Shelter Me Home (18 page)

Silence.

Boom!
A gun sounded from a short distance, and she jumped, clutching the comforter to her chest. A jolt of panic, white and hot, pushed her into motion, and she dressed with frantic urgency.

Outside, Aanon unloaded the extra round from his rifle and stood, weight on one leg, like it was the most normal thing in the world to be popping off rounds at the crack of morning. A black cow lay in a heap near the shelter, and if she had to guess, she’d wager the tag in its ear read 417.

He nodded a greeting at her approach. “I don’t usually butcher my own cattle as a rule. Bad for business, you know. But, she hurt you, and she’s a troublemaker to the herd. And now she’ll feed you and the baby through the winter. That’s what I’d like to call Alaskan justice.”

Huh. Now that was a cow she would thoroughly enjoy eating. “You want me to help prepare her?”

He set the unloaded rifle on the back of the four-wheeler and donned a smile that lit up the morning. “You never cease to surprise me in a good way. Nah, its messy work, and I’d rather you take it easy today.”

“Did you already eat breakfast?”

“No. Are you hungry? I could cook us some eggs real quick.”

“Oh no, you don’t. I’m cooking this morning,” she called over her shoulder as she headed for the chicken coop. “And Falk?”

“Yeah?”

“Next time you muster a hankering for target practice before the danged rooster crows, a little warning would be nice.”

His unapologetic laugh ricocheted off the mountains, and she hid her grin. The man didn’t need encouragement.

She scrambled enough eggs to feed Bruno and Luna as well. They’d tried their best to distract that blasted cow when she’d attacked, and Farrah would thank them through their bellies. The wolf pup sported a pink rhinestone collar she’d picked up on her last trip to town, and she looked quite the pretty predator as she waited impatiently for breakfast. Aanon came in only long enough to eat, and then headed back out to process the beef. It would hold in the weather, but Aanon explained that if the meat froze, it would make it more difficult to make certain cuts.

After she cleaned the kitchen, she wandered out to the barn where Aanon was fast at work with the meat cutter. She sat on a stool by the shop table and packaged and labeled each cut. Then she taped the paper and stacked them in cardboard boxes. T-bone steaks, chuck roasts, rib roasts, round roasts, ribs, sirloin steaks, and strips for stew meat and jerky.

Such confidence was given to each cut that she watched in awe as Aanon worked. He explained everything he did and why as he went along, and she gained an entirely new respect for where her hamburgers came from.

The hundreds of pounds of red meat insured they would have plenty of protein to survive the winter.

“Are you up for visiting the neighbors?” he asked as he pulled the plastic gloves from his hands and tossed them in the trash.

“Probably should so the good people of Cooper Landing know I’m okay.”

He packed two of the boxes into the extra freezer and loaded the third into the back of the truck. When she’d readied for the day and dressed for the cold, he helped her into the passenger seat and off they went, bumping and jouncing slowly down the road until they came to the turn off for Billy’s family.

At each stop they made, Aanon seemed to know just the cuts of meat each family or homesteader preferred. Billy’s mom brought out six jars of preserved smoked salmon and patted Aanon’s cheek affectionately before they headed to the next home. Ben, Mayva’s family, the Thompson’s, and an older woman named Mrs. Tessa filled their day, and with the last cuts of meat, Farrah asked a favor.

“My mom struggles in the winter,” she explained. “Could we take the last of it to her?”

Intertwining his fingers with hers, he rested their hands on her thigh. “Sure.”

“What is that satisfied, cat-got-the-cream look on your face for?”

“It’s stupid,” he said through a self-deprecating grin.

“Tell me!”

“I just like when you let me into the parts of your life you hide from everyone else.”

With a sigh, she scrunched her nose. “I was just going to drop it on her porch, but do you want to meet her?”

“Yeah, I’d love to meet your mom.”

“Don’t—just don’t…” What did she mean to say? Don’t expect too much? Don’t be disappointed?

A gentle squeeze of her hand said he understood.

Mom opened the door to the singlewide, wrinkles deepening with the exuberant smile that took her face. “Is this Aanon?” she asked. “I seen you around, but I never met you before. And Farrah here used to talk about you all the time when she was in school—”

“Mom,” Farrah cut in.

Aanon’s eyes were twinkling with humor, and her embarrassment deepened. She was already regretting this.

“Oh, right. Won’t you come in?” she said slowly as she swept her hand grandly toward the inside of her house.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Fennel,” Aanon said, shifting the box of beef and offering his hand. “We brought you a present.”

“Oh,” she said, peeking across the folded cardboard. “Well, surely I can find room for fine cuts of meat. This way.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he said charmingly as he followed her into the small kitchen.

They talked easily as Farrah sank into the couch cushion. But then, she was pretty sure Aanon could get along with a badger. He just had a way about him that put people at ease.

