So. Long.: Bad Boy Next Door (8 page)

“They’re okay, I guess. I just don’t want any.” He flips his
full spoon upside down and drags the lemon concoction off onto his tongue.

Oh, that tongue and the things it can do. It brought such
pleasure.

And it’s done the same for so many others. And
will
do for countless more, I’m sure.

Gotta keep that in mind. I need a one-woman guy, not a
womanizer.

Mine
is
just another pussy—
conveniently
located right next door.

Something brushes against me. He’s running the backs of his
fingers across my forearm.

I jerk away from his touch. “What?”

“I said,
do you like rug rats
?”

I fake a smile. “Yeah. I like kids. Good thing, too, since
I’ve got one.”

I take a bite of my sandwich and chew slowly, waiting for
him to react.

His eyes widen, but he recovers quickly. “I didn’t know. I
haven’t seen one around. You keep it chained in the basement?”

“Ha. Ha. You’re fucking hilarious. She’s at her dad’s
parents’ house for the month. They took her during his scheduled summer
visitation.”

Make room folks, he’s probably going to bolt.

Adam grins and pulls me to him. “Well, I guess we should
make good use of your time off from mommyhood. Want me to try to help you to
get your words back one more time?”

I push his arms away and step backward. “That’s not
happening again.”

Adam tugs at his earlobe, his expression perplexed. “But—I—I
thought we—you know—hit it off.”

I shrug. “No. You refused to actually
hit it
, but you
still got what you wanted.”

“What’s
that
supposed to mean?”

“It means you’re
exactly
like every other man I’ve
had the displeasure of dealing with.”

His lips press into a slash buried in fur.

He points to himself. “Me? A
dis
pleasure?”

I cross my arms, lifting one brow.

His voice rises. “Oh no, don’t even—you were
definitely
pleasured—several times. In fact, you came so fucking hard you almost drowned
me in cream.”

Heat radiates up my neck and over my face, settling in my
ears as I sputter, trying to make the words conform to my will. “Y—you—you used
me and then bragged—”

“
What
?” He holds up his hands and he yells, “
I
used
you
?”

“Like I said, just like all men. Untrustworthy. Braggarts.
Cads.”

“All men? I am not like all men. There are very few men like
me, I’ll have you know.”

I roll my eyes. “Puh-
lease
. That’s what you all want
to think. Trust me, it ain’t true. All men are the same. Their game might be
slightly different, but you
all
play them.”

“
Games
? What games?”

Cheat. Lie. Use. Deny responsibility. “Look, it’s fine. I
get it. I’m just another notch—”

“Whoa. Hold up there. I didn’t
use
you. You’re the
one who was looking to wind up your muse. If anyone got used it was
me
.”
He frowns, looking away and lifting his chin like he’s been deeply offended.

I poke my tongue into my cheek, studying him through
narrowed eyes.

He stabs his little plastic spoon into his lemon chill hard
enough that the handle breaks off in his hand

Fuck. I hate it when this happens. I have to admit—he has a
point.

I plaster on my politest smile. “You know, you’re absolutely
partially
right. We used
each other
. It was a mutual-use
situation.”

Adam draws back, as though he’s shocked that I agree with
him.

I give a single nod. “No, really. You’ve given me a
revelation. It’s true. We used each other.”

“Damn straight we did. We both got something we wanted.” He
says with a smug, vindicated smile. “You got licked, and I got to taste that
sugar glider.”

I clench my teeth tight and suck in a deep breath through my
nose. “Whatever. Either way, I now realize I’m not okay with that.”

“Okay with
what
? Being licked? Getting off?”

“I’m not okay with being a convenient piece of ass until you
find a new one. I’m not really okay with being one in a long line of girls you
plan to fuck until you find what you’re looking for. And I’m
really
not
okay with being with a guy who sees women as nothing more than a twat to be
fucked. Let’s forget it happened and part friends. Okay then? Good. Thanks.”

I turn toward my house, licking the dripping cream off the
side of my treat. It doesn’t taste even the slightest bit sweet now.

When I get to the door, Adam yells, “Well, it’s your lucky
day; I’m a helluva a friend to have.”

We’ll see about
that
.

My hand tightens on the doorknob. It takes everything I have
to
not
look over my shoulder as I let myself into the house.

I promptly wilt against the inside of the door.

Counting to ten, I take deep cleansing breaths.

Friend. He’s a good friend to have?

I just
bet
he is.

Damn him.

Heading back to my office, I shake off the remnants of my
frustration and upset.

It’s time to get to business.

I need to focus on what’s important—finding someone to share
my life with. Someone who will want to be with me and
only
me, someone
who likes kids. That person is definitely
not
Adam.

Adam is Mr. Wrong. There’s nothing about him that’s right,
except for his prowess between my thighs.

I go to my web browser and pull up the DATE.COM site.

It’ll be best to let someone else act as my muse.

All right, then. Who do we have for
Today’s Suggested
Dates
?

