Sinful Desires Vol. 5 (2 page)

“Nope, not a clue.” I pulled my coat more tightly around my shoulders. Winter had come with a vengeance yesterday, blasting Philadelphia with cold air and flurries of snow too dry to stick. I'd only been in Vegas a couple of years, but the heat had made me forget what a real winter was like. The exterior chill just added to the interior cold I felt. I felt frozen with uncertainty.

Thankfully, Anastascia didn't try to pressure me into anything. She knew what a difficult time I was having and had been very supportive. What she hadn't been able to do, however, was tell me what I was supposed to do. I had a feeling there was an opinion she was keeping to herself for some reason, but I didn't push her on it. I wasn't sure I was ready to know what she truly thought anyway.

I tried to focus on what the priest was saying about Julien's father, hoping I could gain some insight into the family. It didn't take long to realize that the list of platitudes being spouted had nothing to do with the real man Julien had known. My attention wandered, alternating between sideways glances across the aisle to see if Reed was still looking at me – he was – and ones up front to see if I could deduce any sort of emotion from the back of Julien's head – I couldn't. All Julien's hair did was remind me what it had felt like, brushing against my thighs, wound between my fingers.

I squeezed my eyes closed and took a slow breath. Those were not thoughts I needed to be having at a funeral.

The service was nearly twice as long as the one I'd had for my mother and enough different that it barely reminded me of hers at all. That was some small comfort for me, I supposed. I knew Anastascia had been worried about that. I would've been too if I hadn't been so busy thinking about how my friend was doing. I understood the loss of a parent, though mine hadn't been a surprise.

The service ended and everyone watched in silence as the pallbearers helped take the casket down the aisle and out the front of the church. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Reed trying to get my attention but I turned away from him. I knew I needed to talk to him at some point, but I wanted to figure out how I was feeling before I did.

“I need to use the restroom,” I whispered as the ushers started to dismiss people. I slipped out the far side of the pew and headed toward the stairs at the back, hoping to avoid the throng of people in the back. I'd only been in here once as a kid, but I was pretty sure I remembered where things were.

A few minutes later, I had to admit that I was wrong. I was near what I assumed was the priest's study, but didn't see any sign of a bathroom. I sighed. It'd probably be quicker to go back into the sanctuary and wait until we got back to my place than it would be to keep searching.

As I hurried around the corner, I wasn't watching where I was going and ran straight into a wall of solid muscle. Hands closed on my arms and I looked up to see almost-black eyes looking down at me.

“Reed.” My mouth was suddenly dry.

“Piper.” His voice was soft, a caress over the word that made me remember other, more intimate, times he'd said my name. “I'm glad I finally caught you.”

His hands burned through my shirt, heating my skin. I swallowed hard, wondering if he was going to try to kiss me... wondering if I'd let him. He released me and took a step back.

“I wanted to apologize for showing up at your house like that,” he said. “I was completely out of line. I never should've sprung things on you like that.”

I nodded. “It's okay. You just caught me off guard.” I didn't seem to know what to do with my hands. Finally, I settled for crossing them in front of me.

“Look, I don't want to fuck this up again.” His expression was earnest. “Go on a date with me this coming Friday. It'll be a real first date. We'll talk. No pressure.”

A chance to sit down and talk to him was a good idea. And a week would give me the time I'd need to start putting together a better picture of how I felt about what had happened with him and with Julien.

“No,” I said and watched his face fall. “Not a date, but I will have dinner with you… to talk.”

A smile broke across his face and I couldn't help but smile back. I might not know whether or not I still cared about him enough to want to try a relationship with him, but I did know that I liked seeing him happy.

He reached out and took my hand, giving it a quick squeeze before releasing it again. “I'll pick you up at seven, and we'll keep it casual.”

I nodded and watched as he walked away. I couldn't deny that he looked good in his suit. My stomach clenched as I remembered the way he looked out of it.

“Dammit,” I said to myself. “This is going to be a long week.”

