Silver Lining (40 page)

"I've waited for you to come to the main house," she said, pushing her lips into a pout. "Then I realizedshe must be keeping you here. So I came to you."

If not for the green marble, he would have married this woman.

"I'm leaving for Fort Laramie next week. I need to know when you'll join me."

She believed nothing had changed between them. There wasn't a doubt in her expression or her gaze.

"I'm not going anywhere." He spoke softly, gently. Once she had been important to him. Once he had held her and believed he loved her.

"Don't tease, I'm upset enough. My father will only speak to me through his attorney. The day after tomorrow Wally is leaving for Santa Fe . Your mother scarcely talks to me, and she's been rude twice.

Gilly avoids me. None of my friends or acquaintances will call. I need you."

"You don't need me, Philadelphia . Whatever was between us has been over for a long time." They had never needed each other, had never understood each other. "If we had married, it would have been a mistake."

"I don't know how you can say that, because you're wrong. I love you, Max. And you love me."

"You're mistaken on both counts."

Her gaze flicked to something behind him, then she rushed forward and pressed against his body, lifting her hands to his face. "Kiss me and then tell me you don't love me. If you can."

Confidence sparkled in her eyes before her lids closed and her arms wrapped around his neck. She pulled his head down and lifted on tiptoe to kiss him.

And as he'd expected, he felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Placing his hands on her waist, he moved her away from his chest and hips. "Go home," he said quietly.

"You have a good husband who wants to love you. I genuinely believe you could be happy with Wally if you'll give him and your marriage a chance."

"I don't want Wally. Why do you think I'm willing to endure the scandal of a divorce? It's because I wantyou!" She stamped her foot, and her eyes flashed.

He almost smiled because he knew her well enough to know that once she understood he wouldn't follow her to Fort Laramie , she would stay with Wally rather than open herself to more scandal. With a bit of luck, she and Wally could create a satisfactory marriage, maybe even a happy one.

"Listen to me," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders and looking into her eyes. There was no way to soften the blunt truth, but he tried by speaking in a gentle tone. "I don't love you, Philadelphia , and I don't want to marry you. I love Louise." He touched her cheek with his fingertips. "Louise is the best thing that's ever happened to me, and every day I thank God for giving me such a blessing. I hope one day you'll say the same thing about Wally."

She jerked backward as if he had struck her. "You're telling me that you love that creature?"

"With all my heart," he said simply. He'd known it for a long while, but this was the first time he'd tested the words on his tongue. A grin curved his lips. Now that he'd stated his love aloud, he wanted to shout it from the barn roof.

"I don't believe this! You're advising me to remain married to your brother?"

"I have no right to advise you, and whatever you decide is none of my business. But … do you really want to exchange a man who loves you for the shame and disgrace of a divorce?"

"I don't want to stay with Wally. He's changed. He isn't as easy to manage as I thought he would be!"

Max smiled at her expression. "That's exactly the kind of man you need." Any small doubt faded. She would accompany Wally to Santa Fe . And Wally would provide the challenge she couldn't admit she wanted and needed. Theirs would be a volatile union, a constant struggle for control. But he suspected Philadelphia and his brother would find such a marriage stimulating and exciting.

Taking her arm, eager to send her on her way, he turned her toward the doorway, intending to walk her to her horse. "Gilly!" At once, he knew his sister had seen and overheard most of what had happened in the last few minutes. And she wouldn't have come to the barn alone. He swung a quick frown toward the house.

"For a bad minute, Max, I thought you'd turned stupid." Anger burned in the scorn Gilly leveled on Philadelphia . "And you dared to judge Louise. You don't know the meaning of decency!"

"Where is she?" His stomach cramped, and his hands curled into fists. He knew what Louise would think if she'd seen Philadelphia in his arms. Damn it.

"By now I imagine she's left you and is on her way to Denver ."

Breaking into a run, he raced toward the house. Surely Louise understood that Philadelphia 's kiss didn't mean anything.

His chest tightened around a kernel of panic. Curse his hide, he hadn't told her that he loved her. He'd been waiting for her to say it first, too proud to lay his heart on the line until she did.

