Sliding (The Stone Series) (39 page)

I honestly have no idea
what comes over me, maybe it’s the adrenaline from the workout or the shock of
the last few days but I start to dance. Not just any dance either. I start to
roll my hips and strut around Mac sitting in the chair. It quickly turns into a
lap dance, one of the best lap dances I have ever given I might add. I never
take an item of clothing off but by the reaction I am clearly getting from Mac
it’s not necessary. I never break eye contact with him while I am dancing in
front of him. When I move behind him I run my hands over his bare chest and
feel as his nipples tighten and pucker under my touch. I have been thinking
about running my hands over his head and now’s my chance. I slowly rub both
hands over his head and down to his shoulders where I start to massage him.
It’s weird to run my hands over his tight hair, I’m so used to Tate’s long
silky hair, the hair I remind myself my best friend had been running her hands
through too.

I push all thoughts of Tate out of my mind and I come back around to face
Mac. I stand in front of him and slowly lift my leg to his shoulder never
losing my balance. I grind a few times before I take my leg down and turn
around. I sit on his lap facing away from him and place my hands on his thighs.
I am careful not to sit back too far on his lap knowing that he must be fully aroused
by now, I know I am. Mac never touches me, he’s careful to keep his hands
hanging down by his sides. I lean over to the ground then slither off of him
and across the floor. I do a few rolls and turns on the ground then work my way
back to a stand. I end by strutting towards him again and this time while I
look at him I steal another glance at his lap. The bulge in his pants before
was just him, this bulge is like nothing I have seen before, he’s clearly
aroused. When I get close the song changes to “What Makes you Beautiful” and I
look up at Mac, I think I see something in his eyes, maybe desire but I can’t
be sure.

I climb onto his lap, this time I sit facing him with my legs open and I
position myself directly on him and for the first time I feel his hardness
under me. He lets out his breathe that he’s apparently been holding and I
slowly close my eyes as he puts his hands on my waist to shift me on his lap.
He moves his hands onto my face and our lips barely brush each other’s. His
lips are smooth and soft and after that first gentle brushing he licks his lips
to make them moist then he goes in for the kill. Our lips touch and Mac
separates my lips with his tongue. It quickly begins to explore my mouth in
search of mine. When our tongues meet for the first time my stomach does a flip
and I know Mac must get the same feeling because he lets out a moan into my
mouth that makes my stomach tightened and my sex start to throb. But then he
breaks our kiss.

“Brook, I’m sorry. I never should have done that. I…we can’t. I mean, I
want…but…I’m sorry” Mac says as he starts to stand up making me stand with him.
He tries to adjust himself and hide his erection but it’s impossible so he
gently kisses my cheek and turns to walk away. I grab his hand.

“I should be the one to apologize Mac; I should never have done that. I
know you are just doing your job and trying to be nice to me but I know for you
this is just professional.”

“You have nothing to apologize for. That was the best fucking lap dance I
have ever had” he says with a hint of humor in his voice. “And I told you
before I am not working anymore; I’m with you because I want to be. I want to
be sure you’re safe and alright with everything that has happened. I am amazed
and flattered right now but we can’t do this.
 
Not yet, not now. You need to process what’s
happened first, if we did this now I would feel like I was taking advantage of
you.”

Mac pushes my hair behind my ear and kisses me on the cheek. I look up
and smile sadly at him. “You have no idea how amazing you are. You can’t see
yourself the way the rest of the world sees you. When you’re ready Brook, I’ll
show you how amazing and beautiful you are, the way I see you. When you’re ready.”

He smiles at me as he walks out of the dance space and I sit on the floor
right where I was standing. I can’t process all of this at once. My entire life
has been based on a lie and now this incredible man is standing in front of me
telling me he has feelings for me and is willing to wait till I’m ready. Is
that what just happened?
 
A second chance
at happiness?

Chapter 11: New Beginnings

I walk out of the room trying to remain cool
and collected in front of Brook but once out of her sight I run up the stairs
taking them two at a time. I have to put some space between us or I can’t be
responsible for my actions. It took every fiber of my being back there to stop
kissing her. I still can’t believe I told her we needed to stop. I have no
fucking idea what has come over me. I was just given the best lap dance of my
life by a woman who never even took off her clothes and I tell her we need to
stop. I have the hardest boner I’ve had in a long time and yet I decided to
walk away from her. I must be out of my fucking mind. I storm into my room and
flop down on my bed, the way I see it I have three choices: my second cold
shower of the day, whacking off or going back down there and telling her I was
wrong and we should start fucking right there, right now. I like the third
option the best but I know I can’t do that to her. I was right, she isn’t ready
and we’ll both end up hurt if we start something now. I need to just let her
work out her feelings about Tate and Asia and once that’s resolved I’ll be there
for her, to help her pick up the pieces and nurse her wounds.

