passionately, hard and sexy. I stand on the cusp. My orgasm rages hard. So hard that I don’t even have the chance to scream. It robs me of my voice, my thoughts and feelings and thunders over me mercilessly.

Will begins to jerk and it won’t be much longer. He calls out, “Again.”

But I can’t, I don’t know…

He yanks my hair. Again, Thea.”

I can’t find the words, I want to tell him, but I can’t.’

“Say it again, Thea.”  His cocks bores deep into me.

“Fuck, Thea, say it!”

“I love you! I love you! I love you.”

He rams one final time and his warm sperm shoots into me. He presses hard into my pussy, wants to ring out every last drop. He lets go of my shoulder, softly stroking my backside, releases my hair, puts his arm around my waist, and we lie down next to each other. My back rests against his chest, and his arms are wrapped around me.

“That was for every time I mentally told you I loved you, and you didn’t reciprocate,” he whispers into my neck. “I love you, Theodora Bennet. Mine forever.”

Tears run down my face. He feels them on his arms and pulls me tighter to him, kissing my neck.

“Oh, Will…” I sob.

“I know, baby.”

I feel something wet on my shoulder. His tears.

“Will?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you crying?”

He laughs quietly. “I plead the fifth.” His arms pull me even closer to him.

“Will?”

“Hmmm?”

“I love you.”

He kisses my shoulder, the nape of my neck and my head.

“Will?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Do you think it’s possible to love two people at the same time?”

I feel his smile on my shoulder. “Matt or Tom?”

“Be serious.”

“You don’t get it, do you, baby?”

“Obviously not.”

He grins. “Matt and Tom are in love with you. I’m in love with you. All three of us want to spend our lives with you. Sure, it’s only been two weeks, but it was pretty clear from the outset. And, yeah, I think it’s possible to love two people at the same time—three would be ideal—and I hope, hope, hope, that you could love us all equally so that we could actually share this life. For always. All three of us want this. The only question here is what do you want?”

What
do
I want?

“I want this, too.” Wow, that came out quicker than it should have. And without a second thought. My heart was definitely quicker off the mark than my head in this instance.

“Baby, you’re unbelievable.”

“Will?”

“Yes, darling Thea?”

“Will you drive me to work after?”

He laughs. “Of course.”

I snuggle against him.

“Will?“

"Nag, nag, nag.”

“I love you.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Good, now go to sleep.”

And I fall asleep.

After a crazy day at work, I meet Sam in a bar at eight. One look at my face is enough to know I need something stronger than a glass of wine, and she orders two Long Island iced teas. Why should I be the only one having fun?

“You look exhausted.”

“I am exhausted, Sam,” I say and take a sip of my drink.

“What’s up? Too much sex with Will and Tom?”

“There’s that, but the worst is work. It’s a madhouse, even worse than usual. I have a stupid workload, things that I’m not even responsible for, but the bosses have no clue when it comes to crisis management and are just looking to me for absolutely everything.” I let my head fall onto the table. “And you know what the worst thing is?”

She shakes her head.

“Work just isn’t fun anymore.”

“But you love your work!” She looks shocked.

“I hate it. I’ve hated it since they pushed this fucking trial on me, since I realized they’re just a bunch of misogynistic assholes.”

“I’ll drink to that!” Sam’s glass clinks mine.

“Oh, Sam, I can’t believe I’ve worked my ass off for that company just to be told I have to compete with two other guys for a promotion that is rightly mine. It’s so frustrating.”

She lays a hand on my arm. “I know, baby. We could always sue.”

I smile at her gratefully. “I know, but honestly, I don’t want a job in a firm that doesn’t want me.”

“Okay, then find something else.”

“It’s not that simple. There aren’t that many good positions and the ones that are, aren’t available. And I don’t want to trade down either.”

“Are there any firms that you’d be interested in?”

“BioKing.”

“That’s Will’s firm, isn’t it?”

I nod. “It’s always been at the top of my list.”

“And would Will give you a job?”

“Yep.”

“So the problem is what, exactly?”

I bury my head in my hands. “The problem is, we’re having sex.”

“If sex is the problem, sweetie, dump him.”

“Very funny, Sam. I can’t work for him. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be jobless, if it does work out, my lover is my boss. That’s just fucked up. It’s better if I keep my business and personal life separate.”

“Hang on.” Sam holds up a hand. “I thought this whole thing with Will was just about sex. Are you telling me you have feelings for the guy?”