“Oh honey, I almost forgot. I heard something dreadful yesterday. Folks in town said you were hurt bad enough to go to the clinic. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, Mom. I’m fine. Just had a run in with a pissed off cow.” She arched her eyebrow at the box they were unloading into the freezer.

“Oh, I see. And the baby?”

“She’s fine.”

“She?” A look of hope flitted across her features. “It’s a girl?”

Farrah couldn’t help but laugh because Aanon’s face had cracked into a grin so bright he lit the entire house with it. “Yes, I’m having a girl.”

“Well, don’t that beat all,” Mom whispered. A shaking hand dashed against her eyes that welled with emotion.

The rest of the visit was pleasant. Mom made hot cocoa and told Aanon stories from when Farrah was a child. A less charitable part of her was surprised Mom remembered them, but a bigger piece of her was happy that she seemed to have such fond memories from when she was little.

When they finally left, Mom shook Aanon’s hand for a long time and told him she was glad he was taking care of her baby.

Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the emotions that came with having a meaningful visit with someone she’d sworn most of a lifetime to deny charitable feelings toward, but tears of joy streaked her cheeks as she climbed into the passenger seat of the truck.

“Are you okay?” Aanon asked, rubbing her back.

“I really am,” she said thickly. She felt like she was so raw with the extreme ups and downs. She’d never cried much, but lately she was, and for what? Maybe she was just feeling emotional, but more likely, in Cooper Landing, she was overflowing with a deep happiness, and her well of tears needed an outlet.

The main drag was bustling with activity as the townspeople prepared for another winter storm later in the week.

“Oy!” Burtlebey hailed them, and she rolled down the window. “Welcome back to the land of the living. You had us worried.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll be back at work serving you drinks before you know it.”

“Swear it?” he said.

“I swear!” she called as Aanon pulled away.

Others who’d apparently spent time in the waiting room of the clinic yesterday waved and called well wishes over the sound of crunching snow beneath the tires. A sense of deep belonging filled her.

A pleasurable heat still touched her cheeks by the time the truck crossed onto Falk land. Today had been perfect, from waking in Aanon’s bed to meeting his neighbors. He looked at her with such pride, evident in every feature of his face when she spoke to the people he cared about. He was a caregiver, a man who went out of his way to make sure his friends were okay, and it meant something to him that she connected with them. She wasn’t sure what, but from the smile that still ghosted his mouth, it was something good.

A flash of color drew her gaze, and she leaned forward to wipe condensation from the window. “Aanon?”

“Yeah?” he asked, scanning the road for the safest route.

“Why is there a moving van in your front yard?”

A helpless moan escaped her lips as Farrah beheld the wreckage of the cattleman’s cabin. The snow was dotted with her clothes, jewelry, and upended luggage. Even the precious cradle lay on its side, emptied of blankets.

Aanon sat white as a sheet beside her, mouth slightly open, as he pulled the Chevy to a stop beside the moving van.

Erin waved cheerfully from the front porch.

The door creaked, and the truck rocked as Aanon slid out. “What, in the actual fuck, do you think you’re doing?”

“Hey, baby!” she squealed as she rocketed into his arms. “It’s moving day! Oh, and watch your mouth. Dodge is running around here somewhere.”

“Where?” Aanon said, scanning the yard. “Where is he?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in a couple of hours. I’ve been busy preparing our love nest.” She wiped her fuchsia lipstick stain from his cheek.

“Dodge!” he yelled, prying her off him.

Farrah escaped the confines of the cab and yelled Dodge’s name in the other direction.

“I’ll check the house,” he said, giving Farrah a significant look before he ran for the porch.

She rushed for the cattleman’s cabin and searched her thrashed home. It wasn’t big, and after a minute, it was clear Aanon’s son wasn’t in there. She had a terrible feeling in her gut as she ran for the dog houses, but he wasn’t in there either. A check of the cattle pens and horses stalls, even the chicken coop, turned up nothing.

“He’s not in the house,” Aanon called, voice panicked.

“Call the police!” she cried as he bolted for the barn.

On a hunch, she marched toward the big house, but Erin stood in her way.

“Move,” Farrah growled.

“You’re not stepping one foot in my house.”

“If you did something to him, I swear, I’ll kill you.”

“Pipe down. I would never hurt my son. And besides, I have a witness who’ll back me up that you just threatened my life.” She leaned forward and whispered into her ear. “I brought you a going away gift, Farrah.”

At a gesture, she turned slowly to find Miles sitting on the porch swing. His muddy eyes, ones she once thought so alluring, searched her face questioningly. His hair was cropped short to ease his receding hairline, and he looked older, more tired than when she’d left New York. Without a word, she shoved her way past Erin.

“Did you see that?” the atrocious woman asked. “She laid hands on me, too!”

