Sinners 01 - Branded (18 page)

He moves his mouth over my ear and neck as I thrash my head side to side. If I didn’t
have this gag on, I’d bite his ugly face off.

“Ah, damn you!” He grabs a fist full of my hair and yanks, provoking a horrific scream
from the depths of my chest. The sound is muffled through the gag, but I’m desperate.
A chill of pure sickness runs down my spine. He wraps his hands around my neck pretending
to strangle me and then smacks me across the face.

“I like it rough in case you wondered.” He moves his hands down, eventually resting
on my thighs, and grips them.

My head spins, my eyes burn with fear, my ears ring, and my heart is being torn to
shreds. Heat crawls upward from my toes to my head.

Then everything turns black.

*   *   *

“Open your eyes. Damn it! Open them!” I recognize the voice but can’t move. “I can’t
stop the bleeding. Zeus, go! Now go!” His voice sounds panicky.

Zeus?
I know that name but can’t conjure an image.
I’m so tired. Just let me sleep
. A soft material covers me and something is tied around my head before I’m lifted
into the air. Blackness overtakes me again.

Dreams and images pass through me like a slideshow. My father hugs me securely with
his strong arms directing me toward the light. My brother, with his wild smile, climbs
trees in our backyard. My mother, before she remarried, when she was young and full
of vitality. She sits at her bureau, brushing her long dark hair. Alyssa smiles brightly
with her makeup newly done. Cole, even he’s there. The first time I met him, riding
in his Jeep then watching him sleep in his cot for the last few nights. Memorizing
the contours
of his strong face. Our shared quarters with the walls decorated. I haven’t finished
them yet. Zeus runs in his goofy way, making me laugh with his silly antics. Sunshine.
Flowers. The guards, their ugly faces in the dim staircase, chasing me. My head. It
hurts so much. My stepfather, whispering, lies next to me in my bed. Forcing me to
wear clothes I hated, forcing me to lie to everyone, drugging my mother into an addict.
Uglier images—people running on the filthy streets, screaming obscenities, brandings.
Darkness. Hatred. I’m a cauldron of hate.

A familiar smell wakes me, but my eyes are crusted shut, and every move sends searing
pain through my entire being. My lungs allow only shallow breaths as I look around.
I’m alive. I’m in Cole’s room on his thick mattress, covered in heavy blankets. It
smells like vanilla and Old Spice. Zeus snores at my feet, and Cole rests on the floor
beside me.
What’s he doing here?
It’s barely dawn it seems. My brain feels scrambled and confused. My tendons crack
as I slowly push upward and the pain blurs my vision.

“Hey—” I jump, and look at Cole whose eyes are open, staring at me. “It’s just me.
You’re safe now.”

His warm hand grabs mine, but I pull away. His face looks pained with his jaw clenched
tight and his lips pursed.
I feel like I got hit by a train.
I strain myself, trying to remember how I got back to our quarters. And what condition
I was in. It’s too soon to speculate though, and I lay my throbbing head back down.
He stands over me in an instant, scrutinizing my every bruise, looking troubled as
he chews on his bottom lip. He grabs a phone and dials.

“Yes. Can I speak with Sutton? Okay. She’s awake. Sure, please come over,” he says.
I meet his gaze with humiliation. Then I rip my eyes away, unable to vocalize how
damaged I feel.

“I’m so sorry about this. I—”

“Stop please. I don’t want to talk about it. Not now,” I say. “When did you get a
phone?”

“Sutton gave me one for when you woke up. He wants to see you as soon as possible.
He’s worried, and frankly, so am I.” His hand rests gently on my arm and I look at
Zeus who sleeps at my feet. Blood mars his fur and he has a gash above his eye. My
head pounds against my skull.

“Are you all right? What can I do? Need a drink?”

His questions overwhelm me. My hand reaches up and feels a bandage wrapped around
my entire head. My hair clumps together and dry blood flakes onto my shoulders. My
mouth feels swollen. I lick my lips and feel two stitches on my right bottom lip.
Three more stitches line the inside of my cheek. I can’t remember what happened clearly.
Closing my eyes, the memories resurface of taking Alyssa’s body to the morgue and
getting attacked by the guards. A whimper escapes me.

“Shhh, stop. You’re safe now. I promise,” Cole says. He sees the panic cross my face.

