Sinners 01 - Branded (21 page)

I feel my shoulders relax and smile in return. He carries himself with confidence,
yet he seems cautious in his movements, like he’s afraid to startle me.

“Wow, really? Thanks. I always doubt my work. Years ago a girl in my school commented
about how bad I sucked, and words like that stick with you for a long time.”

“She was obviously just jealous because it’s amazing. Feels real—like it came from
your heart.” He points to Alyssa. “She looks young,” he says. “Never easy when they’re
young.”

I open my mouth to say something, but he turns toward the exit.

“Hey…”

He looks over his shoulder and pauses with his hand on the door.

“Do you know why Cole’s still guarding me?”

Still facing the door, he says, “Because he’s been ordered to.” He swipes his card
and stands halfway in the hall. “If that’s all, I’m going to go now.”

“Sure. That’s it. Thanks.”

I turn around, disappointed, and hear the door click shut.

The minutes and hours tick by, but I can’t keep track. No clocks hang on the walls
and Bruno doesn’t come inside again for me to ask. I find myself missing Cole and
Zeus—missing the distraction of Cole singing something off-key in the shower when
he doesn’t know I hear him or when Zeus drinks water out of the sink in Cole’s kitchen.
It’s funny what you miss when you’re alone.

I don’t even want to think about lying down again, although I should. My bruises turn
a yellowish color.
I don’t look so bad, do I?
Heading into Cole’s bathroom, I twirl my hair to style it a little, but the bruises
on my face and the stitches on my lip make my eyes the only attractive part of me.
Why do I care?
Cole’s already seen me at my very worst, but I wish he could see me at my best. I
have nothing though—no makeup, no clothes other than scrubs, and no jewelry.
Thinking this way will only bring more trouble—for everyone. Maybe someday…
Ahhh, there I go again!

The door slams open. I jump back and Zeus sprints inside. I laugh as he jumps up to
give me kisses.

“Good Lord, Zeus! Get down, silly dog!” I crumple under his weight and reach out for
the wall to steady myself. He lathers me with affection. Soon, Cole arrives behind
him.

“How was your day?” I ask, coming out of the bathroom.

“Same old. Same old,” he answers as he stops in my room and stares at my new landscapes.
“I see you’ve been busy.” He walks through the open doorway and rubs the back of his
neck.

“Well, I got a little bored and decided to finish the room.”

His fingers reach out to touch Alyssa’s face. “It’s beautiful. She looks happy.”

“That’s because she’s free. That would make me pretty stoked.”

He grasps at the high collar of his uniform and pulls it open as he turns to face
me. “Up for some dinner?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.”

He pulls off the top layer of his uniform. A simple white T-shirt clings to him underneath.
“Let me change first. This freaking uniform is killing me.” He walks into his room
and begins to change without closing the door.

Okay, I can handle this.
Then he drops his shirt.
Then again, maybe not.

“So where did Bruno go?” I keep my head down but watch him through my lashes. It’s
impossible to rip them away from his form.

“He went home for the night. Don’t you worry. He’ll be back tomorrow,” he says while
turning to face me.

“Oh, okay. I wasn’t sure. Will he be the only one who guards my door while you’re
gone?”

“Yeah, he’s the only one I’d want here. Thank God Sutton has good contacts to get
him in. Why do you care?” His shirt and pants are off, and I see his muscular legs
as he stands in his white underwear.

I turn my head so I don’t look like I’m gawking. I’m completely gawking though. “I
was just curious. Geez, cut me some slack, will you?” I say with force.

He pulls on light-gray sweatpants but stays shirtless.

He’s killing me.

“Okay, okay… I’ll let it go.” He puts his hands up in defeat, then enters my room
looking delicious.

“I appreciate that. Thank you.” I close my eyes and sigh with relief.

The sudden warmth of his skin against mine catches me off guard as he pulls me into
a tight embrace. “I’m sorry… You have every right to know who’s watching your back.
I’m just so—so torn I can’t think straight. I can’t seem to pull my head out of the
clouds.” He rests his chin on my head.

