Shot to Hell (Four Horsemen MC #7) (27 page)

He pinned her arms over her head. “Let me in.”

“I am.” Ash lifted her hips, trying to get him to enter her. “I want you inside me.”

He shook his head. “No, not your body.” His hands slid down her wrists, her arms, until he cupped her face. “Let me in, Ash.”

His eyes were wide and bright, beseeching.  

And suddenly, she couldn’t bear it. She tried to shake her head, break his hold, but he wouldn’t let her.   

“Ash? What’s wrong?”

Tears made her vision blurry, and they ran down either side of her face, dripping onto the coverlet beneath him.  Damn him for making her feel.

“No. Did I hurt you?” Steele lifted himself off her, scanning her body for injuries.

“No, but…
yes
.”

Neither of them spoke or moved for several minutes.

Steele blew out an agonized breath as he reached down and adjusted himself. “Bad as I hate to, we’re gonna sleep together, but we won’t…sleep together. Sex is off the table for tonight, even if it’s our last night together.”

Her eyes widened. Surely, he couldn’t be serious.

“Yeah, there’s a first time for everythin’.” Steele lifted the covers so they could both shimmy beneath them, and then he curled up beside her, resting his head on the pillow.

“Steele, come on. Let’s just—”

“I’m not a casual lay. Talk to me, Dusty.”

She mimicked the movement, and they faced one another like bookends.

“I’m a mess.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, we got that in common.”

Ash brushed the tears away. She didn’t have the energy to keep the walls up tonight. “I don’t want….” She gulped down a breath. “Fuck it, I’m just gonna say it…I don’t wanna be alone anymore.”

His face lit up. “Yeah? Well, you don’t have to be, Dusty. Let me in, and you’ll never be alone again.”

She didn’t believe him, not really.

His hands shook as he reached for her. Steele stroked the underside of her chin with a thumb, and they moved their heads together. She turned her body further into his, twining their legs together.

“I don’t know how to be with someone.”

“Me neither, but I’d love the chance to try.” He placed his hand on her chest. “I wanna be there.” Steele smiled. “If you were mine, this is where I’d tattoo my name, right above your heart. I thought I wanted it somewhere more…lusty, but I was wrong.”

“Is that some kind of macho biker tradition like those damn panties?”

His features sobered. “It’s a promise—more permanent than a wedding ring and twice as serious. When a biker chooses an old lady, it’s for life.”

She placed her hand over his. Together, they felt her heart thudding in her chest.

He looked into her eyes, and somehow, she couldn’t glance away. “I want you to think about us. Don’t give me an answer tonight, mull it over.”

All she had to do was say the words, and her life would change. Steele would be her boyfriend. Vengeance wouldn’t be the only thing she cared about.

What if she let Steele in,
really
let him in, and then he left her alone? What if he died on one of his dangerous biker missions? What if he screwed around on her and broke her heart?

No, she couldn’t take the chance.

When the scrutiny got to her, she made a joke. “You know, the spot’s also right above my breast.”

Steele glanced down as if to check. He grinned. “I won’t lie, though. My first choice wasn’t your heart. It was right above your….” He waggled his eyebrows as his gaze slid just below her hips.

Oh, thank God.
He’d broken the tension.

Ash giggled and grabbed a pillow. She slapped him with it as he bellowed. Steele snatched it from her and attacked. Screeching, she tried to wriggle away, but he caught her. They didn’t stop until they were breathing hard and laughing like children.

It was the most fun she’d ever had in bed—probably because she hadn’t had sex with Steele in a bed.
Yet.

No, I’ll never have sex with Steele in a bed.

The thought made her unspeakably sad, but she didn’t say anything. Ash clung to him, let herself be held in his strong arms, let go…just a little bit.

***

The next morning, Steele woke to find Ash standing beside his bed. She’d put the black lacy dress back on, and her face was solemn. She was so close, he could feel the heat of her body, but somehow she’d never been further away.

“How long you been standin’ there?”

After casting a look at the door, she stepped back. “I didn’t wanna leave without saying good-bye.” She sighed. “Steele, I can’t….”

“You mean
won’t
. You
won’t
let me in.”

 “Fine. I
won’t
let you in.”

