Smoke & Mirrors (22 page)

“With Dex, you’re like the guy you were always meant to be before any of that fucked-up shit happened to us. This here, you how you are now, without the fucking running, is who you were meant to be, Sloane, and a lot of that is down to Dex.”

Sloane didn’t know what to say. What could he say? Ash was right. Sloane remembered what his days had been like after Gabe died. He’d been spiraling deeper into his anguish, letting it consume him.

“You said that this with Dex was it. A future together, a family. Is that really what you want?”

Sloane didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

“You love him?”

“You know I do.”

“Is that enough?” Ash held his gaze. “How much does he mean to you? What are you willing to give, Sloane?”

Sloane took a moment to think about what Ash was saying. It wasn’t enough for him to love Dex. It wouldn’t sustain them, wouldn’t get them through the tough times, not if Sloane kept reverting to his old ways. He’d believed everything would right itself after he confessed his love to Dex, but now was when the real work started, when their love would be tested. When
he
would be tested. Dex would never falter. Sloane knew that much. After everything they’d been through, Dex remained true to his heart and his love for Sloane. He fearlessly charged ahead, confident in them. He had faith in them. In Sloane.

“He told me one of these days, he might not be there when I get back.”

Ash pursed his lips in thought. “Well, then I guess you better stop fucking up.”

“Really? That’s your answer? Thanks, pal. I appreciate the support.”

“What do you want me to say? He’s right, man. How many times do you think he’s just gonna stand there and let you crush him? If I’d been Daley, I would have sent your ass packing months ago.”

Sloane stared at him. Not what he’d expected, but okay.

“Don’t look at me like that. You fucking marked him, Sloane. You offered him a link to your fucking soul. It wasn’t just your word or a promise that you’d be there for him. You fucking offered him everything you are, and what did he give you? His life, man. Daley’s marked for life. He’s told you that you’re all he wants for the rest of his life, and you pissed on it. You were there at the bar that night, right? Both nights? Every time he walks out the door, he knows what he’s risking, and he’s doing it for you.”

“I—”

“I love you. You’re like a brother to me, but sometimes I just wanna kick your ass.” Ash got to his feet and headed for the stairs that led to his bedroom. “I’ll grab you some pillows and blankets. Think about what you stand to lose for something that was out of his control. We’ve wasted enough time living in the past. Don’t waste any more.”

Sloane sat forward, elbows on his knees as he dropped his head onto his hands. Ash was right. Of course he was right. Everyone was right except Sloane. Had he really needed time to think about things, or was that just another one of his pathetic excuses so he wouldn’t have to face his insecurities again? Every time he thought he’d conquered his fears, he was made painfully aware of how laughably wrong he was. Sloane’s insides twisted when he thought of Dex, of his beautiful smile, of the love he had in his heart for Sloane.

“Here.” Ash tossed some blankets and pillows onto the couch. He was about to turn away when he let out a sigh. Instead, he took a seat on the coffee table facing Sloane. “You need to ask yourself why you’re sabotaging your relationship.”

Sloane frowned. “You think I’m doing this on purpose? I love him, Ash. More than anything.”

“I don’t doubt that. But it’s pretty obvious a pattern is emerging here, Sloane. Everything was going smooth. You told him you loved him, suggested you move in with him, marked him, and you’ve been genuinely happy for the first time in your life, and then out of the blue,
bam
, you do something to royally fuck things up. You take one step forward only to take five steps back. Each time you do it, it’s worse than the last. Why? The second you’re comfortable and really happy, you do something to push him away and hurt him. What are you scared of? The other night you were talking about kids, for fuck’s sake, and now this.”

Sloane opened his mouth to argue, then closed it. He had nothing. Was he really sabotaging his own relationship? “Do you really think that’s what I’m doing?”

Ash didn’t reply, but his expression said it all. If the shoe fits. Fuck. It was worse than he thought. “Thanks,” Sloane murmured, taking one of the pillows. “Thanks for letting me stay too.”

“No problem. And I say this in the most loving way possible. Work out your shit and go home to your boyfriend.”