The sudden display of affection sends my heart fluttering and I feel conflicted. I
long to stand like this forever and that scares me. I unwrap his arms and push him
back, shoving down my desire for him. He puts his head in his hands, instantly apologetic.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He tears his hands from his
head and leans forward, pleading to me with his whole body. “I’m so frustrated right
now and don’t know what the hell to do. I want you to tell me. I want you to open
up to me. I want to know what happened to you—from before you got here until now.
I wish you’d just trust me with all of that.”

I meet his eyes, willing myself to be honest with him even though it makes me feel
vulnerable. “I really want to trust you, I do. But there’re times I feel like you’re
lying to me and I just don’t know if I can.”

“I could say the same for you. This entire time you never said a word about your innocence.
Nothing. Don’t you think that’s a bit hypocritical?”

I fiddle with my hands as they shake. My nerves can’t handle the stress of arguing
with him. “I can’t,” I say. Unable to meet his gaze, I stare at the bag on the floor.

“I don’t understand. After all we’ve been through, how many times I risked my life
to save yours… you still can’t trust me. Why? What did I do?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me. I know it doesn’t make sense to you, but I
just can’t talk about it.” A tear falls off my chin. “I’m begging you, please let
it go.”

He’s steel and I’m liquid. He turns away, retreating to his room, and I hear things
slamming around. Zeus comes to my side and nudges my hand while whining. I slide down
the wall, everything aching, and bow my head, defeated.

Can anything ever go right? I’m
so
tired of being weak. I’m sick of being a victim.
Damn it,
I don’t have to tell him anything.
He’s a guard for goodness sake, not family, not even my boss
.
The words keep going through my head, but I know they’re excuses for how I really
feel.

I push my back against the wall and walk myself up. I slide into his room and flop
on his bed. I don’t care where he sleeps…
but I do
.

He sees me as he munches on something like crackers for dinner. He didn’t even bother
cooking whatever he brought back.

I lie on my stomach, facing away from him and I feel Zeus hop onto the bed.

“We really need to talk,” Cole says. He sits on the bed and places his hand on my
lower back. His warm, tender touch makes it hard for me to breathe. I don’t want to
hold a grudge against the only person who protects me, cares for me, bathes me, and
maybe—just maybe—stays with me too.

“Please, just please give me some time,” I say.

What I don’t tell him is that I’m fighting a major battle within myself over him.
It’s a hopeless war, but it rages on, giving me a headache.
To trust or not to trust?

Zeus pushes himself between us and Cole removes his hand, beaten. I feel the fireworks
on my back where his hand once laid.

“All right, but we need to talk tomorrow,” he says in a serious tone.

“So, are we okay for now?” I plead. My entire being feels suspended.

He lies down beside Zeus and reaches his arm over to touch me. “The last thing I want
is for you to be afraid of me. But I want you to trust me. I need you to trust me.”
He sighs and I hear the pain and confusion in his voice.

“Why?”

“I don’t know why and it scares the hell out of me.” He swallows hard and then scratches
the back of his head while biting his lower lip.

Part of me screams for him to run for his own safety, yet I don’t want him to move.
My heart begs…
Please stay with me. Forever.

“I hate when you leave, and that scares me too.” I face him and our eyes meet. I see
the conflict between his duty and his feelings mirrored in his face. His dark eyes
glitter in the light. The hand with the bloody knuckles rubs my shoulder, my arm,
and then he touches my chin.

I want more. So much more.

Zeus yawns and rolls toward me, placing his paws in Cole’s face and ruining the moment.

“Come on, Zeus!” he yells with aggravation as Zeus’s paws scratch him.

I laugh freely, breaking the tension, but Zeus doesn’t budge.

“I guess that’s how it’s going to be then,” Cole says with sarcasm as he flips off
the light.

“I hate leaving you,” he says into the darkness. “And that petrifies me.”

Waking to the sound of gunshots doesn’t faze me anymore. Not a second goes by that
I’m not reminded of where I am, who I am, and what I’m not.

