Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven (16 page)

“Have you heard the news?” Katie asked as she entered the
Sitzschtupp
.

“News about what?” Winnie looked up from the wedding ring quilt she was working on. To her dismay, it had taken a broken leg to finally gain the patience needed to complete a project.

“About Samuel Miller, of course. Everyone is saying he’s moving back.”

Winnie dismissed the gossip with a smile. “That’s not news. He’s been back for some time, helping Jonathan with the cleanup of the barn and helping Eli with the spring plowing and such.” Honestly, sometimes Winnie was sure her sister-in-law loved to make mountains out of molehills.

“It is far more than that, Winnie. He’s moving back, for good. He left his college and everything. At least, that’s what I heard he talked to the bishop about it.”
Katie shook her head. “This is surely a season of change. That barn burning has set off a series of events I never would have dreamed.”

Startled to find her hands shaking, Winnie pushed the material to one side, not even caring that some of it fell to the floor in a wrinkled heap. “I can’t believe Sam would do something like that. He loves his college.”

Looking mighty satisfied to have finally gained her sister-in-law’s attention, Katie folded her arms over her chest. Somewhat smugly she added, “Perhaps he’s found other things to love.”

“Nothing you’re sayin’ is making any sense.” Winnie knew her voice was flustered, but she didn’t care. “I think we should wait to speak to Sam himself before we go speculating on his future.”

“Suit yourself, but I know I’m right. I heard all this straight from Mr. McClusky at the store this morning. He’d heard straight from Lydia Hershberger, who heard from the bishop. It’s a fact, Samuel Miller is coming back.”

“My word.”

Katie rushed over and hugged her tight. “Oh, Winnie, I’m so happy for you.”

“Stop talking like that, wouldja?” She was too nervous for so much teasing!

“Surely you don’t have to be so cross.”

“I’m not trying to be bad-tempered. I just don’t want to hear any more talk and gossip about Samuel.”

“Do you want me to leave, then?” came a voice from the doorway.

Winnie whipped her head toward Sam—toward that voice she’d know anywhere. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“Jonathan let me in.” With a gentle smile, he stepped closer. “So, may I come in, or would you rather I leave you alone?”

Katie beamed. “Of course, Samuel. Come sit down.”

Winnie just stared. She felt helpless and out of control, like she was stuck in the center of a tornado. Gingerly, she got to her feet, anxious to at least be able to face him that way. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough.”

“You shouldn’t have listened.”

“I couldn’t help it. Your conversation was pretty important. I sure didn’t want to interrupt.”

“Still—”

Katie cleared her throat meaningfully. “Honestly, Winnie. What is wrong with you?”

“Nothing.” It was just she was terribly embarrassed.

Samuel came closer, now standing mere feet away from her. “I was hoping we could have a conversation—not an argument.”

“Yes. I…I’ve been wanting to talk to you, too.” However, inside, she felt as if everything was off kilter.

“You could talk now,” Katie said, all smiles.

“I’d like to talk. Privately.” Winnie sent a meaningful glare Katie’s way.

Katie finally caught the hint. “I think I’ll go upstairs. I’ll take the girls, too.”

“Thank you.”

Sam’s gaze turned guarded. “Winnie? What is going on with you?”

“Not as much as with you, I’m coming to find out,” Winnie replied, feeling somewhat shaken up inside. Her heart seemed to be beating double time.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means that I’ve just discovered that you intend to stay here. That you intend to join the church.”

Samuel took a chair. “Please, Win, let’s sit down and talk things over.” When she did as he asked, he surprised her once again by reaching for her hand. “Here’s what I’ve been thinking. I thought maybe that way we could maybe try courting a bit. I met with the bishop and I think I’ve got everything arranged.”

“To do what? Quit your job?”

“Well, yes.”

The tears fell, and she didn’t even try to hide them. “But why?”

“Because I can’t be all things to everyone. I chose you.”

“Really?”

He squeezed her hand. “Yes, really. What are you upset about?”

“Sam, I’ve been wantin’ to talk to you, too. To tell you that I would leave the order for you to be happy. I’ve been praying about it, and I think I would make a mighty fine professor’s wife. If…if we came to that.”

He stood frozen. “You would have done that?”

“Yes, if that’s what would have made you happy.”

“But, Winnie, I never even considered asking you to do such a thing. The outside world is so different.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. We would have each other, and you would be happy. That was going to be good enough for me.” Glaring at him, she chided, “Unfortunately, you didn’t even think to talk to me about it. You didn’t care enough to seek my opinion.”

