She Left Me Breathless (25 page)

Liz walked into the dining room carrying two glasses of mimosas. She handed one to Sydney. “Thought you might need this by now,” she said with a wink.

“You thought right. Maybe you should just set the pitcher next to my placemat,” Sydney laughed.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look today, Liz, honey? I love the new dress,” Deidre said as she took her place at the head of the table.

Liz pulled out the chair next to Sydney and sat down. “Yes mother, you did.” 

“Seth, Sarah, time to eat,” Deidre shouted.

Sydney glanced at her watch as she took her seat at the table next to Liz.
So much for me spending several hours here hanging out with the twins. I’ll be lucky to make it one hour
, she thought as she laid her napkin across her lap.

“Do you need some help, Mom?” Caitlyn asked as she walked into the kitchen.

Rachel smiled at her daughter and placed the plate she had just washed into the drainer. “Not unless you want to help, baby,” she answered.

“May I ask you a question?” Caitlyn asked, picking up a towel. She began drying off the dishes in the drainer and placed them on the counter.

“Sure,” Rachel answered, handing Caitlyn a glass to dry off.

Caitlyn grinned. “We have a very good dishwasher, so why are you washing them by hand?”

“Because it’s relaxing and it gives me a chance to clear my head while I watch the birds eating out of the feeder,” Rachel answered, nodding toward the window overlooking the sink.

Caitlyn looked out the window and watched as several Northern Finches, more commonly known as Evening Grosbeaks gathered around the feeder, while a squirrel on the ground happily cleaned up the seeds that the birds had dropped.

Rachel picked up the pan that she had cooked the ham in. She took it over to the trashcan and scraped out the leftover remnants from Christmas dinner. “Did you have a good Christmas?” she asked.

“Yes, I did but then again, any day I get to spend with you and Alyssa is a good day.”

Rachel smiled and wrapped her arm around Caitlyn’s waist. “How did I ever get so lucky and blessed to have a daughter like you?” she asked.

“I am the way I am because I had a wonderful mom who raised me,” Caitlyn said and kissed Rachel on the cheek.

“Flattery will get you—”

“Hey, Mom,” Alyssa yelled, running into the kitchen.

“What, baby?” Rachel asked, smoothing back Alyssa’s hair from her face.

“Christy just called and asked if I could sleep over tonight. Please, Mom. Please? Can I?”

Rachel looked down at Alyssa’s sweet upturned face. “I don’t know, can you?” she teased.

“M-o-m,” Alyssa said, dragging out the word.

“What did Christy’s mom say?”

“She said it was okay with her if it was okay with you. Please? I’ll clean my room for the next two weeks.”

Caitlyn laughed. “Lyssa, you already clean your room. It’s cleaner than mine.”

Alyssa put her index finger over her mouth. “Shhh,” she said to Caitlyn in a conspiratorial tone.

“Okay,” Caitlyn whispered back.

Rachel cleared her throat. She placed her hands on her hips. “In case you two have forgotten, I’m standing right here and I can hear everything you’re saying,” she said, looking back and forth at her two daughters.

“Oh yeah,” Alyssa grinned at her mom. “Does that mean I can go?”

“Yes, you can go,” Rachel said. “Now go get your overnight bag because I know you’ve packed it already.”

“Yes,” Alyssa said, making a fist pump in the air as she ran out of the kitchen.

“Mom, I have something important that I need to talk to you about and I think you may want to sit down for this,” Caitlyn said, taking Rachel by the hand. “Don’t worry, it’s not that bad, or at least I don’t think it is,” she quickly added when she saw the worried look on Rachel’s face.

“Okay,” Rachel said slowly as she sat down at the table.

Caitlyn pulled out a chair and slid it over next to Rachel’s chair. She took her mom’s hand in hers. She cleared her throat. “I’m just going to say this. I’m a lesbian,” she said and then waited for her mom’s reaction.

Rachel looked at her in stunned silence. Several long seconds went by without her saying anything.

“Mom, please say something,” Caitlyn said.

“Um ... I’m sorry, baby. I’m just a little shocked, that’s all,” Rachel said.

“Do you hate me?” Caitlyn asked, a worried look on her face.

Rachel cupped Caitlyn’s face with her hands. “Oh, sweetheart. I could never hate you.”

“You kinda look a little pale right now,” Caitlyn laughed.

“It’s just ... I mean ... are you sure?” Rachel asked, her words jumbled as her mind tried to wrap around what Caitlyn was telling her.

Caitlyn smiled. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”

“Come here,” Rachel said, pulling Caitlyn into her arms. “I love you, Caitlyn, and I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you and Alyssa both.”

Caitlyn leaned back so she could look at Rachel. “I have another confession to make,” she said a little reluctantly.

Rachel leaned back in her chair. “Don’t tell me you’ve decided to run off and join the circus,” Rachel laughed.

“Jesus Christ woman, can a man get a damn drink in this house?” Edward yelled from the other room.

