Singing Heart (33 page)

He’d never seen his cousin so overwrought. This reaction was even worse than when Pa had been hurt. He went back upstairs to see how she was doing wondering if he rode into town if the doctor would come all this way back with him. For the first time since coming west he hated being so far from civilization. Had never felt so helpless. He knew women bled after having a baby however the way she was losing blood didn’t seem quite right. There was too much too fast. Robert was so relieved when he rapped lightly on the door and found Xzan awake. She had been crying. Was obviously in discomfort. She had been told about the baby. Sean smiled grimly at Robert.

“
The bleeding has slowed down. She says she aches all over but was probably a combination of the fall and the birth. She doesn’t want a doctor. But I don’t know. What do you think? Should we try to get one out here?”

Robert hated having that decision put on his shoulders. He knew what he wanted and what was possible were two different things. Xzan life hung in the balance if they made the wrong decision. The tiny woman took the choice out of their hands plucking at her sheet agitatedly.

“
I don’t want a doctor. I want that man out of my house now!”

Both men looked at her in puzzlement. When she explained what had caused her fall and how terrified she had been Robert rushed out of the room in fury with Sean nipping at his heels. Xzan drifted to sleep for awhile waking to find her husband holding her hand so tightly she thought it would break. She squeezed his in a feeble effort to reassure him before sliding once again into a dark void. When she finally awoke feeling some of her strength had returned Sean was walking in to the room with a tray in his hand.

“
Good.” he beamed. “I don’t have to wake you up. You need to eat. It will help you recover.”

She didn’t feel like eating but he coaxed her into a few bites. He made small talk skirting around the major issues just trying to give her some semblance of normality. When she had finished all she would eat he announced quietly.

“
Jeb went home with Robert. You don’t have to worry about him being in the house. There is no one here except you and me.”

She looked so visibly relieved he felt guilty. Sean hadn’t realized what a strain she had been under. With what happened today she might be frightened of Jeb for the rest of her life and with him as a neighbor that could be a real problem.

“
I’ll never leave you alone like that again Xzan.” Sean promised her solemnly. She protested weakly that it wasn’t his fault. He shook his head unconvinced. “No, if I hadn’t left you alone here none of this would have happened. From now on you go with me so I can take care of you.”

She didn’t want to argue. Couldn’t think about it right now. She just needed to sleep. Her husband was afraid to stretch out on the bed beside her nor did he want her to be alone. So he folded his long frame in to the rather dainty easy chair next to her bed dozing on and off checking on her anxiously each time he woke. He vowed she would never have to suffer this kind of pain one more time. Too many people he loved had died. He wasn’t going to lose her too.

*****

She recovered slowly. Was weak for nearly three months after her blood loss. She forced herself to get back up and around after only a few days despite her husbands protests. There were no broken bones but her left hip and right shoulder ached all the time. Sean massaged them for her several times a day which helped relieve some of her pain. However the constant throbbing kept her from sleeping deeply at night. In desperation she finally asked him to go to town for laudanum. He wouldn’t leave her so Robert went in his stead grateful for the reprieve for a few hours. His life had been harder than ever trying to do his father’s work and take care of him the rest of the time. He wouldn’t mind a few drinks in the saloon and maybe a game of poker to take his mind off of things for a few hours. Xzan asked about Jeb wondering if he was better or worse. Sean replied noncommittally .

“
He’s doing fine.”

The grim truth was Jeb wasn’t doing well at all. Sean wasn’t going to tell his ailing wife that. His mind seemed to slip a little more every day even worse he had become more violent as time passed. The men understood it was something to do with having been kicked in the head by a mule but neither had the least idea of how to help him. Robert had talked to Dr. Merrylynde about Jeb at the same time he went to consult about Xzan’s accident. The physician was old refused to travel had told the young man what she needed to do in order to recover her strength.

“
As for your Pa there is nothing I can do. Just take care of him the best you can. Understand that he doesn’t mean to be that way. Let nature take its course. It would be best to keep him in bed if you can for him to rest. Sometimes these things fix themselves. Others they get worse. Only time will tell.”

It wasn’t very promising advice. It was all they had to work with. The laudanum helped ease the pain and Xzan was finally able to sleep. It also made her extremely groggy the next morning. She was also nauseated until its affects completely wore off. She wasn’t sure which was worse. The medicine or the pain. As time passed she was forced to take more and more of it just to sleep. When she tried not to take it she was miserable. Craved it.

Sean had begun to complain that she slept too much. The house was still picked up but she only dusted on the surface instead of deep cleaning. She was in a haze all the time. Barely responded when he spoke to her. Seemed to live in her own world. Sean thought at first she was still recovering from her injuries perhaps even reacting with depression at losing the baby. As the weeks turned into months she continued declining. Her luxurious dark hair became dry and brittle. Her creamy skin looked sallow. She was still listless and so frail. He realized there was something wrong, just didn’t know exactly what to do about it.

She had begun going through laudanum like it was water. Several bottle a week. It wasn’t until she ran completely out when they were snowed in and couldn’t go to town for three days that he understood her addiction. Her withdrawal was pitiful. Xzan cried screaming, begging him for just a drop of the drug. Threatened him. She went through the shakes, sweats, threw up, slept, wandered the hall of the house slamming things down, searching desperately for some relief. She refused to eat or drink. Sleeping as much as she could because the pain was so excruciating without the laudanum to take off the edge.

