Some Hearts (13 page)

“I love you too,” he said. “Thanks Caleb!”

Caleb nodded and looked surprised when Ty dove at him, hugging him around the waist. Caleb hugged him back, a somber look settling onto his face. “Good night, Ty.”

Once they were gone, Caleb turned to me. His lips were pursed, his expression stoic.

“Whatever you said to her, thanks for that,” I told him.

“I didn’t say much. I just reminded her that Evan wouldn’t approve of her drinking. I asked her if opening a bottle of wine was really how she wanted to honor his memory.”

“You were gone for a while,” I pointed out.

He nodded but didn’t elaborate.

I let it drop. I knew if he wanted me to know what had been said, he’d tell me. He set to work, cleaning up the living room,
popping the games back in their cases.

“Are you heading home now?” I asked.

“I was thinking about it,” he said. “But I don’t really feel like going home. I don’t know what I’m going to do. What about you? You heading to bed?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m feeling a little too wired to sleep. Maybe I’ll go for a walk.”

“It’s dark out,” he unnecessarily pointed out. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I need to walk off some of this energy.”

“I’ll come with you.”

I didn’t argue and for the longest time, we just walked in silence. No one else was out this late at night. There were almost no cars. Very few windows had lights glowing behind them. All of the houses in our neighborhood were nice, upscale. They looked so well cared for. I wondered how many of these people kept messy secrets behind there tightly closed doors.

“I can’t say I’ve ever gone for a walk before. It’s kind of nice,” Caleb said, finally breaking the silence. We’d almost made the entire loop that circled around our neighborhood.

“It helps me clear my head,” I admitted. “I like how quiet it is out here. On a night like tonight, it just helps me relax.”

“Can I ask you something?”

I nodded.

“Is it getting easier? Evan being gone, I mean? I remember after it happened, everyone kept saying ‘give it time’ and I thought they were full of BS. But now, I don’t know. I still miss the hell out of him but I’ve been thinking that maybe they were right.”

“Every once in a while I realize I don’t miss him quite as much as I did at first. Or that I don’t hurt quite as bad as I used to,” I admitted. “And then I feel guilty because I feel like it’s an insult to his memory not to miss him. You know?”

We turned into my driveway and I was tempted to ask if we could finish another loop. But I’d already been greedy enough with his time.

“Yeah, I do, actually. I feel the same way. I just keep reminding myself he wouldn’t want us to be miserable. You
know
he wouldn’t. If the roles were reversed, you’d want him to be able to move on, to stop hurting. Right?”

I didn’t even have to think about it. “Right. No one should have to hurt like this. Not ever.”

“I think maybe, you should take it one step further. I think he’d want you to try to get past this. I think he’d be proud of you. I think he’d be proud of how strong you are. So whenever you feel like it’s not okay to move on, think of that. Think of what Evan would want you to do.”

I shook my head. “I’m not strong at all.”

“Sure you are. Your mom, I mean no disrespect, but she’s the one that needs a crutch. She’s the one that’s not coping. You’re taking care of her, yourself, Tyler. Don’t ever think that you’re not strong. Even if you need help sometimes, don’t be afraid to ask. Sometimes, it takes more strength to find the courage to ask for help than it does to try to handle everything on your own.” He was quiet a moment but his eyes never left my face. “Are you hearing me? I mean really hearing me?”

I nodded. I was. “Thank you. I think you just said exactly the right thing.” My arms reflexively went around his neck. I knew he was hurting too. I wanted him to know that I was there for him, just like he was there for me.

He squeezed me into his arms and it was as if I could feel his pain. I stayed where I was a moment, not quite ready to pull away. Finally, I realized maybe the hug was becoming inappropriately long. I moved back, intending to put some distance between us.

I felt his nose slide across my chee
k. And then his lips were on mine.

I was so shocked I didn’t move.
The kiss only lasted seconds and then he hastily moved away. His arms dropped to his sides.

“Oh. Wow. I can’t believe I did that.”

I put my fingers to my lips. I wasn’t sure if I was trying to brush the kiss away, or seal it in.

“I’m really sorry, Emory,” he muttered. “Tonight, I’m just not thinking clearly.” He took a step away, moving to his truck. “I should get going. Can we
...uh…can we forget that happened?”

I nodded and pushed a reassuring smile onto my face. “Consider it forgotten.”

Consider it forgotten.

As if I could
forget.

I slept horribly that night.

Was it cheating if I hadn’t kissed him back?

Was it cheating if I hadn’t kissed him back…but part of me
wanted
to?

That realization slammed into me like a kick to the gut. I wasn’t supposed to feel that way about Caleb. I tried to tell myself I
didn’t
feel that way about him. I was angry with Noah but I
loved
him.

The way I felt about Caleb could be described as complicated at best. I adored him for the time he spent with Tyler. I appreciated him for all of the support he’d given me when it came to my mom. I needed him to feel just a little closer to Evan.
Caleb invoked a myriad of emotions within me. All of them positive.

But that didn’t mean that I felt anything romantic toward him. I was just confused.

