Something to Believe In (13 page)

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

L
ILAH
STARED
AT
THE
STRIP
, uncomprehending. “How is this possible?” she groaned, looking to
her sister for answers though she knew Lindy was just as shell-shocked. “I’m on
the Pill...I never miss a day. I swear!”

“No birth control method is one hundred percent,” Lindy
murmured with a pained expression. “I can’t believe this...”

“
You?
I’m freaking out here!”

“Okay, first we need to calm down—it’s not good for the baby
all this freaking out,” Lindy said, although she still appeared bewildered.
“Maybe we read the strip wrong?” The hope in her voice mirrored Lilah’s panic.
Lilah knew they hadn’t read the test wrong but she was willing to give it a go.
She grabbed the box and read the directions again. After a minute of staring
hard at the strip, she shook her head and threw it in the trash. “You’re
p-p-pregnant, aren’t you?” Lindy said, barely able to say the words.

“It would appear so,” Lilah said, tears filling her eyes. “What
am I going to do?”

Lindy cast a look filled with uncertainty, then asked in a
timid tone, “Are you going to keep the baby?”

“That’s a dumb question. Of course I am,” Lilah shot back with
irritation. “How could you even ask such a thing?”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to assume and you know, that’s like a
really personal thing,” Lindy said, clearly out of her element and turning
herself inside out in her attempt to be calm, rational and supportive.
“Li...this is... Oh, my God, I’m going to be an auntie! I will be the coolest
auntie I just know it because I’m a pretty awesome stepmom.”

“Almost stepmom,” Lilah reminded Lindy. “You’re not married
yet.”

“Hey, I wash that kid’s clothes. I think I qualify.”

Lilah slumped down onto the sofa and stared at the ceiling,
overwhelmed and scared but mostly wishing Justin was there with her instead of
hundreds of miles away completely clueless as to how both their lives were going
to change.

“So now what?” Lindy asked.

“I don’t know.”

“We should tell Lora and Heath.”

“Yeah, I suppose so. Maybe we should wait given all the
excitement with Pops. I don’t know if Lora’s sanity can take another hit.”

“You might be right but if we wait...she’ll be pissed to be
finding out last.”

Lilah sighed. “Whatever. I guess you’re right. It’s a lose-lose
situation no matter how you slice it.”

“What about the father?” Lindy ventured. “What are you going to
tell him?”

Lilah thought of Justin and her heart ached. Telling him wasn’t
high on her list of desirables. What would he say? Would he accuse her of trying
to trap him because she knew that his family had money? Ugh. What an abhorrent
thought. “I don’t know,” she hedged, still uncomfortable over the very idea that
Justin might think something so reprehensible about her. “Maybe I won’t tell him
at all.”

Lindy looked shocked. “You can’t do that. He deserves to
know.”

Lilah focused a speculative look on Lindy. “Really? Says who?
Maybe he wouldn’t care or want this baby. Why would I subject a child to his
rejection?”

“But then again, maybe he’ll want to be a part of this child’s
life and it’s not your place to deny him that right.”

Lilah scowled and looked away. “You sound like Lora. What
happened to my twin sister? You know, the one who was flippant and nonchalant
about most things and certainly didn’t make moral judgments?”

“She grew up.”

“More’s the pity. I need
that
sister back. I already have a stick-in-the-mud sister,” Lilah muttered.

“Well, one thing’s for sure, those pregnancy hormones are doing
absolutely nothing for your disposition,” Lindy huffed, getting to her feet.
“Should we call a family meeting?”

“God, no. I will tell Lora privately.”

“Okay. I still think you ought to tell Justin.”

“What makes you think it’s Justin’s baby?” Lilah said,
shrugging. “Maybe it’s someone else’s.”

“Good try,” Lindy said, not buying her act. “I know you, Li,
and one thing you are not is promiscuous.”

“People change.”

“Do they?”

Lilah hoped they did. She wanted to tell Justin about their
baby but...she couldn’t push from her mind the information she’d received before
he left. He was a player of the worst kind. And honestly, she couldn’t fathom
the pain his rejection would cause in her heart if she told him and he pushed
her away.

