Shelf Monkey (20 page)

“Aubrey,” Danae said, inhaling a large fogbank from the communal joint, “I think it’s about time.”

“Danae, it’s not that simple. You know that.”

“These two deserve the truth now,” she insisted. “After last night, you owe them that.”

“They’re big boys. I owe them nothing.”

“Hello, what’s going on?” I asked, sliding away from Danae. She looked at me with a pained expression. “You know something here, you didn’t tell me?”

She glanced at Aubrey. “I’ll tell them, Aubrey. Say the word.”

Aubrey stuck his fingers in his hair. “Aw, Danae,” he complained.

“Hey, we put our asses on the line with Agnes!” Warren yelled. He jumped up and grabbed Aubrey by the collar, swinging him around with the ease of a dog playing with its favourite chewtoy. “Thomas and I should have been fired, you too! We were prepared for this, but you have to have your little secrets!” He dropped Aubrey, cocked an arm, and shoved Aubrey’s head into a monstrously painful-looking headlock. “The truth, now, or this comes off.”

“Brother,” Aubrey squawked. Warren increased his squeezing. Aubrey’s eyes bulged.

“I’ll pop it off, buddy, I mean it! Thomas, give me a count-down!”

I held up my right hand, fingers extended. “Five,” I said peacefully.

“Warren, let him go, he can’t breathe,” Danae said.

“HHUNGH!” Aubrey agreed, turning blue.

“It’s coming off at one, brother!”

“Four.” I folded the thumb in. I nonchalantly took a bite of pizza.

“HURG!”
Lilac now.

“Warren!” I held Danae’s arm.

“Three,” I said, chewing. Pinkie in.

“Hwawk!” Violet.

“Time’s running out!”

“Warren! Let him go!”

“Two.”

“Hnuu.” Deep purple.

“You’re killing him! Thomas, stop him!”

“You think I could?”

“Phlugh.”

“One.” Index finger left.

“Off with his head!”

“I own the store.”

“Zer — what?”

“What?”

“. . .”

“Did you catch that?”

“Warren, let him go, man!”

Warren unclenched his bicep. Aubrey collapsed in an asphyxiated heap.

“I didn’t just hear that, did I?” Warren asked me. He bent down to Aubrey’s level. “Did you say what I heard, buddy? Tell me you didn’t.”

Massaging his throat, Aubrey bobbed his head feebly.

“You own the store?” I asked. “You own
READ
? How is this possible? And
you
,” I turned to Danae, wild, “
you
knew about this?”

“I promised I wouldn’t say anything,” she said quietly. “Don’t hate me, ’kay?”

“Don’t blame her,” Aubrey gasped. “I asked her to keep a secret.”

Warren clenched his fists reflexively. “You own the store. You
own
the
store
? How is this possible, we’ve known each other, what, two years now, you don’t think to ever mention to me that you’re my boss?”

“Well, technically, I’m your boss, too,” said Danae.

“That’s not the same thing, you know it,” I said sharply. “You never lied about yourself. We always knew who you were. We accepted it. This, this is different.”

“Damn right, different,” Warren said. “This here is betrayal.” He advanced on Aubrey, who skittered pitifully away, coughing weakly.

Danae jumped up and positioned herself in Warren’s path. “Okay, everyone calm down,” said Danae, putting a tiny palm against Warren’s chest. “Warren, we’ll explain everything, just back off, all right? Go get Aubrey something to drink, will you?” Warren glared at her for a moment, and then lumbered off to the kitchen, swearing under his breath. He returned with a glass of water, spilling a fair deal on the floor as he shoved it in Aubrey’s direction.

“I don’t get this, not at all,” I said, watching Aubrey greedily slurp down the water. “How can this be, you hate
READ
more than any of us.”

“In league with the devil, pal,” muttered Warren.

“Look, guys, I’m sorry,” Aubrey said, wiping his mouth with the back of his arm. “I never wanted anyone to get hurt.”

“Aubrey and Page are equal partners,” said Danae. “They own the place fifty-fifty.”

“I hired Danae, that’s how come she knows.” Aubrey pulled himself up from the floor and plopped himself dejectedly on the couch. He lowered his eyes and studied the rug. “Page and I, we met at business school.”

“Business school, that’s rich,” Warren snorted.

“It was years ago, I went to make my parents happy. Hell, I was McJobbing myself to death, anyway. I had nothing else to do, and it seemed to them like I had decided to do something, so they were all for it. I hated the stuff; have no head for any of it. Barely passed.”