A nagging little voice in my head told me I should tell Noah about it. I ignored it because a much louder internal voice was telling me I had better not. What good would it do? It would only upset him.

Caleb had apologized.

He’d admitted he hadn’t been thinking clearly.

He’d asked if we could pretend it never happened.

As I rolled out of bed, I decided that’s what I needed to do.

If it was forgotten, it couldn’t be mentioned.

I hurriedly got ready for school. As I stumbled down the stairs I cursed myself yet again for registering for an eight ’o clock class. Mom and Tyler were rushing out the door as I headed to the fridge.

“Oh, good,” Mom said. “You are up. I thought maybe you were going to skip class today.”

Was that a note of disapproval I heard in her tone? I didn’t know if I should be irritated by it or relieved that she noticed.

“Just running late,” I said.

She and Tyler
said their goodbyes and hurried out the door.

I spotted my phone on the kitchen counter. A quick glanced showed four missed calls and two voicemails from Noah.

As if my morning hadn’t already gotten off to a bad start, I found a bottle of wine in the recycling bin. It was one that hadn’t been there yesterday. I knew. I watched those things. So much for Caleb’s heart to heart with Mom. I had hoped his words would get through to her. It was obvious that they hadn’t.

The sight of
it made me want to cry.

Or trudge back up to my room, pull the blankets over my head, and pretend the rest of the world didn’t exist.

I know she hadn’t meant it as a suggestion, but the thought of skipping Understanding Literature was tempting.

I
seriously debated it. In fact, I debated so long that when I finally did try to sneak into Understanding Literature, I was five minutes late. Riley winced as I slid into my seat. I was glad she hadn’t waited for me because my arrival did not go unnoticed. I should’ve known from my classmates’ prior attempts that there was no such thing as sneaking into class where Dr. Clayton was concerned.

I received the expected tongue lashing but I didn’t have it in me to care.
I made the appropriate mumbled apology and plastered on a contrite face. On the inside, my mind was a million miles away.

I had listened to Noah’s voicemails as I drove into school. He had sounded concerned. He’d apologized profusely for not coming. I felt so conflicted. I understood why he hadn’t been able to make it. But that hadn
’t stopped me from wanting him here. I didn’t call him back because I was already in too much of a rush.

And maybe because I felt a bit guilty. Noah knew me well enough, I was afraid he’d hear the thread of guilt in my voice.

I couldn’t get Caleb’s kiss out of my mind for more than a few minutes at a time. It was like the time I’d accidentally stumbled across a video of a man being brutally attacked by a shark. I hadn’t meant to see it. I wanted to
un
see it. Yet the visual just played over and over in my head.

“Tough night?” Riley asked after class as we filed out into the hallway. She was looking at me sympathetically.

“Yes.” She had no idea.

She tossed her arm around my shoulders, pulling me in for a quick hug.
“I know I wasn’t there for you last night. But I’m all yours today. Well,” she clarified, “I’m all yours as soon as classes are over. We should go out for dessert.”

“Why dessert?”

She shrugged. “Why not? Okay, okay. I’ve been craving the French Silk pie at Clarice’s. I know how much you like the Key Lime. Meet me there around four? It’ll be my treat.”

“You don’t have to do that but yes, I’ll meet you there.”

“Good. Then after that, maybe we can rent a movie or something. Or you can just come hang out at the dorm? We’ll find something to do. You look like you could use a distraction.”

I nodded. “I won’t argue with that.”

***

When I’d walked into Clarice’s, Riley had beamed at me. She seemed far happier than she should’ve been over a piece of pie. I realized maybe she was just happy that I’d agreed to meet with her. That way, she knew I wasn’t home moping.

Or maybe it had nothing to do with me at all.

I watched as
she picked up her phone yet again. It wasn’t like her to constantly text while she was with someone. In fact, she’d told me before how rude she thought it was. The fact that she was texting now made me think it must be something important.

“You know,” I said, “if you have other things to do, go ahead. I’m fine.”

She glanced up from her phone and a guilty look crossed her face. “No,” she said as she finished tapping in her message. “I’m done now.” As if to prove her point, she placed her phone on the table very deliberately.

“Who are
you so busy texting?” Normally I wasn’t nosy enough to ask. I always figured if she wanted me to know, she’d tell me. “Is it a boy…?” I asked in a teasing tone. I wasn’t in a teasing kind of mood. But sometimes it helped to play the part.

She
shrugged. “It’s no one I want to talk about right now.”

Fair enough. I was willing to respect her privacy.

I watched as she cut off a tiny wedge of her pie. It was a gesture I was used to. Riley didn’t indulge often, but when she did, she made the most of it. She would savor every tiny bite, emphasis on tiny.

I took another bite of my own pie. Usually, it was divine. Today, it seemed to have no flavor at all.

Riley glanced up at me. She seemed to be debating something.

I raised my eyebrows as I slowly chewed, trying to indicate that she should just get on with whatever she had to say.

