Shield of Winter (Nalini Singh) (20 page)

“Would you like to sit on my porch?” Ivy asked afterward. “It’s so nice and sunny out.”

“That’s perfect.” Sascha had been instructed to remain in sight of Lucas and the rest of the security team, and Ivy’s suggestion removed any awkwardness from the situation.

Nodding, Ivy led her to the porch, the wood warm from the sun. Then, to Sascha’s surprise, the younger empath whispered, “Are there guns pointed at me?”

Sascha gave a small laugh, knowing that no matter what happened with the other Es, Ivy Jane would become a friend. “What do you think?”

“I read that changelings are highly protective of their mates.” Smile fading, the other woman’s copper gaze shifted to linger on Vasic where the Arrow stood speaking to Lucas. “Do you think,” she murmured, “that a person who’s been Silent for almost the entirety of his life can learn to feel?”

It didn’t take being an empath to guess at the reason for Ivy’s question. “I think,” Sascha said gently, “the Psy race has been kidding itself about Silence for a long time.”

Ivy seemed to forcibly turn her attention back to Sascha. “In what way?”

Sascha paused to admire a little white dog, its breed unclear, that scampered up to the porch. Sniffing at Sascha’s hand when she held it out, it wagged its tail, then went to sit at Ivy’s side. “No one sane has ever successfully eliminated their emotions,” she said. “It’s simply a case of how deeply they’ve been buried.”

Ivy petted the adorable little dog with absent affection. “And if there’s a winter of the soul?” Troubled eyes met Sascha’s. “If the ice is so integrated that even when there’s a fracture, it seals itself as soon as he closes his eyes?”

“I don’t know,” Sascha said honestly. “There are probably some in the Net who’ve been intensely conditioned to the extent that they come as close to Silence without sociopathy as possible.” The Arrows, she thought, fell into that category.

“These people,” she added with care for Ivy’s heart, “probably embraced Silence on such a deep level for a reason.” Vicious psychic abilities, the threat of madness, a family history of violence. “They may not wish to shatter it.”

The day I feel is the day I die.

Ivy’s fingers stilled on Rabbit’s coat as Vasic’s words rang in her skull, as harsh as Sascha’s had been kind. Ivy had been so happy this morning. He’d teased her, even if he wouldn’t admit it, but when he’d woken three hours later, it was as if they’d never had that conversation, never started to weave the fragile threads of a bond she couldn’t name but that she knew she wanted. So much.

“Ivy.” Sascha’s fingers brushing her cheek.

Seeing the gentle sympathy in the cardinal’s starlit gaze, Ivy felt her eyes burn. She blinked the sandpaper of it away and consciously put aside her thoughts about the Arrow who made her want to take a sledgehammer to the ice he might need to survive.

“Can you teach me how to shield?” she asked Sascha. “I’m picking up every emotion in the compound—including your mate’s feral protectiveness.” One wrong move toward Sascha and Ivy knew she’d have claws buried in her throat. Even now, she could feel the changeling alpha’s wild green eyes on her, though he stood several meters away.

Ivy
—a caress of ice-cold water in her mind—
you’re afraid of Lucas Hunter.

Her fingers curled into her palms, her breath catching at the dark, beautiful sound of him.
Reading my mind?

No, just your body language and facial cues.

Ivy wanted to tease him but couldn’t find the heart for it, Sascha’s words having made her realize Vasic’s Silence could be a survival mechanism.

Then he said,
Don’t be afraid. I won’t let him hurt you.

Ivy felt as if she’d been wrapped in his arms. Giving in, she looked across the compound to meet the eyes of clear gray that watched her.
I know.

“Before I teach you to shield,” Sascha said at that instant, voice thoughtful, “I’ll say one more thing on our earlier subject.”

Ivy broke the intimacy of the eye contact with Vasic to see the cardinal empath was watching him, too. “What?”

“I know two men who were once as remote as your Arrow.”

