Something Had to Give (26 page)

“I thought we were going to have another person riding home with us for Cheryl” Everyone snickered at this comment. I didn’t think it was funny at all, but I managed a fake smile.

“Who was that guy? I think I’ve seen him on campus before?” Angie chimed in.

“Yeah, he goes to the school. He’s just somebody that I used to know.” I wanted to just leave it at that. The details were none of their business. I was glad that they left it alone.

I barely slept that night due to a mixture of excitement and confusion. I also couldn’t help but feel some blame for Eric’s drinking. Maybe if I had stayed with him over the summer, he would not have felt alone and abandoned. There wasn’t really a way to know what sent him over the edge, but I believed that me leaving and our breakup probably played a role in it. I kept telling myself that I would drive myself crazy if I kept dwelling on it. I had to push it out of my mind and focus my energy on my visit with Jason. Daddy called right after my alarm went off the next morning. Neither he nor Mommy was exactly enthused about me flying to spend the break with Jason, but they didn’t try and stop me. The fact that Shanna would be close by helped to ease their fears. I talked with him briefly and as I got up to get ready, I told myself that I wasn’t going to think about Eric anymore. It was his decision to be done and I had every right to move on. I couldn’t hold myself accountable for his actions.

I had intentions of driving myself to the airport and leaving my car there, but Deanna had insisted that she would drive me so I wouldn’t have to pay daily to leave my car. By the time my alarm went off she was already up and had me at the airport with an hour to spare. My flight arrived in Tennessee late morning. I had slept so hard on the plane that I had to make a pit stop in the bathroom to brush my teeth and try to do something to make my mashed hair look presentable. The power nap had done me some good, but my eyes were still puffy and I hated that I had a tired look. Considering the limited time and resources I had, I pulled myself together pretty well. By the time I got my luggage and walked outside, Jason was there wearing the smile that gave me butterflies every time. He greeted me with a hug so tight that it reminded me of the hugs grandpa used to give me. The hug was exactly what I needed.

∞∞∞

Fall break was from Wednesday until Sunday. There never seemed to be enough hours in the day, but Jason and I enjoyed each day. That Saturday was the only day he was not able to get off work so with much hesitation I decided to meet Shanna for dinner. I was afraid to ask ahead of time, but I hoped that it would just be us two and Craig would stay at home. I met up with her at Henan’s, which was a more upscale place than we usually went to. She got there before me and was already munching on bread. I was happy to see that she was alone. As soon as I sat down I noticed something was really off about Shanna. She avoided eye contact but I was still able to see her bloodshot eyes. She was also jittery to the point that she dropped a piece of bread that she was trying to eat. Afraid to set her off in public, I buried my feelings of mortification and didn’t say anything about it. As the night went on, her behavior seemed more and more off. She kept shaking her leg, which shook the table, and it was nearly impossible to carry a conversation with her. It got to the point that I just shut up and ate in hopes of ending the dinner as soon as possible. In the parking lot, I fought back tears as I gave Shanna a hug. I wasn’t sure what drug she was on, but I knew it wasn’t going to turn out well. I sat in Jason’s car watching her leave the parking lot wondering if I should follow her to make sure she made it home OK. I just didn’t get it. Our parents had worked so hard to give her a great upbringing and she was on her way to a great career. What could be driving her in the direction of a life of alcohol and drugs? Was it Craig? It was just so sad to see.

I was back on a plane early Sunday morning feeling pretty deflated. The trip had started out so well but had ended with so much sadness around what I saw with Shanna and once again having to leave Jason. I had managed to pull myself together as much as possible when I picked up Jason from work after dinner, but he could still tell that something was wrong. Not wanting to face the reality of it all, I insisted that everything was fine and did my best to enjoy our last evening together. I was asleep on the plane before it even took off and after a short layover in Atlanta, I was back in Wilmington. All three of my roommates were there to pick me up in Brianna’s smelly truck, however, this time she was able to run the air conditioner so the smell was not too bad. Back in my room, I picked up my phone to call my family and Jason to let them know that I had made it back, when the phone beeped to let me know that I had voicemail. I immediately assumed it was Jason checking on me since I had not called him yet. When I pressed 1 to play the messages, I heard Eric’s voice and had to sit down. He had called me three times, leaving his phone number each time. I deleted them before writing down his number. We could talk when he became sober.

