Silver Linings (29 page)

But Katie had left with a broken heart, and Coco looked let down.

The inn had disappointed us all.

Friday night, two weeks after the reunion, Katie let herself into her small apartment and kicked off her shoes. She worked with adoptions and had been in court earlier that afternoon when two little girls, ages three and four, half-siblings, had been adopted into a loving family. It was cases like this that gave her a huge sense of accomplishment and joy.

By habit she turned on the evening news and checked the freezer for a frozen entrée. She was still making her choice when her phone rang. Caller ID told her it was Coco. Her friend never had heard from Hudson and it had bitterly disappointed her.

Holding the phone against her ear, Katie sorted through the selection of frozen meals, preferring something simple and easy after a hectic day in court.

“Hey, Coco, whatcha doing?” she asked.

“Not much, what about you?” They'd texted a number of times after leaving Cedar Cove and the reunion but hadn't spoken.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Coco asked.

“Not really. You?” The Lean Cuisine pasta looked to be Katie's best dinner option. She removed it from the freezer and set it on the kitchen countertop.

“Want to go out for a while?” Coco asked. “A friend of mine is having a party. He wants to set me up with someone, and frankly, I'm not in the mood.”

“What makes you think I am?” she asked, reading the directions on the back of the package.

“I figured you're probably in the same place as me. Getting out will do you good and this guy doesn't sound like my type.”

Katie smiled. “So in other words, you want to use me as a buffer?”

“You might find Christian interesting, who knows. Come on, we could both use an emotional boost.”

Katie tossed the frozen entrée back into the freezer. “All right, I guess I'll go with you.”

Coco snorted. “We're pathetic, you know that, right?”

Katie laughed. She was half tempted to ask if there'd been any contact from Hudson, but she knew Coco would have said so if there had.

“I'll pick you up in thirty,” Coco said.

“I'll be ready.” Katie didn't have a better way to spend Friday night, and a party might be fun. She wasn't in a party mood but she needed to break out of this self-imposed shell and step out of the past.

By the time they arrived at the party it was in full swing. Everyone knew Coco and there were cheers when she arrived. It didn't take long before Katie was handed a beer. She took a tentative sip and stood back as Coco threw herself into the melee with full abandon. No more than ten minutes after they arrived, Coco was in the middle of the living room, arms above her head dancing and flirting. Coco was the life of the party. It was as if everyone had been waiting for her arrival.

Although she knew only a couple of people, Katie enjoyed herself. Sitting on the sofa arm, she watched the others dancing and laughing while sipping her beer.

“Hi there, I'm Christian.”

“Katie.” They clicked their beer bottles together.

“Coco said I should come over and introduce myself.”

It was hard to hear him above the music and the noise. “So you're the one.”

“The one?” he asked, frowning.

“Never mind,” she said, studying him. He was actually quite attractive, with thick dark hair and a ready smile.

He glanced toward the others. “Would you like to dance?”

“Sure, why not?” The beer lent her courage.

The first dance led to another and then another, and by the end of the evening she'd exchanged phone numbers with Christian. With the loud music, conversation had been difficult, and she didn't know much about him other than the fact that he worked for Boeing and was a sheet-metal worker, the same as his father and uncle.

Coco, who had limited herself to two beers during the course of the evening, drove Katie home.

“Did you have a good time?” she asked.

“I did. Christian seems nice.”

“I thought you'd like him.”

It came to her then, what Katie should have suspected all along. “This was a setup, wasn't it? He was never anyone
you
were supposed to meet. You arranged for me to connect with Christian.”

“Sort of,” Coco admitted.

“Right,” Katie said with more than a hint of sarcasm.

“One day you'll thank me. Christian's a great guy and I thought it was time for us both to have some fun.”

Her friend was right. “I had a great time; thanks for inviting me.”

“I had a good time, too,” Coco said, and sounded surprised.

“You didn't think you would?” Katie asked.

“I didn't…well, sort of. I just wish I could stop thinking about Hudson.”

Seeing that Coco had opened the door, Katie took advantage of it. “No word?”

“None.” The word was stark and lonely.

“He's an idiot.”

Coco shrugged. “His choice, I guess.”

“You could always call or text him,” Katie suggested. She could understand why Coco hadn't.

“No. I got the message. He's not interested.”

Katie understood all too well.

To her surprise, Katie slept better that Friday night than she had any other night since her return from the reunion. She woke and checked her phone for messages and saw that she had one from Christian.

Meet for coffee? Starbucks on 45th. 10?

Sure. See you then.

By the time Katie arrived Christian had secured a table. He stood and hugged her when she approached.

“You're even prettier in the daylight,” he said. “I ordered you a pumpkin spice latte. I should have asked what you wanted—is that okay?”

“That's perfect.”

They chatted for nearly an hour and Katie felt herself beginning to relax. Christian was nice and they seemed to get on well enough. But the spark just wasn't there. Katie wasn't sure if he realized it or not, but she definitely did.