I navigate to my personal page. Three emails from three
different
Date Opportunities
wait for my response.

Question of the day is will any of them be worth a shit?

I come around the side of the house, dragging the dead tree
I cut down in the backyard.

My fucking cock springs to attention in a heartbeat.

Shit. That didn’t even take a dirty thought.

Kelsey locks her front door and turns. From her strappy red
heels to the white top that shows enough cleavage to tease without giving away
the entire show, she’s magnificent.

I toss the half-rotted tree onto the curb and raise my hand
in salute. “Hey, Beautiful Girl. You look amazing. Got a hot date or
something?”

She straightens her skirt as she looks down at herself.
“Yeah.”

Damn. Not what I thought she’d say.

Of course she has a date, dumbass. Look at her. Why wouldn’t
she?

I roll my shoulders and stand a bit straighter. “Well, good.
You should go out. Is this that dating site I overheard you talking about the
other day? I’ve been thinking of checking it out myself.”

Her mouth drops open for a moment, but she snaps it shut.
“DATE.COM. Yes. Leigh insisted I give it a try.”

I meet her at the front of her car.

“I hope you have fun.”

Or not.

She nods with a cautious smile. “Thanks. And I think it’d be
good for you to check out the site. You might meet some friends that way since
you’re new to the area and all.”

“Is that what you’re doing? Just meeting potential friends?”

She slides into her seat and pulls the belt around her.

Kelsey reaches for the door. “Friends. Whatevers. I really don’t
know. Just trying to do something different. Because what I’ve been doing hasn’t
gotten me anywhere.”

When she reaches for the door to close it, I stop it and
lean in close. “Well, if your
whatevers
don’t work for you, that offer
is still open.”

Her eyes search mine and she licks her lips. “Okay. Thanks.”

I lean in and lay my mouth on hers. She gasps, and I slip my
tongue along her bottom lip before pulling away.

“Oh, and I bought a box of condoms the other day.” I step
back and shut her door for her.

Her dazed expression gives me a kind of weird satisfaction.

Good, maybe she’ll think about
that
if the douche she
sees tonight tries to kiss her.

I wave as she backs out of her driveway.

She shoots me a perplexed look and lifts her fingers from
the steering wheel in acknowledgement.

Why the fuck do I care if she goes out with someone else?

I trudge to the backyard to get back to the task at hand.

Let her go out with all the guys on that stupid site. What
difference should it make to me?

Plus, she’s got a freaking kid. I don’t need to get tangled
up with a woman who has a kid.

The memory of Kelsey sliding her mouth over my cock hardens
my dick and hollows my chest.

She does have the softest mouth. And she didn’t mind that my
junk has been maimed and sewn back together.

Soaping her up in the shower was extra nice.

But it’s obvious she doesn’t want me, because if she did,
she wouldn’t be out with someone else.

Or maybe she would. Maybe she’s looking for more than just a
hump and cuddle.

Naw. I don’t need a woman with a kid. Too fucking complicated.

I sit on the bench at the entry of the Italian place. I
check the time on my phone again.

Maybe he’s going to stand me up. It’s been almost a half
hour since we were supposed to meet.

I stand and lay my light sweater over the crook of my arm.
As I sling the strap of my purse over my shoulder, the guy who’s been sitting
across from me almost as long as I’ve been here, staring at me unabashedly all
the while, stands as well.

He takes a step toward me, his hand out. “Hi. I’m Rodney.
I’ve been watching you. You’re Kelsey26, right?”

My stomach clenches.

I turn away, biting my fist until I can get a hold of
myself.

Oh, Lord. I’m so glad I drove myself. I’ve totally been—what
do they call it?
Catfished
.

The guy’s pictures showed a man with a head full of hair and
only one chin. This guy is the exact opposite. And he’s shorter than I am, by
more than a couple of inches.

I turn back to him and open my mouth only to close it,
unsure of how to even address the situation.

He blushes. “I’m sorry. I know I’m not what you expected. I
was hoping that after having emailed back and forth those times, you’d still
want to share a meal and get to know me better, even though I’m not exactly
what’s on my profile.”

I fidget from foot to foot, eyeing the exit.

Hell, I don’t even know how to be nice in this situation.

Screw it.

I face him full on and stare directly into his beady little
eyes. “You know, it’s bad enough that you flat out lied on your profile. But
the thing I really don’t understand is
why—why
would you have me sit here
and wait for you when you were right there for the last twenty minutes? I don’t
understand any of this.”

“I wanted to see if you’re a patient person. I was testing
you.” His expression says he thinks this is perfectly reasonable behavior.

I close my eyes and shake my head.

Just another lesson learned. That’s all. I’ve been done
worse, and by people I trusted.

I will the anger to leave me as I look Rodney in the eye. “I
would very much appreciate it if you wouldn’t come outside until I’ve had time
to get into my car and drive awa. And let me leave you with this little piece
of advice. This is not the way to attract the opposite sex. This is red flag
central, buddy.”

