Song Chaser (Chasers) (20 page)

Kellee nods, and I think she connects the dots. “Are you tonight? In the right frame of mind, I mean?”

I contemplate her question, thinki
ng about Mariah, about Paisley, about Kellee and the new boundaries on our relationship.
Just
friends. “I’m not exactly sure, but I needed to come. And I wanted you to be with me,” I squeeze her hand a little before turning us down the narrow path leading back to the fire.

When we reach the clearing, a dozen people are already there, laughing and pouring drinks. I recognize most of them, only
seeing a couple of new faces that I’m unsure of. For the most part, it’s the same old crew. Even though they’re my high school friends and we all have different lives now, I love that we still do this. Though, the number of attendants seems to shrink more and more each year. I guess that’s how life works. We grow up and grow apart, all the while holding on to the feeling of the past which used to be the very present we undervalued then and continue to now.

“
Well I’ll be damned,” Drew says as he spots us emerging from the woods. “That shot we took must be stronger than I thought because I’m seeing shit!”

Everyone turns and a mixture of cheers and laughs explode around us. Samantha, my ex from high school, is the first one to reach us.
We dated when I was a junior, but realized we were better off as friends.

Story of my fucking life, apparently.

She throws her arms around my neck and gives me a hard squeeze, her long dark hair swirling around my face. “Tanner! I can’t believe you came! We thought we lost you last year,” she pulls back and smiles, her eyes glistening. She’s still just as beautiful as she was in high school, though she pales in comparison to Kellee. The last time we were here, two years ago, she told me she was engaged. Judging by the two glittering rings on her finger, that engagement turned into a marriage.

“Can’t get rid of me that easily,” I offer an uneasy smile. “This is
my friend, Kellee.” I choke a little on the word
friend
.

Kellee extends her hand to Samantha, but she wraps her in a hug instead, making Kellee tense.
This girl’s had more hugs in the past twenty-four hours than in the past twenty-four years, probably. I guess that’s Georgia for you. “It’s so nice to meet you! Tanner’s never brought anyone with him to our Thanksgiving tradition. Are you from New York?”

Kellee nods, “Yeah. I’m originally from upstate but I go to school in the city.”

“Damn city slickers,” Drew teases, slapping my hand and thumping me hard on the back. Drew was on the football team with me in high school, always competing with me for the starting wide receiver position. We were pretty close all through school and even went to the University of Central Florida together in Orlando, but after the first semester of freshman year we grew apart. The only time I ever saw him after that was when we came here. He’s working as an accountant in Atlanta now.

“
Can I get you a drink?” Drew asks, turning his attention to Kellee. His eyes wander the length of her legs and I instantly tense, even though I’m not really allowed to.

“She doesn’t drink,” I say a little too quickly.

“Oh,” Drew offers hesitantly, shifting his gaze between us. “Well, I have some water and a couple different kinds of soda. Want me to grab you one?”

Kellee is looking at me with pursed lips and I’m sure she isn’t happy I spoke for her, but the hell if I’m letting another drunken night happen between us. “I’d love a water,” she says pointedly, still staring at me. “Thank you.”

Drew nods and trots off to the group of ice chests gathered at the far end of the fire. Kellee turns to me, “Aren’t you going to get a drink?”

“Not right now,” I say, but really I mean not at all tonight.
Even though a beer sounds really fucking nice right about now with all the energy I have running through me, I want to be sober. I don’t want to miss one minute of tonight, especially if it goes the way I want it to.

One by one
, my old classmates, some of them with new spouses or friends, wander over. I introduce them all to Kellee and focus on keeping steady breaths every time a new guy touches her hand or gives her a hug. I’m acting like a jealous fucking high schooler but I can’t help it.

Kellee seems to come alive, laughing with everyone and thoroughly enjoying the stories from my high school days. She looks a lot like she did the night I took her to the High Line,
tossing her head back in laughter and sipping slowly on her water. It makes me want to pull her back to the boat and kiss her until she doesn’t have the breath to laugh anymore.

I fucking hate
just friends
.

After a while, everyone starts gathering around the fire, taking seats on the short tree stumps positioned around the outside of the pit. Some
of the crew are squished together side by side, some sitting on each other’s laps. When we first started this tradition, there were only ten of us, so only ten stumps are gathered. A few people have their own chairs set up, but I find the same stump I’ve sat on every year and take a seat. Kellee looks around nervously, her eyes shifting between me and the fire.

“Should I go see if there’s an extra chair?” she asks. I realize the two stumps on either side of me are taken. Shit, I didn’t even think about that. Before I think enough to stop myself, I
grab her hand and pull her into my lap, careful not to make it seem like more than a friendly gesture, though I’m sure she feels it anyway. She stiffens a little, so I start talking to distract her from thinking too much about it.

“I hope you have your song requests ready.”

“Does everyone sing?” she asks, crossing her legs. Damn, what I would give to run my hand along the inside seam of her jeans, to make her come to life for me.

“Not everyone, but pretty much. It’s usually a slow start, but once we get going it’s tough to shut us up.”

She laughs, “Wow. You? Tough to shut up? Imagine that.”

There’s that sass I fucking love. She’s been so quiet, so reserved since our fight. I want the
feisty girl I met at The Box back. I go to respond, but Drew stands and whistles, calling everyone’s attention.