I fell right back into routine when classes started back. Eric continued to call for about a week before seemingly giving up when I didn’t return any of the calls. Each day it was in the back of my mind that he was going to be waiting outside one of my classes for me or at the dining hall, but that didn’t happen. It seemed like I blinked and it was time for Thanksgiving break. I was nervous since Jason was going to be riding to Charlotte with Shanna and Craig. I was embarrassed to tell him about her alcohol use and I had no idea how they would act on the ride. All I could do was hope that they acted like normal people since he would be meeting my parents for the first time. That was nerve wracking enough. Shanna and I talked regularly but it was awkward knowing there was a white elephant in the room around her bizarre appearance and behavior over fall break. I felt like her offering Jason a ride to Charlotte was her way of trying to make things up to me. I just wanted her to get help.

I was able to leave campus early since my last class of the day was canceled. Both Mommy and Daddy were home when I got there. Mommy was cleaning parts of the house that already looked spotless and Daddy was at his desk working from home. The idleness was driving me crazy as I waited for Shanna, Craig, and Jason to arrive. I found myself either pacing back and forth in the living room or standing by the window staring down our street. My thoughts and fears of what was going on in their car had consumed me so much that I didn’t notice Daddy had been watching me. He challenged me to a game of Scrabble to get my mind off things and though embarrassed that I was caught, I agreed. We were halfway through our game when we heard a car pulling up into the driveway. I felt a wave of panic instead of the relief I was sure I would feel. It was a huge moment for me. It was the first guy I had brought home for my parents to meet since Derrick. Breathe Cheryl. Breathe.

When I heard the car pulling up I wanted to jump up and make a beeline for the door but I also wanted to play it cool in front of Daddy. So instead I impatiently waited for Shanna to use her key and come in on her own. She walked in smiling and looking pretty normal. I immediately noticed that she was about 10-15 pounds lighter and had slightly dark rings around her eyes. Neither of our parents seemed to notice or chose not to comment. Maybe I had it in my mind that she was going to look bad so she did. She did at that moment look sober at least. I forced myself to just say hello to Craig. I was over what had happened over the summer, but I still wasn’t feeling him and did not like the person my sister had become since dating him. He seemed surprised by my greeting or lack of one, but went on to give Mommy a hug. Jason came in last looking tired, but still seemed pretty happy to see me.

“Daddy, this is Jason.”

“Jason, nice to meet you, call me David.” I was nervous about intruding them, but Daddy was friendly to him much to my relief.

I felt much more at ease introducing him to Mommy whose mellow spirit allowed her to be tolerant and welcoming of pretty much everyone. “And this is my mom.”

“Hi, I’m Lisa. It’s nice to meet you Jason. Come on in and make yourself at home.”

With introductions out the way, I felt like I could relax some. We all hung out in the living room talking while mommy finished up dinner. It was obvious that Jason was nervous around my family while Craig cracked jokes and talked non-stop like he had grown up with us. Daddy obviously picked up on his nervousness and did his best to include him in the conversations. It didn’t really seem like there was a connection between Jason and Craig, but I was glad Daddy was there to help him feel more at ease. Shanna seemed aloof for the most part, but was always right on cue to laugh and agree with whatever stupid comment Craig made. I found them to be so annoying to be around. By the time we sat for dinner it seemed as though Jason had loosened up. Daddy didn’t have to put in a lot of effort to include him in conversations anymore. He joined in by himself. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits and to be getting along really well. I just hoped that we could all keep it up for the next few days.

