Shy Kinda Love (10 page)

I see Kade’s mouth moving and I realize he’s speaking. “What?” I ask, trying not to give away the intensity of my thoughts.

“I asked if you need any clarification on the rules of our friendship,” he repeats with a smile.

Kade reaches up and rubs his thumb across my cheekbone as he stares into my eyes. I can’t help my thoughts slipping out of my stupid mouth. “I don’t do this with Ryder.”

Kade’s thumb stops moving and I see the muscle in his jaw clench. “What?” is all he says.

I stumble, trying to help him follow my line of thinking. “I mean, I’m very good friends with Ryder, and I don’t do this with him.”

I see Kade visibly relax. “Good.” Again, that’s all he says.

“Um, I don’t think you’re understanding my point,” I try again. “You said we are going to be friends, but don’t you think this,” I say, waving a hand between our very close bodies, “is crossing a friend boundary?”

“No,” is his one-word reply this time. Now he’s smirking at me. He knows what I am saying and he’s teasing me. So I decide to tease back.

“Well, okay. Since you seem to be the master of all rules of friendship, I will test this theory out on Ryder,” I say with a smirk of my own.

“Bullshit you will,” Kade snaps back, no longer smiling. He pauses for a minute, looking back and forth between my eyes. Because I am also looking into his eyes, I can tell he is thinking, very intensely. He finally relaxes again and tells me, “You and I, we have a different kind of friendship. One where touching, cuddling, and sleeping in the same bed are all permitted. This type of friendship is only reserved for us. No one else,” he finishes, nodding at me as if in question.

“So like Ross and Rachel,” I tease.

He lifts one brow.

“You know, because we live across the hall from each other,” I try again, thinking maybe he has never seen the show.

“Oh, you would mean Rachel and Joey then, because Ross didn’t live across the hall. Actually, he moved into apartment that used to belong to that ugly naked guy.”

Of course he’s not only seen the show, but he knows loads of useless information about the characters.

Chapter 13

It’s the first week after Kade decided we are going to be friends, or friendly. Whatever. We’re at my apartment, which is where we usually hang out since the boys’ place smells like stale beer. It’s only Monday, but I feel like Kade and I have seen each other more in the last two days than I’ve seen Keegan and Gemma in three months. He’s been with me whenever he’s not in class or at the library. He brings his books to my place to study, often while I’m watching TV, and he went to the barn with me yesterday. He tried to sleep over in my bed both nights but I told him that’s too much for me right now.

I’m enjoying this time with Kade. I know that once we’ve been alone in a bed together, this is not going to be enough. He’s a guy, and guys like to have sex. Well, I think some girls like to have sex too, but that’s not where I’m going with this thought. He’ll want to have sex. I won’t. He’ll be pissed and this friendship will go back to avoidance and awkward moments. I’m not ready for it to be over yet.

Adrian and Max are both over and we all just finished eating dinner. Kade and I are sitting on the oversized chair this time, feeling way too cozy for just friends. He has his arm wrapped around the back of the chair. I try to keep from thinking about that arm and how it is ever-so-slightly touching my shoulder. I want to sit up in the chair so his arm is touching me more. Good God, I am a twelve-year-old girl sitting next to a boy I like. Maybe I should just rip out a piece of lined paper and write a note to him: “Do you like me?”

Because of my mom leaving, then my dad being the worst dad in the history of all dads, I never got to experience my first boyfriend, or my first consensual kiss. So the fact that I feel like a twelve-year-old waiting for a cute boy to give me a peck on the cheek is completely normal… for me. However, I’m sure that it is not normal for a twenty-something to be anxious about a boy touching her. One part of me wants to run from all of these new emotions, but another part of me wants to experience all of them, right now.

Caught up in the distance between my shoulder and Kade’s hand, Keegan’s scream from the kitchen makes me jump. Kade jumps at the same time, causing his arm to finally wrap around my shoulder. Completely forgetting about my friend screaming in the other room, I turn and look at Kade, trying to gauge his reaction to this eighth-grade interaction. He is looking down at me with complete ease.

I’m about to lean into him, to get more comfortable, when I hear Keegan again, and notice that Gemma and the other guys are gone. Shit, I should probably see what’s wrong. I let out a frustrated breath and stand. When I get to the kitchen I see all the lights are out.

“Keegan, really? We left you alone in here for ten minutes and you blew a circuit?”

Since Gemma and I cooked dinner, Keegan had agreed to clean up. Now, when she offered to do this I knew we were taking a risk. Not only can Keegan cause symptoms similar to dysentery when she cooks, she can also break anything you set in front of her in record time.

