Something Like Rain (Something Like... Book 8) (33 page)

They didn’t speak of the past for the rest of their time in the park. Instead they reacted like two children exploring the world for the first time. They stopped to watch butterflies fluttering above a patch of wildflowers, or left their bikes behind to chase each other through a dense nest of trees, ducking branches and slipping on muddy earth, all while laughing. When they grew tired of exercise, they found a field flooded with sunlight, made a bed of their picnic blankets, and stretched out next to each other, feeling as content as they could without touching. William even dozed off briefly, returning to a dream that so often haunted him. Once again he was behind the wheel, but there was no sign of the rainy weather. When he turned his head, he didn’t find Kelly sitting in the passenger seat. Just a guy with a mischievous expression, trying to feed him potato salad, heavy on the mayo. When he woke, he felt the prickle of too much sun on his face.

“We should probably head back,” William said. “I’m going to burn if we stay out any longer.”

Jason groaned. “Next paycheck, I’m going to buy you one of those big floppy sun hats. That way we can stay out here forever.”

“I should have brought my cowboy hat from Juicy James.”

They got on their bikes, looking around at their surroundings longingly before they rode away, as if they would both miss this place. They weren’t as talkative on the return trip. When they arrived back at the house, Jason took his bike to the garage. William walked his, along with Jason, to the front door.

“I should go,” he said. “I’m sure Kelly is getting more nervous by the hour.”

Jason’s eyes widened. “He knows we’re together?”

“Of course. Nothing like an early morning argument to start the day.”

“Sorry.”

“Nah,” William said. “It was worth it.”

“Hey! Before you go, there’s something I wanted to show you.” Jason tilted his head toward the house. “Come up to my room real quick.”

William raised an eyebrow, imaging exactly what Jason might want to show him. “Yeah, okay.”

Being in Jason’s room felt too personal, and he was sure Kelly wouldn’t approve, but he didn’t care. He took note of the cluttered dresser top and the dirty clothes that Jason tried to kick under the bed. Then Jason shrugged apologetically and grabbed a guitar from a stand in the corner and sat on the mattress. Not knowing what else to do, William sat next to him. He remembered Jason mentioning that he played, but a lot of people made that claim. Spencer could “play” the clarinet, which really just meant he owned one and knew how to force notes out of it.

Jason plucked at his guitar, twisting the tuners. Then he shot William a sheepish grin and started strumming. More than that, he started singing! He wasn’t bad, either. William couldn’t focus on the words at first, too fascinated by the way Jason’s fingers moved and the creases of concentration on his face. Then he caught a line about there being fifty ways to leave a lover and started laughing. Jason grinned back before continuing his song. He looked so cool, sitting there on his messily made bed, fingers summoning up music like a conjurer. Nobody in William’s family had musical talent, not even Spencer, despite how hard he tried. Jason made it look easy. He made other things seem easy too, like the idea that they could still have what they wanted without Kelly ever finding out.

“Very interesting song,” William said when Jason was finished.

“Yeah, it’s fun.” Jason stretched forward to set the guitar back on the stand. Then he leaned back, resting on his elbows.

William wanted to tell him how handsome he looked, how kissable his lips were, but settled on something harmless. “You’re really good.”

“Thanks. Honestly, that’s not the best song for me, but—”

“I thought it was awesome,” William interrupted. “And it gives me something to think about on the long ride home.”

“Yeah.” Jason eyed him, expression serious.

“I should go,” William said. Should. Instead he reached over, placing his hand on top of Jason’s, as if by accident. He didn’t try to hold it, but just touching him, even briefly, sent electric currents though William’s body. Jason sat upright, as if wanting them to kiss, so William squeezed his hand and stood before anything else could happen. Jason stared up at him with transparent longing.

“Fifty ways, huh?” William asked.

“At least,” Jason said, breaking into a smile. “I can make you a list if you want.”

If only it were that easy! He’d love to choose from a menu of convenient excuses and gentle letdowns, but in essence, William knew the truth. There was only one way to leave your lover, and that was by doing so.

* * * * *

No Heaven without Hell, no high without a low. This theme continued in William’s life. The picnic with Jason? Awesome. Kelly’s reaction? An absolute nightmare. William’s biggest mistake was spraying on Jason’s cologne. Even after the sweaty bike ride home, Kelly had still smelled it on him, and that had triggered everything that followed. Swimming in privacy together at the YMCA was out. Kelly was there each morning, scowling and grinding his teeth at Jason. He didn’t even pretend to participate—the only person in the pool area who was fully dressed. William was so frustrated with this that he skipped a morning, preferring to miss out rather than witness Kelly’s anger or Jason’s discomfort.

His work was no longer safe either. Kelly started showing up more often at the mall, once with his entire family in tow. Serving them had been a real treat. Jason visited him there too. Not at the same time, thankfully, but William warned him away. They no longer had access to a safe haven. What would they do even if they did? Feeling frustrated one night and not wanting to return to either of his homes, William biked across town, ending up in front of an apartment door.

“Hey!” his father said, looking genuinely happy to see him. “What a nice surprise! Come on in.”

William strained his neck to see into the apartment. “Where’s Gina?”

“She’s working.” Lewis grabbed his shoulder and pulled. “Now stop being an idiot and get in here.”

His father hugged him, gesturing to the living room before ducking into the kitchen. William sat on the sofa, looking around the room and not recognizing much of anything. His father had never cared how the house was decorated, and that hadn’t changed. Everything here represented Gina.

“You’re not driving, are you?”

William looked up and saw a frosty bottle of beer angled toward him. He didn’t normally drink, but tonight he felt like he needed a keg. “Thanks,” he said, accepting the bottle. His father plopped down on the couch next to him. After clinking bottles, William took a swig, wincing at the taste.

