Soldier on Her Doorstep (6 page)

And she wanted him to hang around, so the last thing she was going to do was push him away. He made her feel close to William, somehow. Comforted her.

 

Alex lay on the bed. It was almost too short for him, but if he kept his legs slightly bent he fit fine. Besides, it wasn't the bed that was stopping him from falling asleep.

It was Lisa.

Every time he closed his eyes he saw her. Sometimes Lilly was there as well. But he saw Lisa every time.

When they were open he saw her too.

It was a no-win situation.

Today had been tough. The hard labor had done him good, fired him up and taken the edge off his turbulent emotions. But being in such close proximity to a woman he found so darn attractive had put even more strain on him.

He was guilty. Guilty as a man who'd just committed a crime. Guilty as a bird who'd just stolen a piece of bread. And he hated it.

When he'd agreed to come here, to visit William's widow, he'd formed a picture in his mind of what it would be like. She would be plain, pleasant, standing in the doorway with a child beside her and one hand on an extended pregnant stomach. She would fall to her knees crying as he said the words he'd rehearsed. He'd pass her the things, put one hand on her shoulder as comfort, then turn and walk away.

Turning back had never been part of the plan. Neither had getting caught up in the emotion of her pain.

But then he'd also banked on the guilt falling away once he'd fulfilled his promise. Rather than wishing the woman before him was his own wife and that he'd just arrived back home. Or that he could just die, then and there, and give her her husband back.

He felt the excruciating guilt again now, like a knife through
his chest. Saw everything flash beneath his eyelids as if it was happening all over again.

He turned as William called his name. So fast, so quick. He looked up, tripped as William launched himself at him and threw him to the ground.

A round of bullets echoed just before they hit the ground, then more. Punching through the air. Then the wet, warm splatter of blood hit him in the face.

He opened his eyes and found William staring at him, gasping.

The sniper was gone. Silence thrummed through the air like it was alive.

He moved William off him, gently. Placed him on the ground, on his back, propping his head up and listening hard to his rasping words. William ordered him to take the photo in his pocket, scrawled the name and address of his wife, then whispered words for her. He told him where to find the letters he had waiting for her at camp. To give them to her. To find her. Then he took his last breath.

Alex sat up, exhausted from his own thoughts. He dropped his head into his hands. How had this situation become so complicated? He could get up right now. Get up and leave. Start driving and never look back. But could he? Really? Could he just turn his back on Lisa and Lilly now?

He knew the answer to that. He'd only known them such a short time, and yet he felt something between them. He and Lilly understood one another, even though they didn't talk. He didn't get what to do around kids a lot of the time, but he knew about loss, about heartache. Especially about losing a parent. Or in his case both.

A shudder ran down his back—the same shudder that always came when he thought about his parents. About the other time he'd been splattered with blood that wasn't his own.

It was as if he'd cheated death twice. As if the grim reaper had come for him and somehow he'd managed to avoid him.
Twice. His parents had been taken, his friend had been taken, and yet he was still standing. Why?

The image in his mind turned back to Lisa, and the feeling of sadness that had just ruptured inside him was replaced by harrowing guilt once again.

If he'd ever fantasized about the kind of woman he could settle down with, he knew the picture would have looked a lot like her. Beautiful, so beautiful, and yet so much more. She had a way about her—a way of looking at a person or situation with complete understanding. He'd been so impressed with how she'd handled Lilly's fall today. Careful, methodical in checking her, yet not allowing the child to make a fuss.

And she was dealing with her daughter's inability to communicate with others well too. She must feel worried, but she stayed calm. Treated Lilly as if nothing had changed.

Alex knew first-hand what being in Lilly's shoes was like, and he wished he had the courage to tell Lisa how well she was doing. That she was doing the right thing.

Lisa.
Her name consumed his mind.

He was attracted to her. More than attracted to her, he realized. But he wouldn't act on it.

Couldn't.

If it wasn't for him her husband would be coming home after his term serving overseas. If it wasn't for him her daughter wouldn't be traumatized. Grieving.