I think about option two but decide to suck
it up and spend the day with blue balls. I throw on a bathing suit and just as
I am heading out for a swim I hear a noise from downstairs. I’m not sure what
it is, it could be Brook’s music up too loud or maybe she’s crying but the
hairs on the back of my neck stick up making me grab my gun from the counter
and run down the stairs.

When I enter the dance room she’s alone and
fine. Well, she was fine until I busted through the door with my gun drawn on
her. She looks up at me startled with those big eyes of hers and I relax and
put my gun away.

“I thought I heard you scream or something.
I apologize, I’ll leave you alone.”

I start to walk away but she yells, “No,
wait, I need you. Can you dance?”

She says she’s trying to choreograph a
routine and needs a partner to work through some parts. I can move but dance
like her, not so much. I tell her I’ll try because I’ll do anything to be near
her.

When Mac
leaves I start to scroll through the songs I purchased on iTunes earlier. None
of them were speaking to me in my room but now, after working out and that kiss
I am starting to see things more clearly. I decide to start with “Cry Me a
River”. It should say it all to Tate. When I listen to it I know that just
listening isn’t enough for me to feel the emotions I need to so I decide to
start dancing. As I am thinking “All I need is a partner” Mac bursts through
the door and agrees to step in.

“I
promise this isn’t like the last dance. I never should have…”

“No, it
was great. I mean it was my fault I shouldn’t have…”

“Okay let’s
just forget it okay? Here, stand here. Let’s see if you can follow this. ”

We spend
the next two hours dancing. Well, we laugh more than we dance because Mac can
move but learning choreograph is not his forte. He is strong and can lift and
throw me with ease but his timing is not on and that makes for bumps and
crashes. I’m a little uncomfortable when I rub up against him or lean in for a
kiss that doesn’t happen. He’s a good sport about it but after two hours when I
say we should call it a day he stays down in the gym and lifts weights for
another hour.

I return
to my room and start to edit the letter I started earlier for Tate…

Tate,

I want you to know that I am
safe and doing fine no thanks to you. I cannot give you any more details than
that and to be honest you don’t even deserve that much. I am confused and
saddened by the recent turn of events. But if I’m being completely honest I’m
not surprised. Why should I be? I have been waiting for this moment to happen
since the day we met. I guess after all this time I had finally started to
believe you that I was the only one you wanted, silly me. I can’t help but
wonder how many others there were, when it all started, but something tells me
I don’t want the answer to that.

Listen to the enclosed CD, we
have always communicated best through music and I think this first song is a
good place to start.

Do not try to find or contact
me, I will obtain legal representation shortly and be in touch with you through
them.

Brooklynn

Once I start I can’t stop. I head back down to the dance space and notice
on my way through that Mac is no longer lifting weights. I briefly wonder where
he’s gone before I hit play and Adele’s “Turning Tables” comes on.

I picture a couple
standing behind a table; I need a table so I go in search of one. There is
another door next to the one for the bathroom and I give it a try to see if
it’s open. It’s a storage room and I find a table that will serve my purpose. I
pull it into the dance space and stand behind it trying to let my creative
juices start to flow again. I want to use my fists to pound the shit out of the
table, take all of my frustrations out on it. I lean back on the table and look
at myself in the mirror. I wish I had a partner again. Maybe I should go and
see where Mac has gone off to. I can picture him kind of rolling so he’d go
from lying on the table to standing in front of me, then pinning me down on the
table.

In my head I am picturing
doing this dance with Mac because he is the one here with me but my anger is at
Tate and I need to make my mind focus on him and feel that pain. I know I’m
trying to avoid it but I also know that if I want to move on I have to face it.
Maybe I should do what I would do professionally and remove myself from it, see
it as a couple I am choreographing for even though the story I am telling is
very much my own.

I see a girl push at a
boy who has rolled on the table and is standing in front of her, a tug of war
begins. They leap and turn around the space until they are back at the tables
where the girl goes under the table and the boy lays defeated for a moment on
the table. They reach out their hands to touch palms and then the boy pulls the
girl from under the table and swings her onto the table. She turns her back on
him for a brief minute and in that time he betrays her and pushes her off the
table like it’s a cliff she’s free falling straight down. They meet back at the
table but she won’t move close enough to him to allow them to touch. They lean
back on the table again; get into a tug of war ending with the girl being
pinned under the boy again behind the table. As the fight grows more aggressive
they flip the table and the girl walks away.

I want to see this
routine with a couple but the best I’ll be able to have is Mac and I doing it
later but for now I need to go back to my room and process my work. There is
still no sign of Mac on my way through the house.