“That’s where Page was,” Danae said. “They were in the same year together. They, well.” Danae paused. “They hung out.”

“So?” I asked.

Danae’s cheeks flushed. “You’re not getting it, they
hung out
.”

I mulled her emphasis over in my head for a second, then felt nauseous. “You and Page, you hung out?” I asked. “Like, hanging out?
Biblically
hanging out?”

Aubrey nodded, shamefaced. “Oh my
God!”
Warren said. “This just gets worse and worse.”

“Hey, Page was different then,” Aubrey protested. “I’m no great catch either in the looks area, y’know? It was just convenience. Fuck-buddies. She really was way more likeable before she got all money-conscious.”

“Amen,” said Danae.

“Page wanted to make money. I know books. I had this idea, thought we could hold our own against the big stores. I convinced Page to help, she wrote up a business plan, we got some financing, bought the place together, and things just went from there. We hired a few people,” Aubrey waved at Danae, “and we built the place up. We agreed up front, she handles the money, I do the ordering. She runs the place, and I just hang back and enjoy myself. It was terrific there for a while. I’d set up displays and readings for local authors. Worked with independent publishers. Had open mike poetry nights. Made the place homey.”

“But people weren’t coming in,” Danae said sadly. “Not enough to keep the place going.”

“No, and Page was desperate. She wanted to buy me out, completely gut and transform the place. She was right, too, but I couldn’t do it.” He lifted his eyes, meeting mine. “It was mine, too. You understand? I couldn’t go back to unemployment. This was the only thing I’d ever really accomplished. So I . . . compromised.”

“Sold out, more like,” Warren sniped.

“I started ordering more copies of the books that sold, the for-sure profit earners. Page had been studying the trades. She could see what I thought, just a few at first, just enough to keep us fluid. I mean, just because it sells, it doesn’t mean it’s worthless, right? Atwood sells, Munro sells. These are good things. Then, okay, Oprah books, sure, they had some quality. They weren’t all Wally
Lambs. I convinced myself I was still true to my ideals. I mean, ideals are great, but they only buy so much food. But now suddenly, more money was coming in. I bought the house here, told myself it was an investment. But as soon as I bought it, I needed more. So, more compromises. More Harlequins, less nonprofit publishers. Soon, it became all about the money.”

Feeding the machine, I thought. Like I didn’t buy lotto tickets every week.

“It’s not that bad, hon,” Danae said, rubbing Aubrey’s shoulder.
Hon?
“We all want money, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

“Oh the fuck it isn’t!” Warren said. “Don’t let him off ’cuz he’s all hang-dog now! How much you worth anyway,
brother
? You let me destroy my body for cash, you can’t even help me out?”

“Hey, I offered!”

“Sure, you offered!” Warren spit on the floor. “Everybody offers! I didn’t think you actually
had
money! It’s an idle offer, none of us are
supposed
to have any money! That’s the way we are!” Warren stamped petulantly about the room. “I mean, the lies, dude.
The lies!
‘Oh, Warren, the house was a gift from my parents.’”

He knocked a shelf of books off the wall.

“Let me get the beer, Warren, I have a little extra this week.”

He kicked over a floor lamp, the bulb exploding.

“Don’t worry about the ganja, I know this guy, gets me a
really great deal.
”

He attacked the fireplace with a poker, hacking at the logs.

“Knock it off, Warren,” I said. He was quickly whittling his way through the room. I didn’t want to be around when he ran out of inanimate objects to abuse. “Leave the room alone, it can’t defend itself. You can get the beer next time, it makes you feel better, okay?”

Warren took a mid-rampage break, holding a potted fern over his head. He looked at Aubrey, bellowed with frustration, and flung the plant against the wall. “How could you do it, man?” he asked, scanning the room for something fragile to toss, his shoulders shrinking in despair. “Why didn’t you just tell us?”

“I didn’t want to be like Page, brother, I wanted to be like us,” said Aubrey. “This is all I ever wanted. The four of us, together. Food, conversation, the occasional burning. That’s why I, hey, not
my music!” I ducked as a pressed-wood CD case flew above my head, accompanied by another Warren-yowl. “That’s why I hired Danae, it’s why I told Page to hire you two! I couldn’t come out and tell you I was your boss, it’d ruin the whole group dynamic.”

“Hey, wait, you let Emily go!” Warren exclaimed. “Why’d you do that, you could have kept her on, she was one of us.”