“Judd Lauren,” she guessed, not bothering to protest Sascha’s description of Vasic. He
was
Ivy’s Arrow. She’d claimed him. “And?”

“Kaleb Krychek.”

Ivy shivered, tugging the sleeves of her sweater over her hands. “He’s still . . .”

“Yes.” Sascha nodded. “Except when it comes to his mate. If you succeed in cracking the ice, you have to be prepared to deal with a male as devoted and as violently protective as any changeling.”

Ivy didn’t know anything of men or of relationships, but the idea of having Vasic look at her as Lucas Hunter looked at Sascha . . . it made every cell in her body vibrate with a need so deep, it felt as if she’d been born with it.

“As for Judd,” Sascha said. “A week ago, I saw him go down under a tumble of pups who decided to ‘force’ him to play tag with them.” She closed her hand over one of Ivy’s, squeezed. “I saw him
laugh
, Ivy”—the cardinal’s eyes shone wet—“and never could I have imagined that when I first met him.”

Inside Ivy the confetti whispered up on a soft breeze.

•   •   •

VASIC
noted the ease with which Ivy accepted Sascha’s embrace at the end of their two-hour session, and instinctively checked her PsyNet shields. The fractures were visible, jagged cracks that threatened to expose her emotional existence on the PsyNet.
Ivy
, he said as soon as the DarkRiver couple had left the compound.

Her mind touched his in a familiar intimacy, the telepathic pathway private.
Yes?

Will you accept my assistance in shielding you on the PsyNet?
If she said no, he’d have to find another way to protect her. He would not compel or coerce, would not tie her down as she’d been tied down in that reconditioning chamber—the same way he’d been restrained so many times as a child.

Ivy hesitated in the doorway to her cabin.
Not yet,
she said at last.
I can seal the fractures for now.
She sought his gaze.
Having your shield over mine blinds me, and I need to be able to see the infection.

It was almost as if she was explaining so as not to hurt his feelings, when she knew he had no feelings. No, he didn’t understand Ivy at all.
I’ll work with the other Arrows to firewall this section of the Net instead,
he said.
It’ll give you freedom to work on the infection without scrutiny from unwanted sources.

Shifting on her heel, she came to join him where he stood near the pines closest to her cabin. “That sounds perfect. I don’t think the Net is ready for us.”

Ivy always smiled with some part of her body, but there was no light in her eyes now, no curve to her lips. “The session didn’t go well?”

“Oh no, it was incredible.” She rubbed at one temple, and he knew her head continued to bother her. “Sascha taught me how to create an internal shield, so I won’t get overwhelmed again like I did with Lianne—though from her experience, it looks like we can’t completely turn off our ability.”

Vasic had begun to suspect that. “Your empathy functions like an extra sense, analogous to sight or hearing.” The same way his teleporting might as well have been another limb, it was so integrated into his body.

“Yes.” Thrusting her hands into the front pockets of her jeans, she stared down at the ground. “I just . . . I thought this would be a better world, Vasic.”

An indefinable sensation inside him caused by the sound of his name on her lips. “How?”

Ivy rubbed at her temple again.

Raising his hands, he said, “Stay still,” and began a scalp and neck massage he’d learned after an injury of his own.

Ivy was so stunned at the skin-to-skin contact that it took several seconds for the pleasure of what he was doing to penetrate her nerve endings. Groaning, she allowed her head to drop forward, her palms braced against his chest. God, but she was starting to hate the stupid uniform that so effectively segregated the heat and strength of him from her touch.

But his fingers, his hands . . .

“Ivy.”

“Hmm.” Eyes closed, she focused only on the feel of those strong fingers taking away her hurt and turning her bones to jelly in the process.
More, more,
she wanted to demand, shameless in her tactile hunger for him.

“Why did you think the world would be better?”

Ivy had forgotten what she’d been talking about, had to dredge her pleasure-drunk brain to unearth the thread of their conversation. “After the fall of Silence,” she murmured, eyes still closed. “If and when I ever permitted myself to imagine it”—she moaned again as he shifted his hands to the back of her neck—“I always thought it would be a halcyon environment.” A twist of her lips. “But no matter what, people are still going to try to hurt one another.”