But she had to know, didn't she? She was angry and hurt by seeing Philadelphia kissing him. But she wouldn't up and leave him. She'd at least give him a chance to explain.

He strode through the mudroom door and went straight to the parlor. His heart sank.

Her silver spoon was gone. She wasn't coming back.

*

He who is born a fool is never cured. She'd forgotten the truth in that proverb. Cursing, she wiped tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

She gave the horses their heads, too wild inside to care how recklessly she was driving over snow-packed, icy roads. She'd go to Denver . She had enough money in her bag to get a room for tonight. Tomorrow, when there were no more tears to cry, she would decide what to do next. How did people live when they no longer had a heart?

The horses galloped past the outskirts of Fort Houser and she dashed a hand across her eyes, blinking hard.

How could she have been such a blind fool? Sheknew Max wanted Philadelphia . He always had.

Hadn't she reminded herself of this fact only an hour ago?

But she hadn't wanted to believe the raw emotion she'd seen in Max's eyes the day of Philadelphia 's labor. She had wanted Gilly to convince her that Max never thought about Philadelphia , didn't pine for her, didn't wish it was Philadelphia he'd married. No, that wasn't true. She had wantedMax to convince her of these reassuring lies. But deep in her heart she'd known how he really felt. She was nothing but an obstacle standing between him and Philadelphia ; that's what she had always been to him.

Well, not anymore. She would vanish into the streets of Denver . Or maybe she would withdraw her money from the bank and take a train west until she ran into an ocean. She'd buy a little house and spend her life raising their child and trying to forget a tall, lanky cowboy with pox marks on his chin and a blue gaze that sent shivers down her spine. Max would always be the best part of her. She would see him in every blue-eyed man. Would find him in the face of her child.

"You idiot," she whispered, whipping the reins across the horses' backs. It was her fault that she was dying inside. She had forgotten who she was.

She had let herself be lulled and seduced by the luxury of a real mattress, warm food three times a day, and the joy of caring for a home. She had even given names to the stupid chickens. How dumb could she be? Very dumb. Dumb enough to appropriate Max's family and love them and try to make them her own. When she thought about never again seeing Livvy or Gilly or Sunshine, her ribs felt as if they were cracking.

But the worst, the very worst, most stupid and foolish thing she had ever done in her whole life was to fall deeply, crazily in love with Max McCord.

She had never had a chance. Her love was hopeless from the beginning. She could never be a lady like Philadelphia . She couldn't even be Missus Louise McCord; that wasn't who she was.

She was just plain ole Low Down. Low-down, good-for-nothing, never amount to a hill of beans, worthless, just taking up space in the world. That Low Down.

Hot tears stung her eyes, and her chest hurt. She'd forgotten who she was, had forgotten that names and nature do often agree. It was certainly true in her case. But oh, how she had wanted to be someone else.

How she had longed to be Missus Max McCord. Hearing the words had made her feel proud inside.

"Louise!"

Blinking hard at the dampness scalding her eyes, she thought for an instant that she had imagined Max's shout. Then he yelled again, and she turned to see him riding hell-bent for leather alongside the wagon.

"Go away!" She didn't know what he was doing here, but she resented his chasing after her. It would have been better if they didn't actually have to say good-bye.

"You're driving like a damned maniac! Louise, stop the horses!"

She shouted back. "The only thing I have to say to you is good-bye. I've said it now, so get on home."

"I didn't kiss Philadelphia , she kissed me." Marva Lee ran full out, her mane fluttering and her tail rippling behind her. Max had one hand on his hat and one hand gripping the reins. His duster flapped behind him. "She blindsided me. Just jumped on me. I didn't want her kissing me, didn't ask her to do it.

Most important, I didn't like it."

How dumb did he think she was? "I don't care who the hell kissed who, the fact is the two of you were kissing," she shouted, fighting tears and the reins. "And it sure looked to me like you were enjoying it.

Well, you can have Philadelphia , I don't care. It's time I left anyway."