She’d rather just raise the baby herself. God, when had she
turned into such a coward? She squeezed her eyes shut to keep the tears from
oozing out. How could she explain she hadn’t truly gotten pregnant on purpose?
She knew how it would appear and she cringed at the thought of defending
herself. Why hadn’t he worn a damn condom? Why hadn’t she insisted? Because most
times they were both so eager to tear each other’s clothes off that neither had
been thinking of anything aside from the moment.

“Justin doesn’t need a baby in his life right now. His father
has big plans for him in the political arena and I’m sure a baby mama wasn’t on
the agenda.”

“What kind of big plans and how do you know that?”

Lilah glanced away sheepishly, embarrassed that she’d scoured
the internet looking for news on Justin and had stumbled on a news article with
the senator officially announcing his plans to step down so that his son could
take his place on the campaign trail. Justin had looked strong and confident
standing there, shaking his father’s hand with that wide, easy grin that she’d
come to adore. “I found a news article announcing the plan for Justin to follow
his father into politics,” she finally admitted to her sister. “That’s how I
know. And nowhere did it mention plans to expand the Cales family anytime
soon.”

“Plans change.”

She sighed. “Not this kind. I don’t know what to do,” she
cried, grinding out the moisture from her eyes. “I’m the exact opposite of what
a politician’s wife should be.”

“Who said anything about marriage? I didn’t say you ought to
run out and marry the guy, just let him know that he’s going to be a father. Two
separate things,” Lindy said firmly.

“I know, I’m just saying...” Her voice trailed as she thought
of the kind of person Justin would probably marry. Likely some pale-faced
respectable girl with a pedigree as polished as his own; not a barefoot island
girl with her head in the clouds most times who hadn’t even attended
college.

Embarrassment flooded her as she pictured herself stacked up
against all the other women Justin was more suited for and realized with a
certainty she was making the right decision. “Well, I don’t have to decide
today,” she murmured, although she already had.

Justin wasn’t ready to be a father.

She swallowed a lump of fear.

But was she ready to be a mother?

She supposed she had eight more months to figure it out.

* * *

J
USTIN
’
S
MOOD
HADN
’
T
improved in spite of his
buddy’s ardent and well-intentioned attempts to lighten his spirits by dragging
him from one club to the next.

They were in their usual spot at Martini, the upscale bar that
catered to the rich and elite of Manhattan, but whereas Keenan and Benny were
admiring the eye candy with open appreciation, Justin was just ready to go
home.

“What is wrong with you?” Keenan asked when Justin failed to
blink twice at the sexy redhead giving him a few sultry stares brimming with
invitation. “That woman is practically sending out a smoke signal saying she’s
into you. Are you sick or something? Go after it, man! It’s a moral imperative
that you nail that tail!”

Justin looked sharply at Keenan, irritation in his voice as he
said, “Not interested in just chasing after nameless women for a meaningless
romp in the sack.”

“Yeah? Since when?” Benny challenged. “Two months ago you’d
have been halfway down her dress by now. Suddenly you’re all Mr. Morals and
shit? Who do you think you’re kidding? We know you, Cales. You’re as horny as a
goat and just as eager to stick it to whoever is willing.”

Justin couldn’t hide his discomfort at Benny’s derisive
comment. Was it true? Had he truly been such a pig? He remembered times when
he’d been less than chivalrous. He also remembered times when he’d been
downright cruel. Damn, this self-examination wasn’t improving his mood any that
was for sure. He drained his beer and reached into his wallet to throw down a
few twenties. “I’m out of here,” he announced, much to the surprise of his
buddies.

“Hey, man, what’s going on?” Keenan said, following him to the
curb where Justin was hailing a cab. “You’re acting weird. Did you get too much
sun while in the tropics?”