“Shut up, Shy, I was just trying to clean the toaster. I was wiping down the counter and when I moved it a bunch of crumbs fell out. So I started shaking it upside down, you know, to dump all the shit out. After I turned it back over I looked down in it and saw there was still shit stuck in there.” Keegan is reenacting the entire scene as she speaks. “After a few smacks it would still not loosen.”
Smack
,
smack
; she is beating the invisible toaster into submission. “So, I got out a knife and started digging out all the shit. Then, out of nowhere, a huge pop and the lights went out.” She shrugs, looking honestly confused about what just happened.

The rest of us stand staring, in awe that this girl is able to survive leaving the house in the morning, yet somehow she is a senior in college.

“Someone say something. Why the hell are you all looking at me like I just bit the head off a penis?”

With that, Adrian lunges forward, wrapping his arms around her neck. “I’m pretty sure I just fell in love with you. I’m not going to propose just yet, but in the meantime, don’t agree to marry anyone else.”

Keegan reaches up and pulls his arms off her, then looks at me directly. “Can you please tell me what I’m missing?”

I finally blink, hoping I don’t miss a second of this shitshow occurring right here in my kitchen. “You blew a circuit, Keegan. I’m guessing when you did all of this toaster-cleaning you left it plugged in?” I ask, taking a wild shot in the dark.

Keegan lifts both her hands and gives me the “of course” look.

I clear my throat, trying not to laugh. “Well, you see, when you stick a knife into a toaster it’s like sticking a metal object into an outlet. There are bare wires inside the toaster,” I try to explain. “You’re lucky you didn’t electrocute yourself.”

“Really,” she asks, tilting her head to one side as if considering my information.

I shake my head and continue, “I’ll go down and fix it.”

I feel Kade come up beside me then he places a hand on my back. “I’ll get it, Filly. Don’t worry about it.”

I walk over to the junk drawer and pull out the flashlight then turn back to Kade. “No, really, I got this. I am very capable of fixing a circuit.”

When I lived with Ryder I made him show me whenever he would work on something, whether it was a broken toilet, hooking up a cable to the TV, or anything with electricity. I wanted to learn everything, so I would never have to depend on anyone.

“I’ll just go down with you then,” Kade concedes. As we walk down the stairs, Kade adds, “You surprise me every day.”

I ignore the comment, unsure if that’s a good thing. We get down the steps and I head to the corner where the circuit box is located. I can feel Kade right behind me, so close the heat from his body is pressing against mine. I reach out for the string of the light bulb and, thankfully, locate it quickly.

Once the light is on I go straight to the breaker box. As I’m testing all the circuits Kade leans in behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder and placing one hand on the wall next to box. Feeling his breath on my ear, all I can focus on is how close his mouth is to that ear. I have to exert control over every muscle in my body to keep myself from pressing closer to that mouth. If I could just lean half an inch toward that mouth—

“Is something wrong, Shy?” Kade asks, mouth still right at my ear.

I can hear the smile in his voice so I know he’s teasing me. He knows exactly what his position is doing to me, without having to see my face. Damn him and his evil mind reading skills.

“Do you want me to check that out?” he asks, giving a little nod toward the breaker box.

I shake my head gently, not just to answer him but also to clear away the fog he’s creating. I test the rest of the circuits and find the problem. After resetting the blown circuit I drop my hand and take in a shallow breath. Kade practically has me caged against the wall, so when I turn we are face-to-face and chest-to-chest. His arm is still braced against the wall behind me, and his eyes are staring at my lips. I pull my bottom lip in, and catch it between my teeth. Immediately Kade’s eyes dart up to mine, and he leans in a fraction more, bringing our chests even closer. I can feel every rise and fall of his chest as he struggles to regulate his own breathing.

I have to admit, it feels good knowing that I affect him like this, even though I have no idea what to do with him now. I have all of this gorgeous, amazing body practically pressed against me, but my brain is at war. Part of it is telling me to lean in just that last half-inch and devour his mouth, but the other is reminding me what happened the last time a guy’s mouth was on mine. With that memory my instinct to run takes over and I raise a hand to push Kade away, but as my hand touches his chest, he places his own hand over mine. He pulls my hand across his chest, placing it on his left pec, over his heart.

Unconsciously my eyes fall to see where our hands are joined. I feel as though my hand is vibrating as the thundering of his heart gives chase to the rise and fall of his chest. My own heart joins the chase, frantic to match the pace of the heart under my hand. I lift my eyes back up to meet Kade’s, and I gasp involuntarily.