God heard my prayers that night at dinner. The rest of the trip went by with no problems. The food was delicious on Thanksgiving Day and Aunt Michelle and my cousins joined us. It was the usual routine after we ate of the guys watching football games while the girls did our own thing. That night we all piled up in three different cars and went out for Black Friday shopping. The guys were pretty annoyed after just the first store, so we didn’t do as much damage as usual. The following two days seemed to fly by and before we all knew it we were packing our stuff up to get ready for our long drives back. Out of nowhere Craig decided it would be better to leave late Saturday afternoon to beat the Sunday rush. I wanted to protest, but that would have meant that I had to actually carry on a conversation with him so I decided against it. As usual, it was difficult to say goodbye to Jason, but I held it together not wanting to act like Shanna.

To keep my mind off things after they left, I went out and got dessert with Kristen. To my relief and surprise she hardly talked about the guy she had been dating for some time now. I didn’t bring up my dating life either and we seemed to have a much better time than last time. I got home late that night and as I crawled into bed, there was a note on the nightstand, which I expected to read that Jason had called to let me know he had made it back. However, when I read it, it simply said, “Eric called.” It was really unbelievable to me that he knew to call right when Jason left. Why was he calling anyway if he knew I was seeing someone else? The whole situation was baffling to me; he had his chance. Annoyed, I crumbled up the note and threw it across the room. I wanted to stay awake and wait for Jason to call, but with no TV in my room I knew it would be near to impossible. So I relocated to the living room where I could watch a movie. My choice for the night,
The Goonies.

∞∞∞

Back at school for the weeks to come, it was once again in the back of my mind that Eric was going to pop up at some point to annoy me. I had no desire to see him or talk to him. His drinking on top of the calls was enough to make me feel like I didn’t want anything to do with him. I didn’t want to spend time thinking about him when I had other things going on. I was still doing my internship at the hospital when I wasn’t in class and it was also nearing the end of the semester, which meant it was time to start preparing for exams. I was doing well in all my classes and I was determined to keep it up so that I would have a good chance of being accepted into the nursing program. Jason, of course, was still a priority as well and I didn’t want to mess up what we had going on for a drunk. Despite both of our busy schedules we still made the effort to communicate as much as possible. Since he was off Thanksgiving, he had to stay in Tennessee for Christmas so we would not be able to see each other. As much as I wanted to go there for the holiday to be with him, I knew it would be pointless since he had to work. I was dreading going home for the three week break. Shanna would only be there for a few days before going to visit Craig’s family and I had no intentions of going back to work for Tim. Therefore, I already knew it was going to be a long boring break.

The day of my last exams, I dragged out leaving campus as long as I could. The last of my roommates left as I was cleaning my room for the third time. Everyone was in such a hurry to get home while I was dreading sitting on the couch for three weeks. I had even tried getting on as a volunteer at one of the hospitals, but they only had them throughout the summer and it was for high school students. Even if I wanted a job somewhere, I felt like no one would hire me for just a few weeks. It definitely felt like going to work for Tim was my only option, but nothing in me wanted to make ice cream cones and work a cash register. I went over numerous options mentally until I gave myself a headache and hesitantly decided to lock up the apartment and head to the dining hall. With majority of the campus gone or either leaving I knew they wouldn’t be serving anything worthwhile, but it was better than fast food and it would further delay my dreaded drive.

It was surprisingly crowded in the dining hall, but as I suspected, the options were very slim. After walking back and forth between the stations several times, I gave up and decided on a PB&J sandwich and bowl of Lucky Charms. Despite the crowd, I was able to easily find a table to sit. My view was out a window to another set of apartments on campus. I was so caught up watching the hustle and bustle of people trying to get to and from exams and off campus, that it startled me when I noticed someone had set their tray down beside me. My first thought was that it was someone there alone and couldn’t find a seat anywhere else. It wasn’t until I smelled the scent of familiar cologne that I realized that it was Eric who had sat beside me.