She Writes Love... (2 page)

“You’re not different, bro. You’re the same brother I’ve known my entire life. Your circumstances changed, not you. I gotta go. Olivia’s getting off work early and we’re going to dinner before we head to the art gallery. If you change your mind, call me.”

“Thanks, but I won’t be changing my mind,” I said as I carefully sanded the top of a table I was building.

****

“E
vening, Ben,” Damian, the bartender, said.

“Hey, Damian.”

“Usual?”

“Yep. Just like every other Friday.”

I sat on the barstool and grabbed a few peanuts from the bowl that he set in front of me. Since Amy and I were regulars, Damian got to know us, and when she became sick, he paid her a visit in the hospital. After Amy passed, and I still came into the bar every Friday night, he would put a reserved sign on the counter in front of the stool. I knew everyone in the place. I was the man they all felt sorry for; the twenty-nine-year-old guy that lost his wife to cancer. As I picked up the beer bottle and brought it up to my mouth, a man took a seat next to me.

“How about them Kings,” he said.

“They just might make it into the playoffs,” I said as I took a swig of beer.

“Here’s hoping they do.” He smiled as he held up his beer bottle.

I finished up my fish and chips and continued to have a small conversation with the guy next to me.

Paisley

R
omeo followed me into the garage, where I took a cigarette from my pack and lit it. This was my vice to get me through the days. My family wasn’t happy that I started smoking again, but it wasn’t their life to live and I made that very clear. Romeo jumped up on the workbench and rubbed his head against my arm.

“What’s wrong, Romeo?”

He meowed. Sometimes we could carry on full conversations. As I was petting his head, my phone rang. It was Kenny.

“Hello, Kenny.”

“Paisley, did you finish the article yet for next week’s publication?”

“I’m working on it right now. I’ll email it to you tonight.”

“You better. The print department is on my back.”

“Bye, Kenny.”

I sighed. When I finished my cigarette, I picked up Romeo and went back inside to sit at my computer and finish up the questions I so desperately didn’t want to answer. Just as I finished typing the last word and hit the save button, the doorbell rang. I got up and looked out the window to see my darling brother Keaton standing there.

“Keaton, how nice of you to drop by,” I said as I rolled my eyes, knowing who had sent him.

He held up the large brown bag in his hand. “Don’t hate. Mom just asked that if I wasn’t doing anything tonight, if I would stop over and see how you were doing. I brought some Pad Thai and spring rolls.” He smiled.

“Get in here,” I said as I took the bag from him and took it to the kitchen.

Romeo came out of hiding and rubbed up against Keaton’s leg.

“Hey, Romeo,” he said as he picked him up and gave him a kiss.

I took a couple of plates from the cupboard and set them on the table. “So what have you been doing since the last time I saw you three days ago?” I smiled.

“The usual. Surfing, building some websites, picking up chicks.”

“So I take it you and Elena are over?”

“I like to think we’re on a break,” he said as he put Romeo down.

I brought the food to the table and we both sat down. “I like Elena. Why are you taking a break?”

“I don’t know. We’ve been fighting a lot.”

“About what?” I asked as I scooped some Pad Thai onto my plate.

“Is this where you’re going to give me some love advice?”

“Nah, I’m off the clock.” I smiled as I bit into the spring roll.

Keaton, with his six-foot stature, neutral brown hair, dreamy hazel eyes, and a ripped surfer’s body, made women gravitate towards him as if he were some kind of magnet.

“Good, because I don’t want any. I’m living life free, sis. I don’t want to be tied down to one person. There are a whole lot of women out there to explore.”

I rolled my eyes.

“How about you?”

“How about me what?” I got up and grabbed a bottle of merlot and two glasses.

“There are a lot of men out there to explore.”

My family’s very existence these days consisted of trying to get me to find someone. What they didn’t understand was that I didn’t want anyone else. I wanted my husband back and I wanted what we had back. The only thing I saw right now for me was a future of being alone.

“No thanks. I had my guy and he was ripped away from me in a matter of seconds.”

