Smoke and Shadow (32 page)

“
What are we
supposed to do now?
”

Baker handed the
glasses to his friends.
“
First, we drink and let you know
you
’
re not alone.
We might not be able to understand what you
’
re going through, but
we
’
re here for you
anyway. Monsters need to stick together.
”

The three operators toasted in
silence and knocked back the liquor in one smooth burn.

“
Then we bring
someone in to monitor you and evaluate your state of mind.
There
’
s no way to
know how this shit will affect you, but if you start to go sideways
I want to catch it early.
”

Trent held out
his glass for a refill.
“
You
’
re worried I might snap in the
field?
”

Baker poured more
whiskey.
“
You
don
’
t have to go
back out there if you don
’
t want to. That
’
s not what the evaluation is about.
I want you to be in the best shape possible no matter what you
decide to do.
”

Trent wiped his
tears away with the back of his hand and took his time sipping the
new drink.
“
I
’
m staying.
Monsters like me need to fight monsters like
them.
”

The three monsters agreed. And then
they drank.

Epilogue: Acceptance and
Support

Summer 2014

“
What
’
s it
going to take for you to see this team and its actions as a
liability to the company?
”

Rose jumped back
into her argument the moment Baker finished his story. Her languid
movements and droopy eyes contradicted the sharp force of her
words, but didn
’
t
take any of the sting from them.

Baker had the
same demeanor as he did when the conversation started several hours
and five cocktails ago.
“
We can
’
t abandon the mission every time we
face a setback, Ms. Mendoza.
”

“
A setback?
You
’
re calling
almost a hundred dead villagers a setback? We save a dozen and kill
dozens more. How is that a fucking setback?
”

“
The lives of
those people were already at risk, you narrow minded shit.
We
’
re going out
there and trying to give them a chance. We
’
re trying to make a difference,
instead of hiding behind our desks and pretending our next fucking
spreadsheet is going to change the world
…”

Rose was so drunk
even Ria didn
’
t
scare her anymore. She looked the vigilante cop right in the eye
and pointed a violent finger in her direction.
“
Intelligence makes a difference.
Analysis changes perceptions, actions and outcomes. Sending
mentally damaged burnouts like Trent into the streets with guns
doesn
’
t fix
anything. It only makes matters worse.
”
She turned to Baker with the same
attacking gesture.
“
If you
’
re
not going to rethink the program, you at least need to deactivate
Trent and get him the help he needs.
”

Baker only
shrugged.
“
Trent
’
s
status with RSVP isn
’
t really up for debate, Ms. Mendoza.
”

“
Because you
won
’
t look past
your friendship to make a prudent management decision. He
consistently disobeys orders. He
’
s been directly or indirectly
responsible for multiple civilian fatalities and
he
’
s probably
mentally unstable.
”

“
His psych
evaluation is ongoing, but at this point the assessment reports are
within acceptable parameters.
”

“
What does that
mean?
”
Nikki cut
in, both to diffuse Rose
’
s squabble and out of real concern
for Harrison.

Baker shrugged
again without looking away from Rose.
“
It means he hasn
’
t exhibited any signs of PTSD, or
any other psychological condition, to make him ineffective in the
field or a general threat to others.
”

Nikki
couldn
’
t imagine
carrying around the burden of an entire murdered village on her
conscience. Baker
’
s story put the workout she admired earlier in a new light.
Was his intense activity part of a normal training regimen, or did
Chu push Trent harder to take his mind off Barmeja? And if Trent
could find a way to come to terms with the deaths of so many
people, what did that say about him? Was it a sign of mental
fortitude or a callous disregard for human life? Was it both? Nikki
knew men who found a way to justify anything for the sake of their
mission. She hated and feared them. Harrison Trent began to take on
a darker impression in her eyes.

And Rose
wasn
’
t ready to
let the matter drop either.
“
This isn
’
t about his psych test. This is
about your feelings for him. It
’
s clouding your judgment and putting
the entire company at risk.
”

“
Trent is a
professional with superior skills, good instincts and a strong
sense of purpose.
”

“
Trent is
unstable and every mission he goes on ends
in....
”

“
Ends in
what?
”
Trent
emerged onto the patio with casual but silent steps. He caught
everyone by surprise, but Rose
’
s graceless reaction was comical in
its ineptitude.

