Snow Angels (13 page)

Thea was in her bedroom with the door closed. When Kendra walked down the hall she could hear the furious staccato tapping of Thea’s fingers on the computer keyboard as she poured out her woes and indignation to her online friends.

Undoubtedly she was telling everyone within cyber earshot what terrible, unreasonable, hopelessly old-fashioned parents she had, heaping an extra helping of burning coals on the head of Kendra in her role as wicked stepmother. Well, at least she wasn’t sobbing anymore. During the ride from the restaurant to the church, Thea had said some ugly and utterly unfair things to her. Even so, Kendra hated to hear Thea cry.

Sharon and Andy were sitting in the family room on opposite sides of the coffee table, Andy on the sofa and Sharon in an easy chair, neither of them looking in the least easy. The tension in the room was thick. Kendra hesitated at the door for a moment, wondering if she ought to let them work this out without her, but Andy saw her and motioned for her to come sit next to him. He wasted no time in getting to the point.

“Sharon, you
knew
we’d forbidden Thea to see Josh. When you dropped her off at the restaurant, did you know he was going meet her there?”

“Yes. But it’s not like I was dropping her off to meet him at some sleazy motel. They were in a restaurant, for heaven’s sake! There were all kinds of people around and I was just down the street at the library. I’d have been back in another fifteen minutes. If Kendra hadn’t walked by on her way to the dry cleaner, no one would ever have known about it. What was the harm? She’s a young girl and she wants to date a young man. It’s perfectly natural. And I think…”

“You think!
You
think!” Andy’s face went red. “No. I don’t think so. I don’t think you were thinking at all. I’m not even going to try to discuss what sort of thinking goes on in the mind of a woman who encourages and helps a girl lie to her parents. That’s a whole different discussion. But I am absolutely certain you weren’t thinking, because if you were you’d have realized that Thea is fourteen years old. Fourteen! She’s got no business dating a boy that age.”

Sharon clenched her jaw. “I know how old she is, Andy. Better than you do, I think. Thea isn’t a child anymore. She’s a young woman and mature for her age, ready to test her wings. But if you insist on treating her like a child she’s going to end up resenting you for…”

“Then so be it, Sharon! Because I do insist on treating her like a child, like
my
child! And that means protecting her! Even if that makes her resent me. That’s my job as a father, Sharon! To protect her and guide her until she’s old enough and wise enough to take care of herself!”

Andy took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure before going on.

“Yes, for fourteen, Thea
is
mature—except, of course, on the days when she’s not. She hasn’t the slightest idea what she wants out of life. This week she read a book about Jane Goodall and decided she wants to move to the rain forest and save gorillas. Last week she was going to be a network news anchor. And next week, it’ll be something else. She still sleeps with a teddy bear, for heaven’s sake! She’s only fourteen!”

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Yes, I know that, Andy. I was there when she was born, remember? I can do the math.”

“I do remember that. Vaguely. I also remember that you didn’t stick around for long afterward.”

“Andy.” Kendra laid her hand on his arm, reminding him to stay calm.

“Is that what this is about, Andy? You? Are you trying to hold Thea back as a way of getting back at me for leaving?”

“No!” Andy spat. “This is not about me or you. It’s about Thea. It’s about being a parent, about watching out for her best interests, about knowing when to say yes and when to say no, even if saying no makes her angry!

“Don’t you get it? Josh Randall is eighteen years old. He can drive and vote and in a few months he’ll be heading off to college. Word around town is he’s applying to schools in Florida and California, anywhere warm. Doesn’t sound like he’s planning on coming back to Vermont anytime soon. I don’t know exactly why Josh would want to date a little girl, a freshman barely out of braces, but as a father and a man, I’ve got some ideas.”

“You haven’t changed a bit, Andy. Always trying to control everybody. Don’t you think Thea is mature enough to…”

“No, I don’t! Because she’s not! All Thea knows is that an older, good-looking guy with a cool truck and a smooth line is interested in her and she thinks that’s the same as being in love. There is no way, no way in the world that this thing with Josh is going to end well. The
least
terrible thing that will happen to Thea is she’ll have her heart broken. And when that happens, Kendra and I will be the ones who are left to pick up the pieces. Where will you be?”

Sharon was quiet for a moment. “All right, I deserved that. I walked out and left you holding the bag. I know that. And after what I did and how I did it…” Sharon ducked her head, shamefaced. “Well, it was good of you to even let me in the door. You too, Kendra. I know this can’t be easy for you.”

Kendra nodded. There was no point in denying what they both knew to be true. “I just want what’s best for Thea.”

