She Never Knew (30 page)

“He probably knows, Kat, or at the very
least, he suspects he is. You told me yourself that he felt you should tell
Tyler the truth about his father. There’s too much of a coincidence here if you
ask me.”

“You’re probably right.” Kat thought
about it for a moment before continuing. “Do you think that was his way of
trying to tell me what he did to me?”

“It’s certainly possible. From what
you’ve told me about his childhood, I can appreciate why he believes it’s wrong
for you to let Tyler continue believing Michael is his father. He most likely
feels that a part of his own heritage is missing, particularly since he doesn’t
know who his own biological father is. This is compounded by the fact that his
mother deserted him not long afterwards.”

Kat bit her lip. “Seeing his fiancé and
brother together couldn’t have helped, either. It was just another item on the
list of betrayals.”

Mary nodded. “Chances are high that he
has many unresolved emotions stemming from adolescence. Feelings of loss and
abandonment in regards to his biological father and rejection by his mother are
all mitigating factors in the development of his identity today as an adult. Unless
he’s dealt with this through counseling and his role as camp counselor doesn’t
count, he will continue to be conflicted about his identity. As a result, a
part of him may never have closure.”

“So, you think that what happened to him
as a child, what he did to me six years ago, and the fact that he may believe
Tyler is his finally took their toll?”

“Without actually meeting Daniel, I
cannot make a diagnosis. I can only give you generalities. It is plausible to
suggest that Daniel was willing to give up his freedom to see to it that
another child didn’t go through what he went through, especially more so if he
believes that child is biologically his.”

Kat sat there, dumbfounded. What her
sister opined made perfect sense. As deeply hurt as she felt, a part of her
believed that Daniel truly wanted what was best for Tyler, and had no ulterior
motives.

“When
he witnessed his fiancé and brother together, chances are the feelings of
abandonment and betrayal resurfaced. In other words, he was reminded of the
time when his mother deserted him during his teenage years. In a sense, history
repeated itself when his fiancé left him for another man, who happened to be
his brother. This cycle of abandonment can and does cause serious and
irreparable psychological harm. As a result, an individual can fall prey to
drug addictions or other types of compensations to fill that void, to gain a
functional identity. In Daniel’s case, he was addicted to drugs. Whether that
was a result of his family background or something he did to please his fiancé,
I don’t know. It is important to recognize that Daniel’s confession may have
been his way of trying to break that cycle of abandonment.”

“What would happen if I reported him or
if he turned himself in?” Kat asked.

“He would be arrested, Kat. He would be
admitting to a felony act. He would be read his Miranda rights and booked for
further processing. An arraignment would follow and he would either be granted
or denied bail. His case would most likely go to trial. If he’s found guilty,
he would probably serve time in prison.”

There was an eerie silence in the room
as Kat tried to process this information. A part of her wanted Daniel to pay
dearly for what he did, but another part of her knew he was already enduring a
lifetime of suffering. After a few minutes, she turned to her sister with a pained
expression. “What do you think I should do, Mary?”

“Oh, honey.” Mary got up and sat next to
her sister, wrapping an arm around her. “That’s a decision only you can make.”
Mary wished she had the answers that would make everything all right but she
knew Kat’s ordeal was far from over. “The fact he’s Tyler’s father should
probably be a factor in your decision.”

“I had a feeling you were going to say
that.” Kat sighed, resting her head on Mary’s shoulder. She suddenly felt spent
and her body was beginning to stiffen from the scuffle she had with Darryl
earlier that evening.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Kat gave a weak
laugh, shaking her head. “It’s just all so surreal.” She got up from the couch
and stretched.

“Think you can manage a shower before
you crawl into bed? Get cleaned up a little bit?”

Kat realized that she and Mary would
only get a few hours of sleep before Tyler got up. She didn’t want him to see
her like this. “Yes, actually, a shower sounds very inviting right about now.”
She reached for Mary and hugged her. “Thanks for being here for me.”

“I’m glad I was finally able to.” Mary
returned the hug. “If you need to, come wake me up again.”

When Kat crawled into bed a half hour
later, she wasn’t surprised to find that she couldn’t sleep. She lay there, digesting
the events that took place earlier that evening.

In the blink of an eye, Kat’s world had
turned upside down. She had no idea what she was going to do about Daniel. If
she reported him, he would be out of her life forever. It also meant that he
would be out of Tyler’s life permanently. She wouldn’t have to tell her little
boy someday that he was the product of rape. They could relocate and begin a
new life somewhere else where she could finally put what happened to her in the
past where it belonged.

Tossing and turning, Kat knew deep down
that running away was not the answer. She had been living on what-if scenarios for
six years already and besides, how was that fair to Tyler? Didn’t he deserve a
father, even if he was a rapist? Could she put aside her feelings of misgivings
toward Daniel for the sake of Tyler? Could she ever forgive him?

Exhausted, Kat finally slept. Her dreams
were of Daniel when he was a little boy, and he was crying for his mother. He
was running in a zigzag motion, looking for her. Kat tried hard to keep up with
him, but her feet wouldn’t carry her fast enough. It was getting dark and she
had difficulty seeing.

“Mommy, Mommy!” he cried, tears streaming
from his face. “Where are you, Mommy?” He was frightened and she was desperate
to comfort him. Just when she thought she lost sight of Daniel, he abruptly
stopped and turned around. He waited for her to catch up. When Kat finally
reached the little boy, she realized his face longer belonged to Daniel. It
belonged to Tyler.

 “Mommy, Mommy!” Tyler shook his mother
urgently. When Kat jerked awake, her little boy was sitting on her bed, staring
down at her with an impish grin.

“Good morning!” Kat pulled Tyler close
to her and hugged him tightly. She was startled by her dream and didn’t want
Tyler to notice anything was amiss.

