Snowbound (10 page)

“Oh.” There was a burning sensation in her
lungs when she drew in a deep breath. “So you don’t like kids?”
She’d not given it much thought, until yesterday when she’d
realized she might have to in the near future, but Beth had always
assumed she’d have children someday—children she wanted and loved,
and who received all the attention they needed to thrive.

He shrugged. “They’re all right, I suppose,
but that don’t make me want none. I like my life the way it is. You
can’t raise a family out here. I ain’t in the market for kids…or a
wife.” There was a heavy note of warning in his tone.

Beth managed to swallow the lump in her
throat, coaxing forth the cheerful mask that always saved her from
revealing how deeply her father’s casual rejections hurt. “Good
thing little Aika came along then. She can keep you company.”

His shoulders relaxed a bit, and he looked
down at the sleeping fox. “Aika, huh? That’s a weird name.”

“I noticed last night that her eyes are about
the same shade as a character on a show I’ve seen. At the time, I
thought she was a he, so Aika was out.”

Reed shrugged. “Don’t matter to me what you
call her.”

She smirked as he stroked the fox’s head.
“Yeah, I can see you’re unmoved.” Somehow, she settled into easy
chatter and companionable care of the little fox, glad he didn’t
realize her mask wasn’t that firmly in place. What she wanted to do
was curl up in a quiet, dark place until she could process that
there was no future with Reed, but that was impractical. Instead,
she forced herself to continue on throughout the day, taking turns
napping and feeding Aika.

At the end of the day, Reed took her hand.
“C’mon. We’ll set the alarm and feed her when it’s time. We all
need some rest.”

She followed him into his room, though she
searched her mind for a plausible reason not to join him. Right
now, she was too vulnerable to make love with him and not reveal
just how much she was hurting. It was her own fault for getting in
too fast and too deep, but she needed time to pull back before
sharing her body with him again.

Fortunately, Aika offered a perfect excuse.
She took the towel Reed offered and spread it between them, laying
the fox on the makeshift blanket before lying down beside her. Aika
scooted off the towel to curl up against her, resting her furry
little chin on Beth’s shoulder. It gave her a perfect excuse to
demur if he seemed inclined, but Reed just stretched out beside
her, his hand near her and the fox, and was soon asleep.

She closed her eyes, trying desperately to
regroup and force away the unwanted feelings she had for Reed.
Experience had taught her that it was impossible to make someone
care for you if they didn’t. Her dad was a perfect example. He
loved her and Megan in a halfhearted way, as long as they didn’t
ask much from him. Beth supposed Blair loved them as much as he
could, since he didn’t want to put forth the effort to be a real
father.

She had long ago decided she wouldn’t settle
for that kind of life partner, and she was determined her children
wouldn’t know the pain of a careless, self-involved father. While
Reed had a sweet side, he didn’t want kids, and she wouldn’t force
him to be a father. She hoped with all her might that there was no
baby from her careless miscalculations, and that she could walk
away from Reed without too many regrets, while retaining the larger
pieces of her shattered heart.

The whimpering kit woke Reed a couple of
hours later. He lifted her and cleaned her up before changing the
towel. He took her for a quick trip outside, where she whined
pitifully as she stood staring at him, clearly not understanding he
wanted her to pee. Her sounds of distress spurred him to pick her
up, and they came back inside. He warmed some of the canned milk
and brought the mug and eyedropper back to the bedroom.

Aika cuddled close to him and sucked the
eyedropper like a champ. It was too early to know for sure, but
he’d say she had a good chance of making it. “You’re a survivor,
ain’t ya’?” He rubbed her soft tummy that was rounding out under
his hand as she drank the milk.

In one of those strange mind-jumping moments,
he could suddenly see and feel his hand over a rounded human belly,
belonging to Beth. The idea of her swollen with his child made him
hard in an instant. It was an unashamedly male response to the idea
of marking her as his woman. What better proof was there that a
woman was yours than your baby in her distended abdomen?