Sloane nodded. He set up his makeshift bed on Ash’s couch and lay down. He doubted he’d be getting any sleep. After tossing and turning, he grabbed his phone. Tapping the screen brought it out of sleep mode. A selfie Dex had taken with him greeted him. They were squished together, Dex kissing Sloane on the cheek, Sloane laughing. Ash had teased him about the picture, telling him he was turning into a teenage girl. Sloane hadn’t cared. He loved the impromptu photograph. Loved the sweetness of it. Sloane had been happy.

Sloane lost count of how many times he almost called or texted Dex that night. Instead he turned off his phone and tried to sleep. Tomorrow he could lose himself in work.

SLOANE HADN’T
slept a wink the night before, and when he got to work, he was surprised by the looks he got from his fellow Therian agents. A few wouldn’t meet his gaze, while others shook their heads at him. What the hell was going on? Heading for Ash’s office, he opened his mouth to say something when Letty glared at him, purposefully bumping into him as she swept by.

“What the hell is up with everyone? What did I do?” Sloane asked, walking into the office.

Ash typed away at his desk’s interface. “What’s going on is that Daley showed up to work this morning looking like shit and without your scent all over him. We can sense shit, Sloane. Everyone likes Dex. You marked him, and now you’re not with him. They’re wondering if you were just fucking with him and now abandoning him.”

“What? Since when is my relationship everyone’s business? And what about what I feel? That doesn’t matter?”

“Nope.”

Sloane threw his arms up. “Seriously? Why am I the fucking bad guy here?”

“Because you were the one who walked out, broke his heart, and left him with your mark.” Ash looked up at him. “Taylor’s been sniffing around him, just so you know.”

Sloane’s fur bristled. Or at least it would have if he’d been in his Therian form. “I didn’t leave him. Dex is still mine.”

“From where they’re sitting,” Ash said, pointing out at the bull pen, “it doesn’t look that way.” Ash sat back, his expression concerned.

“What?”

“I don’t know. It’s weird. It’s like you can smell the hurt on him, Sloane. It reminds me of the night in the club, when his scent changed. Like he’s giving off these pheromones, this need for comfort. Taylor’s not the only one who’s been hovering. Hobbs, Seb, Hudson, hell, even fucking Zach has been up here. He brought Dex Cheesy Doodles.”

Sloane gaped at him. “Zach came up here from Unit Beta to give Dex cheese snacks?”

“Yep. I don’t think it’s a sexual thing. Well, maybe for Taylor, but you know he’s been all up in Dex’s ass from day one. Hobbs wouldn’t do that to Cal. It’s like our feral halves know he’s wounded and want to comfort, which is weird because Dex isn’t a Therian, so why would our Therian halves give a fuck? I mean, as Humans we do, because emotions and all that shit, but our feral halves?”

“Wait….
Our
? You said ‘our,’ not ‘their.’”

Ash cleared his throat and turned back to his desk.

“You too?” Sloane couldn’t believe it. “You want to comfort him?”

Ash frowned down at his desk, his face flushed.

“You already did?” Sloane’s eyebrows shot up. “
You
comforted him?”

“Like I said, it’s some pheromone or some shit.”

“Humans don’t give off pheromones,” Sloane explained through gritted teeth. Again. Frustrated. This wasn’t possible. It was debatable, sure, but not scientifically proven.

“Well, this one does. So good luck with that.”

Sloane couldn’t help his curiosity, and a little part of him was enjoying his best friend’s embarrassment. “How did you comfort him?”

Ash mumbled something, but Sloane couldn’t make it out.

“What?”

“I said, I brought him gummy bears, okay? Get the fuck out of my office and sort your shit out. This is all your fault.”

“My fault? You’re my best friend. Aren’t you supposed to be understanding and shit?”

“Not when your fucking boyfriend is fucking with my head, looking like a fucking puppy who’s been left out in the cold. It’s not right, Sloane.”

“So I’m supposed to just, what? Never argue with him? Walk on eggshells around him?”

“This is different,” Ash said through his teeth. “This isn’t a spat with you sleeping on your own damn couch or an argument where you both stomp your feet and pack up your toys. This is serious shit. You walked out on him, and something’s sending off this thick fog of hurt. I don’t know what the hell is going on with Dex, but you two need to work it out before it catches Sparks’s attention, if it hasn’t already. I know she’s given us a pass, but there’s only so much she can cover up around here, Sloane.”