When she released her son, Kat smothered
his little face with kisses. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, I did!” Tyler beamed at her.
“C’mon, Mommy. It’s time to get up.” He pulled at the blankets in an effort to
get his mother stirring. “Aunt Mary is awake too!”

As Kat sat up in bed, she observed her
surroundings and noted that it was just past ten o’clock. She was pleasantly surprised
to feel a sense of peace within her. The events of the night before had been so
profound, so surreal. But she knew she wasn’t dreaming now. She knew she had
some tough decisions ahead of her.

“Mommy, where did you get that scratch?”
Tyler reached to touch his mother’s cheek.

“Hmm?” Kat yawned, still groggy from the
little sleep she had. Her heart swelled with love when she saw the look of
concern on her son’s face.

“Oh, I must’ve scratched myself.” Kat smiled,
hoping Tyler wouldn’t press her for more details. She wasn’t sure what the
bruise on her forehead looked like but fortunately her bangs covered it.

“Good morning!” Mary stood at the door,
fully dressed in a short-sleeved lavender cotton sweater and khaki shorts. She
smiled, beckoning at Tyler. “Want to help me flip the pancakes?”

“Oh, yes!” Tyler bounded out of bed and
raced over to his aunt. She gave Kat a knowing smile to indicate that she would
keep him distracted until Kat got herself dressed.

“Good morning, Mary.” Kat looked at her
sister gratefully. She was so happy to have her here, especially at a time like
this when she needed her sister the most. “I’ll get dressed and join you two in
a few minutes.”

As Tyler and Mary went into the kitchen,
Kat threw the covers back and winced when she felt a sharp pain in her lower
back. She carefully swung her legs over the side of the bed and slid to the
floor. After a slow warm-up stretch, she realized her body was just stiff and was
thankful she wasn’t seriously hurt.

In the bathroom, she focused on her
forehead and saw the small bruise was showing signs of discoloration. First, she
washed her face and patted her skin dry before applying a small dab of
foundation. Next, she styled her hair into a ponytail, fluffing her bangs for
cover. After she brushed her teeth, she removed her nightgown. Upon inspection
of her legs, she saw she had several more bruises that she hadn’t noticed just
a few hours earlier in the shower.

Sighing, she selected a pair of capris
from her closet. It was still too hot to be wearing jeans in August and she
didn’t want to wear shorts for she didn’t want to draw attention to her
injuries.

A few minutes later, she stepped into
the kitchen where she deeply inhaled the scent of fried pancakes. She realized
just how hungry she was as she felt her stomach growl. Tyler was standing on
his footstool, scooping pancakes out of a skillet under Mary’s supervision.

“Mommy, look at me!” Tyler beamed as he
carefully stacked a fourth pancake on a plate. Kat laughed when she saw he had
pancake batter on his nose.

“Wow! Are you going to eat all of
those?”

“Those are for you, Mommy.” Tyler’s face
became serious like a chef as he began to stack more pancakes on a clean plate.
“And these are for Aunt Mary.”

“Oh my, thank you!” Kat and Mary grinned
at each other, amused at the sight before them. The seriousness and care with
which Tyler used warmed their hearts.

When breakfast was over, Tyler settled
himself on the floor of the living room to play with the new toys given to him
by his aunt. As the sisters cleaned up the dishes, Mary asked Kat how she was
feeling. They spoke quietly so Tyler would not overhear them.

“I’m okay. I’m just—shocked, I guess. I
feel as though I have more questions now than I ever did.”

Mary nodded in agreement as she scraped
the remaining pancake batter into a small plastic container. “I’m sure you do
and that’s understandable. What you’ve discovered is a lot for anyone to take
in.”

Kat poured dishwashing soap in the
skillet and ran hot water into it. “You know what’s odd?” She paused to look at
her sister. “I don’t feel afraid anymore. I feel like I’m—what’s the word I’m
looking for?”

“In control?” Mary suggested.

Kat nodded. “Yes, I do feel like I have
control now. I don’t have to wonder anymore. I don’t have to wonder about my
former student, about Daniel, and about Tyler’s paternity.” Her expression
darkened as she began scrubbing the skillet. Mary suspected her sister was conflicted
mostly about Daniel’s confession.

As if Kat read her thoughts, she said,
“I need to figure out what to do about Daniel.”

Mary had her own view of what Kat should
do with Daniel, but she refrained from sharing those thoughts as she put the
container in the fridge. Instead, she suggested Kat obtain a second opinion.

“Sweetie, would you consider talking to
your pastor? You’ve mentioned before how helpful he’s been to you. Perhaps he
can offer a fresh perspective on things, especially since he knows Daniel.”

 Kat turned to look at her sister. Mary held
up a palm and continued. “My job is to help people. Part of helping them is to
encourage them to lean on others for support and answers to questions. I’m
afraid I may not be as objective as I should be.”

“Oh, Mary.” Kat dried her hands on a
towel and gave her sister a hug. “You have no idea how much your presence here
has helped.”

“Being here has helped me too, in more
ways than you’ll ever realize.” Mary stroked her sister’s hair. “Would it be
okay if I take Tyler to the beach for a couple of hours? It’s too hot for the
park.”

“That would be terrific. He would love
that. I’ll give Pastor Cullen a call and see if he’s up for a visitor today.”

When Kat arrived at the church, the only
car in the parking lot belonged to Pastor Cullen. He was in his office waiting
for her, seated at the round table, dividing stacks of folders by color.

“Hi Kat, you’re just in time to help me
organize these kits!” His eyes twinkled as he smiled at her. “Have a seat.”

Kat let out a low whistle as she eyed
the stacks of paper on the far side of the table. Sliding into a chair, she
observed the folders and saw that each color group was assigned a ministry.