When he knew when she was over the worst of it refusing to buy her any more of the medicine even when the roads had cleared for him to travel. His heart ached for her. He knew she was in genuine misery. That agony in her back was real. The only experience he’d had with an addiction was his Uncle’s drinking. He’d seen his withdrawal which was very similar to Xzan’s. Except Jeb had seen bugs and all kinds of other horrible things his mind produced to frighten him. Sean knew it only took one taste of whiskey for his Uncle to have to face that vicious cycle all over again. He had watched it many times over the past few years. He was determined not to let his wife suffer an endless agony. She did begin to recover after a few weeks. Regaining her appetite and her lucidity.

Her skin became pink and supple and her hair took on its former shine. Unfortunately she was still in pain physically. He doubled his efforts to give her relief by rubbing her for long periods of time. It would usually put her to sleep which was a godsend till she woke in the night hurting once more. The quality of her housework still lacked and she also became introverted. The joy they first knew became a familiarity. They hadn’t made love since her accident. She didn’t play the piano at all. Or do anything that used to interest her. Just sat looking bleakly out the window when she was through with her chores.

He was worried sick about her. Tried everything he knew to bring her back to life. In desperation he took her into town to see the Doctor who wasn’t very helpful. He gave her a bottle of tonic that was supposed to help her energy level and rebuild her blood because she was so anemic. His only other suggestion was a change of scenery and perhaps dinner at the cafe.

Xzan picked at the meal, seemed oblivious to the people around her. Till she saw something through the window that made her eyes light up. Following her gaze Sean saw a red skin taking pelts into the trading post across the street. He wondered if she was thinking about her time with the Indians, and a stab of jealousy poked at his upper region, him. That Indian medicine man Jaskarra or something.

Except to confide that one time in him Xzan had refused to ever talk about that part of her life any more. As long as he had known her, as intimate as they had been his wife was still a mystery to him. It bothered him. He wanted all of her. Her thoughts her feelings as well as her body. He refrained from commenting on her apparent interest finishing his steak then he paid for the meal and escorted her out into the street.

“
Why don’t you do some shopping while we’re here?”

She nodded eagerly suddenly glad to be outdoors waking up to the frenetic activity around her. Wagons were everywhere. People hurrying here and there. Children playing, horses drinking from water troughs. The shouting back and forth as people of all ages, shapes, sizes and colors rushed to various destinations. Dressed in multi-colors. It had warmed up. It was almost hot in the blue velvet dress she had worn. She noticed for the first time how pretty everything was in the windows. Elegant dresses on mannequins in the latest fashions. Delicate pastries in the bakery window that whetted her seemingly non-existent appetite suddenly.

Sean bought her everything she seemed even the least bit interested in. From a cream torte which she licked enticingly to a pair of new boots. She bought some peach colored cotton material along with the lace and matching buttons to compliment it. She found three books to read and splurged on writing paper and a new quill and ink. As time passed she perked up even more eyes her sparkling with interest and cheeks flushed with happiness. Sean glowed in her warmth. Thrilled to see the life and spirit returning to his woman. She began getting tired around mid-day and he knew with the long ride home they should be on their way. He hated to end the magic hoping it would stay with her once they left town.

She fell asleep against his shoulder on the ride back. Woke only a few miles from the farm refreshed. He stopped for her to take care of a call of nature and they took time to eat bread, cheese and jerky, washing it down with fresh lemonade they had purchased in town especially for their dinner. It was ambrosia to her taste buds after so many months of starving herself. She dimpled sweetly at her husband, who stopped chewing and smiled back hopefully. Slowly she began unbuttoning her bodice huge eyes half slits smoky with desire. She licked her lips provocatively. Looked him up and then down as if he were a tasty morsel. He shuddered with anticipation. She stepped out of her dress doing a slow striptease. One by one she peeled off every layer of clothing until she was standing on the buckboard only inches in front of him totally nude.

When he started to undress himself she stopped him straddling his legs while undoing the buttons on his shirt. Moving against him sensually grinding her hips in erotic circles against his thigh she laughed throatily. He reached out to grasp her hips and she pulled his shirt back imprisoning his arms where he couldn’t move. Xzan started nibbling his earlobe torturous working her way down and sucking on his nipples. Still holding his hands together she loosened his pants and pulled out his manhood which at this point was standing at full attention. She knelt down in front of him and did what she had never been able to do since her marriage to Brett. He inhaled sharply as she licked in circles taking him full in her mouth. She continued arousing him till he felt like he would explode. Sensing he was at the end of his limits she rose gracefully sliding onto his lap and took him in one swift movement. Capturing him inside of her she rode him with total abandon.

Every time he neared his climax she would change her motion. Slow it down and tease him by moving her hips in a circle. It was driving him into a frenzy. When she finally began moaning with her own orgasm she suddenly grew weak and he took control. She wrapped her arms around his neck eyes closed head bent back her long hair streaming down her back like a soft cloud. She was unable to move any longer just feeling the sensations as he rocked her up and down. She rolled her head back and forth crying out in ecstasy which put him over the edge. She tightened inside and the spasms forced him to drive deeper until he was crying out with her in sheer pleasure.

Xzan went limp in his arms. Resting lazily against his shoulder raining the side of his long neck with butterfly kisses. He held her for a long time feeling so free. He didn’t ever want the moment to end. He knew they had surpassed more than one major hurdle in their relationship. What a precious gift she had given him. When she finally raised her eyes his were the most brilliant shade of blue she’d ever seen. Not even her mother’s vivid blue eyes could rival that color. She could see his love. She smiled sleepily.

“
I love you Sean.”

“
I love you more.” he replied.

“
More than what?” she giggled her eyes lighting up.

“
More than anything.” he confessed pretending misery while caressing her cheeks and showering her delicate eyelids with teeny kisses.

“
I love you bunches.” she teased.

“
Bunches of what?” he took the bait.