Just as quickly, the thought soured, and he
shook his head, shoving it away. He hadn’t been completely honest
with Beth earlier in the day. He did like kids, and maybe he might
have considered having them in the past, but they didn’t fit in
with his plans anymore. He knew some families made this life work
for their kids, but it must take love and dedication. Both parents
had to want to make a life here, and he just couldn’t picture Beth
living in his remote cabin. Once the charm of playing house—and
bedmate—wore off, she’d be chafing to get back to her coffee and
Thai food life in New York City. Since she was the only woman he’d
even briefly imagined as the mother of his child, and she wouldn’t
fit in with his life here, he didn’t see children in his
future.

Aika cuddled closer to him, licking his chest
and making him giggle. He was embarrassed by the sound and thankful
that Beth was still asleep when he stole a peek. Reed frowned at
the troubled expression on her face. Leaning closer, he swore there
were tear tracks on her cheeks. How many nights did the girl cry in
her sleep, since she didn’t allow herself to cry during the
day?

Was he the cause of those tears? The thought
punched him in the gut. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt
her, or make her cry. He should have followed his instincts and
stayed away from her. He already knew he was going to be feeling
the pain for a long time after she flitted out of his life, but
he’d hoped to spare her any hurt from their parting.

He frowned, doubting he was the cause of her
tears. She couldn’t have fallen for an ex-soldier with only a
G.E.D. and no more than a few hundred dollars in his savings
account at any given time, especially in just a few days. Even
virgins needed more than sex to get all emotional, and he certainly
hadn’t given her much of anything to work with. After so many years
being closed off, he wouldn’t know how to open if he tried, and
trying with her would be bad. She’d never be happy here, and the
idea of returning to the city drenched him in a cold sweat. There
was no future with Beth, beyond the few days they had in front of
them.

Though he knew it would only lead to more
suffering in the long run, he found himself hoping the bad weather
continued for a while longer, allowing him a precious few extra
days with her. Then she could go back to her real life, hopefully
remembering him fondly, though probably with a hint of puzzlement
as she got older, wondering what she’d ever seen in a former
Georgia boy who couldn’t shed his accent even in the wilds of
Alaska. For him, she’d be an anomaly in his life. He was a man who
preferred solitude, so he certainly wouldn’t feel alone or lonely
when she’d gone. Just regretful that there hadn’t been a way to
make it last a bit longer.

Chapter Seven

“Do you think they’ll actually make it
through tomorrow?” asked Beth. “The weather is so capricious. We
have a clear day, and then three bad ones.” It had gone on like
that for the past couple of weeks. Every time the sky seemed clear
enough for the plane to fly, bad weather would pummel them again.
She hadn’t minded spending two weeks alone with Reed. In fact, she
could get used to it on a more permanent basis—if he wanted
that.

He nodded, taking a moment to firmly
reprimand Aika for biting, though the stroke of his fingers across
her muzzle softened the rebuke. “Yeah, I expect so. We’ve had clear
weather for three days, and my pal Mike says Endline’s been sunny
for the past couple. The runway is shoveled on their end and ours,
so they shouldn’t have no trouble making it through tomorrow.”

She sighed, her heart feeling heavy.

“You okay?”

Beth nodded. “Yeah, just thinking about
things.”

“What things?”

Oh, like the fact that I usually have
cramps by now, and I haven’t had a one all day. That if I don’t
start my period by tomorrow morning, I’m pretty positive we fucked
up big time, since I’ve never been late.
“Mainly, how things’ll
be when my dad gets here.”
And wondering how to tell you that I
made an honest mistake and try to convince you it wasn’t some
spoiled rich girl game to get what I wanted.

He nodded, seemingly engrossed by Aika’s
never-ending cuteness.

“My dad’s going to expect the guestroom.”

He sniffed. “Well, there’s six bunks.”

“I know, but he’ll barely survive a double
bed in a private room. Asking him to share with the masses is
beyond the pale.” She rolled her eyes to indicate she was being
sarcastic, in case he misinterpreted her cutting humor as
sincerity.

“Guess he’ll have to deal with it.”

Taking a deep breath, she said, “I thought
maybe I could share with you while they’re shooting the
documentary?” Before he could reply, she pressed on with what she’d
mentally rehearsed. “I mean, I practically sleep in there every
night anyway. It’d just be a matter of moving my things to your
room.” Without anything left to say, she fell silent, holding her
breath.

Reed wore a fierce frown when he looked up.
“Why?”

