Silver and Chrome: A Bad Boy MC Romance (19 page)

CHAPTER
TWENTY

SEBASTIAN

“What do you want?” Evelyn’s
eyes are cold. They seem more golden than green today. Almost as if there is a
fire burning behind her frosty stare. I can’t blame her for her anger.

“To
apologize.” The word is foreign on my tongue, but I’ve been practicing it all
morning in the office so I hope it sounds natural. “Can I come in?”

For
a moment, she looks like she’s going to say no, and I don’t have a backup plan
for if she does. I’m certainly not going to force my way past her. Finally, she
nods almost imperceptibly as she steps back to clear the way.

“So,
I guess it was you that paid for the pizza?” she asks as she closes the door
behind us.

“I
followed him through the doors so I didn’t have to stop at security. I didn’t
know he was coming here until he pressed your floor and I took a peek at the
receipt on his bag. He remembered me from last week, so I told him I was trying
to surprise you.”

“Mission
accomplished,” she mutters, then sighs. “Why are you here, Sebastian? I think
you made it pretty clear the other day that you don’t trust me.”

I
can feel my jaw tighten at the accusation. Not because it isn’t true, but
because I’m embarrassed by how much that lack of trust reveals about my own
shortcomings far more than hers. Admitting to weaknesses is not something you
do when you’re in an MC, and it’s hard to push back so many years of practiced denial.

“You
don’t know how hard it is for me to trust someone after so long…” I trail off. Excuses
aren’t an apology, and Evelyn deserves an apology. “I do trust you. I acted
rashly, without thinking. You have no reason to sell me out, and I should never
have believed you’d do it anyway. That’s not who you are, which is why I opened
up so much to you in the first place.”

Evelyn’s
face is a stony mask, but I can see in her eyes the hurt that I caused. I knew
it was bad when she didn’t come into work on Tuesday. Or today. It doesn’t look
like she’s so ready to forgive me.

She
purses her lips before speaking again into the silence. “What happened? With
Ripper and Snake.”

I
can feel my blood boil at the mention of Ripper’s name, but I shove back
against it and shake my head. Ranting about him isn’t why I’m here. “Nothing
good, but that doesn’t matter right now. That problem isn’t going anywhere, and
this one right here is the one I want to fix.”

“I
don’t know that you can, Sebastian. And really, why do you care? Being part of
your life is such a rollercoaster. You have so much going on, I’m not sure what
the hell all of this matters to you, anyway.”

Of
course she doesn’t understand. How could she? I look at her helplessly, unsure
how to explain myself this time. My fingers start to throb before I realize how
tightly I’m clenching my fists. I slowly release them as I take a moment to
gather my thoughts and figure out how to make her understand.

“I
get it,” I start. “I get that it doesn’t make a lot of sense to you. Or anyone,
really, that hasn’t lived my life. Both of my lives. No one can possibly
understand how fucking lonely it is. Hell, I didn’t even understand it until I
had a taste of the alternative that letting you in felt like. And then having
it snatched away felt miserable.”

“It
wasn’t snatched away,” she says bitterly. “It was pushed away. By you.”

“I
know.” I nod. “You’re right. And I think… Fuck, I don’t know, Evelyn. I think
part of me did that on purpose. The part of me that has spent so long building
up these fucking walls around my life is still hard at work trying not to let
them get breached. I think maybe that part of me tried to sabotage this. It
took control of my head the other night and let me blame you for something I
knew deep down you couldn’t have been a part of. I knew it even as I was saying
it, but I just couldn’t stop myself. I’ve worked so hard to build these walls…
to keep the two sides apart… that hearing that they were starting to crash down
made me panic. To look for blame because I was unwilling to admit that those
walls have been crumbling for a long time, despite all of my efforts to patch
them.”

“So,
why the hell did it take you two days to come here?”

“I’m
president of an MC. I founded a billion-dollar company. I’m used to being
right, or at least, I’m used to everyone acting like I am. Apologies… they
don’t come easy for me.”

“Is
that what this is? An apology?”

I
haven’t said it yet, and I was hoping she wasn’t going to notice. The word
apologize was hard enough, but she wants more, and I can’t deny her it.

“Yes.
I’m… sorry.”

A
little sound comes out of her throat, like a huff or grunt of dissatisfaction.
“I’m sorry, Evelyn,” I say again. It’s easier the second time. “I really am. I
was completely wrong to blame you. To not trust you. The whole reason I’ve told
you everything that I’ve told you so far is because I did trust you. Because I
do
trust you. I just forgot that in the heat of the moment.”

She
looks at me intensely for a moment, as if still deciding whether to forgive me
or not. Finally, she lets out a little sigh and nods. “Okay. I get it. But
don’t think you’re off the hook just yet. You really hurt me, you know.” Before
I can respond, she moves on. “Now why don’t you tell me what Ripper had to
say.”

And
angry, explosive breath comes out of me at the sound of his name again.

“He’s
got pictures. Mostly of me. At the club in my cut. At the office in my suit. Zoomed
in. There’s no denying that it’s me. I’m not sure how much he actually knows,
to be honest. Ripper isn’t too smart, and I can’t imagine he pieced everything
together. At least, not on his own. And these were professional pictures. Taken
with a high-end camera from far away, or else I would have seen something. These
weren’t cell phone snaps. Someone has been watching me, maybe following me, I
don’t know. But the pictures show they know I’m at both the club and Piston. It
wouldn’t take much now to figure out who I am over there. The fact that there
isn’t any public, company paperwork that says I’m anything more than an exec
might buy me some time, but it’s only a matter of time now before the truth
comes out.”

