Snake Charmer (Rawkfist MC Book 2) (19 page)

Journey

L
ike many afternoons, I keep Otto busy
with chores. My third-grade teacher used to say, “A restless kid is a
troublemaking kid.” I don’t know if that’s true, but Otto seems to enjoy alone
time with me, even when we’re doing boring stuff.

Today, we walk around the yard, picking
up Hal’s crap. Once again, I notice how much Otto needs a haircut. I reach out
and swipe his bangs out of his eyes.

If he were my kid, I’d have buzzed his
hair short months ago. He’s too young to handle the mess of this hair every
morning before school. Otto isn’t my kid, so I leave it long and hope his
grandmother wants it chopped eventually.

My relationship with Otto is much like
the one I have with Donovan. They’re only partway mine. Sometimes, though, I
forget this fact and begin making plans for our future. Then reality slaps me
down.

With Donovan, I want him, but I’m
preparing for a painful end. With Otto, I worry every day I’ll get a call about
Becca getting paroled.

After we finish cleaning up after the
dog, Otto and I walk around the acreage. He doesn’t talk and neither do I.
These quiet moments remind me of my childhood before Paul showed up. Things
were tricky when we first arrived in Indianapolis. Living in a tiny apartment,
Christine, Justice, and I only had each other.

Otto and I stop walking and glance back
at the commotion occurring at Justice’s house.

My sister chases Felix out of the front
door. The laughing boy runs around the yard with his step-mom in pursuit. Court
hurries outside with Matilda on his hip. Still getting chased, Felix finally
laughs so much that he runs out of steam enough for Justice to catch him.

Watching them, I’m flooded with a
jealous heat. Justice is a pain in the ass, and her mouth never stops, but
she’s also fearless. I thought I was too because I can throw a punch and face
down an asshole. However, my heart is pathetically weak.

Court and Justice paint the picture of
a typical nuclear family. Matilda isn’t theirs any more than Otto is mine, but
they never hold back with her. If Justice wants to chop the girl’s hair, she
does. In her mind, Matilda and Felix belong to her. When she loves someone,
Justice claims them completely.

I crave such fearlessness. Too often, I
look at Otto and worry about his future. Will he be mine in a week, month, or
year?

As Justice tickles Felix, I catch Otto
watching me. Does he wish I was more like my sister? Or that he was more like
his brother? Heck, maybe the kid is only staring at me because he wants
something to eat.

Rustling his too long hair, I gesture
for Otto to follow me back to the house. We soon whip up a couple of sandwiches
and watch TV with Poppy.

By the time I tuck the boy in bed, my
thoughts linger on the autumn of next year. I can’t be certain if Donovan and I
will still be together. Or if Otto will live with me. Nothing feels concrete,
and I’m exhausted by the uncertainty.

Like many nights lately, Justice ends
up back at our house while the kids sleep and Court makes calls about club
business. Willfully blind to Rawkfist MC details, Justice joins Christine,
Poppy, and me to watch the evening Cartoon Network lineup.

I stand behind the couch and check my
phone to see if Donovan called while I was tucking Otto in bed. Finding no new
messages, I hate how overwhelmed by disappointment I am.

Lately, I second guess everything. Like
should I have sucked it up and been nicer to his family? If they liked me,
would they ease off the extra shifts? If I smiled at pretentious people and
laughed at unfunny jokes, would they forget how my father is a long time member
of a motorcycle club or how Jared did time years ago?

Maybe they have expected me to
apologize for his bad choices. If I had crapped on my father and distanced
myself from him, would they have embraced me? If that’s what it took to get in
their good graces, I was happy to remain on the outside.

The reality is the Mooneys have strict
rules on what makes a person acceptable. Even if I’d blown the entire garden
party, I doubt they’d ever want me around.

“Why so gloomy?” Justice asks, glancing
back at me.

I ignore her question, though her
patting the couch entices me to join her. In the past, she’d rest her head on
my lap while I played with her hair. Tonight, I’m the one needing cuddling.

Justice plays with my hair while her
gaze remains locked on the TV. The four of us enjoy comedy reruns we’ve seen
dozens of times. The cats curl up with Poppy on the floor. Christine cuddles
with Hal in her recliner.

This relaxed routine is how things were
for a long time. We enjoyed a quiet life before moving to Tumbling Rock. We
knew where we belonged in the world as long as we were together.

Now we have men and kids, and things
are no longer so simple. Despite missing that simplicity, I never wish to
return to a time without Otto or Donovan. They own my heart as much as my
sisters and parents do. Even if I can only keep them in my life for a little
bit longer.

Donovan

I
sit in my patrol car and stare at the
empty highway. A part of me has always hated this job. I’d signed up for the
sheriff’s department and gone through training to prove something. Had I
succeeded in making my point? Did my family respect me more for being like
them? Could I live down my outlaw father and wild mother’s histories? The
answer was always no, but I hadn’t been brave enough to face that reality until
now.