Gasping for breath that didn’t want to come from lungs frozen in shock, she jogged for the door to the root cellar and climbed down. It was dark, and she pulled the string that turned on the swaying light bulb.

“Dodge,” she whispered. “It’s me, Farrah.”

A whimper sounded from the corner, and she stepped around a crate of sawdust and potatoes.

He sat huddled in on himself, arms wrapped tightly around his middle like armor.

“Oh Dodge,” she said, dropping to her knees. “It’s okay, buddy.”

He jumped into her arms and sobbed. “Mommy scared me.”

“How, baby?”

“She broke your house and yelled at me.”

“So you came down here because you knew she wouldn’t try to find you here?”

“Yes.” His answer came out so softly, she could barely make it out.

For long minutes, she sat there holding him until he was cried out. She had to let Aanon know he was okay before he worried himself into a frenzy, but she couldn’t bring herself to leave Dodge in the dark, cold root cellar.

“Guess what?” she asked.

“What?”

“Daddy is here. And he wouldn’t ever let anything happen to you. Right?”

Dodge nodded.

“So I think we should go tell him you’re okay because he’s very worried.”

Another nod, and he slid his tiny hand into hers as she stood. She led him through the back entrance that took them outside and called for Aanon as soon as she hit fresh air.

“Did you find him?” he called.

“Yes. He’s okay.”

When he reached them, he slid the last couple of feet on his knees and hugged Dodge to his chest. “Son, you scared me so bad. Don’t ever hide like that from us again, okay?”

“Aanon,” she warned. “He’s afraid of Erin. He hid there so she wouldn’t find him. Apparently, he saw her trash the cattleman’s cabin, and she was yelling at him while she did it.”

Aanon just stared at her like he didn’t understand the words coming from her mouth. Slowly, life returned to his eyes, and he asked Dodge if it was true.

Dodge nodded and gave a brave attempt at stifling a second round of tears.

“Go help Ms. Farrah clean up her clothes by the cabin, and I’m going to go talk to Momma, okay?”

His little lip trembled, threatening to break Farrah’s heart, but he nodded. Brave little man, so much like his father.

She and Dodge piled the strewn, snow-dusted clothing into the big suitcase. One of the wheels was busted off, and the word
whore
was scribbled across the front in her favorite color of pink lipstick. She sent a silent thank you into the clouds that the little boy was too young to read. Aanon’s deep and muffled voice could be heard from the porch, and Erin shrieked a lot, but Farrah did her best to hurry Dodge inside so he didn’t have to hear the poison his mother was spewing.

Miles let himself in as she lit the wood burning stove.

“I didn’t want to see you like this,” he said, gesturing to the big house. “I didn’t know what that woman was about. She called and told me where you were, said you needed help. I never meant for any of this to happen. I didn’t know I was part of some big elaborate plan to hurt you. I was just worried about you. About the baby.”

She pulled a disheveled blanket from the floor and wrapped it around Dodge’s shaking shoulders. “What do you want from me?”

“I want you to move back to New York. Let me put you up in a nice place and take care of you and my child. I’ll pay for everything, Farrah. You won’t have to work until you want to. Or you could stay at home with the baby even.”

“Her. You can call the baby her.”

“A girl?” A flash of something hard crossed his features. “That’s okay, my offer still stands.”

“Your offer for me to be your kept woman? Would your wife ever know about our daughter?”

“Farrah, please.”

“Would she?”

His dark eyes were stern, serious. “No.”

“She could have a life here.”

“Here?” Bitterness touched his voice. “With the animals? Do you even have running water? Is there a hospital within a hundred miles of here? I cannot even fathom where you’re going to have this child when the time comes. I drove through town. There’s nothing there Farrah! This is no place for you or my child. You chose wrong.”

Sniffing, she nodded her head slowly. “Yes, I did.” How could she not have seen how wrong he was for her when they were together? He stood for nothing she needed in a man. She couldn’t blame it on the absence of a father figure, showing her what to look for. He’d made the decision not to be part of her life, and she’d accepted that a long time ago. It was on her to choose to be with a man who cared for her above himself. Good grief, even a man who respected her at all would’ve been a better option than Miles.

Erin’s obnoxious voice grew louder, and the door crashed open. “I have demands if you ever want to see your son again,” she finished.

Aanon brushed past her and stood in front of Dodge. When he did a double take at Miles, Farrah muttered, “Aanon, Miles. Miles, Aanon.”

Aanon dropped his face into his hands and rubbed his eyes like he hadn’t slept in days. “Jesus, Erin.”

“Yeah, I called him. So what? Your ex needs a ride into town and plane fare. And I’m not paying for that shit. Her baby daddy is responsible for that business.”

“Wow,” Miles muttered.

“Here’s how this is going down. I’m moving into the big house with Aanon. And Dodge, of course. You”—she jabbed a finger at Farrah—“are evicted, effective immediately. I don’t want you around me or my son. She pushed me, Aanon. You should be defending me right now.”