But he wasn't going to run out on them.

He lay back down and squeezed his eyes shut.

If he wasn't entertaining such intimate thoughts about another man's wife, maybe sleep would have found him by now.

L
ISA
resisted the urge to swipe her finger through the lemon icing as she arranged the cakes on a tray. It was stupid, but she was nervous.

Before she ever sent a book away to her editor she always hosted an afternoon get-together, so it wasn't like she had first-time jitters. Besides, they were her friends coming over—not a bunch of strangers. But there was something about living in a small town that jangled your nerves when it came to gossip.

When you knew it was you who was about to become the center of it.

She shrugged off the worry and rolled her shoulders. The knot at the base of her neck didn't disappear, but she felt a touch more relaxed.

Her kitchen looked ready for some sort of fairy birthday party. Pink macaroons, swirls of lemon zest atop white icing, and just about everything chocolate a girl could want. She hoped it was enough to distract her sister from the man living in her cabin.

She reached for a mini-cake and took a huge bite. The sugar rush made her feel mildly better, but she still felt as if she was doing something illicit.

A tap at the door made Lisa swallow fast, lick the icing from her teeth and throw the rest of the cake in the trash. She heard footsteps echo down the hall.

It was her sister. The other girls would wait to be let in.

“Hi!”

Yes, definitely Anna.

I am a grown woman, she chanted silently. I have nothing to be ashamed of. I still love my husband. Alex is only staying because he has nowhere else to go. Because he can help me out.

“There you are.” Anna passed her a bunch of flowers and kissed her cheek.

“You're early,” Lisa said.

“Hardly.” Anna ran her eyes over the food. “Looks delicious.”

Lisa walked the flowers into the kitchen and dropped them on the counter. She reached for a vase and filled it with water.

“So, little sis, what's been happening?”

“Nothing.” Lisa took a breath and turned the water off. “I mean…you know—just working on recipes, baking up a storm, that kind of thing.”

“Huh.”

She didn't like that noise. It was the noise Anna always made when she knew something was up. When she didn't believe her but was happy to let it lie. Temporarily.

Lisa glanced at the cabin and prayed that Alex wouldn't emerge. Or be anywhere within sight of the kitchen or lounge for the next hour.

“Lisa, I…”

A rumble of heels on timber followed by a knock saved her.

“Anna, be a gem and get the door, would you?”

Her sister paused, gave her a look, and walked out.

Lisa leaned against the counter and tried to calm down. This was awful. She'd never been good at secrets—especially not ones like this.

She forced herself to fiddle with the flowers, set the vase on the center island and took a final look at the goodies.

This was going to be a long, long afternoon.

 

“Lisa, this is amazing!”

“Mmm.”

She grinned as her friends licked at their lips and reached for more.

“You know you
are
allowed to say when you don't like something,” she said.

“Honey, you're the best. You know you are, or people would stop buying your books,” Anna defended her loyally.

She leaned into her sister and laughed. “You're family—you have to say that.”

Lisa looked up as she heard a noise. Please, don't let it be Alex. Surely he wouldn't have just changed his mind and walked in? She'd told him the girls were coming over, and his joining them had seemed to be less likely than him pouring out his heart to her.

“Mom!” She jumped to her feet. What was her mother doing here?

“Hello, darling.”

Lisa looked at Anna. Her sister just shrugged.

“I thought you had a meeting today?” Lisa said.

“Turns out I managed to sneak away,” her mother replied with a smile.

She smelled a rat. They had a group attack planned. She could feel it.

“Where's my granddaughter?”

Lisa watched as her mother folded her sweater over a chair and placed her handbag on top of it. “Yes, where
is
Lilly?” Now Anna was looking around.

“She's just out playing with Boston. Looking for bugs, climbing trees.” Lisa took a deep lungful of air and determined to slow her voice.

Nothing got past those two, though. While her friends kept nattering and sipping coffee, her mother and sister were watching her as if she was up to something.

