Something Like This (Secrets) (18 page)

“Talk to me. I’m here. Talk to me about him.”

He buried his head in my chest.

“I can’t talk about him. I miss him. I can’t talk about him, not even to you.”

“It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to be here forever. It’s you and me against the world. You’ve broken me, and I don’t want to be fixed.”

He lifted his head from my chest and I kissed him. I greedily tasted every part of his mouth, consumed his essence, and refused to let go. And he kissed me back as if his very life depended on it. Two lost-in-love beings devouring each other, letting each other’s warmth pass through our bodies, making us cling to each other more. This was forever. This wasn’t just a moment. This wasn’t borrowed time. Reece and I lived for each other. We would heal and grow together.

He pushed his seat back and I climbed on him, all the while continuing to savor his lips and his tongue.

He unbuttoned his pants. I hiked up my skirt. He went under it and pulled my panties down to my thighs and then pierced me with his fingers. He moved his mouth to my neck and gently sucked. At that moment, I didn’t give a damn if he left a mark. I’d wear his mark proudly. I belonged to him. I wanted everyone to know that Reece Carter had claimed me.

I begged him, “I want you.”

“You have me.”

“I want more than your fingers.”

“I’ll give you more. I’ll give you what you want, but you have to ask me for it.”

“I hate you.”

“I adore you.” He slid his fingers further into me.

I whimpered. “Give me what I want.”

“Ask me for it.”

“I won’t beg you.”

“Yes, you
will.
”

“Why must I beg?”

“Because you’ll always get your way with me. Anything you ever ask, I’ll do. I’m lost in you. Talk dirty to me.”

“I’m shy.”

“You don’t have to be shy with me. You’re safe with me.”

I felt protected with him, like I could step outside the wall I had built around myself and take his hand and walk off into the sunset. Sex with Reece wasn’t dishonest or filthy; it was real and open and I didn’t have to hide from him. I didn’t have to suppress my wants.

“I want you so badly. I’m so wet. I fucking need you,” I said.

In the next moment, I was high and screaming and Reece was giving me what I wanted...what I so desperately desired.

He put his hands on my waist and lifted me up and down, thrusting deeper and deeper into me.

“I’m going to...” he said.

“Don’t you dare.”

“You’re so hot, I can’t help it.”

“I’ll kill you.”

I exploded in sweet relief.

“Now me,” he said.

He rocked me like a mad man and then he too, exploded.

I rested my head on his chest. “Ten minutes to rest and then again.”

“Let’s get to my place first before we get arrested.”

“Straight to bed when we get there.”

“I’m not sure we’ll make it to the bed,” he said.

“Reece?”

“Yes.”

“You belong to me, right?”

“Yes, and you to me.”

“
Para siempre.
”

“What does that mean?”

“Forever.”

“
Para siempre,
” he said.

––––––––

W
e made it as far as his living room before ripping each other’s clothes off. I went down on him. I was going down on my boyfriend, someone who loved me, and whom I loved. I was going down on him because I wanted to make him feel good, because I gave a damn and I wanted him to forget his sadness and focus on me; focus on my mouth licking and sucking him, making him groan, making him say my name.

Tonight, it wasn’t about me. It was about him. And I was going to do anything for him. I would stay on my knees for as long as he wanted me there.

“Your mouth is going to destroy me. You’re going to kill me.” He grunted.

I didn’t stop; I kept going. Right at that moment, I was determined to never lose him. Even though he had hadn’t asked me for it, I would go down on him all night if that’s what he wanted. I would swallow if that’s what he wanted.

“I can’t hold myself much longer,” he said.

I kept going.

“I’m not asking you to swallow.”

I stopped and said, “Do you want me to?”

“No.”

“Why not? I’ll do it. Just say the word.”

“I don’t ever want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”

And right there, I wet myself and fell even more in love with him. I had swallowed before at the request—or rather demands—of the guys I’d been with, but I didn’t like doing it, and I always felt ashamed. But with Reece, I would have done it and I wouldn’t have felt ashamed. If he asked, I would have done it.