Farrah shrugged unapologetically when Aanon looked at her. She would’ve claw-slapped her angry face if she hadn’t been in such a hurry to find Dodge.

“I’m glad you called the police. I’m going to file assault charges. You’ll be having your baby in prison if you don’t get off my property. Right now!”

“Yeah, that would never hold,” Miles said. “I’m a lawyer. I’d know.”

Erin’s mouth opened and shut like a landed salmon.

“Really, none of what you’ve said would.” He swung a tired gaze to Aanon. “Empty threats, I’m afraid. I can get you primary custody of your son just based on what I’ve personally seen and heard in the last four hours. She hit him with flying debris on multiple occasions during her psychotic tirade on your house, and she cursed out your son for being
just like his father
. The kid didn’t even act like it was an abnormal occurrence.”

Aanon looked sick as he shook his head. “Erin, tell me that’s not true.”

She crossed her arms and arched her perfectly plucked eyebrow. “I’m not saying anything without my lawyer present.”

“Have you filed for a custody hearing yet?” he asked Aanon.

“I did,” Erin replied.

Miles narrowed his eyes at the interruption but ignored her. “Judges don’t like taking children from their mothers without good cause. That’s where it’s going to get sticky unless you have a good lawyer. Do you?”

“Can’t afford one,” Aanon said low. “I pay everything I make to Erin so she can take care of Dodge.”

Miles’s empty glare landed on Farrah, but his words were for Aanon. “I’ll hire the best lawyer in Anchorage to fight for full custody of your son.”

Aanon followed his gaze to her and frowned. Suspiciously, he asked, “What’s the catch?”

“Farrah seems to care for you and the boy. I’ll pay all the fees, every penny of them, if she comes back to New York with me so I can be close to my child.”

Farrah gasped, and Aanon shook his head. “No,” he said. “Absolutely not. I don’t want that. I’ll sell this place and afford the lawyer myself.”

“Wait,” Erin said. “This isn’t how this is supposed to go. Dodge is mine, not yours.”

“He’s more than a game piece, Erin,” Farrah whispered as the first threads of defeat stretched for her heart. If she gave in, Dodge would be safe. Aanon could have his son and be free to live his life. He could keep the homestead and give it to Dodge when he was old enough to run it. She closed her eyes and absorbed the visions of Aanon teaching him how to run cattle and fix fencing. They could have it all if she made this sacrifice.

“I want you to sign a contract and hire a lawyer before we board the plane,” Farrah said in a strangled voice.

“Done.”

“No!” Aanon said. “This isn’t done. I don’t want this. Farrah,” he said, pleading. “Don’t leave. Don’t go back with him. Stay here with me. We’ll find another way.”

“What other way? She’ll take you to court before you’re ready.” She dragged her eyes to Dodge where fear pooled in the little boy’s eyes, and she couldn’t stand it. “I can’t stay here and risk him being taken from you. This place is amazing, Aanon. If I stayed and you sold it, it would be the greatest tragedy. One I’d never forgive myself for.” Siren’s sounded in the distance and Farrah inhaled a burning breath. “It’s what I want. It’ll be better if my child knows her father, and she can’t know him from here.”

Because they were lies, the words created little embers in the pit of her stomach. Her child would be just fine not knowing Miles. She’d always be shamed and hidden, the secret daughter of a powerful man’s mistress. Farrah would have to make up for Miles’s inadequacies.

The cabin grew quiet, and she left before she drowned in the sorrow of Aanon’s gaze.

An hour later, after the reports were filled out and the sheriff satisfied, she loaded up her suitcase into Miles’s rental car and bit her lips against the tears that filled her eyes. She smiled at Dodge and waved as Miles pulled away. Aanon knelt by Luna, holding her pink collar so she wouldn’t follow, and she barked uncontrollably as they passed. It was Aanon’s face that would haunt her all her days, though. She’d never seen him cry, but a tear had slipped his cheek just before she turned away.

Winter trees, bare of their leaves, and evergreens passed, and she tried to remember every one. It was the last time she would see this road.

Thickly, she said, “I won’t ever be yours to keep. All I want from you is what you promised. Pay for Aanon’s lawyer and get him custody of his child. Other than that, I don’t want anything, just like I told you before. I don’t want an apartment or for you to pay my bills. I’m nobody’s secret.”

“How do you plan on raising a child with no money?”

“I’ll work and provide for us, just like I was going to do here.” Her imaginings wavered like a mirage and disappeared entirely. She wouldn’t be raising the baby in Cooper Landing alongside the people she’d grown to love. At the new absence of her dreams, her chest hurt, as if someone were standing atop it. A sob burst from her throat, and warm tears fell from her damp eyelashes as she doubled over from the pain of her loss.