“Oh—my—word.”

Lisa's head swiveled to lock eyes on her friend Sandra. A crawl of dread trickled sideways through her stomach.

“Who is
that
?”

Lisa squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then looked out the window. Every woman in the room had her eyes trained on the exact same spot.

At least he had his shirt on. The other day, when she'd caught a glimpse of his bare chest, she'd realized the sight was enough to send any woman crazy.

Alex was standing next to Lilly. The pair of them were side by side as he demonstrated how to throw the fishing line into the water. Lilly had her tongue caught between her teeth, was trying hard to mimic him, but the rod was almost as big as she was.

Lisa saw him as her friends would. Big, strong man, with shoulders almost as wide as Lilly was long. Muscled forearms tensing as he cast the line back and forward.

He bent over to correct Lilly's grip and almost ended up wearing a piece of bait in his eye. She started laughing. It took a moment, but Alex started too. They both stood there, this giant and his fairy, giggling.

Lisa had never seen anything like it.

Had Lilly even laughed like that once since she'd been silent? It looked so natural. Seeing Lilly respond like that to Alex was special. Very special.

“Huh-hmm.”

Lisa realized where she was again.

“Yes, Lisa. Who
is
that man cavorting with your daughter?” her sister asked pointedly.

She decided not to turn to face Anna. “I wouldn't say he was
cavorting
, exactly.”

She grimaced and waited for it. Sandra spoke before her sister had a chance to reply.

“I don't care what he's doing, but I wish he was doing something to me!”

That set the whole room off laughing.

“Enough, ladies, enough.” Lisa pulled herself away from the window and faced the room. “He's just an old friend of William's come to visit. The last thing he needs is us ogling him. Besides, you're all married.”

The women kept their eyes on the view.

“I'll get some more coffee,” she muttered.

“And I'll help,” snapped Anna.

Her sister grabbed her elbow and marched her to the kitchen.

She guessed that talking about the handsome man outside the window was non-negotiable.

Lisa chanced a glance at her sister's face.

Definitely non-negotiable.

But she didn't have to tell them that he was living in the cabin.

No way.

 

Lisa felt as if she'd been a very naughty girl. Hell, she was thirty years old, not thirteen, and yet somehow she was still cast as the little sister. Was that something she was stuck with for life?

“Start talking,” Anna ordered.

She straightened her shoulders, evaded her sister's stare and filled the jug with water. “There's nothing to tell. I don't know why you're making such a fuss.”

“Such a fuss!” Anna threw her hands in the air. “Lisa, you've been avoiding me for days, then I find out you've got a man here. Are you seeing him?”

She glared. “Don't you
dare
ask me that!” Lisa growled the words at her. How could Anna accuse her of seeing another man? Every beat of her heart reminded her she still loved William. She might be attracted to Alex, but she was not doing anything inappropriate.

Anna just shrugged.

Her mother walked in. “I've heard enough, girls.”

They both kept their mouths shut. They knew better than to argue with her when she spoke in that tone of voice.

“Let Lisa explain.”

Huh. So she wasn't exactly off the hook.

Lisa pulled out a seat at the counter and sat down. Her neck was aching, shoulders tense, and she was exhausted. Like she'd run a marathon twice over. “His name is Alex. He served with William and he needed a place to stay.”

“Stay!” Her sister nearly exploded.

A sharp look from their mother silenced her.

“Yes, stay,” Lisa repeated. “And don't go jumping to any conclusions.”

Anna kept her mouth shut for once.

“It's nice he felt he could come here,” their mother remarked calmly.

Lisa smiled at her mother. “He's got some…well, some traumas to work through, and it just seemed like the right thing to do.”

Anna still didn't look impressed, but Lisa ignored her.

“I see Lilly's taken a shine to him?”

Lisa's face was hot and flushed. The last thing she wanted was for her mother to be hurt. Seeing her granddaughter laughing with a stranger, even if she wasn't saying any actual words to him, was tough. She saw plenty of her grandmother, had done all her life, but she'd been closed off to everyone but Lisa herself up until now.