“Me too,” Sharon said. “That’s why I’m here. I know I’ve failed Thea before, but…in a way, I was trying to do what was right for her. That’s why I was able to leave, because I knew that Andy would be able to give Thea all the things I couldn’t. I left her, but I didn’t leave her alone. Because I knew she’d have you, Andy.”

Sharon’s voice cracked as she swallowed back tears. “You’re a good man, Andy. You always were. And a good father. I’m sorry…I…”

Sharon opened and closed her hands as if trying to catch hold of something in the air, but the words she needed, the phrases that could explain everything were beyond the reach of even a poet. “Well…I’m just sorry.”

Andy was quiet for a moment. “I let all that go a long time ago. Like I said, this isn’t about you or me. I’m only concerned for Thea.”

“So am I, Andy!” Sharon’s eyes pleaded her sincerity. “That’s why I’m here now. All those years ago I wasn’t ready to be a mother, but things are different now. I want to be part of Thea’s life. I’m ready this time. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be here.”

Her gaze shifted from Andy’s face to Kendra’s and back again. “Believe me. If I thought my being here would hurt Thea, I’d leave tomorrow.”

Kendra looked at Sharon. She was still beautiful, still stylish and exotic, better traveled and better educated than Kendra was or probably ever would be. But Kendra no longer felt intimidated or threatened by this woman whom Andy had once loved. Sharon’s pleading eyes, the way her arms and shoulders arced forward, in an instinctive posture to protect a tender and a lonely heart, touched Kendra. She felt bad for her, sorry for all that she’d missed out on, but that didn’t change who mattered in this situation—Thea.

“I would never hurt Thea,” Sharon said, and then, realizing it was too late to say that she added, “not intentionally. I know I can’t make up for the past, but Thea is my daughter, too. I’ve got a right to see her and to play a role in my child’s life.” Sharon shifted in her seat, rising up and straightening her shoulders and setting her jaw, shoring up her defenses before lobbing the next grenade.

“I’ve decided. I’m going to accept the Vermont position.”

Andy looked at her, his face a blank. “Well…that’s your right. You’re entitled to live anywhere you want.”

“Thanks. I know.”

“You don’t have to get defensive, Sharon. I won’t pretend I’m overjoyed about this, but it is what it is. All I ask is that, for Thea’s sake, we present a united front, lay out some ground rules so Thea won’t be confused or start playing us against each other.”

“Such as?”

“Don’t help her go around us or lie to us. If we make a rule for Thea then I expect you to help us enforce it. In short, no more dropping her off for clandestine meetings with Josh Randall.”

Sharon thought about this for a moment, then got to her feet and put on her coat. “All right. Agreed. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to tell her she shouldn’t have feelings for the boy. No matter what you say, I still think Thea is old enough and wise enough to decide that for herself and I’m not going to discourage her.”

“Sharon, come on. Be reasonable. Thea is still a child. She’s too young and inexperienced to understand what…”

“No, Andy! No! Just because you’re her father that doesn’t entitle you to decide who Thea can and cannot love. You ought to give your daughter a little more credit for common sense and show at least a little respect for her feelings. You ought to trust her. Like I do.”

And before Andy could say anything else Sharon left, letting a cold blast of winter air come in through the open door. Andy closed it behind her and turned around to face Kendra.

“Well, gee…that was fun, wasn’t it? We should really invite her over more often.”

But Kendra was in no mood to joke. She reached out and touched her husband’s arm, tipping her head toward the hallway where Thea stood watching them with a stormy, resentful expression on her face.

Andy sighed, worn out by the dramas of the day, and held out a hand to his daughter. “Thea, sweetheart. I know you’re upset, but come sit down and let’s talk.”

“No! I’m not going to listen to you. Mom’s right. You don’t trust me. She’s the only one who trusts me, the only one who understands me. You can tell me what to do, but you can’t tell me what to think. Or who to love. Josh loves me! He said so! You just don’t understand. Nobody understands me!”

Tears began streaming down Thea’s face, her cheeks blotched pink and red with emotion. Kendra moved toward her.

“Thea. Oh, Thea, don’t cry. Dad isn’t trying to hurt you, really. He’s just trying to protect you.”

“No, he’s not! He’s trying to run my life. And so are you! You’re not my mother! You don’t have the right to tell me what to do.”

Andy jumped in, his voice stern. “Thea, that’s enough of that. You’re not allowed to speak to Kendra that way.”

“I’ll talk any way I want to! You can’t tell me how to talk! You can’t…”

“Thea! Go to your room!”

Thea stopped, shocked by the commanding tone and volume of her father’s usually gentle voice.

“You heard what I said, Thea. Go to your room. Do it now!”