I nod. “I love him. I’m up to my neck in crap, and I love him.”

“Oh, sweetie.” Sam looks at me sadly. “I don’t know what to say.”

“He loves me too.”

Her eyes light up. ‘”But that’s great! So why so glum?”

“I’m in love with Tom too.”

“Shit, Thea, you’ve really landed yourself in it.”

“It doesn’t end there. I think I might have feelings for Matt, too.”

“Okay.” Sam takes a big sip. “Okay, let’s try to look at this logically. You love Will. And he loves you. You love Tom, but you don’t know if he loves you back?”

“Will says that both Tom and Matt are in love with me.”

“Okay, so you love Tom, and he loves you. You might love Matt and he might love you.”

“So far, so good.”

“So it’s all good then.”

“What? How? It’s confusing, nuts, scraggly.”

“That’s not the word I’d use in this situation.”

“Whatever, semantics.”

Sam laughs. “Okay, okay, so the rest is scraggly even though it totally isn’t. You love them; they love you. You get to love each other happily ever after. Your pussy might die from all the activity and you’ll have lots of beautiful babies with your three hot men.”

“This isn’t a joke, Sam.”

“I’m being serious. Be happy with them.”

“How exactly do you see that happening?” I ask her incredulously.

“Why are you making this complicated?”

“Why are you simplifying it?”

“Because it is simple. Okay, picture this; you only have Will. He loves you; you love him.  What happens after that?”

“Yeah, but this isn’t just about Will.”

“What happens?”

“Love to the end of days and lots of babies.”

She grins at me. “Good girl. See? It’s totally simple.”

“Yeah, with one person, but not with three of them.”

“Stop trying to calculate everything.”

I shoot her an evil look.

“Thea, it’s easy. Go with it. You love them, they love you.”

I finish my drink and order a new one.

“You’re going to hate me, Sam, but what are people going to say?”

“I don’t want to hear that kind of thing from you again, missy. Who cares what people think what you four have decided? You’re the ones who have to live with it, so yours are the only opinions that count.”

“You’re right. You’re so right. But even so, I don’t want their families to think of me as some slut.”

“If they do that then they don’t deserve to have you in their lives.”

I look at her, feeling very touched. “Oh Sam, I just don’t know. Nobody gets everything they want in this life.”

“Then congratulations for being the first.”

I laugh quietly.

“Right, tell me again why you don’t want to work for Will.”

“Because I want to keep my professional and personal life separate.”

“Okay, I know what you’re saying, but this is your dream job, right? Shouldn’t you be going out of your way to get it?”

“I can’t.”

“What about if you talk to Will? Tell him you want to work independently, that he should back off.”

I laugh shortly. “Funny. He’s going to get involved the whole damn time. He’s a complete control freak and not happy unless his finger’s in everyone’s pie.”

“Are you sure that that’s really the problem here?”

I look at her questioningly.

“What I mean is, are you sure it’s not just that you’re scared he’ll stick his cock in you every opportunity he gets?” she grins.

“Sam, I really can’t work out whose side you’re on,” I snarl.

She starts laughing “I knew it, you little nympho!”

I order a third cocktail. “Okay, you got me. I am worried I won’t get any work done with such a hot boss. Happy now?”

“Yep. Very.”

“Dufus.”

We clink glasses. I realize almost immediately that a third drink is a bad idea. “Hey Sammie, what’s with your love life?” I slur.

She grins. “Long Island Iced Tea is no friend of yours, that’s for sure.”

“Hmm, guess not…”

“My love life is in the crapper because I’m up to my neck in this merger and working eighty hours a week.”

“There’s nothing worse than sexual frustration,” I say wisely.

“Bitch please, you’re just saying that because you’ve got cock coming out of your ears.”

I giggle. “Nooo, they’re too big to come out of my ears.” Oh man, I’m going to regret saying that in the morning. That’s if I even remember…

“You’re drunk. Call one of your cocks and ask them to pick you up. Otherwise you can stay at mine. I’m just going to pee.”

I get out my cell and scroll through the numbers. I call the landline. If one of them is still awake, they’ll answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Tom,” I slur.

“Thea?” He laughs quietly.

“How are you?”  My voice does not sound good.

“Are you drunk?”

“Define drunk.”

He laughs. “You know. When someone’s had too much to drink and then drunkenly calls their roommate.”