“You think I didn’t try?” Aubrey stood up. “I like Emily fine, but she was off her rocker! She was yelling at the customers! It was business, man! I tried to keep her on, but she never stopped!”

“And what was last night?” Warren yelled. The two of them were now almost nose-to-nose, or considering Warren’s dimensions, nose to chest. “Seems last night, what we did, that makes Emily look pretty damn normal. Why’d we do it, huh?”

“Because I had to!” Aubrey yelled back. “I sold out, you’re right! The place is destroying me, I had to fight back! I couldn’t let the fuckers win anymore! Every day, I got Munroe leering down at me. I got sane, intelligent people asking me when the next Munroe book comes out! I have kids looking for his approved comic books! He’s destroying a whole generation, guys! He’s killing us! I can’t back down, I can’t let Page win, I cannot do this anymore!” He stepped back from Warren, breathing heavily. “I can’t do it. I can’t fight anymore. Page wins. I quit.”

“Whoa, let’s not be hasty now,” I said, jumping in. “Look, quitting is not the answer, for any of us. I, for one, need the money, and the only thing worse than having a job is looking for one. I’m not quitting, no one here is quitting.” I looked to Warren. “You wanna quit?”

“Wouldn’t give that bitch the satisfaction.”

“Danae, you quitting?”

“No way.”

“And no way I quit. And if you quit, brother, Page fires Warren and me without hesitation. So you’re not quitting.
Capisce?”

Aubrey heaved out a phlegmy breath. “Fine, brother, whatever. I’ll stay. We’ll all stay, it’ll be one big happy love-in.”

“It’s not that simple,” said Danae. We all turned to her. “You have to tell everyone, Aubrey. The Monkeys, if not the other employees. They need to know the truth.”

“They’ll hate me,” Aubrey said.

“Yeah, maybe, but they deserve the truth. We look up to you, Aubrey, we love you, but they need to know the score. Emily needs to know. This has gone on too long.”

“She’s right, brother,” Warren said. He took a step toward Aubrey, and buried him in his arms. “We love you, brother. It’ll be okay. Right, Thomas?”

“Uh, yeah, absolutely. But no more lies, okay? From either of you,” I said evenly.

“Lies are done with, brother,” Aubrey said, his voice muffled from his continuing forcible cuddle with Warren’s chest.

“No more,” said Danae. “No more lies, sweetie. From any of us.”

The next morning, Aubrey came clean to the staff. “I’d like to apologize to those of you offended by my subterfuge. It was never my intention to act as spy, and I want to assure you that nothing you have said or done in my presence has ever been taken by me at more than face value.” The employees look at one another in confusion. Page stood to the side, barely suppressing her glee at Aubrey’s disclosure. “You are all wonderful people,” he continued, “and it is my hope that we can maintain both our relationships as employer and employees, and our friendships.” Aubrey stood proud before the group as he said this, but his fingers twitched nervously. The tentacles wiggled in self-reproach. A moment of intensely awkward silence passed.

“Well, thank you very much,” Page said primly. She looked sympathetically at Aubrey. “I know that must have been difficult, and I’m sure no one here holds you any ill will for your deception. Now.” Page turned to the assemblage. “Does anyone have any questions for Aubrey?” Feet shuffled in embarrassment. “Anyone? A question? Nothing? Yes, Waylon?”

A small, weaselly man stepped forward. I didn’t recognize him. Did I not know anyone else in this place? “So, Miss Adler, will Aubrey be our boss from now on?”

“Well, he always has been your boss, Waylon. Isn’t that right, Aubrey?”

“Yes, that’s right,” Aubrey replied quietly.

“So we have, I have to do what he says?” asked the weasel.

“Please, Waylon, Aubrey is right next to me. You may address him personally, he won’t bite,” she tittered.

Waylon cleared his throat. “Well, Aubrey, so we have to do what you say now?”

“Well, technically, I guess that’s true,” Aubrey said. “But the day-to-day running of the store will still be entirely up to Page.”

“But, you
are
the boss now,” Waylon said. “We
have
to do whatever you say.”

“But I won’t be giving any orders.”

“But still, you’re the boss.”

Aubrey shook his head in annoyance. “No, Waylon, I’m not the boss, Page is the boss, I’m just co-owner. Page is in charge here, not me.” He looked helplessly out at the employees, some of whom were exchanging heated whispers.

“But, you
could
fire me, if you felt like it,” Waylon continued. “You could fire any of us, right?”