I smoothed non-existent wrinkles from my dress pants and then started for the stairs. Before I took more than half a dozen steps, I caught a glimpse of someone hurrying by. I didn't need a close look to know that it was Julien. He'd seen me, I was sure of it, but now he didn't even look my way, confirming that he didn't want to talk to me.

I scowled. I really hoped this date with Reed would help me figure out what I wanted and that this distance Julien was putting between us would ease the awkwardness. I just wanted to move on with my life, but I had a bad feeling that was going to be easier said than done.

Chapter 3

The first week of December was just as confusing and miserable as I'd feared. Work was fine, if a little boring, but everyone at Madam Emilana's was freaking out. We would be performing pieces from The Nutcracker for a friend of Madam Emilana. Apparently, he was looking for a few girls for various parts in a new version of Phantom of the Opera that he was producing in early summer. Auditions would begin after the first of the year, and rumor had it that any girls who caught his eye now might be getting a personal invitation.

What should have been an exciting announcement was tempered by the fact that the only person I had to share it with was Anastascia. I'd called Julien and left a message for him, telling him about the opportunity, but that had been three days ago and I hadn't heard anything back.

Then, late last night, Anastascia called. The pipes in her apartment had burst, and then the heat had gone out. The combination meant there was no way she could stay there, especially not in December. I, of course, invited her to stay with me. I loved my best friend and, normally, having her at my place for a couple weeks would be a blast. Problem was, I didn't want laughter and distraction. I needed to be able to think and, even when she tried to give me my space, I had a hard time focusing on the problem.

At least she'd helped me pick out the perfect 'I'm not saying I'm interested but maybe I could be' outfit. He'd said casual, which I was glad about since it meant I could wear jeans instead of a dress or skirt. I enjoyed dressing up, but I didn't bare leg in the winter without an insanely good excuse. Tonight, I was wearing my nicest pair of jeans – the kind that hugged my curves without looking painted on – and a clingy sweater that made my eyes look almost like emeralds.

When Reed knocked on the door, Anastascia gave me a look that said she expected a full report when I got home and then headed upstairs to my extra room. I took a deep breath and opened the door. Reed's eyes warmed when he saw me and he held out a bouquet of wildflowers.

“Thank you.” I motioned for him to come in. I was relieved to see that he'd kept it casual as well. Not that he didn't look good. He wore designer jeans with an expensive cut and a fitted long-sleeved shirt that showed off his broad shoulders and chest. He'd gone with a rich, deep red so we looked like we matched to make Christmas colors.

I put the flowers in a vase and set them on my kitchen table, then headed back out to the living room where Reed waited. His hands were in his pockets and it was then I realized that he was as nervous as I was.

“Ready?” He flashed me a charming smile and gestured toward the door.

His car was sitting at the curb, and I wasn't surprised to see that it was the latest BMW model. He wasn't a snob about the money he and his family had, but he didn't go out of his way to downplay it either. And he did like his cars. I smiled as he opened the door for me before hurried around to the driver's side.

“Since we're keeping it casual, I was thinking about Earth Bread and Brewery,” Reed said as he pulled out of his parking space.

“That sounds great,” I said. “I love their flatbread pizza.”

“And I figured a good beer might loosen things up.” He winked at me.

“Good idea.” I began to relax as we drove.

He kept the conversation casual, asking how dance was going and my job. I wasn't sure how to ask him questions about work and his life without bringing up his ended marriage or the fact that his parents had threatened to cut off his company if he didn't marry Britni. I was pretty sure their threat would carry over to divorcing, particularly if it was before they had a kid. So, I let him steer the conversation and didn't push when he skirted around the more serious topics. Once we got into dinner, I'd make sure we discussed the things that needed said, but I was glad we were keeping it light for the moment.

The place was packed, but Reed didn't have a problem getting a table rather quickly. I had a feeling the Stirlings rarely had issues pulling strings to get reservations. As we started up the stairs, I could feel Reed's eyes on me as I went in front of him. I wondered what he was thinking. Was he just admiring the view or was he remembering what it had felt like to have his hands on me? Heat flooded me, chasing away the last of the winter cold.

