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He managed to pretend to pay attention to the show Alana had put on, but he still jumped when his phone vibrated forty minutes later.

“Maybe it’s Travis,” Sean said when Alana stopped him from reaching for it.

“I told Travis to text me so you wouldn’t have to pick up your phone.”

“What if it’s my mom?” Sean knew his mom would be more likely to call, but it wasn’t like Jaime was the only person to ever text him.

“It’s not your mom, but if you’re going to read it, I might as well be here to keep you from being stupid about it.” Alana sighed and picked up the phone herself to hand it to him.

Lupe said you were already gone and you left rehearsal early. Are you ok? Did you get hurt? Can you just tell me if you’re ok so I can be pissed off at you instead of worried?

“I have to answer him. It’s not fair.” Sean tilted the phone so Alana could see the text.

“I can answer him for you,” Alana suggested.

Sean ignored her suggestion. Anything she’d text would involve some kind of graphic removal of organs if she was in the mood to be nice. It took typing and deleting three drafts before he gave up and sent something simple.

I’m ok.

Lupe is bitching at me for texting and driving even though we’re not moving in this traffic, but that’s a shit answer. If you want to give me a better one when I get home, let me know.

“He has no right,” Alana said after reading over his shoulder.

“He kind of does, if you want to get technical about it. He didn’t do anything wrong because he never said he wasn’t seeing anyone else, and I stood him up with no explanation.”

“Technicalities are fucking nothing. But if you want to argue with me, I’m just going to appeal to the part of you that doesn’t want him to crash his car and die and point out that you really can’t keep texting him while he’s driving. Because Lupe and Michael might die too, and they really don’t deserve that.”

Sean let his phone fall back to the bed and shifted to turn away from her. Jaime was right. He knew in his head that he was being an ass, but if he called Jaime, it wasn’t really going to get any better.

“I have to face him eventually.” Sean mumbled it, but Alana answered anyway.

“The offer still stands to have me tell him off without you ever having to talk to him again.”

Sean nodded and let himself zone out as she rubbed his back.

When he woke an hour later, he didn’t remember falling asleep, but Alana wasn’t with him in the bed anymore. He heard movement in the kitchen and turned to face the door when it creaked open.

“There’s food,” Travis said. “Eat regular meals, and I’ll leave you alone until Monday.”

Sean glanced at the table by his bed, but his phone wasn’t there.

“It’s in the living room. We didn’t want it to wake you up, but he called,” Travis said as he leaned against the doorframe. Sean tried to ignore the jump in his chest that came from knowing Jaime had at least called, but even Travis probably read it on his face.

“I need to call him back.” Sean waited for Travis to argue, but he nodded instead.

“You should wake up and eat first.”

“You’re not going to argue?”

“I’m going to argue if you call him and say everything is fine. Otherwise, I agree you should call him and tell him how he fucked up and dump his sorry ass.” Travis shrugged. “You sulk longer if you don’t have closure.”

“I hate you.”

“Get up. There’s sandwiches and soup.” Travis turned to leave, and then seemed to think better of it and turned back. “Do you want me to send Alana home?”

Sean shook his head as he got off the bed. At least she’d be annoying enough to distract him, plus she’d override Travis’s TV choices and let Sean watch as much shitty TV as he wanted.

Travis gave up his phone after he’d eaten. There was one missed call, but no voice mail because Jaime didn’t know Sean wanted to be with him, but he knew Sean hated checking his voice mail. There was one last text instead.

That was my last call until you feel like calling me. I’m just going to assume I should drop Lupe off at rehearsal Monday and go study somewhere else.

Sean stared at his phone for a minute before getting up and going to his room. Alana got up, but Sean assumed Travis stopped her from following because no one kept him from closing the door. He hit the button to call back as he lay on his back on the bed.

“I didn’t think you’d call.” Jaime skipped the hello. He always did. He said if someone was calling him, saying hello was a waste of time and minutes because they wouldn’t call him if they didn’t want to talk to him.

“Sorry. I should have texted and canceled.”

“That would have been better.” Jaime’s sigh into the phone was harsh. “Sean, what’s going on?”

Sean tried to find the right words, but ended up taking so long to answer that Jaime spoke again.

“Hey. I’m really having a hard time believing that you’re okay right now. Lupe said Travis was being weird. Is he okay? She thinks I’m too interested in her life now. Do you want me to come over?”

“No.” Sean closed his eyes to try and block the tears and focus. “Fuck. Why are you acting like you care?”

“I’m sorry. Am I not supposed to care about my friends?”

“Friends? We’re fucking every weekend, and we’re
friends
? That’s what you do with your friends? Alana saw you making out with another one of your friends last night. I’m sorry. I just misunderstood, since I don’t fuck Travis or Alana.”

Jaime didn’t answer right away, and Sean was sure he could hear the sob Sean let slip.

“Sean. Fuck. Sean, I’m sorry.” Jaime took a deep breath, and Sean knew on some level that he wasn’t going to say what Sean wanted. “Sean, I didn’t know you thought we were more. That’s just not what I’m looking for. I—”

“If you’re going to say you’re not that into me or that it’s not me, it’s you, can you just stop?” Sean interrupted. “I also don’t want to hear that you just don’t do relationships or you still want to be friends.”

