Something Like This (Secrets) (22 page)

I pressed myself down on his crotch. “And if I don’t.” Damn, he felt good.

Kissing me behind my ear, he whispered, “I’ll carry you into your room and throw you on the bed.”

“And then what?”

“I’ll start with your breasts, suck and lick your nipples, and slowly trace my tongue down to your stomach then...down between your legs.”

“I can’t stand it. I want you,” I whispered.

“I would spread your legs slowly, make you squirm and beg, taunt you, give you just enough...” he breathed into my ear and turned my mouth to his.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
He’s making me curse. His mouth taste so good and I’m dripping wet. He’s hard as all hell. My heart is screaming for him. And I’m getting wetter. Screw dinner.

“Baby, let’s go to my room,” I managed to say.

“What about dinner?” he said, taking my mouth again.

“We should have never started.”

“You started it when you sat on my lap.”

“Blame your pants.”

“I blame your sweater and skinny jeans.”

“What do we do now?”

“I wish I could stop touching you, but I can’t. I want you all the time. When I’m asleep, I’m doing things to you. When I’m in the shower, I think of you against the wall, your beautiful ass, me spreading your legs and slamming into you. Fuck, Jadie, you’ve destroyed me.”

Here we were making out, and Lisa was in the kitchen preparing to serve dinner. We could have gotten caught at any moment and I didn’t care one freaking bit. I was hot for Reece, dripping hot.

“If you don’t get off me right now...” he said.

I stood and took his hand. “Get up, baby.”

“Are you sure?” he asked, his eyes desperate for my confirmation.

“Very.”

“Dinner will be on the table in ten minutes,” Lisa yelled from the kitchen.

“Great,” I spit out.

We tiptoed to my bedroom.

I locked the door and Reece swept me up into his arms and threw me on the bed.

“Take those pants off and get in here,” I said, twisting out of my jeans.

“Open your legs for me,” he said.

He spoke without hesitation. He was not messing around.

Spreading my legs, I said, “You like what you see, baby?”

“Wider. Open them wider for me and let me see everything.”

I did as he asked, using my hands to pull my legs apart for him. I wasn’t shy. I freed my inhibitions and let down my guard. This wasn’t dirty. This was us. Me and him behind closed doors doing what we wanted with each other, to each other. This was us shutting out the world, shutting out our demons.

“I love you. You’re so beautiful,” he said.

“Am I safe with you?”

He approached the bed. “Always.” On his knees, he sunk his mouth between my thighs.

“Oh, Reece, Reece, shit.”

“Tell me you love me,” he said, looking up.

“I love you. God, I love you so much.”

“I’m not the same. I’m never going to be the same. I knew it the very day I met you.”

***

“H
ey, assholes!” Lisa screamed. “Let’s eat!”

My head resting on Reece’s chest, I said, “We’re being rude.”

“I still blame you,” he said.

“Either way, we need to get up and get out there before Lisa decides to throw the food in the trash. Baby?”

“There it is again. The way you call me baby turns me on.”

“My other roommate, Grace. She has someone over. You’ve met him. His name is Tom. He works for your uncle too, and she’s a new client.”

“Yeah, I remember him.”

“Anyway, I think they have a thing going on.”

“Wow, really? Is he allowed to do that? Date clients?”

“I’m not sure. If he’s not, it didn’t stop him. He’s in her room right now.”

“Does my uncle know?”

“That he’s in her room?”

“No, silly. That they’re seeing each other.”

“Doubt it. They only met yesterday.”

“Is this going to be weird for you?”

“Maybe, a little. I’ll live.” I kissed his chest. “You’re definitely all kinds of yummy. But, come on, up, up.” I hopped out of the bed.

“I’m excited to taste your fried plantains,” he said, sitting up.

“You really love plantains?”

“Hell, yeah. True story. When I was in third grade, we had an international potluck. My teacher wanted all of us learning about different countries and cultures. Anyway, a kid brought in plantains. I was a pain in the ass when it came to eating, but this kid, she kept bugging me to taste them. I gave in. I ended up loving them and barely left any for the other kids. From that day on my mom would make them for me a few times a year.”

“Was the girl cute? Is that why you gave in?”

“She was my first crush.”

“I knew it.”

“I was eight years old. You know you’re my only crush, right?”

I threw a pillow at him. “I better be.”

***

“T
here you guys are,” Grace said.

And there was Tom sitting at the table next to her.

“Hey, Tom,” I said. “You and Grace working on the manuscript?”