Sloane had no idea how he was supposed to fix this, especially since he couldn’t smell whatever the hell Ash did. He could feel the hurt. It was deep in his chest. His arm itched, and his chest was tight, but he didn’t smell anything different. It was all connected to Sloane marking Dex, but why now? And how long would it last? What else could they expect? He hated not knowing. It’s not like there was another marked Human he could ask. Hell, the only other marked person he knew was Hudson, a Therian. As far as he knew, Hudson had never suffered from seizures. He didn’t give off the kind of scent Ash was describing.

Sloane didn’t know what he was going to say to Dex when he saw him, but they were partners. They’d have to behave like adults and do their job.

Dex wasn’t in their office. In fact half the morning went by without Dex showing up. He was definitely in. Not that they needed to be behind their desks to work. They could connect to Themis from anywhere in the building on any device, be it their phones or tablets that they carried on them. Dex was probably working from Cael and Rosa’s office, or maybe even Calvin and Hobbs’s.

Sloane spent the morning going through the Reynolds case. Dylan Reynolds was denied bail and placed on suicide watch. The tests for Alicia Reynolds came back from the hospital, and Sloane quickly accessed the file only to find the results were inconclusive.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” How could that be? There had to be something, a reason for the seizure. Everything came back inconclusive. CBC, lumbar puncture, MRI, EEG, toxicology screening all with the same results? “This is bullshit.” Sparks’s words ran through his head. All the tests TIN had performed on Dex had returned with the same results. Sloane was about to put in a call to Sparks when Calvin walked in.

“You’re a dick. You know that?”

“Thanks. I’ll add you to my list of people who think I’m an asshole. Is there something else you wanted, or is that it?”

Calvin shook his head. He opened the medium-sized book in his hand and tore out a page before walking over to Sloane, his expression dark. Sloane stood. If Calvin wanted to get into it, fine. Calvin searched Sloane’s gaze. What he was looking for, Sloane had no idea. With pursed lips, Calvin shook his head and shoved the piece of paper at Sloane.

“I know it’s none of my business, but whatever it was, I hope it was worth it.”

With that Calvin turned and walked off. Sloane shut the door to his office and put the room in privacy mode. Cursing up a storm, he balled the paper up, then chucked it across the room. He paced the office, a white heat of anger spreading through him. None of them understood. Did they think he wanted this? That he didn’t love Dex so much it was fucking tearing him apart? That he couldn’t feel Dex on him? Smell him? Sense him when he was near? Wherever he turned, Dex was with him, whether he was physically there or not. He had every right to feel upset over what he’d learned. Dex wasn’t the only one in pain. Why was he the bad guy here? Because Dex was the one who was marked? Because of these supposed pheromones? Did Dex know what he was doing? What his scent was doing? Sloane doubted it.

Unable to keep his curiosity at bay any longer, Sloane walked over to pick up the balled-up paper. He took it with him back to his desk and sat down to smooth it out. Tears welled in his eyes as he gazed down at the colored drawing. The striped lighthouse stood tall and strong in the middle of a stormy sea, the ocean waves curling and crashing against it. Its beacon shown bright, just like Dex. On the bottom left, red roses framed it beautifully, along with a curling ribbon with the words
I’ll guide you home through the darkest night. Always
.

It was Dex’s tattoo. Or at least the one he’d planned on getting. It suited him, the retro-style design. The kind sailors used to get back in the day, but with a slight modern twist. The whole thing would probably reach to his elbow.

“Fuck.” Sloane tossed the drawing on his desk. There was a knock on the door, and Sloane quickly wiped at his eyes and stuck the drawing in his desk drawer. He tapped at his desk’s interface, and took the room off privacy mode. “Come in.”

The door opened and Maddock walked in. Fucking great.

“What the hell is going on? What did you do to him?”

“What did
I
do? I didn’t do anything. I just—something’s changed, and I need to work through it.” Sloane got up. He didn’t have time for this. He needed to talk to Sparks, and maybe Hudson, and have some algorithms set up on Themis.

“What happened to working through it together?”

“Look, Sarge, this is different. I can’t help how I feel, knowing what I know.” Sloane was still having trouble wrapping his head around all this. Even if Shultzon was lying, which was likely, the seed had been planted. Sloane let out a humorless laugh. “That son of a bitch always gets one over on us.”