“
I...I was just
saying...Well, Warren and I were discussing some
…
I just thought...
”

Rose looked to Baker for help, but
he let her suffer, taking his time to sip his bourbon in silence.
Rose continued to stammer and Ria let out a cruel laugh. Chu
slipped in from behind Trent. His flip flops beating out a silly
rhythm in painful contradiction with the dark mood of the room.
Rose went silent and looked away. Trent shook his head and made his
way toward the bar.

“
We
’
ve been
listening to Warren amaze us with tales of your
exploits.
”
Nikki
knew the false enthusiasm she pumped into her voice would ring
hollow in the tense atmosphere, but even contrived enthusiasm felt
better than the deadly silence.
“
You boys have been through a lot
together.
”

“
Ghost likes to
exaggerate,
”
Trent
redirected his anger at Rose to force ice into the mouth of his
glass.
“
Don
’
t
believe everything he says.
”

“
I
am a spy.
”
Baker
said with a welcomed mischief in his voice.
“
People aren
’
t usually inclined to believe
me.
”

Ria
took Warren
’
s free
hand and looked into his eyes with warmth and support.
“
I never believe a
fucking word you say.
”

Chu hovered over
Nikki and pulled out his phone.
“
Aw, look at this. The whole family
is here. You know what this means; group shot!
”

Chu slid
Nikki
’
s chair away
from the table, dropped himself into her lap and wrapped his arm
around her neck in a playful choke hold. Before she could protest,
he held up his phone to capture the whole group and snapped a few
selfies.

“
Get off me, you
freak. I can
’
t
deal with all that right now.
”
Nikki pushed him away with a
laugh.

Chu grabbed her
drink and took a seat next to her.
“
Are you calling me fat?
Didn
’
t you see us
working out for like two hours?
”

“
No,
I
’
m calling you
wet, sweaty and dirty. I don
’
t want you all up on me before you
take a shower. Ew.
”

“
You keep acting
like that and I won
’
t be all up on you after I take a shower.
”
Chu winked at Nikki as he took a
sip from her glass. Nikki rolled her eyes in false rejection. Heads
around the table shook in real amusement. Everyone tried to diffuse
the awkward silence, but only Chu
’
s antics came close to lightening
the mood.

Until Trent sat
his glass down on the table after taking a long sip.
“
So what were you guys
really talking about before we came to crash your
party?
”

Nikki offered him
a smile she hoped would convey acceptance and understanding.
“
We heard about Congo,
Karbala and The Nostromo. We talked about the women you saved in
Brooklyn and Chinatown and Baker tried to explain the stress and
consequences of the work you have to do.
”

Rose
’
s
sarcasm oozed over the table like slime.
“
Yup. He told us all your
secrets
…”

Chu tried to
counter her venom with a playful elbow in Nikki
’
s arm.
“
Did he tell you how cool I was on
the ship? I was like Batman and shit.
”

Trent
wasn
’
t
amused.
“
Did he
tell you about the dead babies and severed
heads?
”
The anger
and anguish in Trent
’
s voice made Nikki
’
s heart sink and her pulse race. The
look in his eyes suggested a fragile grip on self-control. She
could feel the negative energy churning from his body. The grueling
workout and counseling might take his mind of his pain for a
moment, but Nikki thought he might explode if he felt rejected and
alone. She leaned into him, resting her hand on his forearm and
holding his gaze with her own.

“
He told us
you
’
ve gone to
places most people have never heard of, did things most people
can
’
t do, and put
yourself in situations no one can be ready to deal
with.
”

“
Which is why we
shouldn
’
t be
going.
”
Rose found
her voice at the worst possible moment.

Nikki batted her
pessimism away.
“
Which is why we have to keep going. If we
don
’
t do what we
do, then the world becomes worse, one slave at a time. Someone has
to make the hard choices. Someone has to go into the dark to fight
the monsters
…”

Trent looked away
and shook his head.
“
And become monsters in the process?
”

“
Maybe, but we
need monsters like you if we
’
re going to save anyone. We
appreciate what you do, even if we can
’
t understand what
you
’
re going
through. We accept you and support you.
”
Nikki brushed her lips against
Trent
’
s cheek with
an ease that surprised everyone at the table.
“
You might be a monster, but
you
’
re our monster
and we need you.
”