“So Mom told me there’s going to be a huge Martin family reunion this summer. Do you think there’s any chance your mom will go?” She bit her lip and looked hopefully at me.

“That’s the first I’ve heard of it. I have no idea.” Martin had been their maiden name. I wasn’t sure if Mom hadn’t told me because she wasn’t aware, or if she hadn’t told me because she had no intention of going.

“I heard they’re going all out. And I know a family reunion sounds kind of lame, but it might be fun. Even if your mom decides not to go, you and Tyler should definitely come,” she said.

I cringed. “I’m sure that would go over real well.”

She looked like she was ready to chastise me. Maybe tell me it didn’t matter what my mom thought about it. Just because she chose to alienate herself from her family, didn’t mean Tyler and I had to.

We’d had this discussion before.

Many times.

I was spared w
hen her phone vibrated against the table, she smiled sheepishly at me. She didn’t wait for me to tell her to go ahead. She just grabbed it. A smirk landed on her face. She shot off a quick response.

“We’re about done here, aren’t we?” she asked.
She scooped the last bite of pie into her mouth. For her, it was an enormous bite.

I nodded
as I watched her pie disappear. Apparently our conversation was over as well. I glanced at my plate. I was only half done but I couldn’t bring myself to eat any more of it anyway.

I was surprised she was willing to cut our visit short. I was also relieved because I’d figured it was only a matter of time before she tried to delve into my head. Her texting, no matter how irritating, had been to my advantage.

“Sure,” I said.

I wondered if I should’ve been offended when I noted how quickly she slid from the booth. It was as if she couldn’t get out of Clarice’s fast enough. I briefly wondered if she’d finally had enough of my sulking.

I wouldn’t blame her.

She reached the door first and held it open for me. I slipped through with her directly at my back.

“Isn’t it just a gorgeous day?” she asked.

Her smile was huge.

The texts had to be from a guy. I couldn’t imagine anything else that would put Riley in such a giddy mood.

“I guess,” I agreed. The
air was warm but it had been all week.

She nudged my shoulder.

“Do you know what you need?”

I obediently asked, “What?”

I shrieked when strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I was lifted off my feet. My heart slammed against my chest. It slammed so hard it took my breath away.

I heard Riley laugh even as I began to struggle against the arms holding me off the ground. My feet dangle
d inches from the sidewalk.

“Guess who,” a masculine voice said into my ear.

“Noah!”

I felt his laugh rumble through his chest. It vibrated against my back
as he settled me back onto my feet.

“Good answer,” he chuckled.

“
That’s
what you need!” Riley smugly replied.

I wiggled around in his arms, quickly snaking my arms around his neck so I could pull him in for a kiss.
His fingers dug into my hips, pulling me close, making me want far more of him than I should considering we were standing on a sidewalk on a busy street.

“And that,” Riley said, “is my cue to leave.”

I grudgingly ended the kiss so I could look at Riley. “You knew about this, didn’t you?”

She wiggled her phone at me. “Guilty as charged and proud of it.”

I wanted to surprise you,” Noah said. “But I wanted to make sure you weren’t busy when I got here. I didn’t want to waste time tracking you down, either. I didn’t want to waste a single minute once I got into town.”

“Thank you,” I said to Riley.

She nodded. “I’m out of here. You two kids have fun. It was nice seeing you Noah.” She waved and then darted off.

Noah took my hand in his. Now that I was paying attention, I saw his truck parked on the other side of the street.

I put my hand over my heart. It was still thundering in my chest. “You scared the hell out of me!”

“It was worth it, though, right?” he asked with a wink.

“Definitely. I just can’t believe you’re here!”

“I know I’m a day late,” he admitted. “But I don’t have class until ten tomorrow. I figure if I get up and leave around four thirty, I’ll make it in time.”

I tossed my arms around his neck. “I don’t care that you’re a day late. I’m just happy to see you.”

I loved this boy. I loved him so much.

“What classes are you missing?”

“
Sociology and a stats class. Amanda is in both of them. She said she’d take good notes and get me a copy of them. And text me the assignments,” he explained. “I left around noon.”

“You made good time,” I said.

“I had some incentive to get here as quick as I could. I wish I could stay longer than just the evening but I don’t dare cut any more classes.”

“No, I totally get it,” I assured him.

He led me to his truck, opening the door for me when we reached it. He pulled me in for another quick kiss. I was laughing by the time I got inside.

“Where are we off to Mr.
Callahan?”

He gave me a devilis
h smile. “My parents’ house. I told them I was coming home tonight to see you, since I couldn’t make it last night. They were very understanding. Mom assured me that she and Dad will be gone most of the evening. I think they’re taking Grandma out to dinner.”

“How’s Adelaide doing?” I asked.

He spared a glance at me as he pulled out onto the street. “Good. Great, actually. I just heard from my mom that some pretty little thing has been visiting Grandma quite often. Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it just didn’t come up.”

“Thanks for doing that. She really appreciates it. So do I,” Noah said.

“I actually really enjoy it too,” I admitted.

“They said we could join them for dinner if we want. But it’s totally up to you.”