Shooting the Moon (20 page)

The accusation in his voice was clear. Lauren took a deep breath, wanting to convince him Harley’s visit
was
innocent. Then maybe he’d forgive her. She hadn’t seen her father for weeks. Like the child she used to be, she craved the hug he would’ve given her under different circumstances. But another other part of her insisted that she wasn’t a child anymore and demanded she take responsibility for her actions and decisions.

“Maybe not completely,” she admitted.

“And you want me to believe he isn’t scum to try and take advantage of you that way?”

Lauren shook her head. “You’ve got it all wrong, Dad. It wasn’t him, it was me. I would’ve slept with him tonight. He was the one who wouldn’t.”

Her father’s jaw dropped and his breath whooshed out. “How can you admit to me that you wanted to…to have sex with that man?” he asked, his voice harsh.

Because I love him,
she almost blurted.
Because I’m in love for the first time in my whole life.
But she knew that kind of truth wouldn’t justify her behavior in her father’s mind. It would only make her betrayal more complete.

“I can’t let you go on thinking Harley came back to ruin me, or get revenge on you, or upset our lives,” she said, instead. “He’s here because he wants a relationship with his son. And Brandon wants the same thing. If you could only see them together, I know you’d—”

He raised a hand. “Stop. I don’t want to hear anymore. If you want to sleep with every Tom, Dick and Harry, that’s up to you. But don’t try and tell me what Nelson
is and what he isn’t. For God’s sake, your sister’s dead because of him!”

Lauren tightened her grip on the handholds of her crutches and told herself that her father was acting this way because he was hurt. She hated knowing she was adding to his pain. But he was hurting her, too. “You know better than to say that,” she said.

“Why him, of all people?” he cried, the vein in his forehead growing more pronounced.

She needed to keep her cool before this whole situation blew up in her face. She needed to stay focused on what was really at stake and not let her father’s personal insults distract her. “My sex life is beside the point. This is about other issues. I think it’s time we quit lying to ourselves and accepted our share of the responsibility for failing Audra.”

“
Our
share of the responsibility?”

“That’s right. Harley didn’t do anything to Audra that she didn’t want him to do. And it was her fault she got pregnant, not his. She told Harley she was on birth control pills, then skipped them on purpose.”

“You expect me to believe she tried to trap him?” he sneered. “A boy who couldn’t even buy her a pair of shoes?”

“She didn’t do it to trap him.”

“Then why would she do something so foolish?”

Lauren’s heart seemed to beat audibly in the dark room. Did she have the courage to finish what she’d started? They’d never argued, not like this. Was it truly necessary to make him see the truth?

For Brandon’s sake, Lauren decided it was. She could only hope her father would love her enough to eventually overcome his anger and prejudice. “She did it to punish you, Dad. She was striking out at you because she didn’t believe you loved her and—”

“What?” Her father shot out of his chair. “Now
you’ve gone too far, Lauren! You’re not going to blame me for what happened to Audra. I did everything in my power to save my little girl. I loved her, damn it! I would’ve cut off my right arm if I thought it would make her happy. I’d do it now if I thought it would bring her back.”

Tears spilled over Lauren’s lashes. “I know that, Dad,” she said, hobbling a little closer. “I know you loved her and tried your best. But she didn’t understand that. Or maybe she did and it just wasn’t enough. I don’t think she believed any of us loved her. She felt like an outsider.”

“It’s Harley Nelson making you talk like this,” her father insisted. “He did the same thing to Audra. That son of a bitch poisons everything he touches. He—”

“It isn’t him,” Lauren snapped, angrily swiping at the tears that were now rolling down her face. “Would you quit blaming him for everything? I know what I know because I’ve read Audra’s journals. You remember, those books we quickly packed away and hid from view so we wouldn’t have to know what really happened? Well, I got them out and read them, Dad. I know Harley’s as much a victim in this as the rest of us. Yes, he defied you when he was young. Yes, he was a poor boy who partied too much, and he had no business having sex with Audra or any other girl at such a young age. But Audra was definitely a willing partner. At least he tried to keep her away from drugs—”

“He started her on them, you mean.”

“No, he hated it when she got high and they fought about it often. He honestly cared for her. He even tried to stand by her when he learned about the baby.”

