Song Chaser (Chasers) (3 page)

“So what changed this time?” He asks, his arm subtly grazing mine as we walk.

“I decided over the summer that I wasn’t going to give a shit this year. I was going to stop letting fears hold me back from doing what I wanted to do. So even though I finally convinced someone to go with me tonight, it actually didn’t bother me when she left because I had already decided I was going with or without her.” I think about my mom, wondering if maybe she made the same selfish decisions that have recently been running through my mind. Everyone always says I’m so much like her, and even though I wish they weren’t
right, I can’t help but wonder if they are.

Tanner smiles, “Well let’s be honest, you obviously weren’t going to leave once you saw that I was there.”

“Oh please. Can’t you just admit that you’re stalking me, already?”

He laughs again, “I told you, I don’t miss BNLS shows. But I do believe you when you said you haven’t ever been to one before.”

“Why, because I stood in the ‘you’re stupid if you stand there’ spot? Maybe I just like my concerts loud,” I shoot back, letting my arm continue to graze his as we walk. I know I should pull back. I should walk away and realize his honey eyes are set on another girl and not me, that I’d be a selfish bitch to let him feel anything for me at all being that my mother’s blood runs through these veins. But for some reason, it’s like he’s gravity – and I’m helpless to escape him.

“No, that’s not why,” he says, grabbing me to make me stop and face him. “I just know that I would never forget if I had seen your face before.” His eyes search mine and once again, I’m at a loss for words.

And breath.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, and everything inside me wants to scream that I’m starving if it means he will take me somewhere. But Sal’s voice is ringing louder in my head, and I know I’d be stupid to let myself take this night any further.

“No, and I actually really need to get home. I’ve got class early in the morning,” I signal for a cab and turn back to Tanner just as one pulls up. “Thanks again for standing with me.”

I slide into the cab and go to close the door, but Tanner catches it. “Come
home with me, Freckles,” he says, his eyes on fire as he gazes down at me. My insides clench in response and I want nothing more than to pull him into the cab with me.

“I can’t,” I breathe softly, my voice just barely above a whisper. I’m faltering and I know he can see it. I lift my chest and struggle to find my confidence again, “I still haven’t heard you sing.” I wink and pull the door closed. As the cab pulls away, I turn around and pray that I’ll see Tanner walking away. But instead, he’s standing in the same place with a huge smile on his face.

And his eyes look more determined than ever.

Please Be Jealous

Tanner

The huge smile that’s always cemented on my face when I’m inside Bellevue
Hospital instantly vanishes as soon as I walk through the doors and I’m back on the New York City streets. I wish it would stay, wish there was something – anything – that could make me as happy as those kids make me. But there’s only one person who has that power, and right now she’s probably curled up in the arms of the one military douchebag who was lucky enough to get her to stay with him.

Fucker.

Although, I can’t deny that I wasn’t genuinely smiling when I ran into the bartender from The Box last week. I still can’t believe she was at an underground concert. I’ve never met a girl who was into the same music as me, which is surprising seeing as how music is probably the most important thing to me other than school and my career. Frankly, I don’t know how the band played with her perfect breasts pushed up in that BNLS tank she was wearing. I had to stuff my hands in my pockets to fight the urge to reach out and pull her to me every time I saw the lead singer glance down at her. I wanted him to know she was with me, but then I remembered.

She wasn’t.

I shake my head and dig in my scrub pocket for my phone, hitting Dad’s picture on my missed calls screen. After a few rings, his strong voice beats through the speaker, “Hey, son. Just waking up? Lazy bum.”

I smile, “
Ha ha, very funny. I think I’m in love with my bed; I’ve been thinking about it non-stop for about three hours now.” I work the night shifts on most Saturdays and put in a lot of my residency hours during this shift. I already work way more than I’m required, but I love being with the kids, so I just go even if I’m not scheduled to be there.

“Well, I’m not sure she’ll make a very pretty bride, but at least you don’t have to worry about her cheating,” Dad jokes. “Your mom and I are on our way out to do some golfing with the
Carters.”

“Oh boy, and by that I’m assuming you mean that you and Mr.
Carter are going to golf while Mom and Cindy giggle and drink wine coolers in the golf cart?”

Dad laughs, “You know us so well. I just called earlier to see if you were still planning on coming home for Thanksgiving. I know it’s still a ways away, but you know your mother.” I can almost feel Dad rolling his eyes, thinking about all the preparation that goes into one holiday dinner. I swear my mom starts thinking about Christmas dinner in April.

“
Oh
yeah, I know,” I laugh, too. “Yeah, I still think I’ll be able to come. But it depends on if they need me here at the hospital. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Well you know I know what that’s like, bu
t it sure would be nice to see you,” Dad says. He has his own practice now, but he worked in various hospitals in the ER all through his twenties and early thirties.

Dad grows quiet on the other end, and I know before he asks that he’s worried about how I am. He’s been there for more than one of my drunken episodes over Paisley, and I’ve definitely given him reason to worry, but he’s never chastised me for it. He understands, probably more than anyone.

“I’m fine, Dad. Stop worrying over there, you’re stressing me out,” I joke, trying to lighten the sudden shift of mood.

Dad sighs, “I know, I’m sorry. I just want you to know I’m still here, always here, even if you just need me to crack open a beer with you over the phone.”

I laugh, “I might take you up on that soon, but right now I just want to sleep.” I’ve reached the subway and I always lose service once I go underground, so I lean against the railing at the top of the stairs and try again to reassure him. “I really am okay, though. It’s not going to be easy, not for a long time, but I’m okay. Being at the hospital helps the most.”

“Well then it’s a good thing you love what you do. I’m proud of you, son.”