Thea turned, breaking into a fresh wave of weeping, and ran down the hallway to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her so they would know exactly how she felt about them.

Kendra looked at Andy uncertainly. “Should I go in there? Try to talk to her?”

“No. Let her stew for a while. She’ll calm down.”

Andy walked over and flopped down on the sofa, exhausted, and patted the cushion next to him. “Come here. Take a load off.”

Kendra sat down. Andy reached down and hooked his arm under Kendra’s knees, turning her body so Kendra’s legs were draped across his lap. Andy put his arm around her shoulders. Kendra leaned toward him resting her head on his broad chest.

Kendra laid her hand on the rounded alp of her stomach. The baby moved inside her swimming toward it, balling up under the comforting warmth of her hand.

“Andy? Do you think I’ll be a good mother?”

“I think you
are
a good mother.”

“I mean for our baby. Do you think I’ll be a good mother to our baby?”

“Yes.”

“And when our baby is a teenager, do you think it’ll slam doors and say hateful things to us?”

“Yes.”

Kendra sighed and snuggled closer to her husband. “I was afraid you’d say that.”

“All right!” Kendra clapped her hands, applauding after the Raggedy Ann dancers made their last clumsy turn and then flopped onto the floor in splits, as their dance and the first act came to an end. “Very nice! Good energy everybody!”

The actors, dressed in their first act costumes, gathered at the edge of the stage.

“Really, gang. That was just great. I’m proud of you. The act ran a little long so I’m not going to do notes right now. Be here fifteen minutes early tomorrow and I’ll run through them before the curtain, okay?” Kendra looked at her watch.

“I don’t want to keep you any later than ten o’clock tonight. It’s a big day tomorrow, show day. You need your rest. We’re going to run the second act all the way through, no stops, and then you can go home. And go to sleep!” Kendra raised her eyebrows meaningfully and the kids laughed, knowing what she was about to say. “I’m not kidding! Get into your beds and turn out the lights. No staying up until three in the morning talking to each other online, do you hear me? Good.”

She clapped her hands and rubbed them together. “All right, then. Stagehands, load in the manger set. Actors, get changed into your second act costumes. You’ve got twelve minutes. Go!”

Kendra made a shooing motion and the elves, ice skaters, Raggedy Anns, toy soldiers, and teddy bears scurried backstage to begin their transformation to innkeepers, shepherds, angels, and wise men. Kendra pointed to Connie, the stage manager, a tall willowy girl wearing black jeans, a T-shirt, and headset.

“Connie, can you have somebody get a ladder and take those green gels out of lamps fourteen and sixteen? Last rehearsal, the three wise men looked like they were getting over a bad case of seasickness.”

“I’m on it, Kendra.”

Kendra rubbed her eyes. She needed to sit down and rest for a few minutes, but noticed that Jimmy Lee was standing a few feet away with a serious look on his face.

“Hey, Jimmy. Everything okay?”

“Yeah…ummm…” He was dressed in the Santa costume he wore for both acts but his expression was far from jolly. In fact, the eyes that peered out from underneath the bushy false eyebrows were worried.

Kendra put her hand on his arm. “Is something wrong, Jimmy?”

“Well…I was just wondering…is Thea still seeing Josh Randall?”

“No. Her dad and I put a stop to that. She’s too young to be dating a senior.”

Jimmy looked relieved. “Okay. Good.”

“Why do you ask?” Kendra waited for a response, but the boy hesitated, reluctant to say more. “Jimmy, what’s going on? You can tell me. Is Thea in some kind of trouble?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I know that she’s been really mad at you lately.”

“You think?” Kendra asked with a wry smile, recalling the silent treatment she’d been subjected to over the last week.

Jimmy smiled. “Don’t be too mad at Thea. She’s just kind of confused right now.”

“I know. She’s been a pain lately, but she’s my daughter and I love her.”

“Yeah. Thea’s really a great girl…” The boy’s eyes took on a wistful expression and Kendra smiled, recognizing a case of puppy love when she saw it.

“But Josh…” Jimmy pressed his lips together, disgusted. “That guy is bad news. And some of the things I’ve been hearing around school…”

“What kind of things?”

Jimmy blushed, the apples of his heavily made-up cheeks turning an even brighter shade of cherry red. “Well. Nothing I’m going to repeat to the minister’s wife, but let’s just say that Josh has a big mouth. I don’t think there’s anything to it, but I just wanted to warn you to keep Thea away from him. I don’t want her to get hurt.”

“Thanks, Jimmy. I appreciate that. You’re a good friend.”

“Oh…well…” He ducked his head, not sure what to say to that.