“That’s not true.” Her father shook his head adamantly. “He left her for a measly two thousand dollars.”

“I’m not sure if that was his fault or yours,” she whispered.

“Mine?” her father shouted.

“Did he come to you and ask for money?”

No answer.

“Did he?” she pressed.

“He would’ve ruined her life. I had to get him out of the picture somehow. But the fact that he took the money says enough.”

Lauren drew a bolstering breath. “I don’t think so.”

Her father lifted his chin and narrowed his eyes and, to Lauren, he suddenly seemed like a stranger. “Then you’re not thinking straight. All this crap about Audra not knowing how much we cared—you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Lauren wiped her nose on her robe, now crying so hard she could barely speak. “It’s the truth, but even if you refuse to acknowledge it, you have to see that Brandon loves Harley. We can’t deny him the chance to know his father. Let’s set up a meeting with Harley and see if we can’t arrange some kind of visitation. Offer him summers, holidays—”

“No. Brandon will be fine without him.”

“Did you see Brandon tonight?”

Her father paused, but only briefly and, when he spoke, he seemed to be talking to himself as much as her. “He’ll get over this. We all will.”

“No,” Lauren said simply.

Whirling on her, he demanded, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“It means it’s not going to happen your way this time, Dad.”

He stared at her in what looked like utter amazement. “What did you say?”

“I said it’s not going to go that way.”

“Like hell it’s not,” he bellowed. “Either you stay out of this thing between me and Harley, or you pack your bags and get out of this house.”

Lauren felt as though she was suffocating, as though someone was sitting on her chest and pushing a pillow over her nose and mouth. “Do you realize what you’re saying? You’re forcing me to take a stand against you.”

“I’m not forcing you to do anything. It’s your choice,” he said. “Either support me, or support him. But if you go with Harley, Lauren, mark my words, you’ll learn the hard way. And I won’t be there to pick up the pieces. I went through enough because of him the first time.”

The worst kind of fear Lauren had ever known crept over her. She’d always had her family, never questioned their love. But now, if she followed her heart, she’d be completely on her own. No more safety net. Once her father made up his mind, he had too much pride to ever back down. Did she believe in Harley that much?

Lauren couldn’t answer that question, at least not with any confidence. As much as she thought she loved Harley, chances were good that he didn’t care about her in return, at least not in the same way. Maybe he never would. But this wasn’t really about Harley; it was about trusting her own conscience and judgement. She believed Brandon had a right to know his father. She had to stand up for that belief and not sell out for a comfortable place to live and a generous monthly allowance as Audra had.

“Please, don’t give me an ultimatum,” she said softly. “I don’t want Harley or anyone else to come between us.”

“Then don’t let him.”

She swallowed hard. “Dad—”

“The choice is easy, Lauren. It’s me or him.”

“But this has less to do with Harley than you think,” she said. “This is about Brandon.”

“This has everything to do with Harley. If he hadn’t come back and started trouble, I wouldn’t be standing here.”

Lauren hesitated, waiting, hoping her father would give
her some sign that he might change his mind, but he remained resolute. “Will you at least try to look at things from my perspective?”

“No.”

Silence.

“Then I’ll pack my things and be gone tomorrow,” she said at last. “But I won’t leave Brandon behind.”

“Oh, yes, you will,” he said, but his voice was flat and had lost some of its edge, and he sank into his seat again, as though her answer had deflated him. “Brandon stays with me, or I’ll call the police. I’m his legal guardian. And if you leave, you won’t be allowed to come back.”

For a moment, Lauren wondered if this was all some sort of bad dream. Maybe she’d wake up tomorrow and everything would be the way it always was. But she knew that even nightmares didn’t hurt like this. “You can’t mean that,” she said. “Think about what it’ll do to Brandon. He’s like my own son. He’ll be lost without me.”

He was staring off into space again. “Marilee and I will take care of him. He’s a good boy, a strong boy. He’ll be fine. He survived his mother’s folly, didn’t he?”

“And you want to add to that?” Again, anger became dominant among Lauren’s scrambled emotions, making her firm in her resolve. Her father was wrong. Regardless of his own pain, he had no right to cause Brandon any suffering.

He didn’t respond.