Ordinarily, Keenan always made him laugh but he didn’t find
anything funny at the moment. Maybe he was just drowning in self-pity but
honestly, his father’s manipulations weren’t first and foremost on his mind. His
mind was focused on his last moments with Lilah. He could still see her look of
disappointment as her faith in him shattered. He could still hear the echo of
her anguished tone as she left him in that room without even allowing him to
explain.

Not that he would’ve been able to explain his behavior.

But she hadn’t wanted to hear it anyway.

At night he was overcome with the urge to board a plane to see
her one last time, to make her understand that he’d never meant to withhold
information, but he’d savored their time together as something pure and magical
and sharing all the sordid details of his true life would’ve contaminated
everything.

He wasn’t even sure if she’d care.

The fear that she’d reject him again kept him from following
through with his impulse but it left him feeling out of sorts and angry.

Which was why he wasn’t in the mood for silly games or nights
of chasing tail.

“Keenan, I’m not good company tonight. I’d just bring everyone
down.”

“It’s your old man, isn’t it?” Keenan said with sympathy. “He’s
a right bastard for forcing you into politics. At least my old man isn’t that
bad.”

“Yeah, well, he says he’s doing it for my own good,” Justin
said. “Says I was made for this career, even if I don’t realize it just
yet.”

“You think he’s right? You looked the part the other day,
that’s for sure. I never thought I’d see the day when Justin Cales wore a
politician’s smile for the camera.”

He agreed. “You and me both but I guess now’s as good a time as
any to get on with my life, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so. Still, sucks how it came about,” Keenan said
with open sympathy. “Listen, politics can’t be all bad. The perks are nice,” he
said, waggling his eyebrows. “Just make sure all your interns are hot chicks and
you’re golden.”

Justin smiled but there was no true humor in it. He didn’t want
hot interns. He wanted Lilah. He stifled a groan and scrubbed his hands over his
face, before saying, “I’ll catch you later, buddy,” eager to put a cap on the
day but Keenan stopped him with a clap on his shoulder.

“Listen, just go through the motions for now. Put a good face
on it and then when the old man kicks it, get out,” Keenan advised in all
seriousness.

Good God, Justin thought with irritation. When had Keenan
turned into such a douche?

Keenan closed Justin’s cab door and then brightened and said,
“All right, man, you take it easy. I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can take the
boat out?”

“Maybe,” Justin said in a noncommittal manner. He didn’t want
to go spend hours on a boat, either, but he knew Keenan was just trying to be a
good friend in the only way he knew how. “Catch you later.”

Justin gave the cabbie his apartment address. As the familiar
sights of the city flashed by him, he thought of how he’d love to show Lilah the
city and all its urban glory. He imagined her shy smile and heard her soft sigh
when he closed his eyes. God, he missed her.

How was it possible that he’d fallen so quickly for a woman so
wildly unsuited for his lifestyle?

Lovesick. That’s what he was.

He’d never imagined such a thing actually existed but he
believed it now.

His brain was mush; his gut twisted.

But worst of all?

His heart felt punched to pulp.

How was he going to survive the knowledge that he’d likely
never see Lilah again?

To his surprise, a tear slid from his eye.

Ahh hell.
This was just great. Now
he was blubbering in a taxicab.

Focus, Cales.

Lilah was in the past. Get over it. He had bigger problems.
He’d already signed on the dotted line; his life was officially a Cales
commodity in the political market.

The only good thing? Likely, he’d be too busy to think of Lilah
any longer with the grueling campaign trail his father had already scheduled. He
was going to spend the next few months hitting every little pocket town and
urban city within the New York sphere in the hopes of gaining votes. It’d
definitely keep him preoccupied, to the point of mental and physical
exhaustion.

As another spasm of pain rocked him, he clenched his fist and
lightly tapped the window.

And he’d welcome it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

“I’
M
SORRY
,
COME
AGAIN
?” Lora said, blinking hard and shaking her head as if her ears had
suddenly malfunctioned the minute Lilah shared her bomb. “Did you say...?”

“Yes,” Lilah answered, eager to get this scene over with. “I
went to the doctor yesterday to confirm. I’m about four weeks. So, barely
pregnant but pregnant all the same.”