Caitlyn rolled her eyes. “How about getting it yourself,” she mumbled under her breath.

“It’s okay,” Rachel said, her eyebrows furrowing into a frown. “I’ll get it for him. Would you mind running Alyssa over to Christy’s?”

“I don’t think I should leave. Why don’t you come with us?” Caitlyn asked, concern etched on her face.

“I’ll be all right, baby,” Rachel said, reassuringly.
With any luck, he’ll drink enough and pass out
, she thought to herself. 

“I won’t be long and when I get back, I’d like to finish our conversation,” Caitlyn said, looking at her mom. She turned toward the doorway leading into the family room, her brows still creased into a frown. “Come on Mini-me,” she yelled. “I’m getting old standing here.”

“You’re too funny,” Rachel laughed. She opened the cabinet and grabbed a tall glass off the shelf.

“Are you sure, you’ll be okay?” Caitlyn asked again. She didn’t want to leave her mom alone with Edward, especially after he had been drinking heavily and lately, that seemed to be from the time he got up until the time he went to bed or passed out, whichever came first.

Rachel smiled. “Yes, baby, I am,” she said just as Alyssa came into the kitchen carrying her overnight bag.

“Bye, Mom. I love you,” Alyssa said, wrapping her arms around Rachel’s waist.

“I love you, too, sweetheart,” Rachel said and kissed the top of Alyssa’s head.

Rachel waited for the girls to leave and then filled the glass three-fourths of the way full with whiskey, topping it off with a small amount of Coke. “Hopefully, this will do the trick,” she said to herself as she picked up the glass and headed toward the family room.

Chapter 10

Christmas and New Years day had come and gone and things at Welsh had returned to normal. Jackie’s investigation continued along at a snail’s pace and they had yet to discover the identity of the account owner embezzling the funds from Welsh. Sydney liked to think of herself as a patient person but even she had her limit and she had long since reached it. She wanted answers and results and she wanted them now.

She and Rachel had not spoken or seen each other since Christmas Eve. Over the past few weeks, Sydney had thought long and hard about the way she had handled things. She knew she was out of line and that she owed Rachel an apology.

She took her cup of coffee and walked over to the bay window that looked out into the backyard. She smiled as she watched a Northern Harrier bathing in the heated birdbath next to the flower garden.

Her thoughts turned to Rachel. She knew Rachel would be in the design room because she had been in her room when she heard Rachel’s car. She had watched through her bedroom window as Rachel parked. The unexpected racing of her heart and the sudden dryness in her mouth had caught her off-guard and her first instinct had been to go to her but something had held her back. She wasn’t sure if it was embarrassment for her behavior weeks earlier or if was more out of fear.

She took a sip of coffee. “You’re only fooling yourself, kiddo,” she said aloud, shaking her head. “I think my little plan may be back-firing on me.”

Rachel stared at the computer screen with a blank look on her face. She had been looking at the dining room photo for the last fifteen minutes but for some reason she couldn’t get her mind to engage on the work that needed to be completed.

She hated to admit it but she had been disappointed that Sydney wasn’t home when she had arrived earlier. The more she tried to focus on the design changes, the more her mind wandered and the more her thoughts repeatedly turned to Sydney.

Over the last two weeks, everywhere she looked she saw Sydney’s beautiful smiling face. She had reminisced about the love they had once shared. The thoughts had left her happy, yet sad at the same time. She had dared to let herself dream about the life she and Sydney could have had together.

Although she had been furious with Sydney the last time they had spoken, what she felt now was gratitude. Everything Sydney had said had been the truth and it took Sydney’s anger to make her wake up and realize that for the last twenty-five years, no make that thirty-seven years, she had lived her life for everyone else.

After her trip to the church on Christmas Eve, she had left feeling better than she had ever felt in her life. It was as if a terrible burden had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Snap out of it girl,” she said aloud, picking up the four printouts that Sydney had selected. She thought it was ironic that the ones Sydney had chosen had also been her picks out of all the samples.

She opened up her daily planner and made notations next to the company names that she would be using to order the fabric.

“Good morning,” Sydney said from the doorway, her voice startling Rachel. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.”

“It’s okay,” Rachel smiled and leaned back in the chair.

Sydney suddenly felt a little awkward, unsure of herself even. She shifted nervously from one foot to the other.

Rachel looked at her with amusement. “You have to use the bathroom?” she laughed, her right eyebrow rising upward.

“Uh ... no, um ... I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks,” Sydney said.

“Yeah, me, too,” Rachel said, running her hands through her hair. The sexy gesture caused Sydney’s throat to tighten. She had hoped that the time away from Rachel would lessen the desire that was steadily building inside of her with each passing day. She couldn’t have been more wrong. If anything, she wanted Rachel more than she had ever wanted anything in her life and that scared her.

“Hello?” Rachel said, waving her hand in the air.

Sydney shook her head as if that would erase all thoughts and feelings that threatened to overtake her. “I’m sorry, what did you say?” she asked, her face flushing slightly with embarrassment.