“But you have it wrong, Winnie. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust you. Or that I didn’t care about you. See—I wanted to surprise you.”

“You certainly did that.” She wanted to unbend, but she still felt a bit foolish—and dismayed. Perhaps they should take things more slowly?

“Winnie Lundy, I’m not giving up on us. I aim to court you.”

Looking at their hands, at their fingers linked together, Winnie knew she’d never felt more breathless. Never felt so happy. Never felt so confused. Slowly, she looked up at him. “Why?”

“Because I can’t help myself,” he said simply. “Whenever I think of my future, I now imagine you in it. And here is the place for us. This community. Among the Amish.”

“You wouldn’t miss your university?”

“Not as much as I would miss you.” He almost smiled.

So did she. Perhaps their foolishness was over. Now that all their obstacles were being removed, they would
finally be able to concentrate on just the two of them, and how they felt about each other. “I would miss you, too, if you went back to the English.”

Then it seemed only natural for her to reach for his other hand. It felt only right to link her fingers through that hand, too.

To simply just appreciate how much Sam had come to mean to her.

“So, may I call on you again soon?”

“Yes. As long as you announce yourself instead of lurking around doorways.”

He tapped his head. “I’ll try and remember that.”

And then he was gone. Giggling like a schoolgirl, Winnie fell back on the couch. For the first time in a long while, she felt pretty and fresh. Wanted. It was a right
gut
feeling, indeed.

David couldn’t catch his breath. His chest hurt something fierce and his lungs burned, like a pile of hot coals were sitting on his chest, weighing him down, preventing him from moving.

The worst had happened. Jonathan Lundy had found out the truth.

Just a few moments earlier, Jonathan had shown up by his side at the lake and boldly stated that he knew David was the one.

The person who’d set fire to his barn.

And now all the air inside of him seemed to have left.

“David, surely you’re not going to pretend you didn’t hear me. Don’t you have anything to say?”

“Ah…yes.” In the space of two heartbeats, David slowly managed to meet his gaze. Those crystal blue eyes that had always seemed so patient and sad, especially
after the first Mrs. Lundy had died, looked nothing like they usually did. Instead, the man’s pupils looked like ice, like the depths of the skating pond come March, when the top layer was so thin you could see underneath it.

He gathered himself together. Looking back down at his boots, so scuffed, on account they’d been his older brother’s, he murmured, “There’s nothin’ to say.” He winced, automatically flinched when he heard his words out loud. This was about the time his pa would have backhanded him for speaking at all.

But instead of looking even more angry, Jonathan sighed. “So it’s gonna be like this, is it?”

“Like what?”

“Like you pretendin’ you don’t know what I’m talking about and like me pretending I’m not hurt.” Looking across at the stillness of the pond, he shook his head sadly. “To tell you the truth, I’d kinda hoped things would be different.”

David had hoped his secret would stay hidden forever. That he’d never be having this conversation. But it was finally time to face his punishment. “There’s nothin’ to talk about. I burnt your barn and never told no one.”

Around them, clouds filled the sky. Within the hour, rain would come, treating the tiny seedlings in the fields beyond to a much needed drink of water. Cooling things off for a bit.

“I suppose that’s how things could be described.” Turning away from the water, Jonathan faced David again. “Is that how things happened exactly? All of
a sudden, you got a bee in your bonnet to harm my family?”

David couldn’t help it—he flinched. But he didn’t try to defend himself. There was no defense.

Jonathan’s eyes narrowed. “Well? You want me to be guessin’ again? All right. So, you reckoned you wanted to kill my horses?”

David bit his lip to keep from talking.

“You wanted to go to jail?” An eyebrow raised. “You wanted to hurt Winnie?” He leaned forward just as David tasted the sharp metallic hint of blood. “Is that it? For some reason, you’re upset with my family? Is that what happened?”

“No…I…” How could he answer those questions? He felt so helpless. What excuse could he possibly give?

“All right, then. I suppose we have the answer.” Roughly, Jonathan grabbed him by the collar. “Come with me. We’ll go down to the sheriff’s office and I’ll press charges. You tried to murder me and my family when we haven’t done anything.”

“No!”

Miraculously, Jonathan’s iron grip eased. “No? Then what happened? How did that fire come to be? Talk, boy,” he whispered. “You’ve got nothing to lose and only the truth to gain.”

