Smoke & Mirrors (11 page)

Hudson looked him over, his eyes wide. “Bloody hell.”

“Hey, we’re like the Bruise Brothers,” Dex teased, stepping aside so Hudson could get by. “Come in.”

Hudson stepped inside and removed his jacket. “Is that a picture reference?”

“
Blues Brothers
. Please tell me you’ve seen the movie.”

Hudson wrinkled his nose. “Of course I have. Just never know with you.”

Dex took Hudson’s jacket from him and hung it up. “Dude, you didn’t have to come all the way down here. You were shot.”

“All the resting was growing tiresome. I heard Sloane returned to work today. I figured you might like some company. And you….”

Hudson studied him, and Dex tried his best not to squirm under the inspection. The last person he needed examining him was Hudson. A gasp escaped Hudson, and he took hold of Dex’s wrist, making him flinch. The bruises from the zip ties hadn’t quite faded yet. Neither had the bruising on his fingers.

“Hudson, I—”

“Ambush, my bloody arse! What really happened?”

“Bad intel. We arrived on scene and—”

“Don’t take the piss with me, Dexter.” With a huff, Hudson released Dex’s wrist and marched into the living room.

Take the piss. That was a new one. Take it where? And why would you want to take piss anywhere? That was just gross. “I, uh, have no idea what that means.”

“It means I know enhanced interrogation techniques when I see them.” He turned to Dex and folded his arms over his chest.

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what it means.”

“Oh, for Pete’s sake. It means don’t mock me. How long have you known me?”

Hudson was adorable when he was flustered. Dex tried his best to hold back a smile. The last thing he needed was a doctor who wielded sharp medical implements to be mad at him. “I can’t remember all your weird Brit terms. I don’t think I’d heard that one yet.”

“You’re being evasive.”

For a very good reason. “I can’t go into it. I’m sorry.”

“Fair enough. Are you all right now? Considering?”

“I will be. How about some coffee?” Dex held a finger up. “Actually, I think there’s still some of that English breakfast tea you gave Sloane a couple months back.” Hudson was a guy after his own heart. He drank as much black tea as Dex drank coffee, and he was damned scary when he didn’t get it. Never keep an Englishman away from his afternoon cup of tea.

“Tea would be lovely. Thank you.”

Dex motioned for Hudson to follow him into the kitchen. He pulled the electric teakettle out from one of the bottom cabinets. Tea wasn’t Dex’s favorite drink, but since he’d met Hudson he’d been drinking more of it. He wasn’t a fan of some of the herbal ones. The whole boiled-grass thing didn’t appeal to him.

“How are you doing?” Hudson asked, taking a seat on one of the chairs behind the kitchen counter as Dex took out a couple of mugs. He might as well make himself a latte.

“Sore as hell, but—”

“That’s not what I was referring to,” Hudson said gently.

Dex turned to see what Hudson was referring to. He swallowed hard when Hudson motioned to Dex’s arm. On instinct, he put a hand over the healed wounds. He did his best to smile wide. “Good. Great.”

“Dex, we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Of course we are.” Dex really liked Hudson. Had liked him from the moment they met. He was such a sweet guy. Smart, funny, and at times charmingly awkward. When he was drunk, he was hilarious and threw caution to the wind. Whenever Hudson joined them at Dekatria, he and Dex would get cheerfully drunk, and the two became partners in crime, singing karaoke, dancing, hugging everyone, causing mischief. Dex wished Hudson joined them more often.

“Then you know you can confide in me. I meant to offer sooner, but it’s been a rather eventful few months, hasn’t it?”

Dex snickered. “Never a dull moment in Destructive Delta.”

“Quite right.”

“When you say offer….”

“You must have so many questions. I’m here. Whatever you need, and I know you need. I can see it in your eyes.”

“See what?” Dex turned and busied himself getting their hot drinks ready.

“The fear, the onslaught of overwhelming emotions that threatens to drown you at any moment. The feel of him always on your skin. His scent, his touch. It’s exhilarating and yet incredibly terrifying. I imagine even more so for you.”

Hudson was the only one he knew who was marked. Dex had so many questions, but he didn’t want to bring up anything that might be painful for his friend, so he never asked. “I didn’t want to say something that might hurt.”

“I’m constantly hurting, Dex.”

Dex turned to stare at him. “Jesus. Like, physically?”