“Then, just so you know, Harley’s pressing for custody,” she said. “And I’m going to support him.”

Quentin chuckled humorlessly. “Good luck. That’s like the puppy trying to bite the dog. You won’t get anywhere. You’ll be back on my doorstep in a matter of weeks.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” she said, and when she headed to her room, she knew she’d reached the point of no return. She was on her own.

S
URELY HE COULDN’T CARE
about Lauren, Harley thought. Not as much as it seemed. He’d only been in Portland a week. What he felt was some trick of his imagination, his worst fear coming true. But he didn’t need to worry about it. Last night he’d walked away from her and avoided the emotional entanglement that making love would have caused—not to mention the humiliation of being caught in her bed by her father. Certainly that showed some growth and demonstrated his control.

But if he was in such control, why was he still going over and over that moment and feeling something so close to regret?

“It’s only six o’clock. What are you doing up so early?” Tank asked, yawning and scratching his head as he stumbled into the living room.

Harley blinked, returning to the computer screen glowing in front of him. He’d been handling all the panic messages he’d received from Joe yesterday. A customer’s down payment had bounced and Joe wondered whether to refer the deal to the collection agency or repossess the bike. A personal friend who’d placed a special order was getting tired of waiting for his bike to come in, and Joe wanted to know if he could sell him another model at a discounted price. And Roger, one of the salesmen, had just given his notice. They were short-handed and needed to hire more help. Joe was asking if he should place an ad in the paper and start interviewing or wait for Harley
to get back. It was the kind of stuff Harley normally handled on a daily basis, but he was having a difficult time concentrating on it now, which was probably why it had taken him so long to sort through the messages.

“I’ve just been getting a few things done,” he said. “What are you doing up? It’s Sunday. I figured you’d sleep in.”

Tank rubbed his stomach. “I was hoping to. But Kimberly and I ate too much ice cream last night. It isn’t sitting well.”

Harley rocked back in his chair and stretched out his legs. “Did you and Kimberly have a good time yesterday?”

A grin lit Tank’s face. “Definitely.”

“You seeing her again?”

He rubbed the whiskers on his chin, still smiling. “We’re taking Lucy to the lake today. Kimberly’s great with Lucy,” he added.

“How is she with you?”

The color of Tank’s face deepened. “I really like her.”

“I thought things had to be going pretty well.”

“They’re going better than well.” He raised a suspicious eyebrow. “But you came in pretty late. What’s going on with you?”

Harley swiveled and started to shut down his laptop. He was exhausted and needed to get some sleep. And he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about what had happened last night. “Nothing.”

“Come on! You were at Lauren’s almost all night.”

“I was trying to look after Brandon for Lauren, because of her ankle. But then her father showed up.”

“No shit?” Tank said. “Quentin’s back?”

“Thanks partially to your brother.”

His friend ran a hand through his sleep-tousled hair. “What does Damien have to do with it?”

After zipping up his computer bag, Harley sat down
and settled his elbows on the chair’s armrests. “From what Quentin said, Damien was calling him in London, warning him about what I was doing here in his absence.”

“Wow, Damien really likes Lauren, doesn’t he?” Tank said, shaking his head. “Maybe you should give him a call and tell him you’re not interested in her. I’ve tried to get the message through to him several times, but he won’t believe me.”

“No,” Harley said, remembering the possessive way Tank’s brother had behaved around Lauren. He’d sooner break Damien’s nose than reassure him about anything.

On the other hand, maybe Tank’s idea wasn’t a bad one. Claiming a lack of interest in Lauren might not be exactly truthful, but Harley couldn’t allow anything romantic to exist between them without asking history to repeat itself, so the reality was the same. Why not make Lauren’s life a little easier by getting Damien off her back? Harley hated that everyone close to her, except maybe Kim, seemed to be turning on her, insisting she was making a mistake just because she’d befriended him.

“On second thought, maybe I will do that,” he said. “What’s your brother’s number?”

“You’re going to call him this early?” Tank asked.

“Why not? That way I’ll be sure to catch him at home.”

Tank hesitated, then shrugged. “Okay. Doesn’t make any difference to me.” He picked up the cordless phone lying on the coffee table, dialed and handed it to Harley, then stood waiting.