“Okay, then I’m drunk.” I hiccup. “But I urgently need to tell you something. And I’m not only telling you this because I’m drunk. Promise. I already told Will yesterday, and I was sober.”

“Okay,” he says, slowly.

“I love you.”

There’s silence at Tom’s end. I seem to have that effect on people.

“Hello?” I say.

“I’m still here. I’m just not sure if I understood you correctly.”

“You did.”

“Okay, how about you tell me again tomorrow when you’re sober?”

“I’m not that drunk.”

“Thea…”

“Fine, sure. Good night.” I hang up. I liked Will’s reaction better.

When Sam comes back, I tell her I’ll stay at hers. We pay up and walk one block back to her apartment. The cool air clears my head, and I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing. Tom’s reaction was like a punch in the gut. Ridiculous, really. I would have reacted the same way if someone had drunkenly told me they loved me. And yet, I opened myself to him and he backed off. Well, not exactly but it kind of feels that way.

If Sam’s wondering at my silence, she doesn’t let on. She makes up the bed in the guestroom for me, gives me a nightshirt and a new toothbrush (people that organized drive me nuts) and lets me use the bathroom first.

I take off my makeup, clean my teeth, and put on the nightshirt. As I open the door, I hear voices. Strange. I go to the living room door.

Tom is standing in the doorway and talking to Sam who obviously doesn’t want to let him in. When he sees me, he mouths, “Thea.”

Sam lets him in and he comes to me and takes me in his arms. “I’m so sorry, baby, I acted like an asshole. I just didn’t expect you to say what you did.”

I let go of him and go to the guestroom. He follows me, and I close the door behind him.  “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have blindsided you like that.”

“Thea…”

“No, it’s okay, it’s cool.”

He grabs my arms. “Listen to me, Thea.”

“Fine.”

He pulls me to him tightly, his leg between my two, his thigh pressed hard against my pussy.  Asshole. He knows exactly what to do to get me going.

“Say it again, baby.”

“No.”

“Come on. Say it again.”

“So you can knock me back again? I don’t think so.”

“I would never knock you back, baby. You belong to me, for always. Now say it again!”

I shrug. “I love you.”

He lets me go, his hands moving to my face. He smiles and says, “I love you too, baby.”

I smile immediately. The butterflies in my stomach begin to beat their wings. He loves me back!

Tears well up in my eyes.

“Don’t cry, baby. I’m so sorry. Really. I love you too and want to spend my life with you.”

I laugh. “Because that sentence will stop me crying…”

“No? How about ‘you are my morning and evening star, my sun and my moon, only you make me complete’?”

I giggle. “Getting there.”

He grins. “And how about ‘I’ve just had a call from heaven, and they’re missing an angel, but not to worry, I didn’t give you up.”

I laugh quietly. “Better.”

“Okay, just one more. ‘I hope you’ve got insurance because you’ve put a dent in my pants.”

I can’t hold back my laughter. I have to hold on to him so I don’t fall over. Thank God, he’s holding on to me.

“Baby, let’s go home, okay?” He kisses my hair.

I nod, pull on my pants, put on my shoes, and grab my things.

He looks at me. “You want to go out like that?”

“Sure.”

“Okay.” He grins at me.

I laugh, and he pulls me in for a long kiss. In a nightshirt, with pants and shoes and no bra.  Sam is sitting in the living room. “Sam, I’m going home with Tom, when are we going to see each other again?”

“I fly out to Hawaii tomorrow for two weeks.” She grins.

“Oooh, fancy!”

“If you’re going to travel, travel in style.”

“Naturally. Call me when you get back, okay? And text me in between.” I give her a hug. “Miss you already!”

“Oh sweetie, me too. Be good!”

“Never ever.”

She gives my behind a slap and sees us to the door.

Tom drives us home.

“Tom?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Did the tracker give me up?”

He looks at me, embarrassed. “It might have.”

“Hmmm.”

“What?”

“Perhaps it’s not such a bad thing.”

His face lights up as he smiles. “Really?”

I give his arm a playful punch. He catches my fist and kisses my fingers. “You hit like a girl.”

“I
am
a girl.”

“Thanks, universe.”

“Nutjob.”

He grins his boyish grin making my knees go weak as I slip my hands into his.

“If I told you I was unhappy in my job, what advice would you give me? This is purely hypothetical, of course.”

He looks at me, worried. “Purely hypothetical?”