“In every way imaginable.” Hudson’s pale blue eyes filled with sadness. “It’s been my state of being since I walked away from Seb.”

“How do you do it?
Why
do you do it? Just the thought of not being with Sloane….”

A rush of anguish flooded through Dex at the thought, and his body shivered. He was unaware of how hard he’d been gripping the edge of the counter, or how he’d momentarily lost himself until Hudson placed a hand on Dex’s shoulder. Shit, he hadn’t even noticed Hudson get up and come around the island counter to stand in front of him. What was wrong with him?

“It’s all right. Sloane isn’t going anywhere. He’s most likely thinking of you at this very moment, missing you, smiling at the thought of your laughter. You’re everything to him. Is that his mug?” Hudson smiled and pointed to the clear glass mug with a black cat nose and whiskers.

“Yeah.” Dex picked it up, unable to help his chuckle. They’d been grocery shopping when Dex came across it. The moment he saw it, he had to buy it for Sloane. Sloane had rolled his eyes but humored him. As expected, it made Dex laugh every time Sloane used it. When Sloane drank from it, it made him look like he had a cat nose and whiskers. Dex felt himself relax. “It’s getting worse, I think. I mean, I missed him when we weren’t together, but now I feel kind of queasy.”

“You feel ill when he’s not at your side?”

“I didn’t before, but it happened this morning when he left for work. I threw up.”

Hudson nodded. “It will pass. Your body’s reacting to his absence. It’ll soon catch up to your mind and know he’ll be returning to you. When he comes home it will be rather euphoric.”

“Yeah? Why is that?”

“Our bonds are forged from our most animalistic nature, even for a Human who is marked. When Sloane leaves you, you feel his absence deeply, and your body reacts accordingly, causing you to feel physically ill. In your mind, you know he intends to return to you, but your body has yet to grow accustomed to this knowledge. This is why you’ll feel euphoric when he returns.”

“So you’re saying what I’m feeling is like what a dog feels when his owner leaves the house and comes back?”

Hudson wrinkled his nose. “A somewhat rudimentary example, but I suppose so.”

“Okay, so eventually I’ll stop retching when he leaves and dry humping his leg when he gets home? That’s good news. What about that sense of loss when he’s not with me?” He could deal with the wanting to jump his partner’s bones. When
didn’t
he want to jump Sloane’s bones? The feeling nauseated or getting sick part didn’t appeal to him one bit.

“That, I’m afraid, will never leave you. He’s a part of you. You’ll always mourn his loss when he’s not at your side.”

“Is there a way to make it… less painful?” He could hardly be at Sloane’s side twenty-four hours a day. That wasn’t healthy for any relationship, bonding or no. It was also impossible considering their professions. Luckily they were on the same team, but out in the field they went where they were needed. Dex couldn’t—and didn’t want to—follow Sloane around like a lost puppy.

“Yes, there is.” Hudson began to unbutton his shirt, and Dex arched an eyebrow. Things were certainly taking an interesting turn.

“Oookay. Is the stripping a part of it, or are you just giving me a show? ’Cause you know, the tea’s on the house.” Dex slid Hudson’s tea mug closer to him.

Hudson arched an eyebrow at him before revealing the charcoal gray T-shirt underneath. Aside from the shirt being too big for him, it was Led Zeppelin. Hudson didn’t strike him as a rock kind of guy, but then again, who was he to judge? The shirt was well-worn, the design faded. It was clearly a favorite.

Hudson’s cheeks flushed. “It was Seb’s. I had it resized, as it was far too big on me. He used to wear it on the weekends when he stayed at my flat. I… um, when I was packing up his belongings to have dropped off at his house, I may have left out a few things.”

Dex’s heart hurt for Hudson. What happened between Hudson and Seb hurt, but after Dex was marked, it was like there was a connection between him, Sloane, Hudson, and Seb. Now that he thought about it, he’d noticed Sloane and Seb talking more, hanging out at work more. They were friends, had been for years, but there’d always been a small rift between them since Seb had been transferred from Destructive Delta. It was like Sloane marking Dex had brought about an unspoken understanding between them.

“Hudson, man….” Dex didn’t even have words.

Hudson gave him a small smile as he buttoned up his shirt. “Terribly pathetic, I know.”

“No. Not pathetic. It just….” Dex rubbed at his chest. It hurt, as if he could feel Hudson’s pain. Not exactly what he felt—Dex could imagine how excruciating it must be—but enough to feel the burn in the back of his eyes. Hudson put a hand to his own chest, and it was as if the throbbing pain in Dex’s chest eased.

