Silver Dew (22 page)

I ignored his question and turned to the four of the Others who stood around us, frozen but still watching and listening.

“Forget us and sleep,” I commanded and they collapsed to the hard ground as one, hitting the rocks heavily but without the cracking sound of breaking bone.

I felt my own legs tremble, the last of my strength suddenly threatening to leave me. Once again the world shimmered before my eyes but this time it was from exhaustion. I numbly sat down on the ground as Sebastian stood up and went to check Walter’s body.

“He’s dead,” Sebastian quietly announced. He was staring at me in disbelief, his face pale and drawn. I ignored him, focusing on slowly breathing in and out, letting the sounds and sensations of the world slowly return to me. Sebastian leant over Walter, noticing something upon his chest. He began carefully unbuttoning Walter’s shirt, revealing the black twisted knot that had been burnt into his pale skin above his still and silent heart. I barely glanced at it – I had known it would be there. I thought I heard Sebastian gasp.

Sebastian moved to check each of the Others, checking their pulses and the skin over their hearts, just in case. I knew they lived, I knew they bore no marks. I had only knocked them unconscious and blocked some of their memories. It was a relatively simple spell that would leave no marks. Sebastian said something to me but his voice sounded far away. I heard him speak again, confusion and urgency in his tone.

“Gracelynn?”

I frowned at him, puzzled. I knew the name should mean something to me but it sounded strange and unfamiliar. My thoughts swirled dizzily and I teetered on the edge of consciousness as something deep within me stirred. He repeated the strange name and I ignored him still, struggling to figure out what was wrong. Where was I? What was I doing?

“Caoilinn?” he whispered.

“Yes.” The word sprang to my lips, my soul speaking without needing or wanting my mind’s control.

Sebastian froze, staring at me in shock. I stared back, numbly wondering over the beautiful contrast of his black hair, powder white skin and the dark, scarlet smears of his blood. He spoke in a whisper, his voice rough and smooth at once.

“Caoilinn? Why…? How did you…?”

“My spell book was full of drawings and designs. The pattern for each and every spell I knew was woven into your tattoos,” my voice explained. The soft, soprano tones were chillingly numb and in control. “To twist fate, to make something happen that isn’t naturally meant to be, you must know the correct design – the correct twist. Grace will remember now.”

“But how did you… how are you doing this?”

“Our time is up, my love. Grace will remember and explain.”

Sebastian’s eyes filled with panic. He rushed forward, grabbing my icy cold, numb hands. “No, don’t leave me yet. I…”

“I won’t ever leave,” Caoilinn’s sweet voice softly whispered. “Because I’ve already gone.”

I felt the last of my strength slipping away from me like a dandelion seed tossed up in the wind. My eyes rolled back in my head and the last thing I saw before I lost consciousness was the clear blue sky floating endlessly above me.

I had nightmares. I dreamt of terrifying things. I dreamt of murder – murder that I was pushed to commit and murder that I chose to. I dreamt of violence and a magic so dark and twisted, it left me trembling and screaming in fear. I dreamt of all the terrible and unspeakable things Caoilinn had done in the name of her Sisterhood to discover the patterns for her spells. I dreamt of death and confusion and despair. I dreamt of the look in Walter’s eyes when I killed him.

The transition from black dreams to bleak reality was confusing and blurred. I could feel myself stirring in my sleep, fighting the demons that haunted me from thousands of years in the past. I heard myself cry out and then I felt Sebastian’s arms around me. I felt his warmth, his steadiness, his firm and solid embrace. The tears came next, the endless tears. And I cried, and I cried, until my tears ran dry and eventually, I opened my eyes.

We were still at The Giant’s Causeway but I could tell by the angle of the sun that it was much later in the day, probably mid-afternoon. Sebastian and I were huddled together in the cool shade of a wall of tall, basalt columns. I could see and hear the ocean, I could feel the light current of the wind and I could smell the salt of the sea. There was no one else in sight.