“How—how did I get here?” I stammer.

“I found you. Well, Zeus found you, and we brought you here.” He stops, lowering his
eyes.

“The guards who… who… were there—”

“We took care of them,” he says before I finish.

“Oh.” I nod my head. The pounding behind my eyes increases and I groan. I don’t bother
asking what he saw or how I ended up in new clothes. I feel humiliated enough.

“Lexi, they didn’t—they didn’t finish. We caught them before it happened. I know you
don’t want to talk about it, but I thought you should know that. I’m so very sorry.
I’ll never forgive myself for leaving you, for missing Alyssa. I wish I could change
that. I do.” His kind eyes plead for forgiveness as he talks.

“Cole, I don’t blame you. It’s not your fault that this place warps people.” I comfort
him when I feel like a shipwreck, aimlessly navigating the waters. “You tried to warn
me.” What an idiot I was for not listening to him and then ignoring Sutton and Ben.

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better, but I don’t. This whole mess is my
fault. When I got those orders, everything within me fought against leaving. And now,
look at you.”
Yeah, that makes me feel better.

“Will you get into trouble?” I don’t want him to grovel anymore.

“I don’t think so. No one knows but Sutton. He helped me take care of the bodies so
I doubt anyone will find out,” he says with confidence.

“Won’t the other guards notice?”

“They’ll notice, but they’ll never know. The back stairs aren’t monitored, so they
can only guess what happened and with all the violence in the Hole, it’s nothing new.
Anyway, I’m betting most of the guards will assume those guys took off,” he says.

“That’s good,” I mumble, staring toward the window.

“How are you feeling? Forget about me.” He leans closer, taking my limp hands into
his strong warm grip.

“I hurt,” is all I can say to describe my physical and emotional pain.

“God, I’m sorry…” he says, his eyes downcast. “If I could rewind time I would—” I
cover his mouth with my hand to silence him.

“Cole, I’m only here because of you and Zeus. It just might take me some time to heal.”
If I ever heal from this.

Someone knocks softly on the door and Cole hurries to answer it. Sutton drops a chart
and it clatters to the ground when he sees me. The noise rattles my brain and I close
my eyes. I’m sure my injuries look worse than they feel, which is pretty bad.

His hair reminds me of a bird’s nest. His clothes are as wrinkled as a rippled potato
chip and his glasses slip sideways off his nose.
Something is seriously wrong with this man.

“My God, am I glad to see you’re awake,” Sutton says as he sits down beside me.

“Oh, Sutton, I’m so sorry. I should’ve listened to you.”

Sutton grabs my hand and I blink back my tears. Without warning, Cole slams his chair
back and leaves the room. His exit confuses me, but I focus on Sutton. His face brings
me comfort.

“You’re safe now and that’s all that matters. No one is to blame here, especially
you. Cole is very angry with himself, and the sight of you tore him to shreds. Of
course… he blames himself. That’s who he is. Just give him time and don’t worry about
him. You need to worry about recovering now anyway,” Sutton says as if reading my
mind. “You took quite the beating. You cracked your skull, and I had to clean out
some bone fragments. Sorry about shaving your hair. There was no way around that.
I had to clean the wound and then I stapled you shut. You need to take antibiotics
for ten days to help insure no infection sets in. Other than that, you’ll heal just
fine, my dear.” I know he’s witnessed worse crimes in the Hole, but his face shows
genuine concern. He adjusts the pillow behind me and leans me forward to assess the
rest of my injuries.

He pushes the chair away from Zeus and it dawns on me—Zeus didn’t follow Cole. He
stayed with me
.
This dog has officially won me over.

I reach my hand toward the end of the bed and feel Zeus’s wet tongue meet my fingers.
I take my arm away and pat the spot next to me. Zeus crawls up next to me and lies
against my side. His body takes over half the space on the bed, but I don’t mind.
Sutton’s eyes almost bug out of his head.

“Uhhh, I’m not sure that’s the best idea.” I raise my eyebrows at him in a challenge
and he lets it go without saying anything more. He leans over and squeezes my shoulders.

“You shouldn’t go anywhere without Cole. Is that clear, young lady? When Cole trains,
I’ll arrange to have another guard that I personally trust to monitor your safety.”