I only have one photo of my father.
He’s sitting on his Harley looking as if he needs a breathalyzer test. Despite
my disdain for him, the guy lived the way he wanted. He never worried about
anyone’s opinion, let alone legacies. His needs were all that mattered.

I want to pick a life that ensures my
happiness rather than creating a lying image as another Mooney lawman.

The only things in life that make me
happy are Journey and Kitty. I think if I tried, Court and I might be better
friends. We could drink beer and talk about sports. Innately distrustful of
other people, I’ve never been able to enjoy male friendships.

I’m not too old to change. For Journey,
I’m already different. Sex is no longer only about physical satisfaction and a
fast getaway. Enjoying Journey’s body is a single part of what I need from her.
Waking up next to my woman improves my mood every day. Knowing I have value to
her gives me confidence in the way my family’s approval never has.

Yet.

I can’t seal the deal with Journey or
quit my job or change in a meaningful way. If left to me, I’ll allow everything
important to slip away.

Yet.

Even knowing I’m running out of time, I
can’t pull the trigger.

I stare at the still empty road and
hate myself. I need to do something. Make a choice. Show Journey what I want.
Find a fucking plan and stick to it.

Needing a distraction, I’m grateful to
see a text from Court.

“If you want an out with Journey, an
out just showed up at the picnic.”

I read the message three times before
responding. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“We’re at a picnic at Rocky Lane Park.”

“What about Journey and an out?”

“Don’t know his name. She’s eating up
his flirting. Let nature take its course and you are out. If you want to stick
around, better piss a circle around your girl.”

“Are you messing with me?”

“About what?”

“About Journey?”

“How is this funny?”

Staring at the phone screen, I imagine
Journey and some random guy together. The man won’t hesitate. Most men know how
to take a conversion from flirting to dating. His ease at being with her will
contrast to my stupid hot and cold bullshit. Journey will see what else she can
have. The fucker will take my woman, and I’ll end up on the outside. Then I’ll
need to decide if I’m willing to dig a shallow grave to get Journey back.

I slam the car into drive and speed
toward the Rocky Lane Park located smack dab in the middle of Tumbling Rock.

Every mile sends my anger further into
overdrive. Journey is my girlfriend. Everyone knows everyone’s fucking business
in Tumbling Rock. This asshole is well aware he’s making a fucking move on my
woman. I won’t let anyone take what I need to survive, even if I have to break
the law to keep Journey.

I don’t stop at the mostly empty
parking lot. The cruiser’s wheels jump the curb on my way to where a small
crowd of people stands near picnic tables.

I spot Poppy first since she’s standing
on a table with Matilda. Nearby, Journey leans on Otto like he’s her walker.
Blinded by rage, I hit the brakes and nearly crash into a tree.

Throwing open the car door, I plan to
make things very clear to the asshole and everyone else where I stand with
Journey.

Journey

A
fter tearing through the leaf-covered
grass, Donovan’s Jeep stops precariously close to a tree. I stare shocked at
his arrival while protectively holding Otto against me. Around us, people gasp,
and some run away. Justice picks up Matilda and tells Court they should
probably leave. Based on her overly sincere tone, I know she’s been up to no
good.

My boyfriend throws open his door and
exits quickly. His gaze takes in the group of people, ignoring everyone except
me.

“What in the fricking heck is wrong
with you?” I demand when Donovan storms toward me.

“Where is the fucker?”

“Who?” I ask, covering Otto’s ears.

“The asshole you’re flirting with.”

“In what fricking universe do I flirt?”

“Stop saying frick.”

“You best stop bossing me around and
then explain to me why you showed up here like a fricking madman.”

Wearing a homicidal frown, Donovan
glances around the group. He gives a death stare to a few men. I study Donovan
and wonder if he’s suffering from a mental breakdown. He’s been on edge for the
entire time I’ve known him, and people can only go for so long that way. If
he’s lost his fricking mind, do I finally walk away or play patient nursemaid?
I already know the answer before I finish asking. No matter what Donovan does,
I can never say goodbye.

His pissed gaze finally lands on Court.
My confused brother-in-law stares back at Donovan.

“Do you think this shit is funny?”
Donovan demands.

“What shit?”

“You messaged me about the fucker
making moves on Journey. Is this a fun game to you?”

“I didn’t message you.”

Donovan shoves his phone at Court, who
looks at the messages. He frowns and checks his phone.

“Well, I don’t care what it says. I
didn’t message you. Why the fuck would I?”

“Someone did,” Justice mutters. “Someone
is framing you.”

Court and Justice scan the confused
faces around us. My gaze notices Donovan focusing on me. We both wonder if he
can salvage his dignity after racing over here to pry another man off of me.

“Was this you?” Justice asks Poppy.

“Don’t be dumb. I’m currently agnostic
on whether these two should become one. Besides, Court keeps his phone in his
back pocket, and there’s no way I’m going anywhere near his ass.”