“Okay,” Jaime said after a moment of silence. Sean could hear him take another deep breath. “Do you want me to get Lexi to drive the kids to rehearsals? She probably will.”

“Yeah. If she’s not going to show up and kill me.” He’d never actually seen Aleksandra angry, but he’d heard stories.

“She won’t. She likes you,” Jaime said.

“Okay.”

“Sean. I
am
sorry,” Jaime said.

“I know.” Sean wiped a hand over his face. His mom always said crying was healthy, but he’d never managed to use that logic to keep Travis from hovering. “I need you to hang up now. I don’t actually want to.”

“Okay. I’ll let you know about Lexi and then I’ll leave you alone, but I’m here if you change your mind about the friends thing, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” Sean knew he was being dramatic holding the phone until Jaime hung up, but Steph had always said it was his dramatic nature that carried out from the stage.

It was a few minutes before his phone buzzed with a text.

Lexi agreed to drive next week. Also, she called me a stupid fucking asshole. In English. So she could be sure I understood.

Sean kind of hated that even if Jaime didn’t want to be with him, he still knew how to make Sean smile. When Sean’s phone buzzed again, it was from Alana.

Can we come in yet? Are you still on the phone? Travis won’t let me listen at the door.

Chapter 7

T
RAVIS
LET
him sleep until noon on Sunday with Alana curled up next to him before he walked in, grabbed the blankets, and took them into the living room. He did at least have the heart to dump them on the couch and not complain when that was as far as Sean and Alana moved.

“You’re both going to class tomorrow and dress rehearsal. I’m considering making you both go to an extra class,” Travis said as he stood in front of the TV at nine o’clock that night.

“You’d have to make Steph agree to it. She won’t do that before a dress rehearsal,” Sean said as Alana tried to see around Travis.

“If you don’t move, I’m going to have to Google to find out if she stays married to the fourteen-year-old after she gets out of jail,” Alana said before throwing a carrot stick at Travis.

“This is your one day. I swear, that’s it. You’re both getting up by eight tomorrow and your asses will be in class.” Travis shook his head and left them, but he kept his word and woke them up early the next day. Of course, he also made breakfast and came to the studio with them when he didn’t need to be there for two hours.

“Y
OU
OKAY
?”
Alana slipped her hand into his as they peeked at the audience from behind the curtain at the first dress rehearsal two days later.

“I’m okay.” Sean caught Aleksandra’s eye for a second, and she gave him a small smile before he backed out of sight.

“Right. Let’s do this, then.”

If anything could take Sean’s mind off Jaime, it was a stage. Extra rehearsals just made it easier. When he danced, everything he felt came out in his body and his movements. When he danced, it almost felt like the pain was worth something, but afterward the exhaustion just seemed heavier. By the last dress rehearsal on Thursday, he was grateful Alana and Travis each had a piece without him so he could get some time to himself.

“Who broke your heart?”

Sean started from his seat on the catwalk above the stage, where he was watching Travis direct a group of dancers from the safety of the shadows. Steph was getting older, but she still moved with a grace that let her sneak up on anyone.

“Travis told you?” He’d have been mad, but if Travis had adopted Alana, it was because Steph had adopted him first.

“No. Travis can block me out when he wants to, but you haven’t made me tear up since you danced my Concerto Four with Travis and ended up on his couch a week later. I’d point out that mess of a relationship also made you so amazing at the audition that you got my attention, but I don’t think you thought it was worth it at the time,” Steph said as she sat next to him.

“Now that I know that’s what got me in, it was worth it.” Sean turned his head to look at her. “Is that what I’m supposed to learn right now? My heart gets broken, and my art is amazing, so it’s worth it?”

“No.” Steph shook her head and sighed. “I was just worried. I don’t think there’s actually an artist out there who has suffered real heartbreak and thought it was worth it. I don’t think art comes from pain because pain is beautiful. Art that comes from pain is beautiful because it’s what makes us capable of surviving it.”

“This shouldn’t even be that bad.” Sean shook his head and leaned against the railing in front of him.

“Why? Feel whatever you want. Who cares if you should or shouldn’t? People spend too much time telling each other how to feel.”

“Thanks.”

“Sleep tonight. Get rid of some of the dark circles.” Steph stood and disappeared into the darkness.

Chapter 8

I
T
WAS
early when Sean woke the next day to his phone vibrating next to him. Ten o’clock. The show wasn’t until seven thirty. That meant he didn’t have to be at the theater until five. Someone was dying for waking him up on a day Travis would let him sleep late.

It was Jaime. Five days of nothing, and now Jaime was waking him up when he should really know better. Sean stared at the glow of the new text alert without picking up the phone so he could read it.

It was probably nothing. It was probably a simple message to say good luck. It was possibly even a total mistake. Jaime had hit the wrong name, and he was going to get a sext meant for some other guy.

Sean slid his finger across the phone before his thoughts could get worse.

Can I come to the show tonight?

How was he supposed to answer that? After agreeing to disappear for a week, Jaime picked the day of the show to text him.

Why? Because Lupe wants you to?

Because I want to.