“You’d better get backstage. I’m calling the act in five minutes.”

“Okay,” he said. “Kendra? Please don’t tell Thea I said anything to you. She’d be really mad if she knew I had. Promise?”

“I promise,” she assured him. “It’ll be our secret.”

Kendra was exhausted. Her back hurt, her feet hurt, even her hands hurt. Her fingers were swollen like pink and white sausages. The last three weeks had stretched her to the limit, but she was pleased that the pageant had come together so well.

The kids always worked incredibly hard on the show but it seemed to Kendra that this year, they had taken it up a notch. Tomorrow was the big day and they were as ready as they’d ever be. Which was a good thing. The way she was feeling, Kendra knew she’d have to use every ounce of her remaining energy to get through the next twenty-four hours. After that she planned on sleeping for about fifteen hours straight, waking up just in time to open presents and then head over to the Sugarmans for Christmas dinner.

Turning out of the church parking lot after rehearsal, Kendra tried to stifle a yawn. “Long day,” she said to Thea who was staring out the passenger side window into the dark and snowy night. “But, I think we’re ready. Don’t you?”

Thea shrugged noncommittally. “Guess so. It was okay.”

Kendra smiled to herself. Thea hadn’t exactly thrown open the floodgates of communication, but it had been a week since Thea had spoken five words to her all at one time. It was a start.

“Well, I thought you did a good job tonight,” Kendra said and meant it. Angry as Thea had been over the last weeks, she hadn’t let it stand in the way of giving the best performance she could. Thea took the pageant very seriously. She truly wanted the people in the audience to rejoice in the miracle of Christmas.

“Thanks.”

Kendra drove in silence for a moment, not wanting to push Thea. “Isn’t that Jimmy Lee just the nicest guy?”

“Jimmy? Sure. He’s nice.”

“I think he likes you.”

Thea puffed dismissively. “Jimmy’s a kid.”

“He’s a sophomore. A year older than you.”

Thea was quiet, letting the subject drop before switching to another.

“Kendra? I…I know I’ve been a big pain lately.” Kendra couldn’t disagree with this so she didn’t say anything. “I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you. I’ve just been really confused, you know? I’m not saying that I think you and Dad were right to say I couldn’t see Josh anymore.”

“Okay. Fair enough.”

“But I shouldn’t have been so awful to you. That wasn’t fair. I know you and Dad always want what’s best for me. Even when you’re wrong.”

“We love you, Thea. You know that.”

“I know. I mean, you must love me to have put up with all my garbage the last few weeks, right?” Thea turned to Kendra and, for the first time in weeks, she smiled. “I think that maybe, with the new baby coming, I was worried that you and Dad wouldn’t care about me anymore…”

“Oh, Thea…Thea, sweetheart.” Kendra reached across the seat and grabbed her daughter’s gloved hand in her own. “That’s not going to happen. You are so special to us. Do you know something? When I first got pregnant, I was worried because I couldn’t imagine that I would ever be able to love the new baby the way I do you.”

“Really?”

“Really. But in the last few months I’ve realized that parents have magical hearts with an infinite capacity for love. I haven’t ever seen the baby, don’t even know if it’s a boy or girl…”

“I hope it’s a girl,” Thea interrupted.

“But whatever it is, I already love this baby with my whole heart. Just exactly the way I love you and always will. Maybe that’s why God created parenthood, so regular people could understand how God loves all of us with His whole heart, no matter what. I can’t say that I’ve loved the way you’ve treated me the last few weeks, but I’ve never stopped loving you.”

“I’m sorry, Kendra.”

“I know you are. I forgive you. Don’t worry about it anymore.”

“Well, I just wanted you to know. I really do love you, but…I love my mom too. And I’ve been thinking that maybe, for a while, I might want to live with her.”

Kendra clutched the steering wheel more tightly and fought to keep her face blank.

“Not forever!” Thea rushed to assure her. “And not because Dad won’t let me see Josh anymore. I’m still mad about that, but I’m not using Mom as a way of punishing you and Dad. I just…I want to know her better. And I want her to know me. You know? She’s my mom.”

Kendra nodded slowly. She did know. She thought she did. Kendra loved her baby sight unseen. In spite of all she had done and not done over the years, Thea loved her mother and wanted to be loved in return. Kendra understood that. There are no perfect mothers just as there are no perfect children, but the bonds between them are powerful.

Kendra turned to look at the girl’s hopeful, innocent face and the love that coursed through her could not have been stronger had Thea been a child of her own body.

“You want me to talk to Dad?”

Thea bit her lip. “Would you? I don’t want to hurt his feelings, I just…”

“I know,” said Kendra.