He scratched his chin. “Yeah, and it’s coming along, right, Grace?”

“I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m so close to finishing,” Grace said.

I knew she was lying. She was nowhere close to finishing the manuscript.

“That’s great,” I said.

Things were getting bumpy and I wasn’t sure I was up for it, but like Lisa had said, this was Grace’s apartment too, and she had every right to invite someone over for dinner—even if that someone was Tom.

Lisa clapped her hands in the air and said, “All right, Reece, you sit there. Jadie, sit next to him. I’ll sit at the end of the table and make sure everyone is engaging in polite conversation.”

“Okay, Mommy,” Grace said, placing a napkin on her lap.

“Believe it or I’ll put you in time out.” Lisa lifted the platter. “I hope you all like baked salmon.”

“I love it,” Reece said, serving himself a piece.

“And you also love plantains. I’m guessing you’re a foodie,” Lisa said.

“Kind of,” Reece said, looking away from her.

“He can make a kick ass chicken salad.” I helped myself to some salmon.

“I’m not a fan of chicken salad,” Tom said.

“No one asked you if you were,” I said.

“Geez, Jadie, rude much?” Grace said.

I shot darts at her. “Me, rude? I’m not the one who invited someone over without telling both of her roommates.”

Too late to take my idiotic words back.

Grace wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Since when do I need to ask you for permission?”

“You don’t. But, you could have said something, just the same,” I said.

“Look, I can leave,” Tom said, standing. “I didn’t mean to cause an argument.”

“Give me a break. Don’t flatter yourself,” I said.

“Jadie, what’s going on?” Reece asked. “Why are you getting so upset?”

“Yeah, do tell,” Grace said.

“Grace, I’ll call you later,” Tom said.

“You don’t have to leave. I don’t want you to leave,” Grace said.

“She doesn’t want you to leave because she’s not done with her manuscript. She may need more help. You really should stay and help her,” I said to Tom.

Lisa tapped her fingers on the table. “Kids, seriously, what the fuck?”

Tom kissed Grace on the cheek. “I’ll call you, later.” He turned to Lisa. “Thank you for dinner.”

“I made the freaking plantains,” I said.

“Thanks to you, too,” Tom said.

“You didn’t even taste one, so why are you thanking me?” I stabbed my fork into a plantain slice and flung it at Tom.

The slice hit him in the chest and then dropped to the floor. He didn’t flinch.

“Geez, Jadie, what’s up with you?” Grace asked.

“Yeah, what the hell crawled up your ass?” Lisa asked.

“Maybe a damn plantain crawled up there or maybe Tom shouldn’t be here fucking everything up,” I said, looking directly at Tom.

“I’m leaving,” Tom said.

Grace grabbed his arm. “You’re not.”

“I’ll call you later,” Tom said to Grace.

“Oh, please, give me a break. You two a couple now, after having met, what, an hour ago?” I said.

Lisa winked at Reece.

“Um, why did you just wink at my boyfriend?” I asked Lisa.

“What?” Lisa said.

“I just saw you wink at him. What the hell?”

Lisa sighed. “This is crazy. Let’s all just sit down and try again.”

“Reece, why did Lisa wink at you?”

“I’m out,” Tom said.

He made for the door. Grace chased after him.

“What was that all about?” Reece asked me.

Great, I had just ruined everything and I didn’t even know why.

I suck at all of this, at real life. I’m a crazy person. I don’t know how to act. And now, what am I going to say to Reece, who’s staring at me, waiting for an explanation? And I still need to know why Lisa winked at him.

“I’m going to ask you a question, and you better answer honestly,” I said to Lisa. “Did you come onto Reece while I was in the kitchen cooking?”

She lowered her head.

I had my answer.

I picked up the salmon platter and threw it against the wall. I was first in line to board the crazy train. And I didn’t give a rat’s ass.

“It’s not what you think,” Lisa said, tearing up.

“Are you seriously going to start crying? You came onto my boyfriend and now you’re going to cry?”

I wanted to strangle her —and Reece.

“She didn’t hit on me,” Reece said.

“Oh really, then what? Why is she crying?”

“Maybe because you’re acting like a goddamn certifiable lunatic. You threw food at Tom and then you smashed a platter against the wall.”

“I should have never let my guard down. I don’t need you,” I said to Reece, “And I most definitely don’t need you,” I said to Lisa.

“Your birthday is in a couple of weeks, right?” Lisa asked.

“What?”