Keaton never looked at me with the sadness that the rest of the family did. He saw me as something else. Not just a woman who lost her husband, but a survivor. At least that was what he called me.

“You know, Paisley, there are other guys out there for you.”

“I don’t want to talk about this!” I said in a raised voice.

“You never want to talk about it, but you have to. You have to accept what happened.”

“I have.”

“No, you haven’t. Because if you did, you wouldn’t stay locked up in this house day after day and night after night. Damn, it’s been almost a year.”

“Is this why you came over?”

He gave me his cocky grin. “No. I came over to visit my favorite sister. Don’t tell Piper and Charlotte I said that. After all,
you
were the one who taught me to surf.”

“Ah yes. I was the bad sibling.” I smiled as I sipped my wine. “Don’t you have somewhere you have to be?”

“Nope. Not tonight,” he said as he made himself comfortable on the couch and turned on the TV.

I sighed. I loved my brother to death but I just wanted to be alone. Keaton and I were very close. I was close with all my siblings, but there was more of a special connection between the two of us. I could talk to him about things that I wasn’t really comfortable talking to Piper or Charlotte about. Not that it mattered, because everyone in our family had big mouths and no secret was ever safe.

“How about a movie?” he asked.

“Sure. Let me go change into my pajamas first.”

As I walked in the bedroom and opened the closet, I stopped and stared at the row of clothes that were his. Everything was still the way it was the day he died. His drawers were full of his socks and boxers. Sweatpants and sweatshirts still took up half the dresser drawers and his shoes still sat upon the shelves in a neat little row. Romeo strutted in and rubbed up against me, breaking me from my sad thoughts. As I bent down and picked him up, holding him close, I sighed.

“I miss him so much, Romeo.”

“Meow,” he replied as he began to purr.

“I wish you could have known him. He was an amazing and loving man,” I said as tears sprang to my eyes.

“Paisley?”

I turned around. Keaton was standing there with the remote in his hand. I quickly put Romeo down and wiped my eyes.

“Yeah?”

“Whenever you’re ready to pack up his things, I’ll help you,” he said.

“Thanks.” I took in a deep breath and walked over to my pajama drawer.

“The remote needs new batteries. Do you have any?”

“Yeah. Junk drawer in the kitchen.”

“Thanks. I thought maybe we could watch the new X-Men movie.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be out in a minute.”

He turned around and walked away. People had told me that I should move. That I should buy a new place and start new memories. I didn’t want a new place and I didn’t want new memories. I only wanted the memories we made together. People were delusional if they thought otherwise.

I changed into my pajamas and sat down on the couch next to Keaton. He put his arm around me and kissed my cheek. “Remember, don’t be telling Piper and Charlotte what I said. They’ll kick my ass.” He smiled.

****

W
hen I awoke the next morning, I found Romeo snuggled against me with his tail across my nose. As I reached over to pet him, he quietly meowed and moved to the end of the bed. I guess he didn’t want to be bothered. I rolled over on my side and stared at the empty spot where my husband used to lie. I ran my hand gently over the soft and unwrinkled sheet as I closed my eyes and thought about our first night in this bed.

“Feels a little stiff for me,” he said.

“We laid on it in the store and you loved it.”

“I really couldn’t get the right feel because the salesman was standing there.”

“How were you going to get the right feel?”

“By doing this.” He smiled as he pulled me on top of him.

I laughed and his lips brushed against mine. “This bed will have many stories to tell for the next five years.”

“Only five years?” I asked as I kissed him.

“Yeah, because by that time, we’ll have had so much wild and crazy sex on it that it’ll be begging us to buy a new one.”

“I like that idea.” I smiled.

Romeo started nudging me, indicating that he was hungry. I sighed as I climbed out of bed and made my way to the kitchen to open a can of Fancy Feast. After giving him breakfast, I poured a cup of coffee and sat down at my desk. It was something I did every Saturday morning since my husband had passed away. I took out a piece of pale pink paper from the drawer and my ballpoint black ink pen.