He eyed the team as if he might be thinking about doing something foolish like jumping down between them and trying to stop them. Instead he brought Marva Lee up close beside the wagon seat.

"You can't leave. In fact, you have to pull over and stop," he demanded, shouting at her. "I'm making a citizen's arrest!"

"What? What are you talking about?"

"I'm arresting you. You're stealing my wagon and my horses."

At first she thought she had misunderstood, and that was possible since the wheels and harness were rattling and squealing, making it hard to hear. Then she realized he had a valid point. She'd taken his wagon and horses without his permission. "I'll send you payment from Denver ."

He was riding forward over Marva Lee's neck, his head turned to glare at her. "If I wouldn't take your money to save my ranch, what makes you think I'd take your money now? I saw what taking a woman's money did to my father. I'm never going to accept a dime of your funds for anything!"

Louise's mouth dropped, and she stared at him. That's why he'd refused her offer, not because he didn't want to be tied to her, but because he didn't want to end like his father, resenting his wife for bailing him out. The instant he said the words, it sounded so obvious.

What other mistakes had she made?

"Louise, slow down before you break your neck. We need to talk!"

No sooner had he shouted the warning than she felt the back wheels lock and spin into a sickening icy slide. She was skilled enough to save the team from wrecking, to hold the wagon steady until it straightened again, but she wasn't balanced well enough to save herself. The wagon seesawed and pitched her into the road, where she banged down on the ice and rolled across the snow pack into a drift.

Quicker than she could sort out what had happened, Max was off Marva Lee and pulling her out of the snowbank. He propped her against the drift and ran his strong work hands over her neck, down her arms, and across her rib cage. When he threw up her skirt and moved his hands from her ankles to her knees, she slapped down her skirts and wiggled away from him.

"Here. Sit on my duster," he insisted. "Are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt." Probably badly bruised, but not actually injured. Her skirt was torn, and her hat had gone missing.

"It's a miracle you aren't dead. I never saw anybody drive a wagon that recklessly!"

She blinked at the road. "Where are the horses?"

"Probably halfway to Denver . We'll send someone to look for them later. Right now you and I have some things to talk about." He sat on the snow facing her and tried to take her hand, but she snatched it away.

She was going to have to swallow her pride and ask him to take her to a hotel in Fort Houser . Damn.

"I know what you're going to say," she said, lifting a hand and cutting him off. "You're a good man, and you and I have become friends so you want to make this as easy as possible for me. And I appreciate that, but I know what I saw and I know how you feel." She looked down at her hands twisting in her lap.

"No you don't."

"And if you're mad about me just running off, well, I'm sorry about that. It was cowardly. And I didn't think about stealing your horses and wagon." She looked at him. "But it's time I left, Max. I've overstayed my welcome."

"Louise, listen to me. I don't care about Philadelphia . She doesn't mean a thing to me. Whatever I felt for her died a long time ago."

"We haven't lied to each other, let's not start now. I saw your face when Philadelphia was in labor, and your expression said it all." She hated to remember that day. "You were worried to death about her. And you were devastated when you learned she'd been with another man."

"Damned right I was worried. Weren't you? Wasn't everyone? I didn't want her to die; I didn't want a death on my conscience. As for being devastated that she'd been with another man, hell yes, the news shocked me. I never expected such a thing. And it made me furious. I'd been flogging myself that I'd betrayed Philadelphia by taking my wife—you—to bed. And all the while she had betrayed me weeks before." He sat on the snow facing her with his legs tucked up under him Indian fashion. "Call it pride, call it stupidity, but of course I was furious that she was pregnant by another man. But Louise … that has nothing to do with you."

He looked at her sitting on the side of the road, as unaware of the snow and cold as he was, her heart swimming in her eyes. It was so like her to think of other people's happiness and run off to clear the way for him and Philadelphia . Despite her bluster and bravado, despite the chip she sometimes wore on her shoulder, there wasn't a selfish bone in this woman's body.

"I love you, Louise Downe McCord. You drive me absolutely crazy sometimes, and this is one of those times, but I love you."