“The fire was an accident.” Tears started to fall. His voice cracked. He struggled to breathe as everything that he’d tried so hard to hold in threatened to fall, to break apart, to burst through him. “I promise, I never
meant for it to happen, I never meant to harm the horses.”

“Ah.”

But now that he’d set his tongue in motion, it appeared in no great hurry to stop. The words rushed out. “Please believe me—I would never mean to hurt Winnie. Or you. I didn’t mean to. I was tryin’…” He struggled to talk. “I was trying to…” He couldn’t say it.

Jonathan pushed. “Trying to what?”

To David’s surprise, Jonathan reached out and took hold of his hand. As if he felt David’s scars, he gently turned his palm over and examined the rough, angry skin that was taking so very long to heal. Clicking his tongue he said, “I don’t know if it makes things any easier, but the Lord already knows the truth.”

“If He knows, He doesn’t care. I asked Him to make everything better. He didn’t.”

“Our Lord can’t verra well go putting burnt barns back together, can he?”

“I asked him to guide me to know what to do. To help me. He didn’t.”

“He guided you here, to this conversation. That counts for something, I’m thinkin’.”

“But He grants miracles in the Bible.”

“David, it’s my belief that some miracles are small. The love of a family member. The beauty of a sun-filled day. See, He grants us miracles even when we don’t deserve them.” Jonathan released his hand and crouched in front of David just as the rain started to fall all around them. “Jesus already knows our sins but
loves us anyway. He already knows our sufferings, our weaknesses, our dreams, and he loves us anyway,” he said again. “Always. No matter what.”

“You really believe that?”

“With all my heart. There’s some good in that, don’tcha think?”

David had never thought of the Lord already knowing things. In a way, it did make him feel better. To not have to hold secrets anymore.

But why, then, hadn’t he already gotten in trouble? “Why hasn’t God punished me?”

Jonathan looked him over. “Maybe He already has. You look like you’ve been carrying a heavy burden all on your own. Perhaps it’s time to share some of that weight. Please talk to me, David. If you didn’t mean my family harm, tell me what happened that night. I need to know. And, I have a feeling, you might need to share the story.”

Whether it was Jonathan’s words, or the way the man’s hand was curved protectively around his own, or the light cleansing rain falling from the sky, David finally felt able to talk. “I should first tell you that I don’t have too many friends. I don’t know why.” When the older man said nothing, only nodded, David continued.

“Sometime back, some boys had gotten hold of cigarettes and were selling them. I took some money that I’d saved and bought a few packs and two lighters. For the first time, the other boys looked at me like I fit in.”

“And so you started smoking?”

“
Jah
. At first, I was no good, but then I got better. When a few others started talkin’ about some
Englischers
who could make smoke rings, and they talked like they admired that, I decided to try and make them, too.”

Instead of glaring, Jonathan merely looked reflective. “I imagine those would be difficult to make.”

“I got pretty good at it. But I wanted to be real good, so next time I saw everyone I could show them.” Oh, his pride and vanity had cost so much.

“And did you?”

David shook his head. “No. That night, I went to your barn. It’s not too far from our house, you know. Plus, the loft doesn’t have any windows. No one would see the sparks of the cigarettes in the night.”

“And so there you were.”

“Yes. I was tryin’ to make smoke rings. I could just make out their forms in the dim light peering up from the windows below. I was trying so hard, I hadn’t put out one of the old cigarettes so well.” He swallowed. The sparks, the memories, were as vivid as if they’d happened hours instead of weeks before. “When the hay caught on fire, there wasn’t anything I could do. I tried to stop it. There was a horse blanket, I tried to smother the flames, but they just seemed to eat up the fabric instead of be hindered by it.”

“And you burned your hands.”

David looked at his palms. “I did. By then, there were flames everywhere. It was too late.” Daring to look at
Jonathan, David murmured, “I promise, I tried to put out the flames, but it all happened so fast.”

“I know.”

“At first I was going to wake you up, but I heard you yelling. And then I didn’t know what to do. I was too afraid to come out of the shadows. So…I ran.”

With a heavy sigh, Jonathan stood up. “It’s a blessing you weren’t hurt. Things would have been verra bad indeed if you hadn’t gotten out in time. Oh, David. What would have happened if you had died in the fire?”

David had never thought of that. It had never even occurred to him to think about what would have happened if he had really gotten hurt.

It had never occurred to him to be grateful for anything.

Surely the Lord hadn’t spared him for a reason. But, the Lord never did things without a purpose. Did He?

