She's So Dead to Us (25 page)

Suddenly my phone rang. My heart stopped. Was she psychic? I fumbled it out of my back pocket and looked at the screen. The call was from Shannen. Oh. I answered.

“Hey,” I said.

“Did you get it?” she asked.

“I did. Army green. It’s fucking awesome,” I replied.

“Then get your ass over here and pick me up. I have to get out of here.”

“Your dad?” I asked, holding my breath.

“He’s not home yet, but they had a huge fight last night, so I’m expecting round two.”

“I’m sure it’ll be all right. Maybe it won’t even happen.”

“Yeah, right. Why aren’t you in my driveway yet?”

I felt a twinge of guilt and tried to ignore it. “I can’t. I’ve got some stuff I gotta do.”

“Stuff? What stuff? It’s your birthday.”

“I know. I just . . . I gotta go. I’ll call you later.”

“Jake. You better not—”

I ended the call and silenced my phone. I felt guilty for bailing on her, but right now she was not the person I wanted to see. She could handle her dad when she needed to. And if not, she had four other houses she could run to. My parents were still standing there, arms wrapped around each other against the cold, their breath making steam clouds in the air. I lifted my hand in a wave and pulled out of the driveway. It felt weird to be driving by myself. No parent or instructor telling me to stay to the right, slamming their feet into the floor as if there were brakes there. My heart was pounding as I made my way slowly down Vista View Lane and put my blinker on at the bottom. My skin felt alert, and the hair on my neck stood on end. My hands were actually shaking.

This was what freedom felt like.

I drove slowly up Harvest toward Twin Oaks Drive. Parents were just getting home from work. A couple of kids played basketball in one driveway. Someone was taking his garbage to the curb. Every time something moved in my peripheral vision, I flinched, but I tried to sit back and look cool just in case anyone saw me out their window. In two minutes I was there. I pulled my car into the driveway in front of the huge brick house and took a deep breath as I cut the engine.

My maiden voyage. No accidents. I got out of the car feeling as if I’d just come home from some kind of crusade. My knees were shaky as I strode up the steps and rang the bell. Every inch of me was on fire with nerves. The door whipped open. Dr. Nathanson stood in front of me, confused.

“Jake?”

“Hi, Dr. Nathanson. Sorry to interrupt,” I said. “Is Ally here?”

His brow creased, but he smiled. “Uh, sure. Come on in.”

I’d never been inside Quinn’s house before. It was decorated all country-style, with plaid and leather and flowers. There was a fire going in the living room, which we passed right by. As we got closer to the kitchen I heard someone laughing, but it wasn’t Ally. When we came around the corner, I saw Ally’s mom and Quinn at one end of the table, cracking up over Chinese food containers. Ally was at the other end, poking her food with chopsticks.

“Ally. You have a visitor.” Dr. Nathanson still sounded surprised. I guess he wasn’t used to people dropping by for Ally. But she had texted me that she was going to be here, and a guy had to do what a guy had to do.

She looked up and her whole face changed. It completely lit up. That reaction made me feel happier than I’d ever felt in my whole life.

“Hey,” I said. “Wanna go for a ride?”

“Mom?” I said. “Can I?”

My mother set her fork down. “Ally, we’re guests of Gray and Quinn’s tonight.”

“I know, but—”

“It’s my birthday,” Jake interrupted.

“Oh. Happy birthday,” Gray said.

“Thank you, sir,” Jake replied with a nod. “Anyway, I just got a car, and I thought maybe Ally and I could go get some coffee or something.”

My mom raised one eyebrow. I guess she didn’t buy the coffee story. But what did she think I was gonna do? We were just going to go for a drive.

“Please, Mom?” I stood up and reached for my coat. “It’s his birthday.”

My mother exchanged a look with Gray, and I bristled. Was she consulting him on parenting decisions now? God, now I really had to get out of there. From the corner of my eye, I saw him nod and shrug. I held my breath.

“Fine,” my mom said. “You can go.”

“Thanks! Bye, Gray! Bye, Quinn,” I said as brightly as I could.

“Just drop her at home before ten, please!” my mom shouted after us as we headed for the foyer.

“I will! Thanks, Mrs. Ryan!” Jake called back.

I was kind of glad he’d made a point to say her name. She was, after all, still Mrs. Ryan. Apparently she needed some reminding of that.

Outside, I jumped into the brand-new Jeep with its dealer plates and had barely even inhaled that new car smell before he’d whipped out of the driveway so fast the tires squealed. He slammed on the brakes and swallowed.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. Let’s just get out of here,” I said.

He hit the gas and we were gone. I had wanted out of there so badly that I actually felt like we were on the run. Once again, Jake was my white knight. I closed my eyes as he took a right and drove farther up the hill. I guessed he really had been lying about the coffee. We were not headed downtown. I felt a skitter of excitement and apprehension. Where, exactly, was he taking me?

“What was going on back there?” he asked.

“That? That was a nightmare,” I told him. I looked at his profile. His perfect, handsome profile, and suddenly it hit me. I was in a car alone with Jake Graydon. Who cared where he was taking me? It was his birthday, and he’d gotten a car, and he’d come to me. Not one of his random hook-ups, not one of his friends, but me. I was actually talking to Jake again. Saying words instead of sending texts. And it felt normal. Comfortable. Exhilarating, but not at all awkward. And suddenly I wanted to tell him everything. “My mom’s trying to make me bond with Quinn. I think my mom and Gray are getting serious.”

“Wow. That’s . . . that sucks. Right?”

“Yeah. I guess. I don’t know.”

He made a left, and suddenly I realized where we were going. The country club. More specifically, the lake at the country club. I hadn’t been there in forever, but I knew no one went there during the winter unless they were going to park in the dirt lot by the boathouse and make out.