Evelyn’s
mouth is open as I speak, and before I’m done her hand is squeezing my arm in
consolation. “Oh my God, Sebastian, I’m so sorry. I really swear I didn’t tell
anyone about you. I—”

I
shake my head and press my fingers against her lips. “I know,” I exhale. I knew
it the other day, as well. “I know. Like I said, it’s not your fault. This was
coming. I was always on borrowed time. It couldn’t last forever.”

I
let my fingers drop away from her mouth slowly, in no hurry to break contact
with their softness.

“So,
he wants to use that to force you to step down as president?”

“For
starters,” I affirm, aware that my fists are clenched again. “But ultimately,
he wants me out. Probably thinks he can take over, especially if he’s the one
that outs me. He gave me a couple of days to decide if I wanted to do it the
easy way, or the hard way, as he put it.”

“But
what’s the big deal, anyway? I mean, I get why being in a motorcycle gang would
be bad for you at the office, but what does the club care if you’re running a
company?”

How
can I make her understand? She’s so completely outside of this world, I’m not
sure whether she can really grasp it but I can at least try and explain. I walk
over to the couch and lean against it, feeling so drained from all of this.

“The
guys in the MC, they all joined for their own reasons. None of them come from
easy lives, or from families with money, or anything like that. Some of them
joined because they like to ride bikes, some of them because they like to be
the tough guy. But all of them feel like outcasts. They all feel like the
system is broken in some way, that it let them down, or that it’s their job to
exploit it because they would be stupid not to. What I’ve been trying to do
with them, move them into legit businesses… I’m starting to feel like even that
is an uphill battle. Some of them hate it, for sure, but even among most of
those guys that have taken to it, I don’t think any of them love the idea of an
actual job. They joined the MC so they wouldn’t have to bother with a
nine-to-five.

“The
only reason I’ve been trying to move them legit is to save them. Many of these
guys, Ripper included, would take this club down a dark path if they had their
way. And all that will lead to is death or prison. But if they heard that I was
part of a corporation, especially one the size of Piston is now, and not only
part of it, but that I started it, that I own it… well, that would be the
ultimate betrayal to them. I’d be labeled a sell-out, and I doubt I’d have a
single brother supporting me.”

Evelyn
joins me against the couch, resting her hand on my leg. “Are you sure about
that? Maybe you aren’t giving them enough credit. Maybe they’d admire you for
building something…”

She
trails off as I shake my head. “You don’t get it. What I do at Piston is the
opposite of their world. The two just don’t exist together.”

We’re
both quiet for a few minutes.

“So,
what are you going to do?” she finally asks, her voice only audible because of
how quiet it is in the apartment.

I
lift my shoulders and drop them heavily. I’m not one to give up, but I don’t
see a lot of options. “Those pictures are out there now. The dots are ready to
be connected. I don’t see a way to fix this. I’ve been trying to figure it out
the last few days. Spending a lot of time alone, after work. I even turned off
my cell phone and left it in my drawer so I wouldn’t let anything distract me. I
don’t know who I can trust anyway, so I decided not to talk to anyone.”

“Wow,
you really must be serious, turning off your cell phone,” she says with a
smile, giving my leg a squeeze. “So what does this mean? You’re just going to
give up?”

I
lift my head quickly, feeling my face heat up at the question.

“Hell
no. I don’t give up on anything. If they want to take me out, I’m going to go
down swinging.”

Evelyn’s
face brightens with a smile and her hand squeezes my thigh again. “I thought as
much. So who are you swinging at? Ripper?”

I
nod. “For starters. But I’m not sure if he’s acting alone. Like I said, this is
a bit too complex for him. And I know there are others unhappy with the way
things are going. Some of them would be happy with a change in leadership if it
meant going back to madness and mayhem.”

“Who
else?”

That’s
the million-dollar question. “I don’t know. Lots of guys might be. Hell, even
Snake isn’t that happy with going legit. I honestly don’t know who to trust.”

“You
can trust me.”

My
eyes lift to meet hers again. The green tint has taken hold again, pushing back
the amber from earlier. “I know that now. And I should have known it before.”

She
turns toward me, swinging her left leg around the outside of my right so that
she’s straddling both of my legs and facing me, her face close enough that I
can smell the sweetness of her breath. “You can’t do this alone,” she says.

“You’re
right,” I admit. And it’s true. I’ve been trying to go it alone for so long. I
just can’t do it anymore. Maybe I never could.

“So
ask.”

The
warmth of her breath hits me again, and all I want to do is kiss her lips. I
can’t tear my eyes from them, although I’m confused enough by her question that
I almost do. My cock is growing in my pants, and I can feel it pressing against
the bottom of her sweats. I reach around her waist and pull her against me,
making sure she can feel my hardness.

“Ask
for what?” Maybe she wants me to ask to fuck her, but I can’t imagine she’ll
say no. And I can’t imagine what I would do if she did. I want her too badly
now. Not seeing her for two days and feeling like I may have pushed her away
forever was harder on me than I would ever admit.