Continuing the story, he murmured, “I jumped from the loft just as the flames spread and your horses started screaming. I meant to go get them, but then I heard you coming and…and I was scared.” As two tears slid down his cheeks, he whispered, “I was so afraid.”

“I would have been afraid, too,” Jonathan said softly. After a moment, he said, “And then, you went home?”

“I did. When I got there, my
daed
was already getting ready to go to your place. I knew he’d never forgive me if he knew what I’d done. If he knew I’d been careless and a coward. If he’d known that I’d run. So
…so I hid. When he left, and the house was quiet, I washed up the best I could, got into bed and pretended to sleep.”

“Only pretended?”

“All I could hear in my head was the roar of the fire and the horses screaming.” Lowering his voice, he confessed, “When I closed my eyes all I could hear were my faults. That’s still all I hear.”

With a weary expression, Jonathan nodded. “Now I know the truth.”

David wiped his cheeks and tried to prepare himself for what had to come next. They had to tell his father. Next, of course, would be to tell the authorities.

His voice husky, Jonathan asked, “Have you prayed for forgiveness?”

The question surprised him. “No.”

“Maybe it’s time you did.”

“I…I will.”

Jonathan gazed at him again, his eyes almost looking regretful. “I think you’ll feel better for that.”

Perhaps it was Jonathan’s own sad expression that gave him strength—perhaps it was hearing that God already knew what he’d done. But from somewhere deep inside, David finally found the strength to do what he’d wanted to from the moment the first piece of hay ignited.

Closing his eyes, he spoke from his heart. “I am sorry, Jonathan. I will do whatever I can to help make things right.”

After saying the words, David found he could breathe again. The horrible burden that had been suffocating
him seemed to have lifted. With that weight lifting, he felt almost normal. He opened his eyes. The world around him was still the same, but it seemed brighter. He felt stronger, too. He’d done it. He’d followed the Lord’s will, he’d faced the worst, and was prepared to accept the consequences.

Jonathan sighed. Then, to David’s surprise, he stepped forward. Holding out his hand, he gently shook David’s. “I accept your apology.”

And then he turned and walked away. Around them, the fine droplets created a kind of hazy mist, blurring their surroundings. The haziness seemed to fit the moment—it blurred everything, which was how David was feeling.

What was going on? Surely after everything that had occurred, Jonathan wasn’t just gonna leave? After a slight pause, David rushed after him. “Jonathan,
Mr. Lundy.
Wait. Please.”

He stopped. “Yes?”

“What are you gonna do now?”

Still without turning, Jonathan replied, “I need to get back to work.”

“I mean…I mean about me.”

Slowly, he faced David again. “I expect you might help out with the barn raising. There’s a lot to do and I’ll need every able man.”

“But—”

“Don’t even think of getting out of it. Even men with hurt hands can contribute. I expect to see you with your family.”

“But what about the authorities?” he sputtered. “What about my father? Aren’t you going to tell on me? Don’t you want me to be punished?”

“To be honest, for days and weeks, I have sought vengeance. I wanted someone to blame. I wanted to be able to understand why such a thing would happen to
me
.” He rubbed a hand along his beard. “See, I was only thinking of myself, I’m afraid. You know I lost a wife. I thought surely that was enough pain for a man to bear. The fire was terribly hard for me to understand.”

“I see.”

Jonathan shook his head. “No, I don’t know if you do. I didn’t want to forgive, but after hearing your story, I realized I have been wrong. See, sometimes, accidents happen.” Looking out beyond David, he murmured, “Fear and pride can take over in a heartbeat. It can make even the best of us do terrible things. Making you hurt more will not make me feel better.”

“But I did a terrible thing.”

“David, what happened
was
terrible. But you didn’t do it on purpose. It was an accident. You’ve apologized to me. That is enough.”

“But my father—”

“You’ve discussed things with the only Father I care about. He is the one who guides my life. He is the one I have to answer to. Because of that, I am satisfied.”

Jonathan stepped away, then, after turning and spying David standing there, did something truly amazing, he stepped closer and pulled David into a hug. “You will
be all right, David. The next time we see each other, all will be good. I promise you that.”

David could only nod as tears slid down his cheeks, mixing with the mist. Sometime during their conversation, he, too, began to realize that there was only one Father in his life as well. That although his own family situation wasn’t as he’d hoped, he could bear it, because it was only a temporary circumstance. Soon he would be a man with his own family.

And one day he’d be in the eternal kingdom, and that would be the nicest place of all.