“The attack on Lianne is on your mind.” Ivy’s skin was delicate against the rough pads of Vasic’s fingers, but she inched closer instead of pulling away.

Her proximity increased the abrasive sensation inside his skin, a silent reminder that he should not be touching her, but he didn’t break contact. It was his job to take care of her, and it was clear this was easing her pain.

“A member of Lianne’s own family turned against her,” she said after almost a minute. “It makes me worry about what will happen when the rest of the E designation begins to go active. How many of us will die?”

Vasic looked at her downbent head, the soft black curls shining in the light that fell through the leaves above, and knew the harsh answers he had would hurt her. So all he said was, “Even the best foreseer in the world can’t predict the future with a hundred percent certainty.”

Ivy lifted up her head, her smile lopsided. “You’re saying I’m borrowing trouble.” Not waiting for a response, she looked him straight in the eye. “Maybe I am, but I just can’t seem to stop.”

He had the inexplicable sense they were no longer speaking about empaths.

•   •   •

IN
the days that followed, the compound settled into a quiet, familiar rhythm. The eighteen people within it slowly stopped being individuals and started to become a community, and like any community, they had their subgroups. Of the empaths, Ivy was closest to Chang and Jaya, though Penn quite often joined their discussions. The Scottish male tended to speak about as much as an Arrow, but was concise and penetrating in his comments when he did.

The others all had different relationships with one another, as was natural, with Chang being friendly with Brigitte, while Ivy couldn’t seem to penetrate the older woman’s reserve. Isaiah remained abrasive, but calm Penn was able to tolerate him, and so it went. No one was isolated or alone, which was the main thing.

The Arrows, of course, stuck to their own, but she’d noticed that several spent time with their Es when they could’ve as easily kept their distance. Abbot, in particular, was never far from Jaya’s side.

As for her, she’d managed to talk Vasic into eating with her more often than not. He hadn’t touched her again after those exquisite minutes that had turned her blood to honey, but she was already an addict. It was torture to sit so close and not demand a repeat, but being with him was worth it . . . though she did cheat every so often by wearing the sweater that kept sliding off her shoulder. When he fixed it—and he
always
noticed and did so without a word—it felt as if he’d stroked her.

“Here you go,” she said on the fourth day after Sascha’s visit, passing him several nutrition bars before she came down beside him on the porch, her now-favorite sweater warm around her. “Your daily, super-delicious breakfast.” He’d already carried out the drink she’d mixed for him, along with her bowl of cereal and milk.

Vasic, his forearms braced on muscled thighs, ate one before replying. “You eat the same cereal every day.”

“Yes, but it has tasty dried fruits and berries, as well as a mix of grains. Your bars are blandness personified.” That was the point after all. “Here.” She scooped up a spoonful of her breakfast. “Taste.”

What happened next had her staring.

He actually leaned forward and accepted her offer. “There are too many flavors,” was his cool conclusion.

Ivy’s toes curled at that voice of his, so intense and contained it made her wonder what he’d sound like if he ever lost control. Eating a spoonful of cereal to give herself time to think, she realized her lips were moving over the same warm metal his had touched an instant ago. Skin flushing at the small intimacy, she said, “Sorry, but you don’t get a vote. Not when you only eat nutrition bars and drink the same stuff in liquefied form.”

Vasic didn’t understand why he’d done what he’d done. All he knew was that Ivy was extraordinary. Though she’d entered the compound with the most severe mental and psychic wounds, she’d quietly shown herself to be one of the strongest people here.

That included the Arrows.

While Vasic and the others dealt with the dramatic shift in the PsyNet by attempting to stick rigidly to their conditioning, Ivy rode the wave. Every time she hit a wall, she stopped, thought about the problem with a determined concentration that caused two tiny vertical lines to form between her eyebrows, then found a way around it.