Song Chaser (Chasers) (21 page)

I ditched my jacket after the first few songs, the heat from the fire and dancing sustaining me just fine. Tanner watched me peel it off and I watched his jaw flex, loving that I got a reaction from him but knowing it was trouble at the same time. We’ve been normal all night,
at least as normal as we can be, but there’s an unspoken tension between us. It was there before we came, and it thickened like mud after he sang.

The Watermelon Crawl
comes on and everyone cheers, gathering around to line dance. I’m almost shocked when Tanner slides up beside me and kicks in his sneakers along with everyone else.

“You’re shitting me, right?” I ask, laughing so hard I’m almost embarrassed. I hate my laugh.

Tanner smiles, his white teeth glowing in the firelight. “What? You didn’t think this city boy lost all his country roots, did you?”

“I didn’t know doctors could dance like that.”

His smile morphs into a devilish grin, “There’s a lot you don’t know about what I can do.” He glances sideways at me and my heart stutters, my mouth trembling slightly. I miss the cue to turn and Samantha knocks into me.

“Oh! Sorry!” she laug
hs, taking a swig from her longneck and I fall back in line. Tanner’s grin widens and I shake my head.

“You’re such an ass,” I laugh.

“So I’ve been told,” he says. “And you like to talk about doctors, but who knew a city slicker could line dance?” He grabs my hips and spins me around and I laugh harder.

I keep dancing, letting each song work through my flesh and into my bones. It feels like
all the weight is releasing, like all the shit outside of this fire doesn’t matter. I’m not thinking of school, of the major I hate or the two jobs I have waiting when we get back to New York. I’m not thinking of my mom or my dad, of what they’ve said and what they haven’t. It’s just me and the music – a simple freedom I forgot existed.

“I wish I could have as much fun as you do when I dance,” Drew slides up beside me and smiles, a soft dimple appearing in his left cheek. I realize now that I’m by myself and I’m not sure when Tanner or anyone else stopped. “Can I dance with you?”

The song that’s on is a fast Electro one, so I turn toward Drew and start to jump up and down, throwing my hands in the air. He mimics me and we laugh, taking turns doing ridiculous dances like the Lawn Mower and Shopping Cart. I’m laughing so hard I think I might dislocate a rib when the music fades out and a soft, sexy R&B song replaces it. Drew grabs my hips and pulls me into him, burying his face in my neck. I can smell the beer on his breath as he pulls me closer. His hands make my hips sway, and even though I love dancing, I don’t feel right. I don’t want to dance like this with Drew.

My eyes scan the party until I find Tanner’s, and I can’t explain the look on his face. Angry, hurt – but more than that, he looks defeated.

Come stop him. Take his place.

I bite my lip, willing him to come dance with me and scolding myself s
imultaneously. I can’t do this. I can’t tell him not to hold my hand but then expect him to dance with me, to care if another guy dances with me instead.
Just friends. Just friends.
No matter how many times I repeat it, I don’t believe it any more than I did the first time.

Suddenly, Tanner throws himself up from his seat and storms back toward the trail that leads to the boats.
I pull away from Drew and run after him, not even offering an apology before taking off. I crash through the brush and leaves, almost tripping on the leg of a tree. My breath is heavy and hard in my chest, my heart thumping so loud it’s almost deafening. When I reach the sand, I stop abruptly.

Tanner faces away from me, his arms lifted above his head and his hands resting on the edge of the boat. Even in the dark I can see the muscles flow and ebb through his shoulders and forearms, his back constricting with heavy breaths.

“Tanner,” I breathe quietly, because I’m not sure what else to say. I don’t ask him why he left because I know. I don’t ask him what’s wrong because I know. Yet, I still don’t know what else to say – his name is the only word I can muster, the only word that can form in my mouth.