There is no more humor or teasing in his eyes, just intense hunger. The intensity of the moment both terrifies me and brings to life something in me that I have never felt. The race of my heart, the quickness of my breathing, my inability to think of anything but his lips claiming mine—all of this new. From the books I’ve read and movies I’ve seen, I’m pretty certain what I’m feeling is desire, but I have never felt it, so I can’t be certain. Through all of my thoughts—and I’m sure all my thoughts are right there on my face for Kade to read—he never says a word. He never leans in that last fraction. Kade just waits, waits for me to decide what happens next.

I lick my lips, preparing to say something, to tell him I need to move, when I hear footsteps at the top of the stairs.

“Shyanne Adams, you better not be down there checking out my stash. That is my shit, not shit for you to show the boys so they can have another good laugh,” Keegan yells down to me.

Kade lets out a breath, closes his eyes, and leans his forehead into mine. “She has horrible timing,” he mutters. He pushes off the wall and takes a step back, dropping his eyes to my feet then slowly dragging them up the entire length of my body. It’s then we hear footsteps descending the stairs. Kade shakes his head, runs one hand through his hair, and mutters, “Fucking Keegan.” I have to agree—even though I’m pretty sure I was about to run, I would like to have seen that moment through.

I’m still near the wall watching Kade when Keegan reaches the bottom of the steps. She’s in a snit, so she doesn’t notice the moment she just broke up. I ignore her rant as she walks toward her hoard pile, and continue watching Kade. His back is to me and he has one hand gripping the back of his neck, with his head lowered. His posture and the tight-fitting tee he is wearing accentuate the definition of his biceps and the muscles in his back.

I’m so caught up in admiring Kade’s body I don’t hear the next set of footsteps come down the stairs. It isn’t until Adrian says, “Oh, shit, Keegan, I think you interrupted something down here,” that I pull my gaze from Kade.

I look from Adrian, to Keegan, then back to Kade, who still has his back to me. Keegan’s eyes are wide and her mouth is forming an “O”. Adrian is wearing a grin that says he is pleased to be a part of this uncomfortable moment. I just stand unmoving, still in the spot where Kade almost kissed me.

Kade finally turns and breaks the awkward silence. “Yes, Keegan, you do have horrible timing, but now that you have ruined a very nice moment, please share with me what it is you thought we were getting into down here?”

And just like that, Keegan’s mind is shifted away from Kade and me and to the corner of the basement that looks like a military camp from the 1950s. This is where Keegan keeps some of the shit she is hoarding for the end of the world. Her reasoning is that she needs to be prepared wherever she is, be it here at school or back home with her family.

I lean back against the wall, hands clasped behind me, and chance a look at Kade. Just as I look over to him he is turning to look at me, one hand still grasping the back of his neck. He is staring into my eyes with his mouth pressed into a hard line. His gaze is so intense I have to consciously keep from gasping. Finally he closes his eyes, breaking the stare. I can see him take a deep breath in before he drops his hand and gives me one quick look, then he turns and begins walking to the steps. I close my eyes, unable to watch him walk away after the moment we just shared. Keegan continues talking, not realizing Kade has left—never really caring about her emergency radios or water purifiers.

When we get back upstairs I notice Kade is gone. I feel kinda shitty, since after that almost-kiss I want to see more of him, but he’s gone. I guess that didn’t affect him the way it did me. I’m about to make an excuse about homework so I can hide in my room when I hear Keegan ask where Kade went. Max, still watching the TV, answers, “He mumbled something about needing a shower.”

“I bet he did,” Adrian says, nudging my shoulder with his own. I look up to see him giving me a cheesy wink. I can’t help the smile that takes over my mouth. The idea that I’m able to get Kade so wound up he needs a shower, well… that feels pretty awesome.

I go back to the chair where Kade and I were sitting. Keegan sits back down and Adrian reclaims his seat next to her. “I have a 7:50 class tomorrow morning so I need to hit the sack soon,” Adrian explains as he throws an arm over Keegan’s shoulder and leans in. He points to his face then says, “This face is leaving in ten minutes and I want you on it.”

Gemma and I both groan. Keegan just shakes her head and pats one side of his face with her hand. “Keep trying, young grasshopper. You still have so much to learn.” Then she leans in and kisses him on the mouth, surprising everyone in the room, including Adrian. During the entirety of the kiss his eyes are wide open.

When Keegan pulls away and stands, turning to go to her room, Adrian jumps up.

“Wait, I wasn’t ready. That wasn’t any good. You surprised me,” he practically stutters.

Keegan stops and turns to face him, a seductive smile on her face. “Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting anything from you. That was just motivation for you to try harder.” Then she winks and struts off to her room, leaving Adrian standing with one hand covering his mouth and the other covering the tent in his pants.