“It gets better after the first sip,” Lewis assured him. “What’s going on? You don’t look so good.”

“Girl troubles,” William said. “Or at least the gay equivalent of them.”

He expected his father to change the subject, and while he did look a little uncomfortable, he at least tried. “Tell me what’s going on. Maybe I can help.”

William forced down more of the beer. “No thanks. I can guess what your advice would be.”

His father drummed his fingers along the bottle he held, digesting these words. “There’s someone else you like. Someone besides Kelly.”

William raised his head. “I’m surprised you know his name.”

“Your life is important to me,” Lewis replied. “I’d like to be a bigger part of it.”

Then you shouldn’t have abandoned Mom.
That was the sort of response he usually gave, but he was no longer in a position to judge.

“Talk to me,” Lewis pressed.

William took another swig and nodded. “Things aren’t so good between Kelly and me. They haven’t been for a long time. And yeah, I met this new guy, and he’s really sweet. He makes me feel good about myself.”

“And Kelly doesn’t.” Lewis nodded in understanding. “All he seems to do is criticize, and no matter what you do, you feel like you can’t make him happy. And that makes you unhappy, but then you meet this person, and suddenly you feel cool again, like you’re a real catch and not some unholy burden.”

William stared as the truth of his father’s words sank in. “Is that how you felt with Mom?”

Lewis leaned back and sighed. “Those last few years weren’t good. We both were to blame. I’m sure I wasn’t fun to be around either. And yeah, when I met Gina, suddenly there was this beautiful woman who I could make laugh instead of glare. Maybe I’ll wear out my welcome with her too. I hope not, because I love her. I know people see us together, and with her being so young, they probably think I’m some old pervert. Or her dad. Even if she was my age, I’d still be just as into her because I can make her happy, and she makes me happy.” His father took a swig of beer, looking a little embarrassed by his confession. “So this other guy, do you love him?”

“It doesn’t matter.” William scowled at his bottle. “I can’t do what you did.”

“You could leave Kelly.”

William shook his head. “I made a promise. And you should have left Mom. If that’s what had to happen, then fine, but sneaking around behind her back was low.”

“I made a promise too,” Lewis said. “A vow before God, and I had more than just your mother to think of. We had a family together. A house. Our entire lives were intertwined, and while I could imagine saying goodbye to most of it, you kids were the sticking point. I didn’t want to lose you. I never wanted any of you boys to be hurt by a divorce. But at the same time, I was miserable, and I’m sure you probably don’t want to hear it, but I had my needs too, and they weren’t just physical. So yes, sneaking around on your mother was wrong, but I thought it would be easier to end things if I waited until you boys were out of the house and on your own.” His father sighed. “Even then I pictured your mother by herself, husband and sons having flown the coop, and I kept asking myself if that would be any better for her. That’s why I tried to do both—be the husband and father I had promised while still…” Lewis shook his head.

They nursed their bottles, William taken aback by how similar their situations were. “Do you regret what you did?”

Lewis jutted out his chin. “No. I wish I hadn’t got caught. I still love your mother. I miss her as a friend. I miss the house, spending time with you, and sharing holidays together. I also love Gina and wouldn’t want to miss out on what we have. Greedy as it sounds, I wanted to have my relationship with her while everything went on as normal at home. That way nobody would have gotten hurt.”

“But that’s wrong,” William said.

“Maybe, but you need to understand that it wasn’t my first choice. Your mother and I tried working it out. We talked. We argued. When I brought up the idea of separating, she broke down into tears. She didn’t want me to go. Part of me didn’t want to either. Maybe I should have let things remain the way they were and stayed unhappy. I guess I’m just selfish.”

“I know how hard it can be,” William said. “Especially when you’ve been unhappy for a long time.”

His father nodded. “I thought I had found a solution where nobody would get hurt. That’s how it was supposed to be, anyway.”

William shifted uncomfortably, wanting to change the subject. “I got my acceptance letter.”

“For the Coast Guard? Wow! This calls for another round!”

William wasn’t done with the first, but celebrating instead of agonizing over his love life felt good. Lewis grabbed more beers from the refrigerator and conversation remained light, his father telling funny stories about his own enlistment and the trouble he had gotten into. They hadn’t talked like this since the divorce. Maybe even before. As upsetting as William still found the situation, at least they were being honest with each other. Strange to think of his father having the same urges and emotions. William wasn’t sure it justified his actions, but it made them understandable. He could see things from his mother’s side too; being hounded by suspicion and the misery of discovering she had been right. Like his own situation, he couldn’t see a happy resolution unless, by some miracle, his father and mother started getting along again. That seemed as likely as him and Kelly patching things up.

“I hope it all works out for you,” his father said when walking him to the door. “With Kelly, I mean. And who’s the other guy?”

“Jason,” William said, the name alone making him grin. It didn’t hurt that he was also tipsy.

“You’re leaving though, right? You ship out when?”

“Not too long after graduation. My recruitment officer managed to get me on the early enrollment list because my first application slipped through the cracks.”

Lewis appeared stunned. “That’s soon!”

William nodded. “I know.”

“Then I don’t understand why you wouldn’t leave Kelly now. You’ll do so anyway in a couple months, and at least then you could have your time with Jason before you go.”

“Kelly wants a long distance relationship.”

“Ah. Tough break. Are you sure you don’t want a ride home? Gina will be back soon. Or I could call a taxi.”

“I’ll be fine,” William said. “I’ll walk with my bike and let my head clear, maybe think through some stuff.”

Lewis hugged him. “I have faith in you. You’ll make the right decision.”

William appreciated his confidence. He just didn’t share it.