“What about work? How will you explain my disappearance for a week?”

“I’ll forge the paperwork. It’s not the first time and won’t be the last time. Trust
me,” he says.

“I don’t know that I trust anyone.” A wave of guilt overrides my anger when I realize
that Cole and Sutton are the
only
reason I’m still alive. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” Sutton’s compassionate
eyes meet mine and he carefully pats my hand.

“Look, I know this is hard. It tore me to pieces to find you in the shape that you’re
in, but you have to trust me. I’ll take care of the details. Cole’s life and yours
are at stake. He could be executed for his part in this.” He continues, “The few guards
who have protection orders have no room for error. On top of that, he killed other
guards to save you. Do you understand what I’m telling you?” He pauses with raised
eyebrows in expectation. “You think this is bad, and it is, but it can always get
worse in here.” I can see the seriousness in his eyes over the rim of his glasses.

“Okay.”

I don’t really have a choice.
Cole and I will spend a lot of time together as usual, and I shouldn’t do anything
stupid when he’s not there. I shift my weight to my other side, gritting my teeth
against the twinges of pain that shoot through every muscle.

“Ugh. I feel helpless laying here. Can I please get up?” Staying in bed only exacerbates
my anxieties.

“Sorry, but you’re on bed rest for the remainder of the day. With help, you can use
the bathroom, but otherwise, just lay here and rest. You might have a concussion too.
I couldn’t do an MRI since you’re here so I’m erring on the cautious side.” He leans
back into the chair and evaluates me carefully. “There’s one more thing we need to
discuss.” He lowers his eyes, and folds his hands in his lap.

I seriously don’t want to talk anymore. I just want to be alone. I’m scared of what
he’s going to say next, but he catches me completely off guard.

“I know everything about you from my reports. I know you’re aware of that part. In
the report, is a detailed description of your sin and plain as day it says—‘The prisoner
was caught by her mother having sexual intercourse with an unidentified male.’”

I nod my head, already knowing this. The newspapers always publish a list of sinners
and their crimes. Why are we going over this now? I become tense with the reminder.

“Here’s the part that confuses me. You were found guilty as a sinner, branded, and
sent to the Hole. You didn’t have to fight this in the least, did you?”

I look at him and feel lost. What on earth is he talking about? I never had a chance
to plead my innocence. They found me guilty without an investigation and hauled me
away. There’s no such thing as due process.

“I’m not sure I know what you’re asking me.” I scrunch my forehead in confusion.

“I performed a test to make sure you weren’t raped. Cole wasn’t certain if he’d gotten
to you in time. Thank God it was negative. You were never raped—but not only will
that test reveal a recent sexual encounter, it can report any sexual intercourse that’s
happened. It scans the tissues and checks if anything has been stretched, torn, or
irritated. It then shows us if you are intact.” He leans over and reaches for my hands.
I take a deep breath knowing what’s about to come out of his mouth. “My dear, you’re
a virgin and that’s a medical fact.”

I squeeze his hands hard as my eyes fill with tears. One of them travels over my cheekbone
and drips off onto my collarbone. I meet his calm and caring eyes.

Finally. Finally.
“At least you know the truth.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t proclaim your innocence from the beginning. You
shouldn’t be here,” Sutton says while shaking his head.

“It wouldn’t have mattered.” I shrug my shoulders and feel the pain jolt through me
again.

Cole stands in the doorway with a stunned look on his face. I didn’t even realize
he returned, but he heard everything. I’ve been sullied and vindicated all at once.
Sutton turns and sees Cole’s expression.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve believed you,” Cole says.

“Are you sure about that?” I ask him in a hushed, cracked voice.

His eyes flash with anger and pain. I close my eyes and exhale as another hot tear
spills over. I don’t care if anyone else on earth knows the truth about my sin—the
two people who saved my life know the truth, and for the first time I feel free.
Not free. I’ll never be free from the past.

I wipe the tear away and glance at Cole. He looks perplexed and I know exactly what
he’s thinking about.
He wonders what really happened to me, before I ended up here.
Despite our differences, I owe my life to him over and over already. I can’t imagine
what I’ll owe him for the lifetime of sacrifices he’s made to protect me. There’s
no way I can ever repay him.
Or is there?
If he asks me for the truth, can I overcome my fears and tell him?