Suddenly I couldn’t breathe. I pressed my sweaty palms into the thighs of my jeans, feeling light headed. We were both silent until Jake pulled into the deserted lot facing the wide-open lake. He put the car in park, but didn’t turn off the engine. He kind of slumped back against the seat and looked out at the water.

“So,” I said. “Happy birthday.”

“Thanks,” he replied. “Sorry about just coming over like that. I didn’t think—”

“That you’d be interrupting the pseudofamily dinner from hell?” I asked.

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath and ran his hands up and down the steering wheel. He glanced at me tentatively. “Hey, have you heard from your dad at all?”

Another car was driving up the road, its headlights flashing in Jake’s side mirror. It turned and parked at the other end of the lot, the couple inside probably wanting their privacy.

“Nope,” I said, my heart heavy. “It’s like he doesn’t even remember we exist. He didn’t even call on my mom’s birthday or anything. I have no idea where he is.” I let out a short laugh. “How bizarre is that? I don’t know where my father is.” There was a long moment of silence. Jake chewed a bit on his bottom lip. There was something weirdly tense about him.

Jake said, “Do you think he’d come back if he knew? I mean, if he knew your mom and Mr. Nathanson were . . .”

My heart squeezed. “I don’t know. Maybe. I have all these daydreams about it. Like I’ll walk out of school one day and he’ll be standing there and he’ll hug me and ask me where she is. And then I’ll tell him all about her and Gray and we’ll run into the school together and catch them, like, kissing in her office or something and my dad’ll freak out and punch Gray in the face and tell him to stay away from his wife. It’s all very dramatic.”

Jake laughed and I blushed.

“I know. It’s stupid.” I shook my head, looking down at my hands. I’d never told anyone about that daydream before.

“It’s not. I get it.”

“Anyway. That’ll never happen. I guess I just have to get used to the idea of my mom and Gray. Together.”

Tears filled my eyes and I stopped. I felt like an idiot. “I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear this crap,” I said. “It’s your birthday.”

“No. It’s fine,” he replied.

I took a deep breath, gazing out at the placid surface of the water. Across the lake, the window wall on the ballroom of the country club glowed with yellow light. A thousand memories of late-night parties with my parents, of sack races by the lake on summer Club Day, of swimming races in the pool with my friends, suddenly flooded my mind. My heart was full of all the things that I’d had to give up. Things that, clearly, I was never going to have again.

“I really never thought I’d be back here.”

Suddenly Jake’s fingers closed over mine. My heart completely stopped. He turned his hand so that it was under mine, our palms touching, and laced our fingers together. Every nerve ending in my body was in that hand.

“Ally.”

He said my name almost like a plea. I looked into his eyes.

“I know,” I said simply.

And then we kissed.

And it was just as amazing
as
I’d always imagined.

Sunday at noon I rang the doorbell at Shannen’s house. It was the only time I could be sure that both she and her dad would be awake and in semidecent moods. I knew Shannen was going to be irritated about last night, but I figured a ride in the new car and breakfast at Jump would win her over. And I also kind of wanted to talk to her about this whole thing with Ally’s dad. After last night, I felt even guiltier about keeping the secret. Was Shannen going to tell Ally? Did she still have that video? If someone was going to tell her, it had to be done right. And I had a feeling that if Shannen did it, it wouldn’t be done right. I’d been avoiding talking to her about it up until now, not wanting to deal, but if Ally and I were going to be . . . whatever we were going to be, then not dealing wasn’t an option. A decision had to be made. Shannen and I were going to figure this out. Today. But as I waited for someone to answer, I started to get nervous. What if her dad was already drunk? Or had a serious hangover? I hated dealing with him when he was pissed. I was deciding between ringing again and getting back into my Jeep when the door whipped open. Shannen stood there in sweats, scowling at me.

“Hey,” I said with a smile, lifting my keys. “Wanna go for a ride?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Oh. So now the birthday boy suddenly decides I’m worthy?”

My arms fell to my sides. “Come on. I told you I had stuff to do last night.”

She let out a short laugh. “Stuff. Good one.”

What was that supposed to mean? “Look, it’s totally nice out. We can go to Jump and get those bialys you like.”

She narrowed her eyes at me and put her hand on the door. “I already ate.” Then she started to slam the door.

I reached out and stopped it, my hand flat on the surface. “Wait.”

“What?” she snapped.

“I don’t know why you’re so mad—”

She went to close the door again. I blocked it with my foot this time.

“But I just have to ask you something,” I said, feeling desperate. Like I had some kind of ticking clock behind me.

“What?”

“You’re not gonna show that video to Ally, are you? The one with her dad?” I asked.

She laughed. “You are unbelievable.”

“What? I just . . . don’t think she should find out that way,” I said, my face hot. “Think about it. If you were her, would you want to find out that way?”

She narrowed her eyes again, still holding on to the door. “No. I wouldn’t.”

“Good, so just . . . don’t. I think if he wants to see them, he’ll go see them. It’s none of our business.”

As I said the words, I suddenly felt very confident about them. It didn’t matter that I knew what I knew. It wasn’t my place or Shannen’s or anyone else’s to tell Ally. This was her family’s thing. If we got involved, things would just get messy. As long as I could ensure Shannen would stay quiet, I knew I could keep my mouth shut too. We’d just wait it out, and eventually Ally’s dad would come around and get in touch. He’d have to, right?

“Fine,” she said. “I won’t tell her anything.” There was something hard and final about her face as she looked at me. “Are we done here?”

I moved my foot out of the way of the door, feeling lighter somehow. Shannen wasn’t going to tell Ally, which meant I didn’t have to tell Ally.

“You sure you don’t want to go for a drive?”

She rolled her eyes one last time and slammed the door in my face.