On the drive back to her apartment, she couldn't help wondering if she'd ever feel that connection to another man the way she had with James. As hard as she tried to let go of him, she was beginning to think that she might never be able to move on. In letting go she would have to relinquish the way he'd made her feel, the love he'd given her. She didn't know if it was possible to find someone who loved her as much as James had.

Had. Past tense. He was marrying Emily and she had to accept it.

One day, she promised herself, she would fall in love with someone equally wonderful.

Once back at her apartment, Katie started in on her cleaning that she did on Saturday mornings. She dragged out the vacuum and went at it with a vengeance. It'd been a while since she'd done the bedroom carpet. As she ran it around her bedroom set, she hit a solid object stored under her bed, causing another box to scoot out the other side.

Turning off the machine, she went to kick the box back to its hiding place when she realized what it was.

The letters.

The box contained James's letters to her, the ones he'd sent when he'd gone off to college. Katie stared at the box. It'd been months since she'd last read through them.

She'd kept every one and had read them countless times. Some of them she could almost recite from memory. There were several where he pleaded to hear from her that were stained with her tears. The angry ones had crumpled edges as his pain vibrated off the page. The last ones had read like journal entries, full of details of his life. He wrote about his classes, the teachers, and the friends he'd made, as if trying to stay connected even though she wasn't responding.

At the end of each letter he'd explained that he would never stop loving her, even if she didn't care about him any longer. She couldn't help but wonder how long he would have continued if she hadn't returned the last letter and asked him not to write again. It had about killed her, but she knew she had to be the one to end it. Just as he felt now that he had to be the one to move forward by marrying Emily.

It came to her that she would never be completely free of James as long as she held on to the letters. She had to destroy them before they destroyed her. The one place she felt she could do this was Manchester State Park, where they had so often met.

Her fear was that she wouldn't be able to make herself do it. She didn't know if she had the courage to burn them without someone there to hold her hand. The one person she knew who would understand was Coco.

She texted her high school friend.

Do you have plans for today?

What's up?

I need some hand-holding in Cedar Cove.

Cedar Cove?????

You coming with me or not?

If you need me, I'm there.

Thank you.

As soon as Katie picked up her friend, she explained the mission.

“You're sure about this?” Coco asked.

“No.” Katie knew she could be honest with Coco. “It's going to kill me to burn these letters, but I know I'll never be able to let go of James unless I do.”

“Why Manchester State Park?” Coco asked as they waited in line for the ferry. “Couldn't we do this someplace closer? I don't have a lot of good memories of our last visit to town.”

“I know…I don't, either. I guess it's because it will be full circle for me.”

Coco seemed to understand. They didn't talk much on the ferry ride over and the drive around the cove. The autumn drizzle had started. They paid the entrance fee into the park and found a campsite with a picnic table and a fire pit.

They soon discovered that neither one of them had thought to bring something with which to start a fire. If it wasn't so tragic it might have been amusing. A camper took pity on them and they soon had a few sticks of kindling lit and the fire going.

“You ready?” Coco asked her, opening the box.

Katie swallowed hard and nodded. She reached inside the box and took out one of the last newsy letters James had written and after a brief hesitation threw it into the flames. For just an instant she regretted burning it and resisted the urge to grab it out of the fire. The paper was quickly consumed by the flames. The smoke rose and with it went one of the relics of her first love.

Katie's throat clogged. She'd understood burning the letters would be hard, but not this hard.

“You okay?” Coco asked, studying her and looking concerned. “You're pale and you're shaking.”

“Am I?” she asked, her voice weak and trembling. She couldn't stop now. “Your turn.”

Coco hesitated. “You sure you want me to do this?”

“Yes, please.” It would help because there were three, perhaps four that she didn't know if she could burn on her own. She'd need Coco to do it for her.

Coco reached inside the box.

“Not that one,” Katie cried, her voice in a panic. “Not yet…”

Coco dropped the letter back into the box. “You decide which one,” she said.

Several minutes passed before Katie was able to choose the next letter. Coco unceremoniously tossed it into the flames and Katie swallowed down a cry. Her entire body started to shake and she felt the need to sit down. It was a good thing the picnic table was close at hand.

Coco kept a close watch on her. “I don't think you're ready for this, Katie.”

She disagreed. “I have to get it done.”

“I know, but do you need to do it all at once?”

Katie was too traumatized to answer.

Coco sat down on the picnic bench next to her and suggested, “Why don't you take out the ones you feel you can let go of and take the rest home until you're more comfortable with doing this?”

“I'll never be comfortable—”

“You know what I mean,” Coco said, interrupting her. “This is killing you. You're shaking like a leaf.”

“Okay, we'll only burn half today.” She could manage half, she thought.

Only Katie was wrong. By the end of the afternoon they'd managed to destroy only a dozen. Each one had felt as if it cut away a section of her heart.