I can’t help but beam when the words leave his mouth. I’ve always wanted to be like my dad, and even though he’s never been shy about telling me he loves me or that he’s proud of me, it still means something to me every time he says it.

My phone beeps in my ear and I see Benny’s face light up the screen. “Thanks, Dad. I gotta run, Benny’s calling on the other line. Have fun golfing and tell Mom I said not to drink and drive at the same time – pun intended.”

Dad laughs his deep belly laugh, “I’ll do that. Call me this week sometime for that beer.”

I smile and end the call, switching over to Benny.

“Bro, please tell me you saw the new residents when you were leaving this morning. There are two blonde twins in this class. TWINS.” Benny is a lot like me, hell I’d even go as far as to say he’s practically
my
twin, except that he isn’t as stupid as I am and he actually avoids falling in love. I always thought I was smart enough to escape it, too – but Paisley ate right through that notion.

“Na, I didn’t see them. You know me, I’m pretty focused when I’m in there.”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Benny says, dismissing me. “You going to The Box tonight?”

“I don’t know, I’ve been at the hospital for fourteen hours and I really want to enter into a long-term rel
ationship with my bed right now.” I know I’m bullshitting, since sleep is something I rarely see anymore, but I’m not sure I’m up for a night out.

“Aw come on, man! Some of the newbies are coming out, including those twins, and I really need my wing man. Besides, that hot little bartender is supposed to be working tonight, and I think she has the hots for me.”

I perk up at the mention of Kellee, “Kellee is going to be there?”

“If Kellee is the smoking hot blonde with the killer legs and perfect rack, then yes.”

I want to shove my fist through the phone and punch Benny square in his jaw, which is fucking ridiculous seeing as how I’ve talked to this girl twice. I shake my head, “Yeah man, I’ll come. Just meet at my place at ten and we can get a cab together.”

“Fuck yeah! Maybe we can get T Dubs back on his game,” he laughs. “Oh, and by the way, I’m bringing the twins. See you at ten!” He hangs up and my “Wait, Benny!” goes unheard. I curse under my breath and shove my phone back in my pocket as I head downstairs to the subway.

This should be interesting.

*     *     *

We stumble out of the cab and into The Box around eleven. When Benny showed up at my place with the twins, they were actually much hotter than I gave him credit for over the phone. I guess I should have trusted his judgment, but he doesn’t exactly have the best track record.

He staked his claims on
Bailey, the oldest twin by two minutes, and that left me with Bethany. We pre-gamed a little harder than necessary and now our arms are slung over the twins and their hands are roaming our bodies like we aren’t in public as we join the rest of the residents inside The Box.

Bethany is still telling me about the “amazing deal” she got on the dress she’s wearing
as we wade through the crowd. I told her it looked nice on her in the cab, not knowing that would open the floodgate for a play-by-play of how it got in her closet. She may be hot, but I honestly want to slam my head into the bar. I could have better conversations with a chalkboard.

“So yeah, it was a pretty good steal. And this is actually the first time I’m wearing it, so you should feel special,” she finishes, winking at me as we slide up to the bar.

“Yeah, so special,” I mumble, anxious to get another shot of whiskey to drown out her voice. When we were in the cab, one of the millions of songs that remind me of Paisley came on and now I’m getting the uneasy feeling that she’s going to be on my brain all night.
Damn, Tanner. You should just go home. This isn’t going to end well.

We wait at the bar, joking with the other residents,
and finally Bailey drags Bethany to the bathroom. I’m seriously contemplating ditching when a pair of hands covers my eyes.

“Guess who?” a sweet voice chimes.

“Hmm,” I feel across the top of the hands, not really having to because I swear I’ll never be able to forget that voice for as long as I live. “Judging by the lack of fingernails present, would I be right to assume these are the hands of the anxious groupie from the Bad News Love Story concert?”

Kellee pulls her hands back and swats me on the arm as I turn to face her
. “Hey! I am not a groupie. Would I have gone home with Dirk and let him tie me up with his guitar strap? Absolutely. But that’s beside the point.” She winks and grabs a fresh glass from under the bar, making my jeans tighten at the sight of her leaning over. The color of her eyes is still hard to decipher, but they’re glowing against her skin and her tiny freckles are begging me to touch them.

“Damn, I didn’t know that’s how it worked. Did I tell you I play guitar?” I half joke.
Technically I only play one song, the one that I played for Paisley the night I kissed her. I bought a guitar not too long after I got back from seeing her and that was the only song I wanted to learn. But I’m finally trying to learn more, to forget about her and move on. It’s the thought that counts, right?

“Mm hmm, sure you do,” she smiles. “What can I get you?”

“Your phone number,” I shoot back quickly, leaning over the bar a bit. I know it’s another corny line to add to the rapidly lengthening list I’ve used with her, but I can’t help it. I’m intrigued by this girl, and for the first time in a long time I don’t just want to get her in my bed.

Although I wouldn’t be opposed to that option, either.

“Hm, I don’t know how to make that one. How about a Jack and Coke?” she cocks her brow and starts making the drink before I even respond.

“How’d you know that’s my drink of choice?”

“I have a sixth sense. I can tell what liquor ails each and every person I serve,” she slides the glass into my hand, softly grazing my fingertips with hers. “Also, I was your bartender two weeks ago, and it’s all you ordered.”

I smile, “
Touché. So does this mean I get to hear you sing again tonight?”

She goes to answer, but Bethany interrupts, “Tanner! Did you get me a drink?” She slides up beside m
e and loops her arm inside mine, pursing her lips together as she turns to face Kellee. Kellee backs away and her eyes meet mine. I can’t tell for sure, but she looks like she might be jealous.

Please,
please
be jealous.