I looked straight up into Sebastian’s eyes, clinging to him tightly as I spoke.

“Where are the Others?”

“They’ve gone,” he quietly replied. He paused, examining my expression cautiously. “They began to awaken as soon as you collapsed. I barely had time to get us far enough away to hide – they didn’t look for us though. They didn’t seem to remember we were here. They took Walter’s body with them.”

For a second I thought I might throw up, the guilt and terror was so great. I forced the nausea back down though, forced myself to accept and face the truth.

“Walter. I killed him, didn’t I? Oh, Sebastian… I wanted to save you so badly. I couldn’t stand to see you in pain like that and then… I killed him. I wanted him to die,” I whispered, horrified at what I had done. “How could I do that?” And I burst back into tears.

Sebastian rocked me in his arms, gently stroking my hair until my sobs quieted. He tilted my face up, forcing me to meet his solemn and caring eyes. He gently kissed my forehead and then tenderly wiped the tears from my face with his thumbs.

“You did what you had to. You saved us. I’m so sorry you had to do it though, Gracelynn. I know what it’s like to have to take someone else’s life,” he reminded me with obvious reluctance. “There was no other way…”

“There was.” My voice came out so quietly I was surprised Sebastian even heard. He looked down at me, waiting expectantly. I couldn’t meet his eyes. I dropped my gaze to the rough, basalt stones that formed the precise, natural tiles we sat upon. “The Others weren’t expecting me to be able to use my ability at all – I could have done anything. I could have just knocked him unconscious, it would have been enough but it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted him to die for what he had done to you, for what he was doing to you. I wanted someone to pay for what we’ve been through,” I confessed. I spoke the truth with a chilling coldness that I could no longer blame on Caoilinn – it was all me.

Sebastian didn’t respond. He waited quietly and patiently, sensing there was more.

“I will never do it again,” I swore, my voice suddenly fierce and impassioned. I sat up straighter as I spoke. “Never. I will never take another’s life not even to save my own - not even to save yours. I’m sorry but I can’t… I never should have in the first place. And I swear I never, ever will again.”

“It’s okay,” Sebastian comforted. He gently reached for my hand but I pulled away. I knew I didn’t deserve his comfort. I was unworthy of his love. “You did what you felt you had to do and you saved me. And I believe that you’ll never take another’s life again. I don’t think you could ever want it enough, not after this,” he added quietly. I nodded my agreement, swallowing hard as I tried to push back the dull, numb blackness that was gathering inside of me.

“Do you remember… Caoilinn, speaking through you?” Sebastian asked hesitantly. I blinked back my tears and nodded. Perhaps it was because of my dark mood and angry, bitter thoughts but what immediately jumped to mind was how Sebastian had begged Caoilinn not to leave him.

“She said you would remember everything now,” he prompted, distracting me. I nodded reluctantly.

“I remember how to use my magic.” Sebastian waited patiently for me to continue, so with a sigh, I did. “The simple spells should be easy. It’s a matter of focusing and trusting my instincts, trusting in myself and letting my emotions and wants guide me. I was having a hard time giving in before, releasing my control of my emotions and desires so that I could control my magic… it’s a hard thing for me to do but I think I can do it when I need to now. The more complicated spells require designs though.”

“The designs in my tattoos?”

“Yes,” I agreed. “The more powerful spells, the spells that require altering fate, like taking someone’s life or Binding another soul to yours, these require a design that also leaves a physical mark on the person’s body and on their soul. The lines of the design represent what was meant to be and how it must be twisted to become what you want it to become. It’s complicated. Caoilinn would meditate for days to unravel the correct patterns and designs. She was the only one of the Sisterhood powerful enough to perform these spells but some were able to combine their abilities and they were getting close. She should never have asked you to save that spell book for her – it should have been destroyed.”

“Caoilinn never told me any of this. I suppose I didn’t need to know since my magic works differently than hers but if there were others in the Sisterhood who could learn to use these spells, then couldn’t I have too? Why wouldn’t she tell me?” Sebastian looked at me expectantly, the hurt and confusion bright in his beautiful eyes.