Steele sat up in bed. “I know I got a couple strikes against me, but I think I’m a ’til-death-do-us-part sort of man when it comes to you. And I got no plans on dyin’ anytime soon.” He splayed his hands. “Give me a chance. Give
us
a chance.”

“You can’t make that promise. People die every single day. They die and leave you broken. And I don’t wanna talk about this anymore, Steele.”

He knew when he was beat. He couldn’t make her want him, force her into fighting for them. If she wanted to run away, he had to step back and let her.

Steele suddenly realized just how scared she was. Ironic. One of the bravest women he’d ever known was too afraid to fall in love. So he watched her, drank her in. This would be the first and last time he’d see her rumpled from sleeping in his bed.

“We've got to end it, Steele.”

“If you say so.”

“Don’t make this any harder than it has to be.” Ash retreated further away, moving closer to the exit. “Tonight, we’re gonna kick some Raptor ass, and we’ll save your friend. And then I’m headed to my next assignment.”

“You really think he’s still alive?” Steele had doubts.

“I do.” Her eyes were wide and fierce. And he loved her a little bit more for believing it.

If he had any pride at all, he’d tell her to go, to not let the door hit her on the ass as she walked out. But he was a desperate man faced with an impossible situation.

“Kiss me good-bye.” It was a demand. He stood, not even bothering to hide his nudity—letting her see exactly what she was giving up.

“Just a kiss?”

“Yeah. Make it a good one, because the memory has to last the rest of our lives.”

Steele bent down to taste her lips, but she placed a hand on his chest. “After this, we're old friends and partners. Nothing more.”

“Understood.”

Steele snatched her up into his embrace, big screen-style—literally sweeping her off her feet. He tipped her backward, cradling her head, and really kissed her. He poured all of his longing into it, along with the pain and frustration. He pressed himself against Ash, savoring her scent, her taste, greedily taking all she would give him.

When they were both breathless and gasping, he released her and set Ash on her own two feet once more.

She pressed a hand to her swollen lips and shuffled to the door.

“Steele?”

“Yeah?”

“About Afghanistan….”

He stiffened.

“No, hear me out. What you did was stupid and selfish. You didn’t think about the possible consequences.”

Steele hung his head. “I know.”

“But it ain’t unforgivable. I should’ve done this a long time ago, but I couldn’t let it go.”

Afraid to hope, Steele looked up.

The kindness in her eyes nearly brought him to his knees. Ash hadn’t given him such a tender look in years. “You didn't know what was gonna happen. How could you? You certainly weren’t the one who killed…well…uh, what I’m trying to say is, I forgive you.” She gave him a wobbly smile.

“What did you just say?”

 He couldn’t have heard her right.

“I forgive you.”

Ash stepped out his door and into his past, where she would remain—a memory, the one who got away.

Steele collapsed onto the bed and wept.

Chapter Eighteen

“We don’t have much time, so let’s get started.”

Hours later, Ash listened as Vick launched into her spiel about the GPS system.

At sundown, Ash met up with Justice, Ace, and Steele at Dixon’s place in Crimson Creek. Ace had texted her with the information earlier in the day. He’d even offered a ride in his van, but she’d decided avoiding the Horsemen as much as possible was a wise idea.

Steele and his two brothers stood on one side of the room while Ten and Beauregard took the other, which left Ash smack dab in the middle. The vibe in the room was awkward to say the least. The mafia boys and the bikers got on as well as cats and dogs. The tension between her and Steele only ramped it up a notch. Steele refused to look at her while Ace kept giving her the enquiring eyebrow.

She kept telling herself she was doing the right thing. She didn’t have a future with Steele, and she had to move on. So she’d spent the day by herself, packing her shit and preparing to leave Hell for good.

Meanwhile, Ash struggled to pay attention to Vick. Her time with Steele was winding down, and in a few hours, she’d be walking out of his life. The urge to stare at him was overwhelming, but she kept it together. She felt edgy, uneasy—and she feared it was only going to get worse.

Instead of being emo about this operation, she should be excited—Ash had a shot at dealing a blow to the
Tres Erre
. When she handed over her prisoners, she’d get a big check and then move on to her next assignment. With any luck, the next one wouldn’t come with a side of emotional baggage.

“Okay, I’ve got an app you’ll have to download on your smartphones so you can track the credit card skimmers.” Vick texted it to all of them.