“Are you sure? Sometimes the tests give out false positives,
right?” Lora said, the strained hope in her voice chafing at Lilah’s nerves.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Lilah said, still grappling with the
implications. “And even if I hadn’t gone to the doctor’s the fact that I can’t
seem to walk ten feet without burying my head in a toilet would’ve been a big
tip-off.”

“Crap,” Lora muttered, closing her eyes and leaning her head
against the headrest of the desk chair. “What about the father?”

“What about him?”

“Don’t be coy, Lilah. Just tell me. Is he going to help support
your baby?”

“No, because he’s not going to know about the baby.”

“As much as I agree it would be easier in the short term to
leave him out, you and I both know it’s not right.”

“I wish people would stop pushing their morality judgments down
my throat when it’s not their situation,” Lilah snapped. “I will handle things
on my own.”

“How?”

Lora’s blunt question made Lilah realize she didn’t have all
the answers just yet. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “But I will.”

“That’s not good enough, Li. Taking care of a baby requires
more than just good intentions.”

“I know that.”

“Well, Justin Cales should be held responsible, at least
financially for this baby. Don’t cut your nose off to spite your face. Of
course, we’ll all help as much as possible but honestly, Li...we didn’t need one
more financial commitment on top of everything else.”

“I didn’t get pregnant on purpose. I was on the Pill,” Lilah
said in her own defense, though it sounded pretty pathetic. “I guess my
antidepressants monkeyed with the effectiveness of the Pill. I didn’t realize
that would happen. I wasn’t planning to be sexually active so I guess I didn’t
pay much attention to that part of the instructions when Dr. Veronica was
telling me all the dos and don’ts with the meds.”

Lora sighed. “Well, live and learn. Speaking of the meds...can
you take them while pregnant?”

“I’ve already taken steps to wean myself from the medication,”
Lilah answered, shocking Lora. “I don’t want any chemicals going to my baby, no
matter how safe the doctors say they are, there are always risks and I’m not
willing to take the chance.”

“Lilah, that’s not a good idea. You need your medication,” Lora
said, worried. “What did Dr. Veronica say when you told her?”

“Don’t worry, I talked with Dr. Veronica about it and she’s
conditionally supportive.”

“What does that mean?”

“Well, I told her I was going to implement yoga and meditation
into my routine, which will help with my anxiety and of course, I will still be
going to my sessions. Dr. Veronica says I’ve been a model patient and she’s
cautiously optimistic to try this new approach and so...yeah, I’m going to go
for it.”

“Aren’t you worried about a relapse?” Lora asked, concerned.
“It’s not like your condition will just go away because you want it to.”

Lilah nodded, having given this very possibility a lot of
thought. “The difference is that I’m aware of the problem. I know what to look
for. I think it’s going to be okay. And...you know what...I know I always have
my family to be my support system. I’m really not worried,” she said, trying to
ease the concern in her sister’s expression. “Frankly, I’m more freaked out
about giving birth,” she said with a delicate shudder. “Scary stuff.”

“You’re not kidding,” Lora agreed. “You might never be the same
down there, if you know what I mean.”

Lilah gasped and gave her sister a playful push. “Thanks a lot.
That helps.
Not.
”

They laughed but beneath the laughter lurked apprehension on
both sides. Lilah knew Lora was worried about her relapsing but all Lilah could
do was continue to show her that she was getting better every day and maybe
someday that fear would ease. Adding her unexpected pregnancy on top of
everything else they were dealing with was a burden Lilah never would’ve
purposely thrown on the pile for her family to deal with but there was no
turning back now.

A moment of silence fraught with the heaviness of their
thoughts passed between them and Lilah suffered an attack of extreme guilt over
the situation she’d found herself. “I’m sorry, Lora. I didn’t mean to make
things worse for everyone,” she sighed.

Lora straightened and pulled Lilah into a tight hug. “Enough of
that. Grams used to say that babies were the highest blessing and she’s right.
We’ll figure it out. We’ll love that baby as much as we love any of our crazy
Bells, right?”