“She was afraid to tell you, Sebastian. She was afraid of what you’d think of her if you knew how dangerous and deadly she could be. She feared you’d reject her if you knew of the terrible things she had done.” I knew it was the truth as I spoke it, I could feel it right down in my very soul, echoing within the core of my being.

“No,” Sebastian denied, slowly shaking his head. “How could she doubt me? She had done nothing that I wouldn’t have understood, that I couldn’t have forgiven.”

“The Sisterhood used her, manipulated her to some extent. They encouraged her to discover the deadliest and most powerful spells. They brought her subjects to test the designs on – animals, criminals, sometimes even the terminally ill who were brought to the temple to be saved. They told her she was serving the people, performing the will of the Gods. She was already starting to question the intentions of the Sisterhood when she met you but she hadn’t planned on running away, she had planned on killing herself to escape. You changed all that.”

“No. She would never have… she wasn’t capable of murder,” he objected but I could tell he wasn’t trying to convince me but himself.

“Did you think I was?” I asked quietly.

Sebastian didn’t answer, he couldn’t. He watched me sadly, his eyes full of doubt, denial, betrayal and disappointment. It was breaking my heart. I felt almost as if I had betrayed him myself.

“Sometimes we only see what we want to see. We choose to only believe what our heart wants to be true. The truth was always there, nothing has really changed. The only difference is now you know it.”

Sebastian didn’t respond. I wanted to cry but the tears wouldn’t come. So instead I embraced the huge, gaping cavern of sadness inside my chest that felt like it would split me in two. I let it fill and overwhelm me, the emptiness painful and intense.

“When did you become so philosophical?” Sebastian suddenly asked. His voice was strained, his eyes were weary but there was a gentle, teasing quality to his words that allowed a flicker of hope to spark within the darkness inside of me.

“You’re a bad influence on me.”

“Obviously,” he agreed and he smiled at me in a way that appeared to be only slightly forced. I knew things would eventually be fine between us but I also realized it was going to take some time. By exposing Caoilinn’s secrets, I had given him reason to doubt not only her but also me and because of my recent actions, I could only feel that I deserved it.

“We can’t stay here. The Others will still be looking for us and eventually they’ll return,” Sebastian pointed out.

“As soon as they find a fifth, they’ll remember. It won’t matter anymore that I don’t want them to, that I want them to leave us alone. I’m still powerless when they outnumber us. I was only able to stop Walter because they never expected me to be capable of it.”

“I don’t suppose you remembered how to stop them all?”

“No. I don’t think Caoilinn knew how to take away someone else’s powers. I’m not sure it’s possible, Sebastian. I think our only option, for now, is to run.”

“Okay. Where should we go?” He waited expectantly, a small smile on his face that made him look even more like his old self. I relaxed just a little bit more.

“You’re asking me?” He waited patiently while I carefully considered. “We need to leave the country again. We should probably avoid the United Kingdom entirely - and North America. I don’t know where we should go. We need help, I know that much. I just want someone to point us in the right direction,” I admitted with a sigh.

“Hey! Found you!” a man called out, suddenly appearing as he stepped around the wall of basalt columns. He was average height and a little fat, with a large nose and a noticeable bald spot on top of his thinning, gray-brown hair. He looked strangely familiar. I tried not to appear too alarmed at his sudden appearance but I automatically tensed my muscles in preparation to run. “We’ve been looking all over for you two! The bus is about to leave.”

It took a second for me to understand what he meant. I realized why he looked familiar – he had sat near us on the tour bus all the way along the Antrim Coast. Relief washed over me but of course, Sebastian recovered first.

“Oh, thank you! We didn’t realize what time it was, sorry. I’m so glad the bus waited.” Sebastian helped me to my feet as he spoke.

“What are you doing?” I whispered as we began to follow the man over the uneven, slippery stones.