As I am starting to think of the next song to add to the playlist Mac
knocks on my door and asks me if I want to join him down on the beach for
dinner. I tell him I’ll meet him down there shortly. I take a fast shower and
put my wet hair up in a loose bun at the nape of my neck. I throw a cute yellow
sundress on over my head, grab a pair of yellow flowered flip flops and head
out the slider. I find Mac drinking a beer and lounging in a chair at the
water’s edge. He looks relaxed and refreshed. He smells clean and fresh, like
he just got out of the shower too. He hands me a beer and points to the
Adirondack chair next to him.
 

Mac and I sit in silence for a long time just enjoying the sound of the
surf and the beauty of the sun starting it’s decent. I break the silence when I
ask Mac about his childhood. I can see by the faraway look on his face that
it’s not his favorite topic of discussion.

“If you’d rather not, it’s alright. I didn’t mean to pry into your
private life” I say letting him off the hook.

“No, its fine, it’s only fair actually. I know almost everything about
you. You have every right to ask the same of me. There’s just some shit that’s
hard to talk about that’s all.”

Mac starts by telling me that he was raised by his grandparents. His mom
was a wealthy rich girl who got involved with a guy from the streets who was in
and out of trouble with gangs and drugs. His grandfather did not handle the
news of her pregnancy very well; he was a military man and saw it as a complete
lack of respect for him.

“My father, if you can call him that, I never met him, refused to marry
my mother even after I was born. Then one night when I was only a little over a
year my mother went out with him to a club. My grandparents told me when I was
older that someone had called a hit out on my father and my mother got caught
up in the cross fire. Both of them were killed. I was too young to even
remember her. My grandparents raised me and they were great. I did have a happy
childhood.”

Mac
went to military schools growing up then to West Point before the Marines. His
grandfather was proud of him for all of his accomplishments in the Military; he
never missed an award ceremony or a deployment day. When Mac joined the Special
Operations unit shortly after 9/11 his grandfather was there supporting his
decision.
Mac continues
to tell me that his grandparents have both passed away and his only family is
the people he works with.
 
He says he
misses them every day. His decision to retire after this last case was a hard
one but he says he felt like it was time.

“What will you do with
your time?” I inquire.

“I don’t know. I’d like
to have a place like this to come to and relax for a while and maybe a place in
the city. I’ve always loved the energy of the city. I’d like to have a family
some day. I don’t know. I think I’ll always consult for the government and
maybe even take on a job or two for them here and there. I haven’t given it all
that much thought. How about you, what are your plans? Have you given it any
thought?”

I have started to give it
some thought and I know I have to ask him for this no matter how embarrassing
it is. So I take a deep breath and begin, “Um, Mac is there a doctor I can see?
I’ve been thinking that I should probably be tested for, you know, things in
light of my husband’s indiscretions. Then after that I need a lawyer. I’m
leaving him. I don’t want to hear any more excuses or lies from him, it’s over
and I have to accept that and move on.”

I know that Tate is never
going to accept this or go down without a fight so I also ask Mac if we can stay
here longer than he had originally planned. I don’t want Tate to be able to
find me until I am strong enough to resist him. Mac looks pleased and says that
Jonesie, his ex-partner who owns this place will be thrilled. He and his wife
are due on the island soon.

Mac says he’ll arrange
for a doctor to be here later in the day tomorrow after our workout and that
he’ll arrange for a lawyer to speak to me later in the week. Mac said he’ll
help me anyway he can and that I am welcomed to all the evidence he collected
for Ted as evidence against Tate. I’m not sure what I want to do about our
assets. I don’t want our house in Connecticut and our apartment in the city was
Tate’s Nana’s and I could never take that. I also want no part of our business.
I think maybe at some point I’ll want to open my own studio in the city and run
workshops and choreograph but not yet, I’ll need time away from all of it, away
from my old life with Tate.

Mac and I spend the next
few hours wrapped in blankets eating hotdogs and roasting marshmallows by fire
light. I tell him about my childhood, about Katrina and Michael and Tate. Tate
was my adolescence, my college years, my adult life. I still can’t believe
those days were based on lies. It’s weird, I know in my heart that I still love
him and I always will but I am so mad, hurt and disgusted I can’t see through
that at the moment. And it’s not the “out of sight out of mind” phenomenon
either. I don’t know where it will go if anywhere but I do know that at this
moment in time I’d like to explore the possibilities that Mac has to offer.

Mac continues on about
his days as a child. He tells me that it was difficult to fit in. He moved
around a lot being in a military family so making and keeping friends was not
easy. It was hard on him at the time being bi-racial. He said he never felt
white or black. He was being raised as a white child with a white family but he
was always darker skinned than everyone else who had white parents. All the
white kids had different hair than he did. But he also didn’t fit in with the
black kids at school either. They didn’t accept him with his lighter skin and
he was being raised in a white household. It wasn’t until the Marines that he
felt accepted for who he was and that was a solider not a race.
 

When the bugs become
unbearable we decide to head indoors and turn in for the night.