I gave him a hand job until he came.

Afterwards, I let him have ten minutes to rally before jumping on him.

“I’m going to take a shower. Is that cool?” I asked.

I had never taken a shower at his place before.

“Of course, need any help?”

“Still want more?”

“I can never get enough of you. I’m addicted to you.”

“Are you going to seek help for your addiction?”

“Never.”

“Good.”

“Don’t be gone too long,” he said.

“Miss me.”

“Already.”

There he was, standing completely naked and, damn, he was absolutely perfect. Any girl would have been wet and dropped her panties at the sight of his hard body. I wondered how many girls he had slept with. How many had he shared his bed with? I hated to think about him with anyone else. I pushed the thought out of my mind.

I took a really hot shower and let the water soothe me. I knew I would have to talk to Reece about his father. He had to talk to me. He couldn’t lock up his feelings. If he refused, it would always be there lingering, shadowing us, waiting to pounce and shatter us.

I had talked to him about my father, and now he had to do the same.

When I came back into the living room, he was watching a black-and-white TV show.

“I missed you. I was tempted to come in there,” he said.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Because I was afraid of being rejected. I wanted to give you some space.”

“I never need space from you.”

“Come over here,” he said.

“What are you watching?” I asked, joining him on the couch.

“
Twilight Zone.”

“I freaking love
The Twilight Zone
.”

I pretty much thought my whole life was an episode of
The Twilight Zone
.

“First Junot Diaz and now
The Twilight Zone
,” he said.

“I think we’re made for each other.”

“I
know
we’re made for each other,” he said.

“I love this one. The kid who wishes everyone into the corn field?”

“Yeah, evil little kid,” he said.

I nestled into him and we ended up watching a million episodes.
Thank you, Netflix.

It was nearing midnight and I had to go to work in the morning, but I didn’t care.

“One more and then bed?” Reece asked.

“Let’s do it.”

“Cool.”

“About earlier,” I said. “Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m here.”

He turned off the TV. “I can’t talk about him. Not yet.”

“Okay. You don’t have to.”

“I just can’t.”

“I understand.”

“I’m not sure you do.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m never going to be able to talk about him with you.”

“Why not?”

“Because you still have your father. He didn’t die.”

His words stung.

“But he left me. He didn’t care enough to stay.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. It still hurts. I think about him every day. And, Connor, he’s going to forget about him. He’s little and eventually my father won’t even be a memory, something he dreamt. He won’t exist anymore.”

“He will if you talk about him. If you remember him. All you need to do is talk to Connor about him. Never let him forget.”

“I want to forget. I’m jealous because he gets to forget.”

“You want to forget your father?”

“Yes.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I mean it. I also meant it when I said I didn’t want to talk about him. The stupid grape juice. Connor had to have the stupid grape juice. My father has been dead for five months and Connor still asks for the damn grape juice. Why does he keep asking for it?”

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.”

“It’s not okay. It’s never going to be okay.”

“Let’s go to bed. It’s past midnight. Let’s just go to bed.”

I didn’t want to push him. He wasn’t ready. And besides, who the hell was I to be giving advice on how to deal with pain, when I hadn’t fully dealt with mine?

“Jadie,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to his bedroom. “I’m going to hold you all night. I need to feel you. I need to know you’re there.”

***

M
orning came and I slipped from bed. I was still tired as all hell, but I didn’t want to be late for work. I had to earn Mr. Walker’s trust again and showing up late was not going to do it. Hmmm, nor would showing up in the same clothes I wore the day before.

I wouldn’t have enough time to go home and change, so I opted for the next best thing, I’d have to buy a new shirt and skirt at the department store around the corner from my office. I hated to spend the money, but I didn’t have a choice. It was either that or face Mr. Walker’s critical eye, not to mention Tom’s nosy self.

I gave Reece a peck on the forehead. “Gotta go. Can’t be late. Love you. Miss me much.”

“Love you, too, be careful,” he grumbled.

I tore out of there in a split millisecond and was down the escalators to the Metro faster than lightening.