Lilah nodded, squeezing her eyes shut as she clung to her older
sister. “I’m scared,” she whispered. “What if I’m a terrible mother?”

“Impossible. You’re the most caring, sensitive person I know.
You’ll be a natural.”

Lilah wanted to believe that but her recent past sneered at
her, making a mockery of her brave intentions. She pulled away from Lora and
smiled in spite of the fear quivering in her gut. “Thank you for being here for
me.” Then she admitted, “I just wish Celly was here, too. She’s kind of like a
surrogate Grams.” At Lora’s quick look, Lilah said, “I don’t mean she’s
replacing Grams of course. It’s just that, I don’t know, she always made me feel
like Grams did...protected and loved. And I miss that.”

Lora bit her lip, then drew a deep breath with a
self-deprecating smile. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I’ve been doing a lot of
thinking lately and I’ve come to realize I was blaming Celly for trying to slide
into Grams’s spot when that was never her intention. The fact is, Grams is gone
but Celly did a lot to keep our family running smoothly. I guess I didn’t want
to see that because I was threatened by it.”

“You ready to talk to Celly?” Lilah asked, daring to hope.
“Because you know she won’t come back until the air is cleared between you.
Trust me, I’ve tried.”

Lora chuckled. “Yeah...I’ve been working up the nerve.
Everything with Pops has pretty much opened my eyes to a few things. I’m not
sure what I was hoping to accomplish by getting rid of Celly. I’m just going to
chalk it up to a huge misstep in judgment.”

“You always were the smart sister,” Lilah quipped, smiling.
“Glad to hear I’m not the only one who makes mistakes.”

Lora draped an arm around Lilah as they walked from the office.
“Honey, I make plenty of mistakes. It just takes longer for mine to catch up.
Let’s go get something to eat. All this heavy talk has made me hungry.”

Lilah chuckled until a wave of nausea hit. “Oh, God...don’t
talk about food.” And then she was running to the bathroom.

At this rate, she’d spend half the summer with her head in the
john.

* * *

C
ELLY
NEARLY
SWALLOWED
her tongue when she saw Lora in her driveway. “Took
yah long enough,” she muttered as she met her outside. “What yah want?”

Lora winced and drew a deep breath. “I want...to apologize and
ask you to come back to Larimar.”

Celly certainly hadn’t expected a surrender from the mighty
Lora Bell quite so easily. She eyed the woman with suspicion. “Why?”

“Are you going to make me do this? Beg?” When Celly remained
stubbornly quiet, Lora sighed and said, “I guess so. Okay, so here it is. I was
wrong to let you go. I shouldn’t have interfered with your system when you
plainly had things running smoothly without my interference. I guess I’ve been
struggling with something that had nothing to do with you and I’m sorry for
that. The fact is, you have become a part of this family and I’m difficult with
change. But you have done an amazing job with Pops and we need you. Please come
back.”

Celly broke into a pleased grin and gathered Lora into a fierce
hug that shocked the young woman. “Now was dat so hard? Yah a stubborn mule of a
girl but yah remind me of mahself when I was full of piss and vinegar. Only yah
nicer dan I was back in de day.”

Lora laughed ruefully. “Really? So I guess there’s hope for me
yet?”

Celly chuckled. “Maybe,” she said, then walked staunchly to the
house and strode inside to pack. Lora followed her into the house. “I seen a lot
of people come and go on dis island but Jack and Lana Bell had island blood even
if dey weren’t born here.”

“You knew my Grams before she died?” Lora asked,
incredulous.

“Of course I knew her,” Celly said. “She was my friend. Good
woman.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that?”

“Yah never asked. Yah made assumptions and I let yah have dem.
Why do yah tink Jack is so easy with me? He knows I was close with his
Lana.”

“I don’t remember you coming around when I was growing up.”

Celly chuckled. “Yah never were much for anyting aside from yah
books. Besides, I didn’t come round too much to the resort until Lana died. I
noticed Jack was having troubles and Lilah was at a loss of what to do. So I
slipped myself into the front desk and stayed until yah come along and boost me
out.”