Ash downloaded hers, and three beeping dots appeared on her screen, overtop of a map.

Vick continued explaining the operation. “Justice found three skimmers, and we tagged all of them. Anyone not seeing three units?”

No one spoke up.

“Dix and I talked it over, and we think three teams would be best—one for each skimmer. There’s no guarantee the Raptors will be heading to the same location. If the Raptors are smart, they’ll split up and take convoluted routes back to their hideout—or
hideouts
.”

Ace cackled. “Since when are those boys smart?”

“Since the day after never, but we should be prepared. Every once in a while, a blind hog finds an acorn.” Beauregard glanced up from his phone. “I see you’ve labeled each tracker with numbers.” He pointed to Ash. “You’re with me, and we’ll take number one.”

“Fuck that.” Steele stepped to the middle of the room, but he still didn’t glance in her direction. Instead, he focused on the mobster. “You’re comin’ with one of us.”

“In case you missed it, we’ll be sittin’ in the car for
hours
until the Raptors decide to roll up and claim their ill-gotten gains. If I gotta be trapped all damn day, I need somethin’ pretty to look at, and sorry, son, but you ain’t my type.”

Ace raised a hand. “For the record, I’m damn pretty.”

Ash knew Ace was trying to diffuse the tension. Unfortunately, it wasn’t working. Steele and Beauregard continued having a stare-off, like two old dogs fighting over a bone. Dix and Vick didn’t say a word, just watched the interaction with interest. Ten didn’t get involved either.

“It’s fine. I don’t care.” Ash placed a hand on Steele’s arm, and he flinched as if he’d been struck.

Beauregard watched the interplay with a devilish smile. “What do we have here?”

Steele crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not lettin’ you run off with the godfather.”

“I resent that comment. I’m sexy as hell, and I don’t talk like I have marbles stuffed in my cheeks.” Beauregard rubbed his perfectly square jaw.

Ash gritted her teeth. “Okay, I’ve had enough macho bullshit. You don’t
let
me do anythin’, Steele. I’m an adult, and I make my own decisions. Beauregard, we’re takin’ my car.” Her gaze flicked to the mobster. “And I’m drivin’.”

Steele turned away from her, and she silently kicked herself for hurting him again. This was only more proof they needed to get away from each other. They’d done enough damage to last several lifetimes.  

Steele got in the mobster’s face again. “If anything happens to her, I’ll—”

“Make threats you have no ability to back up?”

The biker didn’t reply, but his dirty look said it all.

“I’ll be in the car while you finish the lover’s quarrel.” Beauregard swaggered out the door.

“I’ll take number two…and don’t that sound wrong?” Ace crossed the room to Ten, who had a disturbingly passive expression. Ash wondered if he’d ever had an emotion before. “I don’t let men on the bike, but I have an ass, grass, or gas rule for my cage.”

“I’ve been told I’m a good lover.” Ten’s features were smooth and unruffled. There wasn’t a hint of a smirk or a leer.

It might’ve been a joke, but Ash couldn’t tell. From the wide eyes on Ace, he couldn’t either.

“No thanks, man, and the gas is on me.” Ace traipsed to the door. Ten followed him.

Justice cleared his throat. “I’ll be in the pickup outside, Steele.” He left the room and Vick went with him, prattling on about the GPS.

Ash didn’t pay much attention. She was suddenly very aware of her proximity to Steele. She shot a look over his shoulder to see Dixon on the phone, yakking at someone.

“Be careful.” Steele grasped her arm, squeezing it. “Take it from me, you can’t trust the bastard.”

Ash fought to keep her eyes from closing.

“I know.” Ash had gotten Beauregard’s number the first time she clapped eyes on him.

“Promise me somethin’?”

“What?”

“You won’t do anythin’ stupid.”

Ash stared at the ground. “You know me….”

“Yeah, that’s why I brought it up.” He clutched her shoulders. “I mean it. Watch yourself.”

“I’ll be fine. Focus on gettin’ Coyote back.”  

“Speakin’ of,” Steele said, releasing her. He thumbed a message on his phone. “I’m sendin’ you a picture…so you know what Yo looks like.”

Ash shook her head. “Coyote can tell me who he is when I meet him. We aren’t gonna find his body, Steele. I won’t need to identify him.”