When we reached the top, the hostess smiled at us and asked us to follow her. Not surprisingly, her gaze lingered on Reed a bit longer than me. Even if she didn't know who he was, his looks alone were enough to attract attention. I gave him a sideways glance to see if he was flirting back, but his smile was only polite. He put his hand at the small of my back, not quite touching, but enough to guide me around the tables to a relatively quiet corner.

We each ordered a beer and then turned our attention to our menus. The nearly idle chatter continued until after we ordered and our food arrived. Only after we'd both had a few bites of the vegetarian pizza we were sharing did Reed's expression grow serious. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I knew what was coming.

“I'm starting my own business.”

Okay, maybe I didn't know what was coming. I leaned forward and he put his hand over mine. My skin tingled where it touched his.

“You were right to make me leave last week. I wasn't thinking clearly. There were things I needed to do.” He gestured toward the hand covering mine and I noticed for the first time that his finger was empty. “I hired two lawyers. One for the divorce and one to handle the business aspect of it. I took the papers to Britni two days ago and gave her my wedding band. The engagement ring went back to my mother for safe keeping.”

The way he looked at me told me that he had something specific in mind for it and those damn butterflies did another lap. His fingers tightened around mine.

“And I went to both of our parents and told them that I didn't love Britni and I couldn't stay married to her.”

My eyes widened. That had taken some serious guts to do that. I just hoped he hadn't mentioned me to them, especially since I wasn't sure how I felt about him anymore. I could only imagine how they'd feel if Reed did this all for me but I rejected him.

I almost winced. The word rejected sounded so harsh.

Reed continued, unaware of my internal conflict. “I knew my parents would try to threaten me with the same thing as before, so I handed in my resignation. I told them that I'd take the money my grandparents had left me to start my own business, and if they couldn't accept the decision I'd made, they could cut me off.”

“Reed, I–” I had to say something. He had to know that he couldn't do all of this for me, not when I wasn't sure where we were going to go, how I was feeling.

“I've never felt this free before,” he said. “You showed me that I couldn't just keep living the life my parents told me to live. I was suffocating and hadn't even realized it.”

I smiled. “I'm glad you feel free.” That much was true. I did still care about him. I was happy he'd started standing up to his parents and making his own choices. I loved how happy he looked. I just didn't know if it was enough to get past everything else.

He shifted our hands so that our fingers were laced together. “They may come around; they may not, but I've made my choice.” His eyes met mine. “And I choose you.”

Oh, fuck. My heart skipped a beat at his words, but I could feel that excitement was only part of it. Almost as significant was worry over what would happen if I didn’t choose him.

He sat back, releasing my hand. “I'm sorry. That was too much, I know.” He smiled and took a drink of his beer. “No pressure or expectations tonight. I just wanted to let you know where I am.”

I nodded and drained what was left of my beer, hoping the buzz would counteract my nerves.

“I know you probably have questions that you've been wanting to ask,” he said. “So ask away. Anything you want and I'll answer it honestly.”

I took a bite of my pizza as much to give myself a few minutes as anything else. I did have a million questions, but most of them weren't for Reed. There were a few though, that I needed answers to. I picked one thread at random.

“Why now?” I put down the slice I'd been eating. I didn't think I could eat any more. “You said it was because of what Brock had done, but you knew about what he did to me months ago. Back in Vegas, you made me believe that you were going to break off your engagement but went through with it anyway. And…” I was getting riled up now, counting his indiscretions off one finger at a time, “you've been married for nearly six months and keep claiming how much you wanted to be with me even though you didn't make a move to end things until last week. How am I supposed to trust that you won't do the same thing now? Get bored after a while, find some random woman to hook up with and string her along until you dump me.”

Reed's expression tightened. “I was afraid,” he said flatly. “Afraid to stand on my own two feet. But I'm not now.”