Wiping away her tears, Lisa said, “Grace told me your birthday’s coming up.”

And right there, a speeding truck hit me and flung me ten feet in the air.

“Lisa talked to me about throwing you a surprise party. About maybe having it at my place,” Reece said.

And right there, I died from my wounds.

Whispering, I forced myself to say, “So she didn’t hit on you?”

“No, I didn’t,” Lisa said.

Sniffling, I said, “Then why the wink?”

“Because I got nervous. I get nervous easily. You probably don’t know that about me. Anyway, I wanted us to have a nice dinner and then in a split second everyone started fighting and you threw food and I looked at Reece and he was the only one who wasn’t yelling and so I winked at him. I don’t know why I did it, I just did. But, I swear to you as cute as he looks in khaki pants, I didn’t come onto him. I would never do that.”

“I’m an idiot,” I said.

“You are totally crazy, but you’re not an idiot,” Lisa said.

“How did Grace know about my birthday?”

“She didn’t say,” Lisa said.

I hadn’t told anyone when my birthday was. I hated my birthday. I always tried to forget it. I didn’t need a reminder that I was getting older and was still messed up, that I still hadn’t figured out my life. Plus, since Mami died I always spent my birthday alone. Pretty damn pathetic.

“You and Grace were going to throw me a party?”

Lisa nodded.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because you’re our friend, stupid.”

“I killed your salmon.” I began to feel chocked up.

She glanced at the wall and then the floor. “Most of it. But that’s not all of it. There’s a small piece still in the pan. It’ll take you some time.”

“Time for what?” I asked.

“Time to get used to living among humans.”

I let out a small laugh.

“Anyway, I’m not letting this food go to waste. I’m taking your plantains and the rest of my salmon and going to my room to pig out and watch a movie,” Lisa said.

“I’m sorry,” I said.

“Our first fight. Guess we’re really friends now,” she said.

When we were alone, Reece said, “I’m going home. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, please don’t go.”

He stood and pushed his chair in. “I don’t know what just happened. I actually have no idea. But none of this is right. There’s something completely off about you. You were fine until Tom appeared. And then you went ape-shit crazy.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want him here.”

“Are you sure? Because it looked to me like you were jealous. Looked to me like you were looking for a way out.”

“What?”

“
Are
you jealous? Do you want to be with Tom? Did you accuse Lisa of hitting on me because you want out?”

I lowered my head. “I love you. I want to be with you.”

“Look at me. Have the guts to look me in the eyes,” he said.

I wanted to die. Strike me down, right now. This wasn’t happening. I loved Reece with all my heart—there was no room for anyone else. He was all that I had. He had to believe me. If only he knew how much I belonged to him. I had searched for him my entire life. I’m the happiest when I’m with him. I can breathe when I’m with him. I can shut out my demons when I’m with him. When he’s kissing me and touching me, I crave him even more. If I could, I would live in his body.

But I was messing it all up. I didn’t want Tom. It wasn’t about Tom. It was about me not knowing how to trust, how to act around people who actually gave a damn about me. I was so used to living alone, minding my own business, not sharing anything with anyone and now my life was changing and I didn’t know how to handle it. How could I go on as if everything was okay, as if I could erase my past, my fears, my insecurities—as if I could erase my father.

I raised my head. “I love you so much. Please let me explain.”

“Do you like him?” he asked.

“Reece.”

“Answer me.”

“No.”

“Swear it.”

“I swear.”

“You embarrassed me. I really don’t know why I’m still here.” His eyes filled with tears.

“I’m sorry.”

“Can I explain?”

He nodded.

“My life has changed so much so fast these past few weeks. I’m trying, I’m
really
trying.” I paused. “I’ve never had any of this. I was never told I could have this. You, friends, a job I like, I don’t know what I’m doing...I don’t know how to handle it. It sounds stupid. So stupid. But it’s the truth. One second, I’m alone, and the next I have you and Grace and Lisa and my job and...my father,” I took a deep breath, “and then everything is colliding. And Tom is sitting at the dinner table with the people I love. The people I care about. And I don’t want to share them, not yet. I sound crazy, I know. Look, there is nothing going on between me and Tom. He’s just a coworker and, yes, he annoys me and, yes, I don’t trust him. And, yes, I didn’t want him here tonight and so I picked a fight. And maybe I was jealous. But, it’s not because I like him or want to be with him. I was jealous because I wanted you all to myself. I was jealous because I didn’t want Tom taking the attention away from you. I was jealous because I didn’t want to share Grace with him.”