When Damien answered, it was obvious he’d been sleeping, but Harley felt no remorse for waking him.
Be civil,
he told himself. But civil wasn’t the best way to describe the words that came out of his mouth. “What the hell did you think you were doing calling Quentin Worthington in Europe and trying to make problems for Lauren and me?”

“Harley?”

“Damn right.”

“I wasn’t trying to make problems for Lauren. I was trying to help her. And her father really appreciated my input.”

“I’ll bet. And now he can thank you in person. He’s back.”

“Good. Maybe you’ll head home to California or wherever the hell you’re from and Lauren will start thinking straight.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Lauren’s thinking,” Harley insisted.

“There is if she’s willing to associate with you.”

Harley’s grip on the phone tightened as the nose-breaking image returned. “And you think getting me out of the picture will change things? That she’ll suddenly want to get back together with you?”

“Maybe.”

Tank waved to attract his attention. “Tell him you don’t even think she’s cute. Tell him you’re only interested in Brandon.”

Instead, Harley said, “She’s never going to marry you.”

“Why not?” Damien demanded.

“Because she’s in love with me.”

Silence. Even Harley’s heart seemed to stop beating. What the hell had he just said and why had he said it?

“That’s a lie,” Damien shouted. “And if you’ve touched her or done
anything
to her, I’ll…I’ll—”

Harley leaned forward, adrenaline pumping through his veins. “You’ll what? Tell her
daddy?
”

“Just stay away from her!”

“Sorry. I’ll stay away if and when she tells me to, and not until then,” he said and hung up.

His friend was staring at him as though he’d just grown two heads. Closing his mouth, which had been gaping
open, Tank swallowed visibly. “I think that convinced him,” he said.

“L
AUREN, WHAT’S GOING ON
?
When I called your house this morning, your father answered. I’ve been trying to reach you ever since. Why haven’t you been answering your cell?”

Lauren blinked against the light streaming in through a crack in the draperies and blocked the glare with a pillow. It was Kimberly. She was nearly certain. But she wasn’t certain of anything else—until she saw the suitcases next to the bed. Last night hadn’t been a dream. She’d kissed Harley, her father had surprised them, she’d moved out…“Yikes, could it have gotten any worse?” she muttered.

“Lauren? Did you hear me? Where are you?”

“I’m at a hotel downtown,” she said. “I haven’t been answering my cell because I’ve been sleeping.”

“How could you sleep at a time like this?”

“I was up all night.”

“Why are you at a hotel?”

“My father kicked me out.”

“No! I can’t believe that.”

Everything had happened so fast, Lauren couldn’t believe it, either. She was still hoping the hotel room was some sort of drug-induced hallucination prompted by the painkiller, but those damn suitcases indicated otherwise. “It’s true,” she said, then winced when pain shot up her shin from her ankle. “And my ankle’s killing me, to boot.”

“Do you have your pain pills and your crutches?”

“I do. I had some time to pack, thank God.” After the argument with her father, Lauren had gone directly to her room, gathered her things and left. She hadn’t wanted to treat Brandon to another tearful scene like the one he’d witnessed with Harley.

“Why didn’t you come here?” Kimberly asked. “You know we would’ve taken you in.”

Lauren put a hand to her forehead and tried to knead away the last vestiges of sleep. When she’d left home, she’d considered going to Kim’s, but she didn’t want to be “taken in.” She wanted to become independent. She’d decided to bow out of the women’s shelter fund-raiser, leave it in Jennifer Pratt’s capable hands and, as soon as her ankle healed, she’d find a job. A real job, not the “come in when you want” arrangement she’d always had with her father.

“I didn’t want to impose,” she said. “Or drag your parents into this disaster. Besides, whether I like it or not, I feel I’m doing what I should’ve done years ago. I lived at home for Brandon’s sake and because I didn’t have any real motivation to move. I thought I was happy with my life. But lately I’ve begun to realize that there are certain things lacking. It’s time I grew up for real.”

“Come on, Lauren. Don’t do anything drastic,” Kim said. “This is just a temporary rift. Once Quentin calms down, everything will return to normal, and you and I will be back at the club, drinking lattes.”