“I can’t do this, Kellee,” he says softly and I shudder at the sound of my name.
Right now in this moment I’m not Freckles or Frecks – I’m Kellee, and for some reason that scares me. He drops his arms to his side exasperatingly, turning to face me. His brows are pinched together and his eyes sag, “I can’t be your friend. I can’t watch you with other guys and pretend like you don’t hold my fucking heart in your goddamn hands.” He moves closer to me, his chest heaving, “I thought I could, I wanted to. I wanted to be what you needed me to be and live with the fact that I ruined this, that I ruined
us
. But you don’t understand.” He stops, his hands turned outward and rolling into fists. “Every time I don’t touch you, my hands ache. Every time I bite back what I really want to say, it’s like swallowing acid. And just now, seeing Drew’s hands on you,” he pauses, biting his lip and exhaling sharply like a bull in the ring. His voice shakes, “It was like having my entire body crushed – like having the breath literally fucking ripped out of my chest. I can’t be just your friend. I
can’t
watch you fall in love with someone else.”

His face twists and his nostrils flare, like he’s in m
ore physical pain than he can bear. My cheeks are wet with tears I didn’t even know I had shed, my entire body shaking from my lips to my knees. I know I’m like my mom, I have the flight gene embedded deep in my blood and it’s always been the easiest thing for me to do. I knew I would hurt him, and now he’s standing as living proof that I was right.

But he hurt me, too.

I turn away from him, wiping the tears from my face. I know this is one of those moments, one of those life-defining specks of time that hold the power to change everything. I think of my dad, of my mom, of Paisley and how broken Tanner is, how I’ve broken him even more when all I wanted was so desperately to fix him.

And it hits me.

I’m not supposed to fix him, just like he’ll never be able to fix me. We’re supposed to be broken together, to form as much of a whole as we can by being exactly who we are – never promising to be anything more.

I turn back to Tanner, his eyes still fixed on me, shoulders shaking.

“So come save me,” my words shake more than I mean for them to as I repeat the lyrics of the song he sang just a few short hours ago.

Tanner’s face changes, confusion ruling over all other emotions. “What?”

I swallow, finding a steadier voice. “If you want me,” I step a little closer. “If you don’t want me with anyone else,” Another step. “Then come take me.”

I focus on my breaths. In. Out. In. Then I say it again.

“Save me, Tanner. And let me save you.”

The words hover between us, the weight of them pressing down and suffocating me. Did I make a mistake? Is it too late? I hold my breath for what feels like hours, my lungs aching. Tanner’s eyes never leave mine, his body shaking more violently than before. Slowly, I inch toward him, like he’s a wild animal I’m trying to tame. Each step I take causes him to shake more.

I’m just a few feet away, and I stop, waiting. The water slaps against the boat and the moon shines down on Tanner’s face, illuminating the ticking in his jaw.

I reach out and touch his arm,
and that’s all it takes. Tanner closes the gap between us, pulling me into him and wrapping his arms around my waist. He crushes his mouth to mine, cutting the tension between us like a rubber band. It breaks hard and fast and explodes all around us. Suddenly, our hands are frantic – his on my face, mine gripping his arms, his wrapped around my hips, mine running the length of his back. He kisses me hard, desperate – like everything depends on how his lips find mine, on how his tongue moves with my tongue.

“I want you. For me. For
only
me,” he breathes the words hard against my neck. “For now. Forever. For the right reasons and for the wrong ones. For happily ever after or for a category five storm. I,” a kiss. “Want,” another kiss. “You.” He runs his lips across my jaw and finds my lips again before lifting me into his arms.

He carries me swiftly to the boat, laying me down on the front seat and falling down on top of me, his kisses covering me in a frenzy. I rip at his shirt, desperate to be closer to him
, before he finally pulls it over his head and throws it to the floor. The moonlight cascades down his bare chest, the light touching the peaks of his abs. I slide my fingers along where the light touches, making Tanner shiver.

“You’re kind of beautiful,” I breathe softly.

He smiles, falling back down on top of me, his hands on either side of my head and his strong shoulders above me. He kisses me slowly, but fiercely, his lips hard on mine. I let my hand wander the length of his ribs, his abs, and then I hover just above the hem of his jeans. He inhales stiffly, biting his lip.