“Touching something of his, something he enjoyed or loved, it soothes me. It shouldn’t, really, but it does. I always have something of his on me.” He swallowed hard. “It helps me get through the days.”

“I had no idea.”

“That’s why bonds are so rare, Dex. The risk is extraordinary.”

Hudson prepared his tea and took a sip. He motioned over to the living room, and Dex grabbed his latte. They sat down on the couch, and Dex took a sip of his coffee. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t scared about the whole thing. There was so much more to it than he could have imagined.

“But there’s the other side too,” Hudson said, a blush coming onto his cheeks. “Knowing that he will always be there to hold you, protect you, love you like no other. When he looks at you, he believes with all his heart that the sun’s light pales in comparison to your smile.”

“Seb would be here if you let him. It makes me wonder how he could stay away. How fiercely he loves you. I don’t get it.” Maybe Seb wasn’t physically hurting because he wasn’t the one marked, but he was still in pain. Everyone could see that.

“I left him no choice,” Hudson replied quietly.

“What do you mean?”

Hudson pushed his trendy glasses up his nose and sighed. “I… very cruelly informed him I would return to England if he didn’t accept things were over between us. Being apart is painful enough. Being an ocean apart would be unbearable.”

“Wouldn’t he just follow you?” Dex had no doubt Seb would follow Hudson wherever he went just to be close to him.

“No. As much as Seb loves me, he would never abandon Ethan or his family. I knew that. I knew he could never leave his little brother behind, and I used that against him.”

Tears pooled in Hudson’s eyes, and Dex put his mug on the coffee table to pull Hudson into his embrace.

Hudson let his head rest on Dex’s shoulder. “I’m deplorable.”

“Hey, no you’re not. You did what you felt you had to.”

“The worst part is, he should hate me, and he bloody doesn’t. I took a piece of him with me, tore out his heart, threatened him, and he still loves me as if I’d never left.”

“It’s hard to hate someone you know loves you.”

“He couldn’t possibly know,” Hudson sniffed.

“Dude, you took like three bullets for him. I’m pretty sure he knows.”

Hudson pulled away with a laugh, thanking Dex when he handed Hudson a tissue from inside the drawer on the end table.

“Would you really do it? Would you leave?”

Hudson released a heart-wrenching sigh and shook his head. “I’ve tried. But I can’t.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m his in every way, Dex. My bond to him has been sealed and is unbreakable. As I said, my body is in physical pain from his absence. I can move to another state, but the farther I go from him, the more painful it will become. If I moved to England without him, my body would never last. It would eat away at itself.”

Dex gaped at him. “Jesus Christ. Are you telling me you’d actually
die
from the separation?”

Hudson nodded somberly. “My feral half would rather kill us than live without its mate.”

Fuck a duck. “So… does that mean you can’t even go on vacation outside the US?”

“Holiday isn’t permanent. Believe me, your body knows the difference. After a while, homesickness would turn into something else.” Hudson covered Dex’s hand with his own and squeezed it, his blue eyes meeting Dex’s. “That’s what this is, Dex. By bearing his mark, you’ve given yourself completely to him. I don’t mean to scare you. For you, there’s so much wonder and beauty ahead. It’s extraordinary. It’ll make your heart soar, your soul shine, and your body tremble with anticipation of his touch.”

Hudson smiled, his face glowing with so much love it took Dex’s breath away.

“You’ll memorize every curve, every freckle, every scar and blemish. The slightest hitch in his breath will be as if he’d spoken a thousand words. You’ll need him like never before, need to see him, touch him, and feel him. If he gets hurt, you’ll know, and it’ll feel as though your heart is tearing itself apart. You’ll need to control your emotions, your impulses.”

“I can control myself.” Most of the time. If he wanted to.

Hudson shook his head. “You’ve yet to be tested or you would know. You’ll be hyperaware of anyone who lays a finger on him, no matter their intent. The jealousy is very unflattering and must be contained.”

“Pfft. I don’t get jealous.”

Hudson wasn’t buying it for a second.

“Okay, maybe a little.”

“All marked mates share certain experiences. The initial nausea, vomiting, that feeling something is wrong when our mate is hurt or in pain. Some experiences are unique to each marked mate. You may experience something I never would and vice versa.”