Lauren sat higher in the bed, careful not to hurt her ankle again. “I won’t be able to spend my time at the club drinking lattes—I’ll be working,” she said. “In any case, my biggest concern is for Brandon. My father wouldn’t let me take him, but he won’t let me come back and see him, either.”

Kimberly made a noise of surprise. “Why would he do something that would hurt Brandon so much?”

“He’s a businessman. He was trying to manipulate me into staying put and obeying him like a good girl. Brandon was his bargaining chip.”

“But you wouldn’t let him get the best of the situation. Good. I’m really proud of you.”

“No one got the best of the situation,” Lauren said. “We all lost, which is the saddest thing of all.”

“Well, you said it yourself. Your father’s a businessman. He’ll see it’s in his best interests to rethink this. I mean, how will he and your mother go to Europe next year with Brandon in school? They’re not going to like being so tied down, doing all the stuff you’ve always done—karate, sewing Brandon’s Halloween costumes, dealing with his teachers. You know, everything. Just wait and see.”

“I hope you’re right,” Lauren said, switching the phone to her other ear. “If not, I’m going to help Harley press his claim. I might anyway. He’s younger than my parents and eager to be a dad.”

“Oh, my gosh! You’re not serious.”

Lauren hadn’t known until that moment that she
was
serious. But thoughts of Audra’s journals and the past, and what Lauren had learned about Harley Nelson just by being with him, convinced her. “He’s a good man who wants his son,” she said. “And I think Brandon deserves the chance to have a real dad.”

“Where do you fit into this picture?” Kim asked.

A lump the size of a baseball swelled in Lauren’s throat, but she forced her words around it. “I can only hope Harley will be fairer to me than my father has been to him and let me see Brandon whenever I want. I think he will.”

“He lives in California!”

“Maybe I’ll move to California, too.”

“You’d leave here?” Kimberly cried.

“Maybe. It’s time to get out on my own, and California’s as good a place as any. Regardless, I’m not going to let my father get away with what he’s doing. Admittedly, I have no chance of receiving custody of Brandon. Before she died, Audra signed guardianship over to my parents, and because they’re not abusive or neglectful, a
judge would have no reason to take Brandon out of their home, at least not at my request. But as Brandon’s father, Harley has a much stronger case.”

There was a long pause. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Kim asked, sounding doubtful.

“Not necessarily. Why?”

“You actually seem, I don’t know, like you’ve taken charge of all this…mess.”

Lauren sighed. “I haven’t,” she said. “I’m just determined to see it through.”

“I think Quentin’s going to be pretty surprised by what he’s up against.”

Lauren hated the thought that she was choosing an outsider over her own family. She hoped her decision regarding Brandon had nothing to do with the way she felt about Harley. But she knew it probably had some effect, at least in her willingness to trust him. “How’d it go with you and Tank last night?” she asked.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why not?”

“Because I feel guilty about being so happy when things are going so lousy for you.”

Lauren smiled in spite of the pain in her ankle and the fact that her whole life seemed to be crashing down around her ears. “That means you had a good time.”

“I had a
great
time,” she said, excitement oozing through her voice. “And I’m going over to the apartment in an hour to help make lunch, so I’ll get to see him again today. We’re spending the afternoon at Lake Oswego. But I won’t go if you need me,” she added.

Lauren slid her ankle from beneath the covers and examined the swelling. “Go have fun. I’ll be fine. There’s nothing you can do for me, anyway. I’ll order room service and eat, take my pain pill and sleep for a few more hours.”

“I’ll come over later. Give me your room number.”

“I’m staying at the Renaissance Towers, Room 2323.”

“Let me get a pen.” There was a pause, then Kimberly repeated the information. “Does Harley know what happened? That you’re not living at home anymore?” she asked.

“I doubt it. But he knows Quentin’s back. He was there when my father walked in the door.”

“Oh, boy. I’ll bet that went over well. Did he and your father get into it?”

Lauren winced at the memory of the sick feeling in her stomach when she’d first heard her father’s voice and scrambled to right her nightgown, the raised voices that followed, poor little Brandon crying and begging Harley to take him along, and she barely able to get around on her new crutches. It was all pretty pathetic. “Not too bad,” she said because she didn’t want to describe the details. “Harley handled everything surprisingly well.”