Lora’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment and Celly patted her
shoulder. She was Lana’s blood true and because of that Celly would always care
for Lora, but lord she be hard and stubborn. “Now, enough of dis. I’ve had just
all I can stand of dis place. Have yah completely destroyed my desk wit your
fancy filing and methods?”

“Probably,” Lora admitted with a wince. “But whatever you need
to put it right, I’ll get for you. Even if it means hiring another
part-timer.”

“Bah, we don’t need anyone else poking their noses into Larimar
business. I can fix tings, never yah mind.”

Lora’s shoulders sagged with relief. “You’re a lifesaver. Did
you hear what happened to Pops the other day? He tried swimming to Dead Man’s
Breach! He nearly drowned.”

At that Celly broke into a wistful grin. “Prolly following his
Lana out for a swim. Yah know she was half fish he used to say.”

“Yeah, I remember him saying that.”

“Well, de secret to keeping Jack occupied is to keep him
occupied like Lana used to. She was always putting him on task so as to keep him
out of her hair when she needed to do busy work for the resort.”

Lora chuckled. “No, I didn’t know that. Well, I’m curious as to
what we can have him do that won’t endanger him or others at this point.”

“Leave him to me,” Celly said, smiling. She’d been managing
Jack for years, much longer than any of them realized. She managed to make it
work because she cared for the old coot. More than she should but that was her
secret to keep and there was no reason to burden the girls with the knowledge.
Deliberately switching mental gears, she said brightly, “I fancy myself some
boiled bananas tonight. What do yah tink of dat?”

Lora grinned. “I think it’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.”
As they climbed into the Jeep, Lora suddenly grimaced and said, “Oh, and there’s
something else you should know...Lilah’s pregnant.”

Celly surprised Lora with a chuckle. “Chile, I already knew
dat. Yah’d have to be blind not to see it. Come, we’ll stop by the fruit stand
to pick up some coconut. Coconut water will fix her right up. Island girls been
drinking it for ages to calm a baby kicking up a fuss in de belly.”

The ache that’d been in Celly’s heart since walking away from
Larimar had eased and her step was spry. The Bells had never known it, but Lana
had always tasked Celly with watching over her sugar birds and Celly had done so
in her own way. Lana’s sugar birds were her own.

And now there was another sugar bird on the way? Joy, that’s
what was in her heart. Pure joy.

Lilah was going to need her. She knew it in her bones.

All the Bells would need her, just as they’d needed Lana.

I won’t let yah down, Lana girl,
Celly promised silently.
I promise.

* * *

J
USTIN
HAD
STRANGE
DREAMS
the night
before. He’d tossed and turned on the bed, finding no comfort on the expensive
mattress designed to give him a perfect night’s rest when previously he’d always
slept like a baby.

Maybe it’d been nerves. As he awaited his father inside his
office, he drummed his fingers on the brand-new briefcase his father had
instructed that he purchase, and his eyes burned with the need to catch some
shut-eye. But just as he knew sleep wasn’t on the schedule, he also knew it
wasn’t nerves.

He couldn’t stop thinking of Lilah and last night had been the
height of pain and longing. It was as if she was everywhere in his mind; there
were no safe passages that he could travel without running into some reminder of
his time with her. Maybe she was some kind of island witch, he mused darkly.
Because how else could he explain the constant and unrelenting obsession he had
with her? Keenan suggested a carnal cleansing.

“Just screw someone else right away, wipe away the memory,
man,” he’d said with the confidence of a man who believed in the method.
“Remember when I got hung up on that waitress? I mean, I was totally into her in
the worst way, but when I knew it wasn’t going to work out, I made sure to jump
in the sack with as many chicks as possible. Before too long, I couldn’t even
remember what it was that had me so hung up on her.” He made a rude sound.
“Like, I can’t even remember her name. Okay, that’s a lie. I remember her name,
it was Alicia, but she wasn’t so special that she couldn’t be easily replaced
with a little effort. That’s what you need, bro. I promise you this.”