“
Okay, we all know I’m not one for the sappy shit – but this is the twelfth year we’ve done this. So basically, we’re fucking old,” everyone laughs. “But, without getting too girly, I’m really glad we still do this. We started with ten, grew to over forty, and now we are down to just over a dozen. One year, I’m going to come out here and be the only one. But for now, we’re here – and I love you assholes.” There’s a mixture of “aw” from the girls and “stop being a pussy” from the guys. Drew waves his hands, “Alright enough of that shit. Who’s starting tonight?”

“Oh! Me!”
Hannah says, jumping from her seat. She runs over to grab an old guitar case and pulls out the same red guitar she’s played since we were all fifteen. It has a sticker on the front of it that reads
COUNTRY GIRLS DO IT BETTER
, and Drew took the liberty of testing Hannah on that theory after the first night we all came out here. According to him, it was true.

Hannah has short, fiery red hair and light skin that reflects the glow of the moon.
She used to be on the dance team and everyone called her Big Red, even though she was the tiniest girl in our entire grade. She takes position on the “stage”, the small spot at the end of the fire where there are no stumps, and starts to strum. I recognize the melody immediately as an old Journey song.

“She’s really good,” Kellee says softly, adjusting herself on my lap
as Hannah sings. Her thighs rub against me and I have to stifle a moan.
Keep it together, Tanner.

“I know someone who’s better,” I whisper back. “Any chance I can get you to sing tonight?”

She turns back to me, her gray eyes dancing in the fire. For a moment, I swear I can see another color in them – something deeper. “You first.”

She says it sarcastically, like she knows it won’t happen, and on any other night she would have been right. If she were anyone else, if it were just me here tonight – she would
have been right. But sometimes you have to do something uncomfortable, something that terrifies you, to make a statement. Every muscle in my body tenses and I feel my breaths begin to shake slightly. This is it, one shot for me to show up or shut up.

“Okay,” I say, grabbing her hips and lifting her from my lap. She looks at me with wild, confused eyes as I grab my guitar and walk up to where Hannah just was. Everyone is buzzing, some refilling their drinks and others talking amongst themselves. I pull out the practically new guitar and tune it a little before throwing the strap over my shoulder. Right now, I only know how to play three songs: one I learned from my online guitar lessons, one I learned for Paisley, and one I learned for Kellee.

For the first time in over a year, I’m going to play. And I’m going to sing.

And I’m going to hope like hell that it’s enough.

Save Me

Kellee

Tanner starts strumming lightly on the guitar, a soft and familiar melody that I swear I know. Samantha and a few other girls shout out things like, “Ow owww!” and “Sing it, baby!” Tanner’s half smile creeps onto his face and if it weren’t for the glow of the fire I would swear he is blushing.

He plays a few more chords, stretching the intro on a little longer than it usually is. I can’t quite put my finger on which song it is, but I know I know it. Suddenly, I see that his hands are shaking slightly. He inhales deep, then pushes all the air from his lungs slowly before locking his honey eyes on mine. Then, he opens his mouth and starts to sing.

It’s a song by The Loner Boys.

And I have never heard a voice like his before.

It’s raspy and thick, deeper than I would have expected with a range I didn’t think was possible. I immediately get chills, and everyone around the fire stops talking. Everyone is focused on Tanner, and Tanner is completely focused on me.

You didn’t know it, but you saved me with your kiss.

Your hands in my hair made me want to bite your lip.

And you don’t see it, but you’re more than just a pair of legs,

I found myself inside you and now I can’t catch my breath.

The stars, they don’t shine as bright as you do.

The ache in my chest is too hard to escape.

I’m a stupid boy with good intentions,

But I think you can relate.

We might be poison, I might destroy you,

And you might be a little crazy.

But
God, I need you to stay, girl –

I really need you to save me.

Two birds locked inside a cage, we aren’t supposed to last,

And I guess we both could blame it on our past.

But I’m out of excuses if you’re done with pretending,

I’m ready to start the story that doesn’t have an ending.

Oh, the stars, they don’t shine as bright as you do.

The ache in my chest is too hard to escape.

I’m a stupid boy with good intentions,

But I think you can relate.

We might be poison, I might destroy you,

And you might be a little crazy.

But God, I need you to stay, girl –

I really need you to save me.

Please don’t walk away,

Please don’t walk away,

Please don’t walk away,

Stay right here, girl.

Save me.

The last words leave his lips and his fingers glide across the strings, thumbing out the last of the song. When he finishes, everyone is silent. The only sound is the soft crackle of the fire.

Finally, Samantha jumps up from her seat, “God, I’ve missed your voice! Oak Springs Idol, in the flesh!” Everyone laughs and it’s like the spell is broken. The ice chests pop open and more beers are handed out as Drew takes Tanner’s place. He starts singing an old 90s pop song that gets everyone fired up just as Tanner reaches me. He pulls me up and sits down, folding me back into his lap again like nothing happened. Like
that
didn’t just happen. I’m shaking, the chills still evident on my skin but I don’t think he notices. I feel him swallow hard behind me and I turn, letting his eyes find mine.

We don’
t say anything. Words seem so useless and feeble. But his hand just barely touching the outside of my thigh, his eyes holding fast to mine, the shakiness of his breath and the sound of his voice still resonating in my chest say more than enough, maybe even more than I want them to.

Just friends just got very complicated.

*     *     *

Everyone sings until they’re practically hoarse. I
was finally coerced into singing, too – once on my own and once with Hannah. Even the ones who couldn’t sing to save a church joined in on a couple of the ballads and throwbacks. Tanner was the last to sing, closing us down with
Don’t Stop Believing,
the perfect closing time song – except the party isn’t over. Drew set up a large portable speaker and plugged in his phone, and now everyone is dancing.