My dearest husband,

This was yet another tough week for me. It’s getting harder to get out of bed in the mornings. They say with time, it gets easier. For me, it’s not. I’m not quite sure why, considering we’ve been apart for almost a year. I went into the office a few days and I had lunch with Lucy. All she talked about was how she suspected that Ray was cheating on her. I went dress shopping with Piper. She and Liam were going out for their one-year dating anniversary. I think he’s going to ask her to marry him. Mom sent Keaton over last night to check up on me, which you know I hate, and he started in on me about not leaving the house. I can feel you here, watching over me, and being home helps me stay closer to you. I love you and I miss you something awful. Take care, my darling.

Love forever,

Paisley

I folded the piece of paper neatly and stuck it in the matching pale pink envelope. I opened my side drawer and tucked the letter neatly behind all the others I’d written every Saturday for almost a year.

Ben

I
put on my running shoes and headed out the door for my run. Being a fireman, it was important to keep in shape, plus the morning air always cleared my mind for the day. Amy wasn’t much of a runner, so she didn’t jog with me in the mornings. She preferred to work out on her elliptical machine, listening to her favorite music. Being it was Saturday and I had the weekend off, I was going to spend it finishing up the table I was building.

After running ten miles, I hopped into the shower and let the cool water refresh my body. When I finished, I stepped out, wrapped the towel around my waist, and checked my phone. There was a missed call from Brady and a voice message.

“Ben, Linda is going out with her girlfriends tonight and I need to babysit Kara. Are you up for some cards tonight? It’s been a while, man. Call me back.”

I sighed as I set my phone down. Brady and I had been friends for the past five years. He was a great guy and a good friend. After Amy passed away, his wife Linda, cooked two weeks’ worth of meals for me and came over and cleaned my house a few times, even though I told her it wasn’t necessary. Linda was one of those people who always threw herself into helping others no matter what she had going on in her own life.

“Tell me you’re coming over tonight,” Brady said as he answered my call.

“Yeah, cards sounds good. What time?”

“How’s seven? I’ll order us a couple pizzas.”

“Seven it is and I’ll bring the beer.”

“Thanks, man. You’re saving me tonight.” He chuckled.

After putting on some old clothes, I went into the garage and started sanding the table top one last time before coating it with the cherry stain I’d bought.

****

“I
t’s good to see you Ben,” Linda said as I kissed her cheek.

“Good to see you too.”

Kara came running over to me and wrapped her tiny arms around my legs. “Hi there, Kara.” I smiled as I gave the beer to Brady and picked her up. She put her hands on my cheeks and squeezed my face while she laughed. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t a little bit jealous of Brady’s family.

“I’m off. You boys behave yourself. Kara, keep an eye on your daddy for me.” Linda smiled as she kissed her goodbye.

I set Kara down and followed Brady into the kitchen. “Why don’t we ever go out?” he asked.

“You know I don’t really go out much anymore,” I replied.

“You should, Ben. All you do is work and build furniture. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but you need a social life too.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know, and when I’m ready, I’ll let you know.”

It was the same spiel every time from everyone I knew. The pizza arrived and, as I answered the door, Brady put Kara to bed. I set the pizza boxes on the counter and grabbed a couple of pieces and a bottle of beer.

“I hope she goes to sleep. She’s been really fussy at night,” Brady said as he sat down at the table. “Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Lance and Juan over to play.”

“That’s fine,” I said.

Lance and Juan worked at the fire station with us. We were considered group A and we were all scheduled to go back to work on Monday, working three days straight and then having the next four days off. The doorbell rang and Brady got up and opened the door.

“Hey, guys,” I said as they both sat down.

“Who’s ready for some poker? I brought the chips.” Juan smiled.

“We have to be quiet. Kara is sleeping and, believe me, we don’t want to wake her,” Brady said.

The four of us ate pizza, talked, laughed, drank some beer, and, as always, I was winning.

“I met this chick a couple nights ago at the bar,” Lance said as he pulled out his phone. “She can suck dick like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.”

“What happened to Julie?” I asked.

“She was fucking psycho, bro. I couldn’t take her anymore, so I had to let her go.”