“Well, then who the hell did it?”
Justice cries.

I pry my gaze away from Donovan and
sigh. “I’m coming for you, Justice. You should probably run.”

“Why me?”

I focus on my sister who retains her
righteous anger for another thirty seconds before crumbling.

“I was trying to help,” she says,
backing away.

“It did help. In that, the whaling I’m
about to give you will assist with your personal growth.”

Justice looks to Court for assistance.
Her man dutifully stands in front of me while she backs away.

“I’ll hurt you,” I warn him.

“I know, but I have to make a show of
it.”

Dodging Court, I spot Justice hiding
behind Poppy. My youngest sister immediately jumps out of the way.

“I want to live!” she cries, leaving
Justice without a shield.

Justice tries to run away, but she’s
wearing flip flops and keeps losing her balance. I let her get ahead of me by
just a bit to make the chase interesting. Once she thinks she might reach her
car, I take off running.

“Get her!” Otto yells, showing his
son-like support while Felix screams for Justice to run faster.

I grab the belt loop on Justice’s
shorts and yank her backward. She topples onto my lap, and I flip her onto her
stomach.

“I’m giving you the whipping your
parents were too lazy to provide.”

“They’re your parents too,” Justice
says, struggling in vain to break free.

“Yeah, so I know they’re too kind to
swat your meddling butt.”

“I was trying to help.”

“How? By sending Donovan into a jealous
rage and making him look like an idiot? Did you think embarrassing me would
help?”

“I wanted to see if he cared enough to
show up and mark his claim.”

“I’m not property.”

“You want to own his heart, don’t you?”

My hand pauses mid-strike. “You didn’t
prove anything. He felt challenged by Court. That’s a guy thing and has nothing
to do with me.”

“False,” she says, rolling over and
looking at me. “I told him if he wanted out that this was his chance. He didn’t
need to race over here. The reason he came was because he couldn’t deal with
you wanting anyone else.”

“Of course, he doesn’t want me flirting
with anyone else. That doesn’t mean we’ll work out in the long run.”

Justice sits up and crosses her legs.
“I don’t know why Donovan won’t close the deal when he clearly wants you to be
his.”

“He’s messed up in here,” I say,
tapping my head. “He doesn’t have a clue as to how messed up he is. When he
feels cornered or overwhelmed, he closes himself off and pushes everyone away.”

“You should thank me,” Justice says,
crawling away while saying the words. “I’ve given him the opportunity to make
his move.”

I stand up and follow a still crawling
Justice. My foot aches to kick her in the butt, yet I restrain myself on the
way to joining Otto. The boy sees me and frowns back at Donovan.

“I don’t like him.”

Pushing aside his long bangs, I shrug.
“He doesn’t like you either. Boys are so silly that way.”

“I’m not silly.”

“You’re eight. How would you even know
if you’re silly?”

Otto frowns darker. “I’d know.”

“Sure.”

“I’d know,” he says, following me now.

I turn to him and kneel down. “I need
to talk to Donovan alone. You need to be cool and wait for me.”

“Tell him to leave.”

“Don’t boss me around, kid. It won’t
end well for you.”

Otto crosses his arms defiantly while I
walk to where Donovan paces near his car.

“Fun and games,” he mutters. “That’s
how your family is. They think everything is a joke.”

“Shut up and walk with me.”

Even running hot, Donovan obeys. I feel
him behind me as we walk down a path and away from the group. When I stop on a
small bridge overlooking a narrow creek, Donovan wraps an arm around me.

“What do you want?” I softly ask.

“I want you.”

“Then take me.”

“Right here.”

“I don’t mean fucking. Is that what you
meant by wanting me?”

“No. I love you. I want to keep you.”

“Then just keep me.”

“I think I am, but I’m clearly not.”

“How do you figure?”

“We’re stuck in the same place we were
a month ago.”

“How do we get unstuck?”

Donovan tightens his arms around me. “I
don’t know if I can be part of a family. Hell, I’m not sure I even want to be
part of one.”

“You want me, but no part of my life,”
I say through clenched teeth.

“I know that sounds like bullshit.”

Sighing, I lean against him. “It is
crap, but I understand in a way. I want you, but I don’t like your house or
that neighborhood or your job or your cop family.”

“I’d give that up for you. You can’t
say the same for me.”

“Is that what you need for us to work?”
I ask, daring him to ask the unthinkable.

Donovan steps back and looks around.
“Would you leave Tumbling Rock with me? Give up your job and family and start
over fresh somewhere else. We could be anyone in a new place. Would you give me
that?”

“No,” I say without thinking. “I love
you, but I won’t destroy myself to save you. I can’t be that kind of woman.”

“Good,” Donovan murmurs, wrapping me in
his arms again and covering my mouth with his.

His affection startles me. I never seem
to know what he wants from one moment to another, but the kiss blinds me to the
reality of tomorrow. We’re living a comfortable lie. Nothing can interfere with
our delusions as long as passion rules.