“I want you, Kellee. I’ll wait if that’s what you need,
and I’ll go as slow as you ask me to, but I want you to know that my body craves you.”

“I want you, too,” I whisper. He pulls back slightly and locks his eyes on mine, searching.
“Please, Tanner.”

I pull his mouth to mine again, deepening our kiss as I slide my hand just beneath the band of his boxers. My wrist is restrained by
his jeans, but I grab his hard on firmly in my hand and he curses, biting my lip and tugging on it with his teeth. Suddenly he pulls back, lifting my shirt above my head with him. I should be freezing, we should both be keeping our clothes on, but right now there’s so much heat between us it’s like we’re in a furnace – a two-person raging inferno.

Tanner’s eyes roam over my exposed midriff, his jaw ticking again. He leans down and kisses the swells of my breasts just above my bra and I moan, thrusting toward him. He quickly unclips my bra and throws it to join our shirts, immediately pulling my right nipple into his mouth. I cry out, a slow electricity rolling through me with each flick of his tongue. Slowly, he kisses down, down, until his mouth is just below my navel. I push my hips toward him, allowing enough room for him to slide my jeans off, and he does. He takes his time slid
ing them over my hips, my thighs, my calves and finally my ankles. Then he stands and quickly drops his jeans, leaving us in nothing but a thong and a pair of boxers.

I swallow hard, so eager to expose myself to Tanner yet shaking so hard I can barely think straight. I hook my thumbs in the strings o
f my thong and slowly slide it down, my eyes locked on Tanner’s the entire time. And then I’m completely naked, completely open for him. I lay back on my elbows and let his eyes run across my skin, lighting a fire in their wake.

Tanner clenches his jaw, his eyes finding mine again, and then he pulls his boxers to the floor of the boat and steps out of them, his length springing free.

My breath hitches in my throat.

Who knew what those scrub
s had been hiding all this time?

He lowers himself slowly on top of me, his trembling body held just above mine. Slowly, so slowly my insides ache in anticipation, he guides himself inside me. When he pushes in, my breath catches and I moan, making Tanner growl in response.

“Goddamn, Kellee. You are so fucking tight,” he breathes against my lips, rocking inside me again. He’s trying to go slow, trying not to hurt me, but we’re both so wild with want that he’s struggling. He thrusts inside me harder, deeper, and I let my head fall back, his lips covering my throat down to my collarbone as his body moves with mine.

“You’re not going to break me,” I moan, feeling his restraint. “Stop holding back.”

“Fuck,” he breathes. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

I grab his hips and pull him int
o me harder, feeling him deeper – so deep I see stars. He groans in response and moves faster, his body crashing into mine, his lips covering every inch of me. He sucks my nipple between his teeth and bites softly, sending a pang of pleasure through my core. I’m moaning, breathing, screaming. I don’t care who hears – I mark the lake with my voice, with the pleasure Tanner is emerging me in.

“Oh, Tanner. Yes, oh God, yes!”

“Baby, I’m going to come right now if you keep screaming like that,” he growls in my ear, sliding his hand down my side. He finds my clit and circles with his fingers, pushing the heat through my body with every round.

“Fuck, Tanner,
don’t stop,” I moan.

“I’m never stopping,” he bites my neck and thrusts into me hard, his hand still working. My eyes fly open and I take in the stars, the moon, every sense awakening at his touch. My breaths grow shorter and I strain my hips against him, letting him fill me.

“Oh God,” I hold my breath and the electricity explodes inside me, sending wave after wave of pleasure coursing through my every inch. It’s never ending, his hand still moving against me and his length pushing inside. I shake beneath him, pulsing and moaning his name.

“Shit,” Tanner curses under his breath and I feel him release, his shoulders trembling above me. I dig my nails into them and drag down his back, making him curse even louder. He is so fucking sexy.

Tanner slows, our breaths dancing between our lips as we both come down from the high. I run my fingers through his hair and hold his mouth to mine, kissing him deeply. I was right, this is one of those moments – one of those times in life where something inside us changes. Tanner has changed me, his touch forever seared into my memory, this night forever tattooed on my heart.