Except for this stranger. Except for Alex.

“Come on—let's get the coffee out to everyone. They're probably still drooling out the window,” Lisa said.

“You still should have told us.”

They both turned to look at Anna.

“I mean, how long have you even
known
this guy?”

Lisa put a hand on her mother's arm and gave her sister a narrow smile. “He's not a psychopath, if that's what you're worried about.” She put on her bravest face. “And I wasn't trying to hide him. I wouldn't have had you here today if I was worried about you seeing him.”

“We might need iced drinks!” A shout from the living room made them all turn. “It's getting hot in here!”

Lisa prayed that Alex hadn't taken off his shirt. Heavens, she'd have the girls here all evening if he had!

 

Lisa shut the door with a satisfied bang and leaned against it. The timber felt cool against her back. She'd been naïve to think her friends seeing Alex would go down without some interest, but she had been surprised by her sister's reaction.

The fact that her sister was still in her kitchen wasn't helping either.

Her mother she wasn't so worried about. But Anna?

She had as good as idolized William. The two of them had always gotten on well, right from the beginning when Lisa and he had first started dating. Once they were both married they had double-dated, hung out together whenever William was home on leave.

Anna and her husband were Lilly's godparents. They were all best friends. But it didn't mean Anna had a right to judge her.

She was judging herself enough, without needing to worry about others doing it too. Every time she felt her eyes drawn to Alex. Every time she felt a dusting of attraction. It made her feel guilty. Unfaithful.

Where William had been chatty and bright, like an energetic ball of sunshine, Alex was brooding. Lost in thought. Closed.

But she couldn't help the way she felt. The way she wanted to help him. Nurture him. Be the one to bring him slowly from his shell. It didn't mean she wanted to move on. At least she didn't think so. Confusion danced a pattern through her mind.

“Almost done, dear.”

She smiled as her mother crossed the hall. “Thanks.”

“Are you feeling okay?”

Lisa nodded. Her mother walked a few steps closer. “You should have told us, Lisa, just for your own safety. But this is
your home, and it's your life. William's been gone now for months.”

“I'm not
seeing
Alex, Mom.” She felt like she was going to cry. Felt unfaithful to her darling husband just having to defend herself.

“Maybe not. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't if you want to.”

Lisa swallowed away her emotion and linked arms with her mother. She dropped her head on her shoulder as they walked. Why did it have to be so hard?

“Can you tell Anna that?”

“Does that mean you
are
dating him?” her mother asked.

She flicked her mother on the arm and they both laughed.

No, but it didn't mean she hadn't thought about it. No matter how much her stomach crawled with guilt and worry, she couldn't deny thinking about Alex like that.

“So, do we get to meet this man?” Anna asked waspishly.

Lisa tried her hardest not to roll her eyes. “His name is Alex.” She put up a hand before Anna had a chance to speak again. “And, yes, you can meet him right now.”

Her mother smiled. Encouragingly.

“I'm just going to pour them each a glass of homemade lemonade and…”

“I'll get some cake,” her mother finished.

Lisa filled the tray.

“Come on, then,” she said, beckoning with her head. “And go easy on him.”

It wasn't that she was worried about how he'd react to them. She'd told him plenty about her family. But he didn't like being asked about his past. His family. Or about war zones. She had picked up on that pretty fast, and she had no intention of pushing him unless he was mentally ready for it.

“Do you think it's okay to leave Lilly with him?”

Lisa ignored Anna's question. Was it okay? The kid hadn't spoken or shown interest in anyone except her and Boston for months, and yet she had taken to this guy like a bear to honey.
And he was hardly likely to hurt her. The man was more frightened of Lilly than she could ever be of him!

Plus, Alex just gave off the right vibes. Sad? Yes. Emotional wreck? Check. But dangerous? Even if
she
had judged his character wrong William wouldn't have. Not after serving with him. If he trusted him enough to send him here, knowing that she'd be alone, then that was all that mattered.