Heavy clouds, pregnant with water,
drip, drip, drip
down the windowsill. Zeus lies on the floor. I guess he was too hot on the bed overnight.
Cole wraps around me with his warm breath hitting the back of my neck every time he
exhales. We’re so close, but at the same time, not close enough. While he’s pressed
against me, I trace the outline of his arm with my fingertips. His skin feels warm,
smooth, and firm. A sigh escapes his lips. I wiggle around some, and eventually he
stirs, releasing his grip. He grumbles something like an apology and rolls over.
Dang.

I shake him. “Hey, as much as I hate to wake you up. You better get your butt in gear
or you’ll be late for roll call.” I take the opportunity to touch his hair and run
my fingers down his faded haircut.

He moans. “I’ll never get up if you keep doing that.”

Oops.
I pull my hand back, afraid I shouldn’t have touched him. Zeus starts howling at
a light knock on the door and jumps onto the bed.

“Dang it, Zeus!” Cole says in a grumpy voice. He leaps out of bed, disoriented. “Bruno
must be here. Crap! I’m late.” He runs to the door in his sweatpants and opens it,
expecting to see Bruno.

Sutton stands there with water droplets running down his overcoat.

“Hey, is something wrong?” Cole asks while rubbing his eyes in confusion.

“No. I’m here to check on her, remember?” Sutton’s brows pull down, inspecting Cole’s
appearance. “Are you going to let me in or do I have to stand here forever?”

Cole opens the door wider. “Yeah, sure, come in. I was expecting Bruno, that’s all.”

Sutton’s eyes scan the room critically over the rim of his fogged glasses. “Looks
like she’s cleaned up the place.”

“Uh, yeah… She got bored being cooped up all day. Can’t say I blame her really.” Cole
doesn’t know how to act. He moves his hands to his hips, leans against the wall, and
then crosses them.

“Well, your room did look like it threw up.”

“You’re right. It was pretty bad, but I blame Zeus for that.”

If Sutton notices anything unusual, he ignores it. He carries a black leather bag
that clinks as he walks. His face turns into a frown when he looks my way. “What part
of ‘I want you to rest’ did you not understand?” He smooths his rumpled appearance,
takes off his glasses, wipes them with his shirt, and places them back on the ridge
of his nose.

I make Zeus jump off the bed as Sutton sits down. I swear he knows two bodies were
lying here by the shapes we left behind, so I distract him.

“I know what you’re going to say… but laying around was driving me mad. I had to do
something—”

“You should show him the drawing of Alyssa. It’s amazing, really. It looks just like
her,” Cole interjects.

Sutton gives him an unhappy look and then returns his face to mine. “So, besides disobeying
my orders, how are you?” He pulls a small light out of his bag and examines my eyes.

“Pretty good, actually. I’m able to move all my body parts without wanting to pass
out, which makes me happy. This may sound funny, but I think I’m more flexible now.”
Maybe that wasn’t the best choice of words. Lexi, you’re such a moron!

“Interesting, let me take a look at your wound.” He puts on a pair of rubber gloves
after washing his hands. He touches the back of my head where the gash was. It’s still
sore but not as tender. “It’s healed up nicely. Let’s get rid of those staples.” He
digs through the bag and shows me a small piece of equipment that looks like a pair
of scissors with claws on the end.

“Will this hurt?” I ask.

“It’s not a pleasant experience, but you’ve been through worse. Trust me.” He bends
my head down, tilting it into the light.

A
click
of the contraption, followed by Sutton’s strong pull, leaves me with a sharp burning
pain each time he pulls out a staple. I count as I hear each one clink into a metal
pan. The pain only lasts a few seconds after the staple is pulled out, so I endure
it without biting off my lip.
Twenty-six staples? Are you kidding me?

“At least you took care of your head,” Sutton says.

I place my hand on the back of my head, running my finger down my scar. “Holy crap!
You shaved the back of my head for that wimpy scar? That’s pathetic!”

He takes my hand, moving it over a little to the left.

“Ahh! It’s huge! How didn’t I notice before? It’s the size of a—”

“Five inches in length and one inch in width,” Cole says. “I measured it when I helped
wash your—”

“When can I go back to work?” I blurt out to change the subject. I give Cole the drop-dead
look that my mother perfected in her last few years, so he seals his mouth and decides
to go get some food.