* * *

I stopped at the first fast food place I saw on the way home
from the disaster of an
almost
date.

I tried to call Leigh but had to leave a voicemail.

As I pull into my driveway, the phone goes off. I turn off
the engine and answer.

Before I can even say a word, Leigh launches. “What
happened? It seems pretty early for your date to be done. Tell me. Tell me.
Tell me.”

“I hate you. And I hate your big ideas to join a dating
site.”

From her gasp, I can just imagine her all wide-eyed with her
hand over her mouth.

I take a deep breath. “I don’t hate you. I love you. But I
do think I might hate online dating.”

“Oh, sweetie. What happened?”

I tell her about the date debacle and swear off online
dating for the foreseeable future.

“Aw. You can’t quit. You’ve had one date. Maybe the next guy
will be amazing.”

I grab the bag from the passenger seat and push my door
open. I turn to check the backseat, a habit I formed when Clarissa was a baby
to make sure I didn’t accidentally leave her in the car.

Something tugs on my bag of grub.

Spike
.

“No. Bad boy. Stop.” I drop my phone, but hang on to the
paper sack containing my favorite junk-out meal.

Spike’s nostrils flare, while the whites of his eyes show.
He pulls.

“Doesn’t—”

I slide from the car.

“…he—”

My ass hits the driveway.

“…ever—”

I hold on with both hands.

“…feed—”

My knees are almost at my ears as my red heels dig into the
grass at the edge of the concrete.

“…you?”

His teeth tear into the paper as he huffs out a breath
through his nose as I try to push his face away.

Slime from his jowls clings to my fingers.

Ew.

He twists his head, trying to wrest my food from me. I yank
once more.

The bag rips. In less than a second, the ass end of Adam’s
dog races away.

He looks over his shoulder, my dinner firmly clenched in his
jowls as he escapes with another one of my meals.

A limp, wet sliver of paper rests in my outstretched palm.

I screech and then clamp my jaw shut.

Leigh hollers from the other end of the line. “Are you okay?
Kelsey? Kelsey?”

I retrieve my phone from beneath the car. “I have to let you
go. I’m going to go throttle a dog after I rip my neighbor a new one for not
containing his animal.”

I hang up and slam the car’s door.

I bang on Adam’s front door. Arms crossed, I stand with my
tapping foot, waiting for him to answer.

When he comes to the door, he’s shirtless, wearing sweats
tied low on his hips, that V leading down into them.

“Kelsey? What’re you doing here? I thought you were on a
date.”

He smoothes his hand down his beard while he scratches his
ripped stomach. His loose pants aren’t loose enough to hide the erection that
pops up within seconds.

“Kelsey?”

My eyes snap back to his face.

Why am I here, staring at Mr. McHottie-Hard-Dick?

Oh yeah. My dinner.

“You. You and that damned
dog
.”

“Spike? What do we have to do with your date?”

I blow an errant strand of hair out of my eyes. “The date
was no dice, but that’s not important. What matters is that I had a bag of
food. Your thieving mutt mugged me.”

His eyebrows knit and his mouth drops open slightly.

“Look, I’ve had a horrible evening. All I wanted was to come
home and sulk in peace with the ultimate, fattening comfort food. Now I can’t
because your mutt has the manners of Attila the Hun.”

Adam looks behind him as though he expects to find Spike
sitting nicely, waiting to prove me wrong.

“He’s
not
inside. He’s down the street scarfing up my
double cheeseburger with extra bacon and my super cheesy fries. No thanks to
you
.”

His eyebrows climb. “
Me?
”

“He’s
your
dog, isn’t he? Thus, it’s your
responsibility to watch over him and keep him under control—which you pretty
much suck at, by the way.”

Adam gently pushes past me and comes out onto his porch.

He whistles. “C’mon, Spike. Here, boy.”

I prop my hands on my hips and count to five. “See? He
doesn’t listen to you.”

Adam does one of those impossible two-fingers-in-the-mouth
whistles. It echoes through the neighborhood. “Spike!”

The jingle of his dog tags precedes him. He trots around the
corner of the house. When he stops, he looks from Adam to me and back. His
floppy ears perk up.

Adam gestures to him as though he’s presenting me with a
gift. “See?”

“I have to admit, he
did
come running. And he’d be
absolutely majestic if it weren’t for the torn piece of paper hanging from the
corner of his mouth. That would be a remnant of
my dinner’s
bag.”

Spike sits on his haunches and cocks his head to the side,
as though he doesn’t have a clue what I might be talking about. He probably
doesn’t, but it’s obvious that he thinks he’s in some sort of hot water. His
big brown eyes implore leniency.

Adam, points to his front entry. “Get inside, you crazy
mutt. You aren’t helping me here.”

Spike tucks his bobbed tail and leaves as much room as
possible between him and me as he skirts the porch and darts inside.