Opting for obtuseness, she said, “Well, my
dad travels with enough luggage to mortify a diva, so he won’t have
room for my things in there too.”

He scowled. “I mean, why do you wanna flaunt
our fling? You want to punish your daddy for neglecting you by
showin’ him how low you can sink for attention?”

Beth flinched. “What? Of course not.” How the
word fling cut into her. “I’m not flaunting anything. I doubt he’d
give a second thought to where I sleep or what I’m doing with my
time.”

Reed sneered. “Unless you give him a reason
to pay attention. ‘Look at the old man I’m fuckin’, Daddy. See what
I’m doin’.’”

She blinked back tears. “Why are you being so
mean?”

“’Cause I don’t wanna be part of your pageant
of shame, Beth.”

Her mouth tightened. “I’m not ashamed of
sleeping with you. Are you embarrassed to be banging a rich girl?
Do you think someone will believe I bought you? Afraid Daddy will
cancel his trip and cost you some money?” She glared. “Don’t worry.
Even if he cared, he’d never cancel his reservation, because that
would stop him from making the documentary he’s creating. He has
his priorities, you know,” she added with mocking.

“I don’t give a damn about money.”

“You’re full of shit.”

He glowered at her. “I ain’t full of nothin’.
You’re the one full of it, girl. You don’t think your parents’d
mind if they found out you was fuckin’ a dirty redneck? I come from
nothin’, with a whore addict for a mother and an abusive alcoholic
for a father. I ain’t seen my sister since I was five, when our
worthless mother OD’d. My father wasn’t hers, so he sent her to
foster care and then spent the next eleven years using me as his
personal punchin’ bag ‘til I ran away. You ready to proclaim how
proud you are of our fuckin’ now, girl?”

“That was them, not you,” she said quietly,
trying to keep her tears in check. He wouldn’t appreciate the show
of sympathy and would probably mistake it for pity.

“Oh, well, let’s get into me, should we? I
dropped outta high school at sixteen and started stealin’. Did real
good on my chosen career path ‘til I got caught. It was either join
the Army or go to jail, and I had ta’ get my G.E.D. before I could
enlist.”

She shrugged, refusing to be shocked. “What
difference does it make now? You’re a success.”

He snorted. “A success by your people’s
standards? I don’t think so.”

“I don’t care about any of that—”

“Not now, but when the illicit thrill of you
fuckin’ the equivalent of the chauffeur wears off, you’d be
humiliated. Let’s be honest. There ain’t nothin’ for us, so there’s
no reason to parade our mistake in front of your dad, except to
piss him off.”

Heat scalded her insides, burning her lungs
and down into her stomach. The sour taste of bile hovered at the
back of her throat, and she suppressed it with effort. It was all a
mistake to him. She’d tried to prepare herself for that attitude,
having realized the day they’d discussed family that he wanted
nothing from her except her body. Fool that she was, she thought
she’d managed to keep her heart mostly protected and only let
herself love him a little. Her stupidity really knew no bounds. Or
was it her self-delusion?

Pulling back her shoulders, she did her best
to transmit the genuineness of her words, wanting to leave him with
the truth. “I would never be ashamed to have you by my side, Reed.
Your own insecurities are speaking, not me.” He scoffed, but she
didn’t allow him a rebuttal. “I know there is no hope for us,
because that was the only option you offered from the first night I
came to your bed.” She managed a small smile. “Or you came to mine,
I guess. You don’t want a future with me, and I’m not going to
stand here and try to force you to accept anything you don’t want.
I’ve spent enough time trying to make someone love me the way I
need when they’re never going to.”

With as much dignity as she could muster, she
got up off the floor in front of the fire, leaving him with the kit
on his lap. “The solution to sleeping arrangements is obvious. I’m
going home tomorrow when the plane lands.”

“That’s for the best,” he snarled.

Tears clouded her eyes, but not for the
reason he might have assumed. Huddled there on the floor, with only
the orphaned fox for any kind of companionship, he reminded her so
much of a wounded wild animal, wanting help but afraid to trust
anyone offering it, that she wanted to weep for him. He was lost
and alone, and though it was by his own choices, she couldn’t help
feeling sorry for him.