I made it to the store a little after 8 a.m. I had to be at work at 8:30. Quickly, I rummaged through the racks, looking for a blouse and a skirt.

“May I help you find something?” a sales lady asked.

I cracked my knuckles and puffed out air. “Yes, please. I only have ten minutes, if that.”

Probably in her early fifties, with oversized glasses, and huge, bombastic boobs, she tapped her mouth with the tips of her fingers. “I’ll help you, don’t worry, I’ll have you out of here in a flash and a half.”

“I could kiss you.”

“All right, let’s see, you’re what, size six or eight?”

“Depends on the day, but let’s try for a six,” I said.

I was between sizes and I always told my brain to think size six and only go for an eight as a backup.

“Okay, got it.” Off she went, swaying and swooshing her hips.

I scratched my head and paced the floor. There weren’t many people in the store. A few chattering women here and there tugging and pulling at garments, and spraying perfume on themselves. I wondered if they were pressed for time or if a trip to a department store this morning was first on the agenda of a leisurely day.

There she came, the sales lady, skipping around the corner gripping a couple of skirts and a blouse. “I brought you two skirt sizes. Figured you were a small in blouses, so just one blouse.”

“Thank you, thank you.”

“We have fitting rooms. Hurry, go try everything on. I’ll wait for you right outside.”

“I don’t have time,” I said.

She twisted around. “Follow me, then, and I’ll check you out.”

Speeding to the cash register, I thought the whole of what was going on to be quite comical. I giggled under my breath. Yes, my life was both complicated and comical.

Going behind the register, the sales lady, said, “Hand me the clothes. I’ll have you out of here in a jiffy.”

I obeyed. I hated to spend the money on new clothes, but I had no choice. I would definitely need to start keeping some clothes at Reece’s place. Safe to assume we had reached that point in our relationship.

She pounded buttons on the register and sputtered the final cost.

Don’t fail me now, credit card.

“Fingers crossed it works,” I said, handing her my card.

“All set, sign here and off you go.”

I threw the receipt in my purse, grabbed the bag and made for the exit.

So close, so close to getting out of there when who did I literally bump into? Celeste. Gossipy-and-overly-friendly Celeste.

Ah! Of all the stores in all of DC, she walks into mine. Okay, okay, so this isn’t
Casablanca
and, yeah, this is also one of a handful of remaining standalone department stores within walking distance of my building. Still, what were the chances of running into someone I knew from work in a store this early in the morning?

“Whoa. You almost knocked me down.”

“Sorry, I was in a hurry and didn’t see you.”

She sucked in her lower lip. “A little early for shopping.”

“Same goes for you.”

She tugged at her tights. “Stupid cheap tights have a run in them already. That’s what I get for buying them at a dollar store. Why are you in here so early?”

“It’s one of the only stores that opens at eight around here.”

“Yes, I know that. But that doesn’t answer my question.” She gave me a once over. “Oh, wait, I think I know.”

Frowning, I said, “Look, don’t tell anyone, okay? It’s no one’s business.”

She twirled her black locks. “I won’t tell anyone, promise. But I have to know. Who was it? Who’d you spend the night with? Oh. My. God. Was it Tom? No wonder you didn’t want to talk about him yesterday! You guys are doing the nasty.” Her face beamed. “Be careful with him, though. I know someone from his old agency. Just a rumor, but apparently he slept with the wrong person and got in some serious trouble. Like a whole lot of trouble. I don’t know all the details, but just saying, tread lightly.”

I wanted to slap her.

“What? No, we’re not hooking up. Don’t you go spreading that rumor.”

“Uh huh, who then?”

A woman wearing way too much perfume passed us on her way out the door. I pretty much gagged.

Celeste waved her hands in front of her face. “Goodness, someone should tell that lady perfume isn’t lotion. Small squirts, lady, not full-on lather.”

“Look, I have to go, and you know what? You’re really nosey. That’s not a good thing. Learn to mind your own business. Unless you want me to grab a bottle of perfume and empty it on you?”